Hilariously Ever After

by Penny Reid

  “Lord, I hope my kids don’t say that in twenty years.”

  I grinned. “She only wants to know about my date.”

  He laughed and nodded toward the trunk. “Well? If you’re waiting, make yourself useful and carry some of this in.”

  “Uh.” I looked at my shoes. “I’m not exactly equipped for grocery carrying.”

  Shaking his head as he passed me, he said, “Stand there and look pretty, then. But this is basically the corner of the street, and there’s every chance someone might get confused.”

  “Damn you!” I tucked my clutch inside the truck and grabbed a bag.

  That’s right. A bag. Just one.

  I wasn’t going to take this crap sitting down.

  When I walked into the kitchen with my one bag, he blinked at me several times. “My God,” he muttered, probably to himself. “I don’t even know what to say to you.”

  I put the bag down, smirked, and folded my arms over my chest. “You asked me to help. You never said I had to carry more than one bag.”

  His lips twitched. He pursed them, but the restrained laughter shone in his eyes. Those goddamn beautiful, bright, expressive eyes.

  Shit, what was wrong with me?

  “You are something else, Kali. That’s for damn sure.” He tugged on a bit of my hair as he walked past me.

  I followed him outside. “Of course, I’m something else. I wouldn’t be nearly as interesting if I was the same as everyone else, would I?”

  “I’ve never met anyone as confident as you,” he said honestly. “I don’t know if it’s arrogant or refreshing.”

  I shrugged as the familiar rumble of my mom’s car sounded around the corner. I grabbed my clutch. “If I don’t believe in myself, is anyone else going to?”

  “That’s a very good point.”

  Our eyes met, and we shared a smile.

  A smile that made a shiver dance its way down my spine.

  “Hi!” Mom got out of her car.

  Oh, no.

  “Hi,” Brantley said, turning around. “You must be Kali’s mom.”

  Mom beamed. “Portia Hancock. You have to be Brantley Cooper.” She held out her hand.

  “It’s a pleasure, Mrs. Hancock.” He took her offered hand, but instead of shaking it, kissed it.

  Mom raised her eyebrows in an “ooh, hello,” kind of way.

  “Call me Portia,” she replied. “Mrs. Hancock is my mother-in-law.”

  “And doesn’t everyone know it,” I muttered.

  Mom laughed. “I hope Kali isn’t bothering you, Mr. Cooper.”

  “Brantley, please. Or Brant if you like—I’m not picky. And no, she’s not bothering me at all.” He slid his gaze to me with a sly smile. “In fact, I think I saved her ass tonight.”

  I rolled my eyes. “My very own superhero. Why does Eli need Batman when he’s got you?”

  Mom looked between us questioningly, but Brantley only laughed meeting my gaze fully.

  “I don’t have a mask or a cape. Or a Batmobile, for that point,” he replied. “When you figure that out…”

  “I’ll keep it in mind,” I said dryly, stepping forward. “Mom? Shall we go?”

  “Yes,” she said slowly, taking her gaze from me to Brantley. “It was lovely to meet you, Brantley. I’m sure I’ll see you around soon.” She gave him her most dazzling smile, which wasn’t hard considering she was one of the most beautiful people I knew, and turned to the car.

  “I’ll see you on Monday,” I said quietly. “Did the twins pick their bedroom colors?”

  He nodded. “I’ll text you their selections.”

  “Thank you. I want to get that bought on Monday.”

  “No problem. I’ll send it tomorrow.” He pulled a grocery bag out of the trunk. “I’ll see you Monday, Kali.”

  I bit the inside of my cheek, smiling and nodding. “Oh, and Brant?”

  He smirked, turning back to look at me. “Yeah?”

  “Thanks for saving me tonight.”

  His laugh was like all the best chocolates—rich and smooth and oh-so-satisfying. “You’re more than welcome, ma’am.” He finished with a wink, and walked inside.

  I sighed, turning around.

  Mom sat in the car, windows down, and stared at me. “Get in and tell me everything. Now.”

  Chapter 10

  Rolling my eyes, I did exactly as she’d said. I recapped the date in record time, and when I got done, she groaned and said all the appropriate things as she pulled into my driveway.

  “Well, thanks for the ride! Talk to you tomorrow!” I went to make a swift exit from the car, but she jabbed a button and— “I can’t believe you just child-locked me in your car.”

  She grinned manically. “Oh no, Kali. If you think you’re getting away with this without talking to me about Brantley Cooper, you can think again, child.”

  “I’m twenty-six.”

  “And? You’re still a spotty thirteen-year-old who hates me in my mind sometimes.”

  “I never hated you. You know that.”

  “I know.” She curved her lips. “But it still works as a guilt-trip, doesn’t it?”

  I groaned. “Fine, come in, have coffee, question me all you like.”

  “And you’ll answer every one,” she clarified.

  “Fine!” I rattled the car handle. “Let me go.”

  Laughing, she turned off the child lock and got out with me. “God, he’s handsome, isn’t it?”

  “Mom!” I laughed as I pulled my keys out of my purse.

  “Well, he is!”

  “Oh my god.” I blushed as I unlocked the door. Why was I blushing? Ugh, I needed a do-over for today.

  Mom snorted and followed me inside. “He is very handsome, Kali. Just admit it.”

  “All right, fine. He’s hot as fuck. There. Are you happy now, Mom?”

  “Ecstatic.”

  I turned on the coffee machine and ignored her laughter. I sighed. Sometimes having a mom-figure who was almost closer to a best friend wasn’t a good thing.

  “Now, tell me more about him. And by more, I mean everything. Is he available? Single? His kids? Their mom?”

  “Would you like me to Google his penis size while I’m here?”

  “If it would help you, feel free.”

  I pulled off my shoes. “Well,” I said, putting them to the side. “Yes, he’s single. Yes, he’s available. His kids are hilarious—four-year-old twins. Their mom died of cancer two and a half years ago.”

  “Oh, dear,” she said softly. “How terrible.”

  I nodded in agreement. “He said Rock Bay was a fresh start for him and the kids. He literally left everything behind to come here. No family, no nothing.”

  “Why Rock Bay?”

  I shrugged. “I guess he got a transfer with his work. He’s been doing some stuff the past couple days I’ve been there, and he said his boss was trying to get him to go into the office. They seem pretty flexible with him.”

  “Are the twins going to Summer, then?”

  “Of course, they are. Where else would they go?”

  “Good point. Now, back to him being single…”

  “Mom.”

  She sighed and propped her chin up on her hand. “I know, I know. I’m messing with you. He’s a client and that’s not exactly an ideal situation for any woman to step into, is it?”

  I looked down and fidgeted with my bracelet. “You did it.”

  She held up a finger. “Honey, that was different in a million ways. One, you were thirteen. Two, it had been a lot longer than two years. Three, there was only one of you.”

  “Would it have made a difference if I had a brother or sister?”

  She got up and crossed the kitchen to me. She touched her hands to my face with all the warmth of a woman who deserved to be a mother. The gentleness of her touch made me meet her eyes.

  “Kali, never.” Her gaze never wavered. “I adore your father—all his idiocies and all. And I love you, honey. It never would h
ave mattered to me.” She kissed my forehead then stepped back, lowering her hands with a smile. “If you need to talk, call me. Okay?”

  I nodded.

  “Turn off that machine. The last thing you need is to spend your Sunday half-dead because you drank coffee way too late.” She blew me a kiss as she left. “Talk to you soon, honey.”

  “Bye, Mom. Love you.”

  “Love you, too!”

  The door clicked behind her.

  I let out a deep breath, locked it, and went up to bed.

  She was right.

  I needed to sleep.

  If only to stop thinking about the hot, single dad who had somehow invaded my thoughts to the point of crazy.

  Brantley: I need to ask a favor.

  I frowned at my phone.

  Me: …?

  Brantley: Ellie has it in her head that she wants wallpaper. She’s demanding we go to the home store to look at it.

  Me: I thought she wanted pink and purple.

  Brantley: She does… plus wallpaper. She won’t let me talk her out of it.

  Me: Are you at home?

  Brantley: No.

  Me: You’re at the store, aren’t you?

  Brantley: Yeah.

  I rubbed my hand across my forehead. I needed to go anyway to get the paint, but there was nothing worse than going to Harvey’s Home on a weekend. Mostly because that’s when everyone and their damn mother went.

  Nobody went at nine a.m. on a Monday.

  I sighed and hit reply.

  Me: Be there in 20.

  Thirty minutes later, I pulled up in the parking lot of Harvey’s. As I’d suspected it would be, it was packed. I was barely able to get out of my truck without dooring the car next to me.

  In my defense, the line was there for a reason, and it wasn’t for their fucking tire to go on.

  After squeezing my way between my truck and the Honda next to me, I blew out a long breath and hauled my purse up onto my shoulder. Judging by the cars here, I was walking into a level of hell I’d promised myself I’d never experience again.

  Harvey’s sat just on the brink of town, in the area where nobody could ever truly agree on whether it was in Rock Bay or not. I liked to believe it wasn’t, but that never changed the fact that the only two times I’d ventured in here on a weekend, it had taken me three hours to get out, because everyone had a question they wanted me to answer.

  Because, apparently, I knew better than the people who worked there.

  I did, but that was beside the point.

  I yanked a cart from outside the door and put my purse in the child seat, making sure to keep the straps looped around one wrist. I wasn’t going to make this trip twice this week, and since Eric had the flooring under control, I only needed the paint.

  I pushed the cart into the store and blinked as I looked around.

  Yep.

  Packed.

  With a sigh, I ducked my head down and made my way through to the small café where I knew Brantley was waiting for me with the twins. Luckily for me, the café was right by the front door, so I made it there without being intercepted by anyone with a hundred questions for the resident builder.

  “Kawi!” Ellie beamed up at me as I slipped into the empty seat.

  “Hey, you.” I smiled and chucked her under the chin. “Hey, Eli.”

  He sank down in his seat. “Hey,” he mumbled, looking away.

  Brantley rolled his eyes. “Thank you for this. I don’t think I can take another debate about the pros and cons of Disney Princesses or flowers and hearts.”

  “Well, the entire debate would be rendered void if you simply said no,” I said.

  “That, I know. I just couldn’t be bothered with the argument today. Somebody woke up at four-thirty this morning.” His eyes slid to a very sheepish-looking Eli, whose own gaze was now firmly trained on something very interesting on the floor.

  I gestured to the giant coffee in Brantley’s hand. “That explains the entire carafe you have in that cup.”

  “If only,” he muttered. “I need it.” He brought the cup to his mouth and finished whatever was left of it. “Are you ready to get this done?”

  I pointed to my cart. “Ready to buy the paint. We need it for the living room, too, right?”

  He nodded. “I’m considering new colors. My cart is just around the corner. Kids, come on.”

  Ellie got up and tucked her hand into mine. “Can I showed you my bedwoom?”

  I raised my eyebrows. “The colors you want?”

  She shook her head emphatically. “The paper.”

  “I don’t know,” I said slowly. “Paper isn’t great. You remember how we peeled it all of the walls before? If you get paper, that might happen to your pretty walls.”

  Her eyes widened. “Are you sure? I don’t wanna had a peewy woom.”

  “Exactly. Wouldn’t you be so sad if that happened?”

  She pouted, her bottom lip jutting out really far.

  I put my purse back on the child seat and moved her hand from mine to the cart to hold onto.

  “Oh, no,” she said, pointing at the seat. “I wanna sit dere.”

  Brantley came up next to me. Eli sat on one side of his half-full cart. “Ellie, come here.”

  “No, I wanna sit dere,” she repeated, pointing at my seat.

  He stared back at her. “Do you want the tiara rug?”

  Once again, her eyes widened. “Yeah.”

  He pointed at the seat in his cart.

  Ellie sighed and held up her arms. Brantley scooped her up and deposited her in the seat next to her brother.

  The look he shot me gave away his exhaustion.

  Man, someone needed to introduce him to the wonder of shopping online.

  “Okay,” I said quietly, meeting Brantley’s eyes. “If anyone tries to stop us, you’re here as my client and I’m working. Got it?”

  His eyebrows drew together in a frown. “But, you are?”

  “No, I mean officially. Last time I came in here on a weekend, it took me two hours to leave because everyone who recognized me wanted my advice.”

  “Ahh. I see. Don’t worry—I don’t have the patience for that today. Shall we go to the paint?”

  I nodded and pushed my cart.

  He followed suit. “I forgot to text you their choices.”

  “To be honest, it sounds like Ellie doesn’t have a clue anyway.”

  “I wanna pink and purtle woom wif hearts on the curtains,” she said confidently.

  “You gave up on the wallpaper, then, huh?” Brantley asked wearily.

  She nodded. “I no want it to peel.”

  “Good choice,” he said to her, right before he turned to me and mouthed, “Thank you.”

  I grinned, turning down the paint aisle.

  “I want wed,” Eli said quietly, playing with Brantley’s watch. “Wed and bwoo.”

  “Red and blue?” I asked him softly.

  He nodded.

  “You want bright like Superman?”

  He looked at me, his entire face lighting up. He nodded enthusiastically before he realized he’d made eye contact and quickly looked away again.

  I scratched my cheek, hiding my smile behind my palm. His shyness was so endearing—so unlike the child who, the night before, had latched onto me and refused to let go until he’d been put to bed.

  Brantley briefly met my eyes. “Superman blue and red it is.”

  “That was easy,” I said. “Hey, Eli, this red?” I pointed to a scarlet red that stood out.

  He peered up toward the can I pointed to and frantically nodded his head.

  “Done.” I waved Brantley away when he tried to get it. I pulled two cans off the shelf and dumped them in my cart. “Aaaaand, the blue…” I moved backward, running my hand along the shelf. “This one?”

  He turned right around, saw it, and nodded.

  “Done.” Another two cans made their way to the cart. They weren’t the biggest, and I’d rather overbuy and kn
ow the paint could be used again in the future. I also grabbed a very small can of bright yellow and, ignoring Brantley’s questioning raise of his eyebrow, put that with the cans. “Ellie, your turn.”

  Much more animated than her brother, she turned around almost fully in the cart and looked to the other side of the aisle where the pinks and purples were.

  “That one.” She pointed to a bubblegum pink color. “And that one.” She pointed her other hand to a much softer lilac that would complement the brighter pink to perfection.

  “All right, done.” I grabbed two of each color and put them with Eli’s cans. Turning to Brantley, I held out my hands and said, “Done!”

  He muttered something beneath his breath that sounded a lot like, “Damn kids behave for everyone but me.”

  I laughed, pushing my cart forward so it was level with his. “I’m pretty sure I read on the internet that’s something you have to accept as a parent.”

  He slid his gaze to me. “Yeah? Benjamin Franklin always said you shouldn’t believe everything you read on the internet.”

  Opening my mouth, I paused.

  Wait.

  “Funny,” I said, letting the sarcasm seep into my tone. “I come save your a—butt,” I corrected myself, “And here you are, screwing with me.”

  Brantley grinned, bumping my elbow with his. “You sound surprised.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “Watch yourself, Brantley Cooper. Or I might just leave candy lying around when you least expect it. Exactly where certain tiny humans may find it.”

  “You play dirty, Kali Hancock.”

  I pushed up the sleeves of my plaid shirt, one by one, and smiled slowly. “Stop teasing me and nobody gets a sugar overdose.”

  He skipped in front of me at the register, and with his back to his kids, let an easy smile stretch across his face. “That sounds like a threat.”

  “Actually, there’s every chance I’ll forget this conversation tomorrow, but sure. It’s a threat.”

  He burst out laughing, putting a divider on the belt. “Your honesty is so refreshing.” He put a rug up on the belt. “But, your warning is duly noted. I’m almost entirely sure that stopping teasing you isn’t on the cards right now because it’s so damn fun, so I’ll take my chances.”