Seed of Scorn

by Aaron-Michael Hall

  “Caretaker,” Amare said after several silent moments. “These men are no threat to us. Their main concern is when they can be released to their homes.”

  “How would you know their concerns?” Nissim asked.

  “I know, Lord Vaughan, because I asked,” Amare said.

  Reinhold Westernan raised both hands, drawing the council’s attention. “My good men of Kaleo. It’s understood that we won’t all agree on this most significant issue. However, the Caretaker’s words are both true and fair. These men weren’t involved in the attack on Kaleo, not in the planning nor the execution. It would seem prudent to remove them from the village unharmed and without malicious intent. If it’s truly our desire to maintain the peace our new Zaxson has blessed us with, then this decision should be easy, should it not?”

  “Well said, Reinhold,” Nohek Orii agreed.

  “Indeed. Amare, you’re charged with overseeing our guests,” Yonas said. “Ensure that they’re well treated, and no one other than yourself and those of your choosing are to engage them.”

  “Yes sir, Caretaker.”

  “We’ll make arrangements to have them removed as soon as possible. The farther they are from Kaleo, the better. Now, is there other business to discuss or are we adjourned for the day?”

  When no response was forthcoming, Yonas thanked and excused the members of his council.

  He sighed, running his hands over his tight, curly hair, as they began to leave.

  “Sir Westernan, I pray you stay a while longer,” Yonas said, standing and pouring another cup of wine. “Briten, you’re excused. I’ll have no further need this afternoon.”

  Briten gave a half-bow, exiting as Sir Westernan returned, taking a seat directly next to the Caretaker. Yonas regarded him curiously, sipping his wine.

  “Is what I hear true?” Yonas asked.

  “What did you expect of me?” Reinhold said. “Was I to sit idle until the end of my days? Would that have been your preference?”

  “No,” he admitted. “I expected you would take a lover, even two, but you’ve taken a wife and fathered children.”

  Reinhold let out a frustrated sigh, shaking his head. “I’m my father’s only son. It was my duty to sire sons for our family. That truth would’ve been the same even if you’d remained in the village. You have Amare to continue your line. No such luxury was afforded to me.”

  “Do you love her?” Yonas asked, desperately hoping the answer was no.

  Reinhold carefully measured his response. “I admire and respect her. She’s been a good wife and a wonderful mother to our children.”

  “That’s not what I asked. Do you love your wife, or was this union merely a convenience?”

  Reinhold ran his hands through his long auburn hair, shifting in his seat. Licking the dryness from his lips, he met Yonas’ eyes.

  “I love only you. I admire my wife, as she does me. She’s always been aware of my preference and understands our arrangement. I’ve never lied to her, and so she allows me this and accepts me as I am. The love I have for her isn’t the same as that I hold for you. How could you think otherwise?”

  “But Reinhold.” As he stood, Reinhold met that movement, silencing him with a kiss.

  “I thought you were lost. When I learned about the Nazilian pirates, I felt my life was at an end.” Reinhold stepped away, with the pain of that statement prevalent on his visage. “Years, Yonas, years I anguished, believing you were dead. Why? How could you abandon me here when one word would’ve brought me to your side?”

  He had no answer. Reinhold was right. Had he sent a message to Kaleo, he would’ve come to Bandari. Yonas knew that. So, why hadn’t he done so? The means were available to him, but he hadn’t. It certainly wasn’t due to a lack of love. Yonas’ heart had never belonged to another nor would it. Reinhold was his true love, and that had always been, even when they were much younger. Was it the new life he’d built that caused him to force the old from his mind? Yonas could only shake his head, wanting nothing more in that moment than to feel Reinhold’s warmth against him. Instead, he forced himself back to his seat and his drink.

  “You couldn’t understand,” Yonas said, finally. “I believed my sister and father were killed. I punished myself for surviving when they hadn’t. When the Bandarians found me, I was determined to forget the hurts of my past. It was all I could do to survive the memory of what the Nazilians had done to us. I knew that my mother had Amare to take care of her,” he said, staring into Reinhold’s eyes. “I did think of you, always. Those thoughts and memories compelled me to fight and to survive. There were no others, Reinhold. You’ve been my only love. No one could replace you in my heart...ever. My life changed when I lived in Bandari. I became a different person, a better person. But never did I lose my love for you,” he said, standing and embracing him.

  “When you make love to your wife, is the pleasure the same as when we’re a part of each other?” Yonas whispered, his warm breath tickling the hairs on Reinhold’s neck.

  “I—I please my wife as is my duty to do so. We don’t share a bed, nor are my visits to hers frequent. There’s no passion like we share, and my body has never responded in anticipation of her touch. That’s for you alone,” he said, moving Yonas’ hand to feel the truth of his words.

  Yonas’ eyes closed, enjoying the feel of him. As his arousal peaked, he pushed away, rushing toward the door. Reinhold’s visage saddened, until hearing the lock turn.

  Before he’d crossed the room, Reinhold was removing his baldric and jerkin.

  “It’s been far too long,” Yonas breathed, reaching for his laces.

  Cazaal

  Although Brahanu had been in Cazaal since Pentanimir’s inauguration, she hadn’t been able to return to her home. It was difficult enough reclaiming her room in the citadel, she couldn’t muster enough courage to confront the emptiness of her and Itai’s house. Too many memories and regrets plagued her heart and mind. Regardless of her love for Pentanimir, she’d never forswear the love she still held for Itai. Nor could she ever wholly forgive herself for betraying him.

  Taking a steadying breath, Brahanu pushed opened their front door, immediately smelling the familiar aroma of cedar and oak. She closed her eyes, relishing that scent and the beautiful bouquet created as it blended memories of Itai’s handsome smell.

  She smiled, despite the dolor seeping into her heart. The warm crackle from the fire was reminiscent of when first she entered after her wedding day. Her smile increased, envisioning Itai standing within the circle of unity, looking more a frightened young boy than a man. He’d loved her more than she deserved. At least, she felt that way.

  Cradling Eytan in her arms, she caressed the carved furnishings, envisioning her late husband’s hands moving over hers. Brahanu could see him so clearly when first he’d presented their home to her. The love and joy he expressed filled her as completely now as it did then. This was the one place that they were truly happy before Pentanimir visited Cazaal and altered their lives forever.

  “Not the Zaontras of Nazil. Not here,” she said. “Here, I’m the wife of Itai Gael, first of his name.”

  She wiped away her tears, approaching the nursery. Itai didn’t want her to see it until their son was born. For the first time, she placed a hand on the handle, gripping the shaped knob with the tips of her fingers.

  When she opened the door, her tears increased. Everything came rushing in all at once, and she couldn’t withstand the onslaught of images, voices, and truths. Bracing a hand on the polished cradle, she steadied her stance, feeling the grooves beneath her fingers. Her breaths were staggered, gazing down at Eytan’s name carved into the cradle’s side. A pained smile crossed her face, picturing his father creating this special place for his son. His first son. His only son.

  She finally collapsed on the chair and wept. She wept not only for Itai and the interminable sense of loss she felt; she wept for Eytan most of all. He’d never experience his father’s love.

 
Brahanu stroked Eytan’s dark golden curls then, noticing his father’s features. His death had left an emptiness in her heart—an emptiness that could never be filled.

  “Don’t cry, my wife.” She heard as a whisper in the wind.

  Brahanu gasped, her eyes frantically searching the room. “Itai? Are you here? Please, Itai, are you here with us?” she called out in desperation. Angelaris’ words cascaded through her mind. She clung to those words, that promise that the Guardian’s made to her.

  The connection, she thought. The promised link between Itai and her. A link that would only fade if Brahanu allowed the love between them to wither.

  “I’ll always love you,” she said aloud, praying that he could hear. “I’ll never allow our connection to fade, Itai, I promise,” she said, looking down at Eytan.

  “You look like your father, and he loves you. He’s with you even now, Eytan, he’s with us both.”

  Her eyes closed, recalling the last time she’d seen Itai, the last she’d felt his arms around her, and heard his voice.

  “In this state, this existence, my understanding is beyond that which it was. Being within the T’reyUhm R’aFek has provided me with knowledge of things past, Brahanu. Many things unknown to me before.” Itai cradled his son, kissing his cheeks and hands.

  “I know about Tardison, too. Through the Guardians, I’ve gained not only clarity, but also peace. If I were with you in Cazaal, I wouldn’t be of the same mind. Being as I am here this day, only the love that I have for you and our son remains.”

  Lifting her face to his, he kissed her again, and more fervently than before. He wanted her to feel his love in that kiss just as veritably as he felt hers.

  “I love you,” he whispered against her lips. “I know that your love for me is greater than any other, and I understand that it wasn’t your love for Pentanimir, but the need of the Guardians.”

  “I’ve forgiven you, as the Guardians forgave me. I pray that you offer that same forgiveness to yourself. My love for you is everlasting, but that’s all I have left to give. If you can have the happiness you brought to my life with another, I’d have it so. I can no longer provide such happiness for you, though I wish it otherwise. Know that my heart never belonged to any other. Now, the love of you and my son will fill me as I await you beyond the falls,” he said, cradling Eytan closer, and kissing him again. “Eytan Itai Gael, second of your name.”

  “He loves you,” she said, as loud thumps sounded from the door. A pang erupted in her heart as she looked around the room, feeling the warmth that had suffused her dissipate. After regaining some composure, she exited the nursery, answering the door.

  “Father Tioch.”

  He smiled wistfully, his eyes resting on the babe swaddled in her arms. His grandson.

  “I didn’t know that you had returned from Kaleo. It’s good to see you,” Brahanu said, hugging him.

  “I’m glad ta see ya, too.” His voice cracked with the words.

  Brahanu ushered him in, closing the door behind. Unswaddling Eytan, she held him out to the trembling hands of his grandfather for the first time.

  “By the gods, Brahanu, he looks just like his Papa…like Itai,” he said, holding Eytan close to his chest. “He’s beautiful. Itai would be proud of his son just like I was of him.”

  “He was small when I birthed him, Father Tioch. But he’s grown strong, just like his father.”

  “Itai was the same when he was born. Weren’t that way once he was a man grown, but he was small and a bit sickly in the beginnin’. My Lillian thought we’d lose him like his siblin’s. But the gods blessed us with Itai. All of us.”

  “He was that and more, Father Tioch, and he loved his papa. I can still feel him around us. Itai will never leave my mind or my heart.”

  He sat on the divan, rocking Eytan in his arms. Tioch looked out of place, allowing his softer side to emerge. He always appeared rough and even unreasonable at times. His heart was contrary to that, especially when it came to his son. Now, it was the same with his grandson, and seeing that loving side of him warmed Brahanu’s heart.

  “Naji’s wantin’ ta see him,” Tioch said, his voice barely a whisper. “Will ya bring him for her ta see?”

  Brahanu smiled, resting a hand on his arm. “We can take him for a visit now if you’d like. I know you’ll take the greatest care of him.”

  “I—I will. I’d like that a lot.” Tioch steeled himself against the sting of tears forming behind his eyes.

  Without further words, Brahanu swaddled Eytan again, following Tioch outside. They rode through the village, returning the greetings many offered as they passed. She observed Tioch from the corner of her eye, struggling to maintain his composure. She’d never seen him so vulnerable, and she saddened at the thought. He’d lost his only son, and soon, she’d be taking his grandson back to Nazil.

  When they arrived, she allowed him to take Eytan inside and left for her brother’s home. No longer would her mother be awaiting her or her father sitting at the hearth with his pipe. So much loss and pain plagued her home, and she regretted being unable to soothe it.

  “Brahanu?” Gali called out, coming from the kitchen. “You’ve returned so soon. Is everything all right? Where’s Eytan?”

  “He’s with his grandfather and Naji. I wanted them to have time with him alone. Tioch mustn’t feel I need to keep watch over him with Eytan. They need time to build a strong bond that’s independent of any other. While they visit, I thought to return here.”

  Gali nodded, leading her to the kitchen. “It’s good to do so. Tioch suffers much and misses his son. Having Eytan with him will aid with his healing. Come, I’ve just made some honeycakes.”

  “Honeycakes? Is Ameya finished with her studies?”

  “No, she’s still giving Nohek Berinon trouble. I feel that she’d rather stay alone in her chamber than to speak with anyone. She misses her parents, as do you, but she doesn’t know how to handle such sorrow. I thought about taking her to Kaleo to visit my family. We could stop in Spero along the way and visit Malkia. The trip might do her well.”

  “What does Julaybeim think of the idea?” Brahanu asked, taking a bite of honeycake.

  “He doesn’t think much of it. Julaybeim’s grown protective of late, of the both of us. I fear the battles and losses have taken their toll on him. He constantly checks my condition and attempts to restrict my movements. Now, with being Caretaker as well.” She shook her head. “I don’t know. It all might be too much.”

  “Julaybeim has always been this way. With you being pregnant, he’ll take no chance. He might be a man grown, but he’s still much a young boy in need of Father’s guidance. Everything will be well in time. For all of us, Gali.”

  As she nodded, taking a seat next to Brahanu, a slamming door caused her to flinch.

  “Gali!”

  She met Brahanu’s eyes. “Not a good day,” she sighed.

  “I’m in the kitchen,” Gali said, standing to greet him.

  Julaybeim rushed in the room, and then halted, surprised to see Brahanu. He forced a smile, leaning to kiss her cheek before bringing Gali into a tight embrace. She offered a gentle kiss, but he drew her back into him, kissing her longer.

  As he moved away, Gali’s brow creased, staring at his troubled expression. “What happened, Julaybeim?” Gali said, lowering him to the bench and pouring him a glass of strong liquor.

  “Nothing to worry about. It’ll take time for Cazaal to heal. So much has been lost and most people aren’t trusting of the Nazilians…any Nazilians. Some wounds are slow to heal,” he said, looking at his sister. “I don’t think that you should mention Tardison or your marriage to Pentanimir. No one would understand why you’ve done this. With Itai’s loss so near…” he shook his head. Many would see this as a betrayal, Brahanu.”

  “Betrayal? They know Pentanimir. They know he stood with us and fought against his own people. He saved our sister, Julaybeim. If not for his warning, no one would’ve even known a
bout the coming war. How could they see him as an enemy?”

  “He’s Nazilian. This is all they see. This is all that matters. Even with the Vereux’s death and Faélondul’s liberation, the Nazilians are still the enemy. The fact that Pentanimir sits as Zaxson doesn’t matter. When they look at you, they think of Itai, a son of Cazaal. He was only just buried, and you’ve already wed someone else…a Nazilian.”

  “Was this the topic of your meeting?” Gali asked, rubbing his back.

  “It was supposed to be about trade and rebuilding the village. However, it deviated to the Nazilians and never returned to course. Even with most of the Nazilian villages that used to surround us destroyed, they point to Spero. Hosdaq and Osmara are visiting in seven suns. How will they be received with such fear still skewing our judgement?”

  “Brother, I can’t hide my son and my husband forever. I won’t bring them here now out of respect for Itai and Tioch, but I refuse to hide the love I hold for Pentanimir. The lands are free, and I won’t behave as though Draizeyn yet rules.”

  “She’s right, Julaybeim,” Gali said. “Everyone needs to realize and accept the changes that have taken place.” She took his hand, turning him around to face her. “Too many lives were lost to usher in this new peace. Now that we have it, we shouldn’t act contrariwise.”

  “I hear your words and agree with them, but they refuse to listen to me. The pain is too near for them. In time, much can be changed, but I won’t rush it. Give them time to grieve and comprehend what has truly taken place. Some have been subjugated so long, they’ve forgotten what true freedom is.”

  “Then, mayhaps I should return to Nazil. I’ll allow Tioch and Naji more time with Eytan, but before the next full moon, I’m going to join my husband and son.”

  “You can’t mean to return. The Guardians said that your place was here.”

  “Cazaal will always be my home, and I plan on coming often. But I refuse to remain where both my sons and husband aren’t welcome. You have Gali beside you, and it warms me to see it. I only have ghosts to keep me company. I miss Itai, Julaybeim, but I miss Pentanimir and Tardison, too.”