Granny Smith Is Dead

by Chelsea Thomas

  But I didn’t care.

  For one glorious moment, the entire world was just two people. Me and Germany Turtle.

  And Steve, who licked my feet.

  Oh well. It was a darn good kiss.

  The perfect way to end an investigation.

  Even if the little puppy wouldn’t stop barking. I’d have to train him.

  And bring him along the next time we had a mystery to solve.

  The End

  ——

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  A Note from the Authors

  Dear Readers,

  Thank you for reading this book. I’m Chelsea Thomas. Also known as married writing team Chelsea and Matthew Thomas. It’s great to meet you!

  Some of you are here for the first time. Let me be the first to thank you for reading this book and to welcome you to the Cozy Crew! (That’s what we call cozy readers on the orchard.) We have a lot of fun here, and it’s always exciting when new people show up at the party!

  Others of you have been reading this series from the beginning. To all of you I’d like to say... Thanks for coming back!

  Isn’t it wild how far Chelsea and Miss May have come over the past few books? It seems like yesterday Chelsea was sobbing after being left at the altar. Now she’s a karate chopping sleuth with not one but two love interests!

  And Teeny and Big Dan seem like they’re steaming up, too. Who knows, maybe they’ll end up kissing in a barn one day. (Or a donut shop...)

  Anyway, Matt and I know readers have one hundred million options when it comes to cozy mysteries. So we appreciate that you chose to read Granny Smith is Dead.

  I’m writing to you today from my parents’ condo in suburban Florida. Matt and I are visiting for a couple weeks, and I have to say, finishing book five from here Florida feels good.

  Mat and I worked on the second book in this series from this same condo back in November. At that time, we were in the middle of our move from Los Angeles to New York. We had no place to live. We hadn’t released any books yet, and we hadn’t met any of you!

  But the books were received well. Well enough that we’ve kept writing them. And we know we’re lucky to have found all you readers out there.

  We’re grateful for our parents. We’re grateful for family and friends. We’re grateful for this great place to visit. And we’re grateful for each of you. Thank you for reading!

  If you enjoyed this book, leave a review to let us know. Every review is a big help to new authors like us, and we’d love to know your thoughts.

  And remember: if you’d like to stay up to date with us, get free cozies, and gain access to great recipes and giveaways...

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  Until next time,

  Happy Reading!

  Chelsea and Matt

  ——

  Check out these other titles by Chelsea Thomas:

  Apple Die (Book 1)

  Cooking the Books (Book 2)

  Candy Apple Killer (Book 3)

  Berried Alive (Book 4)

  Granny Smith is Dead (Book 5)

  Summer Snoops Box Set (Exclusive Novella!)

  ——

  Chelsea’s Recipe Book

  Here are all the recipes that Chelsea, Teeny and Miss May have used in this series so far. Except for Teeny’s Peanut Butter Caramel Dip (with secret ingredient).

  You’ll have to sign up for Thomas Tuesdays if you want that one!

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  Appie Oaters

  A secret recipe from "Apple Die," Book One in the Apple Orchard Cozy Mystery Series by Chelsea Thomas.

  Appie Oaters are the famous, giant “apple pie cookies” that Miss May bakes at the Thomas Family Fruit & Fir Farm. Appie Oaters are one of Miss May’s many specialties, and she often uses these enormous, delicious cookies to ply information from suspects in her cases. Chelsea Thomas loves these sweet treats, and they’re an irresistible treat for the cooler fall months and throughout the holiday season.

  In our apple orchard books, Appie Oaters are a family recipe, presumably passed down for generations and perfected by Miss May. But in real life, Matt invented the cookies on the spot in Book 1. He had never tasted or seen anything like them, but real-life Chelsea decided she would reverse engineer them from Matt’s delectable description.

  We first made these cookies for our Friendsgiving celebration in 2018. Our unsuspecting guests were the beta testers of the Appie Oaters recipe and they didn’t even know it.

  Luckily, the cookies were a huge hit and we’ll definitely be making them for many holidays to come. Now, you can too.

  We wanted Appie Oaters to be warm and homey, so there are a few extra steps in making them, but they’re well worth the time and effort. Indulgent yet not overly rich, these cookies are a perfect balance of sweet and spicy and you won’t be able to just eat one!

  First thing’s first, the key to this recipe is that you HAVE to caramelize the apples. This step requires an extra dish and a little more time, but it’s essential to the gooey texture and depth of flavor.

  The second crucial part of Appie Oaters is the applesauce. It adds a fruitiness and lightness to the cookies that’s exceptionally delicious. If you really want to go the extra mile, you can use homemade applesauce, but store-bought works just fine. Make sure to get unsweetened so you can control the level of sweetness.

  The last thing to note is that this recipe calls for coconut oil (personal preference) but you can easily substitute butter at a 1:1 ratio. Coconut oil has a nutty, warm profile that makes these cookies extra cozy, but if you only have butter on hand it works fine too.

  Alright, without further ado, here is the recipe for APPIE OATERS, a perfect dessert for any holiday (or just a chilly weekend night when your sweet tooth is acting up).

  Appie Oaters

  *makes about 10 large cookies

  Ingredients

  2 cups all-purpose flours

  A pinch or two of salt

  1 tsp baking soda

  1/2 cup to 1 cup quick cook oats

  2 apples, diced

  1 tsp + a pinch of cinnamon

  1/2 tsp nutmeg

  1 tsp vanilla extract

  Juice of half lemon

  1/2 cup coconut oil

  2/3 cup brown sugar

  1/3 cup white sugar

  1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce

  1 tbs maple syrup

  Steps

  Preheat oven to 350 (you can also make this dough a few hours or even a day or so in advance - they are better when the dough sits for a while).

  Melt the coconut oil in a large skillet over medium heat, careful not to overheat.

  Mix the diced apple in a medium bowl with the maple syrup, pinch of cinnamon, and lemon juice. Set aside.

  Slowly whisk the brown sugar into the melted coconut oil. Continually stir for 3-5 minutes, letting the sugar melt into the oil.

  Add the diced apple mixture to the sugar and oil. Reduce heat to low and continue to caramelize while combining the rest of the ingredients (about 10 to 20 minutes, stirring frequently).

  Make applesauce mixture by combining applesauce with 1 tsp cinnamon, 1/2 tsp nutmeg, 1/3 cup sugar and 1 tsp vanilla. Set aside.

  Turn off the heat on the skillet and pour the coconut oil apple mixture into a bowl. Set in the fridge or freezer and let the mixture cool until the oil has slightly firmed.

  Combine the flour, salt and baking soda.

  Stir in the applesauce mixture.

  Once coconut oil has hardened slightly, add it to the flour/applesauce mixture and stir until it has formed a moist dough.

  Slowly add in the oats until the
consistency of the dough thickens and is no longer runny. The amount of oats will vary based on the wetness of the other ingredients, so just eyeball this until the dough seems firm enough to roll into large balls.

  Form dough into balls. They should be a little larger than a generous-sized meatball, and there should be enough for about 10 cookies.

  Place the balls on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. You may need 2 cookie sheets to ensure that you have enough space between the cookies (at least an inch).

  Press the cookies down using a fork or your hand. They shouldn’t be completely flat.

  Cook 10-12 minutes in the preheated oven.

  Once the cookies are done, you can sprinkle them with cinnamon sugar, top with a drizzle of maple syrup, honey or caramel or a dollop of whipped cream, frost them with cream cheese icing, or just eat them plain! They’re delicious any which way.

  Hashbrown Lasagna

  In Book 2 in this series, Hashbrown Lasagna is the hit new menu item and Grandma’s, and Teeny can’t make it fast enough to keep up with demand. Matt invented it for Cooking the Books, and Chelsea eagerly tried it out in the kitchen. Matt is half-Italian, and his mom makes a killer traditional lasagna. So Chelsea had a lot to live up to with HBL.

  Just like Teeny in the book, it took Chelsea a few tries to get HBL right. Did she ruin a whole cast iron skillet by burning it so badly that it wouldn’t come clean? Maybe. But it was worth it, because eventually she made a successful batch of HBL and it was so good that she’s planning to make it an annual tradition for Christmas morning breakfy!

  Real-life Chelsea’s absolute favorite thing in the world is fried potatoes (in any form) so this recipe was an obvious choice. The key to this HBL is not over-greasing it and making sure the potatoes get nice n’ crispy before you bake them.

  There are also a lot of different ways to make this dish, so we’ve listed a couple of options for variations. Some healthier, some more indulgent. You can choose your own adventure!

  The whole idea of HBL is that it’s the ultimate comfort food. What could be cozier than a classic Italian dish transformed into breakfast? Crispy potatoes and layers of delicious eggs and cheese... it’s a warm, textured delight in your mouth.

  Alright, without further ado, here is the recipe for HASHBROWN LASAGNA, a perfect dish for breakfast, lunch or dinner.

  Hashbrown Lasagna

  *makes about 6 servings

  Ingredients

  Hashbrowns (like Simply Potatoes shredded hashbrowns or Trader Joe’s frozen shredded potatoes, you’ll need 1-2 bags depending on how many layers you want)

  3 cloves garlic, minced

  Olive oil

  1/2 cup flour

  6 medium eggs

  Salt and pepper

  Splash of heavy cream (optional)

  Chives, finely chopped

  Vermont sharp cheddar cheese, grated, 1-2 cups

  Bread crumbs

  Chipotle aioli (like Boar’s Head)

  Hot sauce (optional)

  Avocado for topping (also optional)

  Steps

  Preheat oven to 350.

  Warm a teaspoon (or just enough to lightly coat) of olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat.

  Add the garlic to the oil, cooking just until fragrant (don’t let it burn!).

  In a large bowl, mix together the shredded potatoes, flour, breadcrumbs, salt and pepper to taste. You can add in a little chili or cayenne for a kick if you like. This mixture gives the potatoes more substance and crunch than just using straight hashbrowns. Add a little water or veggie broth if the potatoes don’t offer enough liquid to hold the mixture together.

  Place the shredded potatoes in a single layer into the hot skillet. Be careful not to make this too thick. You might want to do 2 batches (or use 2 skillets) for this step.

  Let the potatoes brown, about 10 or so minutes.

  Meanwhile, whisk the eggs with a pinch of salt and the heavy cream (if using). Set aside.

  Flip the potatoes and let them brown on the other side.

  Meanwhile, spray a casserole dish with cooking spray (or lightly brush it with olive oil) and get it ready to receive the first layer of delicious casserole!

  Once the potatoes have cooked, set them aside on a paper towel (this soaks up some of the oil and keeps them crispy)

  Using the same skillet (save yourself the dirty dishes!), add in some oil and whisk the eggs into the pan. I like to use my take on the Gordon Ramsey method here, whisking the eggs continuously while taking them on and off the heat (on for 30 seconds, off for 30 seconds, for about 2 minutes or until the eggs are a fluffy, cheesy consistency). You can also just scramble the eggs however you prefer. Add chives for the last 30 seconds of cooking.

  Now it’s time to layer! Start with potatoes, breaking up the hashbrowns into smaller pieces if you need to. Add a layer of eggs (about half). Sprinkle with Vermont cheddar.

  Rinse and repeat! Teeny’s recipe calls for two layers, but you can do three if you want! Just use more potatoes and a couple of extra eggs. Sprinkle with cheese and cover with foil.

  Place the dish in the oven and bake, covered, for about 15 minutes.

  Remove the foil and turn the oven to broil (hey that rhymed!).

  Broil until cheese is bubbly and brown, about 3-5 minutes.

  Top with a drizzle of hot sauce, chipotle aioli, and a few slices of avocado.

  Eat it!

  An alternate option to try is a healthier, vegan version.

  Same ingredients as above, except substitute scrambled tofu for the eggs and vegan cheese (like Daiya or Chao or Miyoko’s mozzarella) for the Vermont cheddar. Chelsea tends to be sensitive to too much cheese (even though she’d like to eat more of it!) so sometimes a vegan alternative is helpful to have on hand!

  Here’s a quick recipe for tofu scramble:

  2 packages firm tofu, pressed out

  1/4 cup nutritional yeast

  2 tsp turmeric

  1 tsp soy sauce

  Squeeze of lemon juice

  1 vegetable bouillon cube, plus water for deglazing

  Olive oil

  Heat olive oil over medium heat, add tofu, and let it brown on one side. Add soy sauce, lemon juice, turmeric and bouillon and stir. Let brown again, deglaze with a little water, and add nutritional yeast. Careful not to overcook since you’ll be baking it too.

  This will be flavorful and delicious, and topped with Daiya or another vegan cheese it’s a healthier alternative to the traditional HBL. You can also mix it up and use the tofu scramble with regular cheese, if you’re just not in the mood for eggs.

  Delicious any way you shake it!

  KP’s Candy Apples

  A secret recipe from "Candy Apple Killer," Book Three in the Apple Orchard Cozy Mystery Series by Chelsea Thomas.

  KP’s Candy Apples are a delicious seasonal treat, a fun craft project, and a beautiful piece of art all rolled into one neat package (and rolled in peanuts, if you prefer!). The character of KP in the books is actually based on Chelsea’s real-life uncle, who famously hated to paint or cook or do anything that required patience. However, real-life KP also had some surprising tricks up his sleeve. He liked to help Chelsea and her mom dip peanut butter balls in chocolate to make buckeyes around Christmas-time, and he had a creative side that lent itself to story-telling and tall-taling, on occasion :)

  The inspiration for these candy apples was drawn from Uncle KP, and from Chelsea’s own love of making decorative food. They can take a few attempts to perfect, but the wonderful part about these sweet treats is that all you need are some apples and a few other ingredients, and the candy apples turn out different every time.

  You might not be the Picasso of candy apples like KP, but you’ll make something that at least tastes delicious, even if it’s not going to end up in a museum anytime soon. And we’ve left out the arsenic on this recipe, we recommend you do the same!

  Alright, drumroll please...Here it is, the recipe for KP’s Candy A
pples, a perfect dessert that can also be a gift, a wedding favor, and so much more.

  KP’s Candy Apples

  *makes 6 servings

  Ingredients

  6 Granny Smith apples (or any variety — Granny Smith’s tartness and crisp texture tends to balance the sugary coating)

  3 cups sugar (turbinado works well, but regular sugar is fine too)

  1 cup water

  1/2 cup light corn syrup

  1 teaspoon vanilla extract

  3 different colors of food coloring (white is a good base, but you can use anything. For a “Van Gogh/ Starry Night” look, try yellow, teal and navy or some similar combination)

  Food thermometer

  Parchment or wax paper

  Popsicle sticks or short skewers

  Steps

  Directions

  Wash and dry your apples.

  Twist off the stems and press the skewers or popsicle sticks into the apple as far as you can.

  Cover a baking sheet in parchment or wax paper and keep it close by. Place the apples on a plate near your stove.

  In a double-boiler or medium sauce pot, mix together the sugar, water, and corn syrup. Heat the mixture over medium to high heat, stirring minimally with a wooden spoon or rubber spatula. Using the food thermometer, check the temperature and remove from the heat at approximately 300 degrees Fahrenheit.

  While the mixture is still very hot, stir in the vanilla and your base color of food coloring. About 6 drops of coloring should do the trick, but you can eyeball this.

  Add a few drops of your other colors too, but DON’T MIX THEM IN! The idea is to create a swirl, so you just want a few dots of color in your mixture that will move and create a marbled effect as you twirl your apples in.

  Tipping the double boiler or pot to the side with one hand, gently dip or roll your first apple into the candy coating. Make sure the apple is evenly covered and that it has a nice blend of colors.