Heart's Cry

by Rita Peterson

  Lily Ann placed a new diaper on Carter and snapped up his teddy bear sleeper. “What a handsome lad you are.” She swaddled him in his fluffy blanket and headed to the living room.

  “Are you going to sit or stand with him?”

  “Both,” Lily Ann said. “Welcome to raising a newborn.”

  Clyde angled the phone towards her direction. “Can you see the screen clearly?”

  “Yup, let’s start with Facebook before reading the letter. I’d like a happier picture of her in my head. Hopefully, through her pictures we’ll learn about her and better understand the letter.”

  He nodded, clicked on Facebook, and loaded the girl’s personal page. “The police never logged her out. Her Facebook account says her name is Nisha A.K. Here’s hoping the letter will give us her full name.” Clyde scrolled down her feed.

  “She’s beautiful. Why on earth would someone want to murder her?” Lily Ann tightened her hold on Carter. “Who would shoot a pregnant woman?”

  “I hear you. Take a look at this. Her last update was on May sixteenth. How many weeks along did you say she was?”

  “She told me thirty-seven weeks, but I put her at thirty-nine. Basically full term.” Lily Ann frowned. “Let’s say Carter was due the first week of December, which would put her conception date around the second week of March. That would mean by mid-April to the beginning of May she should have shown signs of pregnancy.”

  “You’re right.” Clyde clicked on Albums. “I get the feeling she was an active user. She has twenty-two albums full of family’s and friends’ pictures. Look at all these photos of her family. Its last upload date was May first.”

  “She has a brother and a father. I don’t see any pictures of her mother.” She analyzed the photos. “They have identical eyes.”

  “They seem so happy.” He shook his head. “It feels so weird snooping into someone’s private life.”

  “It’s kind of creepy, but we have permission.” Lily Ann laid Carter in a bassinet near the couch. “He’s fast asleep again.”

  “Okay, so we know she has a brother and a father. As for her mother, she’s not in any of the photos. The other half of the albums are pictures of her friends and social life.” Clyde continued to scroll through the albums.

  “And the last of the albums are all scenery photos. She must have enjoyed nature.” Lily Ann pushed her hair back. “Wow, those are amazing photos of the Northern Lights.”

  “She was a talented photographer. These are top-notch pictures.”

  “I have a vivid image of her in my mind now. Let’s read the letter.”

  Clyde placed the phone on the couch cushion and rested an arm around Lily Ann’s shoulders. “Are you ready?”

  “I don’t think I’ll ever be emotionally ready, but I need to know, no matter how horrible the story is.” She sank into his arms.

  He reached for the phone and swiped down from the top, pulling up all the apps. He scrolled through them from right to left searching for the Microsoft Word app.

  “There it is. Go back.”

  He clicked the icon. It loaded to the last open document. “We should snuggle together as we read this.”

  Lily Ann nestled into Clyde’s arms. “Go ahead. Read it.”

  “I’m writing this letter to you because my life is in danger. I have a gut feeling he’ll eventually find me, and when he does, he will kill me. I don’t want anything to happen to you. You’re an innocent child caught in the middle of a young naive teenager and a madman.

  My name is Nisha Aditya Kumar. I was born in Shimla, India. My father, Aditya Kumar, married my mother, Ganga Das, and gave birth to me and my brother, Manohar. We lived a very happy life together until my mom passed away when I was thirteen. She died instantly in a head-on collision. My father went into a deep depression, leaving me to raise my brother who was eleven at the time.”

  Lily Ann reached for a tissue on the coffee table. Clyde stroked her arm as he continued.

  “About a year after my mom passed away, there was a great civil unrest. My dad decided we needed a fresh start. He used the money he’d saved, and we immigrated to America. He knew I loved the mountains, so he picked Anchorage, Alaska, as our new home. From India to Alaska was a shocking change, but my brother and I soon discovered many new and fun things to do.

  My father took a job as a tow-truck driver and within a few years saved enough money to buy a house. When my brother and I weren’t at school, we spent most of our time hanging out with friends. Most weekends I spent snapping pictures of the breathtaking scenery.

  Then I fell in love with Quinn Ward. He was much older. I was sixteen and he was thirty-six when we met. Quinn treated me like a queen and gave me anything I wanted. He pushed me to finish school. By the time I turned seventeen, he told me he wanted to marry me. I kept my relationship a secret from my dad and brother and even from my friends. Quinn convinced me it was better that no one knew about us.

  A few days after my seventeenth birthday, Quinn took me out for dinner. All I remember was feeling queasy and sleepy. I know now he raped me that night. Later I found out he was a drug dealer, a pimp, and a murderer. How stupid of me to fall for his lies. By now, he had control over me. I was scared, ashamed, and alone. He threatened me never to tell anyone or he would do the same to my brother and murder my father. Fear took hold of me and I remained silent.

  A month after the rape, I found out I was pregnant with you. I told Quinn and he verbally and physically abused me. He told me that he’d kill me if I didn’t abort you. I knew if I stayed home he would kill my family. If I stayed with him he’d kill you and possibly me. So my only choice was to hide.

  I packed my backpack never to return home again. In the middle of the night, I ran as fast as I could, hiding the first night behind a dumpster. From there, I hid in an unused fisherman boat for the summer months and scrounged around for food. I feared that behind every corner Quinn would find me, ready to kill me. I wanted so badly to go home but that would place my family in great danger. On one of my trips to Co-op, I saw pictures of me on the missing-persons bulletin board. I knew my dad would not stop searching for me.”

  “Oh, Clyde, this is beyond awful.” Lily Ann blew her nose and wiped tears off her cheeks.

  Clyde stared at Carter sleeping peacefully in his bassinet. “I know it’s hard to hear. But I will continue.”

  “It was September when I had to put everything into perspective. I calculated that I was in my last few months of pregnancy. I prayed every day for some miracle to happen—for a family that would love you. I began spying on families, searching for a home to leave you with this letter on the doorstep. But the more I searched, the more I longed to be your mother. I knew the truth. You needed more than what I could give you. I didn’t want you to live in fear or on the streets hiding with me.

  When the temperature dropped and winter set in, I found myself finding any entrance to sleep in at night. A few homeless shelters opened, and I made sure I was there for at least one meal in the evening. During the day, I spent my time at Safeway, wandering the aisles and sitting on benches. I found a winter coat in the trash to conceal my pregnancy.

  As of November fifteenth, Safeway is where I spend my days. Then at three in the afternoon, I head to the shelter for a warm supper and sleep. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I go into labor or where I will take you, but I promise I will find you a good family.

  I wanted you to know the truth and why I gave you up. I love you very much. This is the hardest decision of my life. Please know that I will always be your mother.”

  Clyde placed the phone on the coffee table and tightly hugged Lily Ann. “Cry it all out.” He rubbed her back. “It’s a miracle that Carter is a healthy baby with her not having the proper nutrition or medical care.”

  “It truly is. It’s a miracle that we were shopping at Safeway that morning.” She sniffed and lifted her head to meet Clyde’s eyes. “It’s a miracle that God chose us to be his parents.”


  “I know.”

  Lily Ann tilted her head towards the bassinette. “I hear you sucking on your fist.” She swooped him into her arms. “I have a thought, Clyde. We know her father’s name. I’m sure we could track him down. He would love to meet his grandchild and maybe we could get to know them. At least Carter could understand his heritage as he grows up.”

  “That’s an excellent idea. With Quinn dead, Carter will be safe and so will Nisha’s family.” Clyde stood up and kissed Carter’s head. “Little man, we’ll print this letter and save it for when you are older. I’ll print out all of Nisha’s family and scenery pictures for you to see how beautiful and talented your biological mother was.”

  “At least there is closure. I know the truth, and he will grow up knowing the truth, too.”

  ~

  Lily Ann awoke to voices coming from the kitchen. She listened for Carter, relieved he was sound asleep. Why did Clyde let me sleep so long after lunch? She jostled back the covers and adjusted her jean pants and cotton pink blouse. I just wanted to lie down for ten minutes.

  Oh, dear, that’s Henry’s voice. It’s surprise time.

  With a white elastic band, she tossed her hair up into a bun. She peered into the wall mirror, smoothing out her three-quarter-length sleeves on her blouse. Her hand ran down her arm’s exposed scars. She paused and smiled at herself in the mirror.

  For the first time since the incident I don’t feel the need to hide my skin. Grateful, she tiptoed out the room, silently closing the door behind her.

  “Good afternoon, sleepy head.” Henry gave her a warm fatherly hug. “My son has a surprise he’s dying to show you.”

  “I know. I can’t wait.” She headed for the kitchen and prepared two bottles for Carter. “He should be up in about thirty minutes. Make sure you change his diaper and feed him one bottle. Oh, and burp him too.”

  “Spoken like a true mother.” Henry saluted her. “Yes, ma’am.”

  Lily Ann chuckled, “And if we’re not back by four-thirty or five, please feed him his second bottle. He will have a nap between the two feedings.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “You heard the lady, pops. Don’t mess it up.” Clyde smacked his dad in the arm.

  “Listen up, son,” he smacked his son back. “I may be old, but I can still take you down.”

  Lily Ann burst into laughter. “You two are something else. Let’s get serious for a moment. Clyde, did you ask your dad about my mom?”

  “No.” Clyde turned to his dad and motioned for him to sit down on the couch. “Dad, would you be up for a road trip from here to Seattle to pick up Lily Ann’s mom?”

  That’s a long trip. What kind of time line do I have?”

  “As soon as possible. Lily Ann’s mom needs to be here for the wedding in December. We’ll have a wedding date for you by the end of today. It would be nice for her to be here at least a week prior to spend time with her daughter and grandson.”

  Henry reached for his cell phone and loaded Google Maps. “Google Maps shows it’s a forty-three-hour drive or 2,261 miles. Wow, that’s going to be some trip.” He placed his phone down. “Can’t she take a plane?”

  Lily Ann sighed. “No, she’s had a few strokes in the last five years and she’s too high risk to fly, plus she doesn’t drive. She never leaves the city, so she hasn’t needed to obtain her licence.”

  “I understand. Well, she’s part of the family, and family helps each other out. So while Carter sleeps, I have a road trip to plan.”

  Lily Ann rushed over and swung her arms around Henry. “You’re the best, dad.”

  Henry averted his eyes. “Welcome to the family.”

  Clyde motioned for Lily Ann to hurry up. “Okay, dad, we need to get the show on the road. We’ll be a few hours, but you can text us anytime.”

  “You two love birds enjoy your time together and I’ll have fun playing with my grandson and planning a trip. By the way, does your mom like to sightsee?”

  Lily Ann mused, “My father was gone most of the time. My mom worked hard and never had time to take me out much. She’s dreamed of seeing the world, but she’s never left Seattle.”

  “So I need to plan for some extra time to take in all the sites.”

  Lily Ann grinned and fiddled in the kitchen.

  “Come on, Lil, we need to go. Dress up warm. It’s a bit of a hike.” Clyde pulled his striped toque on and zipped his coat. “It’s only a ten-minute hike, but the wind is crazy out there right now.”

  Lily Ann peered out the front window and lowered her eyebrows. “Is Four okay being outside in the bitter cold wind?”

  “Yeah, he’s made for this climate. Don’t worry. He’ll be coming with us.”

  “Good, that slobbery dog is beginning to grow on me.”

  “Come on, you two,” Henry interjected. “Get out of here. I have a trip to plan.”

  ~

  Lily Ann gripped Clyde’s hand as they followed a narrow, well-used path in the forest. She glanced around her to see even more trees. “How much farther?”

  “Just around the bend. I’m sure Four is already there. He knows this path well.”

  She pushed back a tree branch and almost ran into Clyde, who’d come to a dead stop in front of her. “What’s the matter?”

  “Nothing, I want you to close your eyes and let me lead you the last few steps.”

  She shut her eyes.

  “Small steps…a few more…and let me turn you around a bit… Okay, open them.”

  Lily Ann’s eyes sprang open. “Oh my. What on earth is this place? Seriously, how did I not see this from your cabin? This is breathtaking! Look at the size of this building. Clyde, what is this?”

  “Follow me.” Clyde placed his arm around her back and called Four to join them. He led her up the stone stairs to the majestic front doors.

  Lily Ann stood dumbfounded. Her eyes darted in every direction. The picturesque tropical landscape to her left showed meticulously carved palm trees, song birds, and a wild jaguar creeping through the forest. To her right, her bewildered eyes soaked in the howling wolf pack and brilliantly carved snow-capped mountains and winding rivers. “I’m lost for words. Clyde, you carved this?”

  He nodded.

  “Oh, my. This is your special spot carved on this door. What is this building?”

  Clyde stood beside her and clasped her hand. “I built this masterpiece for Maria.” He studied the carvings on the entrance door. “She had a dream, and my desire was to make it come true. After she witnessed the Northern Lights for the first time, all she longed for was to open a lodge so people all over the world could come and see their splendor.” He ran his free hand through his goatee. “She begged me to design a building like no other, something visitors would never forget.”

  He stepped forward and rested one hand on a palm tree and the other on the howling wolf pack. “That’s why I carved a Brazilian theme into the left door.” Clyde traced his finger down the truck of the palm. “And an Alaskan theme on the right.” His right hand copied the same movement over the wolves.

  “I can’t imagine how much time this took…and your dedication to Maria.” Lily Ann embraced Clyde. “You are an amazing man. I mean, amazing.”

  Clyde grasped the brass wolf-head handles and swung opened the oversized doors.

  Lily Ann’s body froze in place. Her jaw dropped. She felt as if she was entering a fairy-tale world. Never before had she seen a room as strikingly beautiful as this one. The massive foyer with its vaulted ceiling was in the shape of an octagon, every side featuring a different bird scene. On her far left was a scene of eagles locking talons and spiraling down in a fight for dominance. The next side was much different than the first and depicted a peahen and her young, foraging the ground for food. Trees and flowering plants surrounded them, and songbirds roosted high up in the trees, singing their songs. Another side pictured an albatross gliding over a rough sea into a sunset. In the next side, a male bird of paradise performed a ma
ting dance on a fallen tree trunk in the thicket of the rainforest.

  Still her eyes traveled the room and paused at a magnificent macaw in flight over the untamed jungle. “Clyde, it’s beyond breathtaking. I feel as if you’ve transported me to a secret world that I never want to leave.” Lily Ann knelt and traced her hand over a tile mosaic in the middle of the foyer. Her hand touched the tip of a grizzly bear’s paw wading in the rapids of a gushing river fishing for salmon. She drew herself back and examined the wild Alaskan wilderness in the background. “You’re an artist. To do this with tile and set it into hardwood—”

  “It’s a passion. I’ve been carving, designing, and painting ever since I can remember.”

  He pulled shut the entrance doors. “When we painted together in the NICU, I knew you would fall in love with this place. Maria was passionate about wildlife, especially birds, so I tried to incorporate birds into every room of this building.” Clyde turned to face Lily Ann and reached for both of her hands. “I would like for us to be married in this room.”

  Lily Ann felt a wet nose nudge her hand. “Absolutely, and it seems Four agrees, too.” She peered around the room again and noticed a masculine stone staircase to the far-left side. “Where do those stairs lead to?”

  “That is surprise number two.” He led her in that direction. “Come with me to our new home.”

  “New…home?” Lily Ann was lost for words once again as she followed him up the marble stairs. Her hand slid over numerous plant carvings in the railing. Her eyes darted to a colorful daisy. “Why are the daisies painted and not any other flowers on the stair railing?”

  “Daisies were Maria’s favorite flower.” Clyde halted and stared at Lily Ann. “I didn’t know how you would react to this place, knowing it was built and carved for Maria. I know this place has none of you in the carvings. I hope that doesn’t offend you.”

  “It absolutely doesn’t offend me.”

  He motioned for her to open the frosted-glass French doors at the top of the stairs. “Welcome to your new home.”