Heart of the Staff - Complete Series

by Carol Marrs Phipps

  “Don't remind me. Why should I be upset? It wouldn't change anything. What worries me is what Uncle Razzorbauch will do when he finds out.”

  “Everyone's worried about that.”

  “Do you think that Sir Chester will manage to slay him?”

  “I've no idea, but if Razzorbauch burns the crops, someone will have to do it or a lot of people will starve this winter.”

  “But don't we have grain stored?”

  “Not enough to see Niarg through a whole winter.”

  “Couldn't Niarg could buy some?” she said.

  “We can't begin to count on that,” he said as he slid his spoon under a nice piece of lamb.

  “Then someone simply has to kill Uncle Razzorbauch,” she said with a look of conviction that Razzmorten still didn't expect at all.

  Chapter 23

  “You're always leaving,” said Hubba Hubba as he slowly walked along the length of his perch. “And you'll leave today, too, because you don't really like me anymore.”

  “Oh go on!” said Ugleeuh as she picked up her dainty staff and scrying ball. “Of course I like you. You're my very dearest. Just be patient a bit longer and directly I'll finish up in Niarg and not leave you again for who knows how long. I promise. I'll even be back this evening and fix you something with lots of sukere.”

  “Righty-o...” he said with a bristly head, as he wiggled his beak into his breast feathers, watching her mumble her spell and vanish. “But I see that you went anyway.”

  She appeared in Razorback's cave to find him gone. “You're as convenient as ever,” she said, casting about for paper, quill and ink. She knelt at the board and wrote:

  Dearest Uncle Razzorbauch,

  The overwhelming number of people in the town of Niarg voted to outlaw sukere. Not all of the pigeons are returned yet from the outlying districts, but it doesn't matter how they vote, since the biggest number in the kingdom have already decided to forbid our wonderful sweet.

  They owe us!

  Hoping that you bring the miserable lot of them to their knees,

  Your devoted niece,

  Leeuh

  “And you still owe me, Uncle Razzorbauch,” she said as she peered into the swirling colors of her scrying ball.

  She caught her balance by the bed in her room in Razzmorten's tower. She put her ball and staff onto the bed and stepped out onto the landing to find Razzmorten coming up the stairs. “You're out early, Father,” she said.

  Razzmorten offered her his arm and continued climbing the stair. “The last pigeon is in the cote,” he said as he opened the door to his flat. “Ash Fork has voted with the rest of Niarg, so it's now the law of the land. Sukere is forbidden in the Kingdom of Niarg. Sir Chester's been told and everyone's preparing for Razorback as we speak.”

  Ugleeuh sat down at the board and watched him sit across from her. “But how could Uncle Razzorbauch know that the vote's in?”

  “Since you're not telling him, I have no idea. However, he did grow up here and he knows how things work.”

  “But there never was a vote on anything until Hebraun came to the throne.”

  Razzmorten shook his head. “Well, everyone's getting ready, anyway.”

  “I certainly hope Sir Chester manages. Then life can get back to normal.”

  He looked at her for a moment, marveling at her reasonableness. “Oh mercy yes,” he said as he grabbed up her hand and squeezed it. “Have you eaten yet? If we hurry, we can still have breakfast with Hebraun and Minuet.”

  “That sounds great, Father, but I hope they're having something that doesn't need to be sweetened. They won't want me using sukere.”

  “I can't imagine that you'd dare. Hebraun is very straight about things, and he takes the will of the people quite seriously. It wouldn't be fair to ask him to make exceptions, particularly in front of others. If you take it in there, don't get caught. In fact, please don't take it with you. Just eat some before we go. Look 'ee here. I'll even look the other way if you give me your word that you'll give it up.”

  “Father! I can't do that,” she said with a sincere look. “but would you, if I promise to try?”

  “If you refuse to be angry about my reminders.”

  With a sudden giggle of glee, she took out her pouch and gobbled down a huge chunk of sukere.

  They found Hebraun and Minuet already well into a breakfast of boiled eggs and hot rye bread. As Razzmorten seated her, Ugleeuh saw Bethan leading out a striking and immaculately polite little tow-headed girl. “That's their little shit,” she thought, as an orderly rushed to the board with plates and another bowl of boiled eggs. “Too bad, little shit!”

  “The quiet is beginning to vex me,” said Hebraun as he folded half an egg into a fat slice of bread. “If he's coming, I wish he'd do it.”

  Ugleeuh saw Minuet put an adoring hand on Hebraun's arm. “Oh wonderful Too-Too!” she thought. “Soon you and he will have no more worries at all. And neither will I.”

  “Everyone in Niarg wants it over with,” said Razzmorten as he took a pinch from the salt cellar.

  “Perhaps if we talk about something else, the time will pass more quickly,” said Ugleeuh, as everyone looked up.

  “Good idea,” said Hebraun.

  Ugleeuh was surprised at how very good his approval made her feel. “It always works,” she said. “So what else is going on that might be of interest?”

  Hebraun and Minuet shared a puzzled look.

  “Drop dead, Minny-Min!” thought Ugleeuh. “You always horn your way in and take it away from me. Isn't it enough that you stole him?”

  “Well,” said Minuet as she squeezed Hebraun's arm, “this must be the time we're supposed to announce that Hebraun and I are going to have another baby.”

  “That's wonderful,” said Razzmorten. “I'm going to be grandfather twice over.”

  “Yes,” said Ugleeuh. “My congratulations to both of you. Perhaps this time you'll get a little prince to go along with your little princess,” as she thought: “Aw! Too bad again.”

  “Thank you Leeuh,” said Minuet. “A little prince would be right nice, but Hebraun and I will be just as pleased with another little princess.”

  “Oh don't worry, Too-Too,” thought Ugleeuh. “You'll never see it.”

  “See?” she said. “Talking about something else is just the thing, isn't it? So what else is going on with the pair of you?”

  “Oh, just our wedding anniversary in three more days, and Hebraun and I are looking forward to a dinner by ourselves to celebrate,” said Minuet. “Fates only know we're overdue for a few hours to ourselves.”

  “You two certainly do deserve it after all the things which have happened lately. I hope this problem with the stinking dragon is...” she said, suddenly going wide eyed at the sound of Razorback's roar from the outer ward.

  “He took the bait!” cried Hebraun as he bolted from his chair. “Minuet! You and Leeuh stay inside.”

  “Be careful,” she said softly. “Our children need their father.”

  “Don't worry, I will,” he said as he squeezed her hand and hurried out with Razzmorten.

  “Ha!” thought Ugleeuh with a serene look. “You need to worry about your little blond brat being an orphan altogether!” “Come on Min,” she said as she took her by the hand. “We can watch from Father's tower and be quite safe at the same time.”

  Another great roar rang out through the castle. Hebraun ran sword in hand with Razzmorten down the corridors and out the front door to a stair climbing the inner curtain to a short passage leading to the wall walk of the outer curtain. “There he is,” he said quietly as he stepped out onto the walk, crowded shoulder to shoulder with archers, all the way around the top of the wall with their bows trained on Razorback, down in the outer ward, huffing and snorting wisps of smoke, pacing and turning warily this way and that.

  “Sire,” said Captain Strong, appearing at Hebraun's elbow. “We've dropped the portcullis, but it's ready to go back up at my signal.�
��

  Hebraun gave a quick nod over his shoulder and stepped to the edge of the wall walk. “Hoy! Razzorbauch!” he cried, his voice echoing within the battlements.

  Razorback wheeled about and picked him out at once. “You!” he roared. “You, the one who dares address me! Might you be King Hebraun?”

  “At your service!”

  “Ha!” he roared. “So where's your armor?”

  “We have no argument with you, if you go home and leave us be!”

  Razorback reared up, throwing back his head to bellow out a volley of laughter before dropping to his feet again. “You!” he roared. “You're a liar!” He paused to turn a complete circle. “What about all of the longbows trained on me? And how can you possibly have no argument with me when you outlawed my very enterprise?”

  “The people of Niarg merely refuse to have sukere in their lives...”

  “Liar!” thundered Razorback. “You've tricked them! You've deceived them into thinking they don't want sukere! So until they speak for themselves, until they demand the freedom to have sukere, I will burn every crop and field! I will burn...!”

  “Loose!” cried Hebraun.

  Immediately Razorback reared up, bristling with arrows.

  “Now, Karlton!” hollered Hebraun.

  Razorback ran at the wall, bellowing and roaring as he huffed and spewed great plumes of flame at the archers on the wall walk, catching some of them alight to plummet to the ground in balls of flame. With a clanking and rattle of chain, the portcullis went up and Sir Chester galloped in on his white unicorn, draped with a rippling scarlet caparison, charging right for Razorback.

  With a deafening roar, Razorback wheeled and dropped onto all fours, coming straight for him, blowing flames. Sir Chester dodged at once, circling wide and returning at a furious gallop for another charge, when he dropped his lance with a clatter to bounce away across the dusty ground. Razorback drenched Sir Chester and his mount with a roiling corona of angry flames. The Unicorn screamed and bucked, throwing off Sir Chester to roll to a stop by his lance and burn to a cinder.

  Razorback sprang to his full height and roared at the sky: “Niarg will burn!” And with that, he vanished.

  Hebraun gave orders to his officers to meet in the throne room in an hour and dashed into the castle to find Minuet. He found her on her way down the stairs with Ugleeuh on her heels as he neared the top storey of Razzmorten's tower.

  She grabbed him in a fierce embrace, nearly knocking him over. “I was so scared!” she cried. “The way Razorback was burning soldiers, I thought you and Father would die at any moment. Please don't do that again.”

  Though Razzmorten had just caught up with Hebraun, he heard every word. “Minuet,” he said, struggling to catch his breath, “surely you know that you can't ask that from a sovereign responsible for his kingdom.”

  Minuet looked away at once in crushed embarrassment as Hebraun gently steered her back into his arms for another hug.

  Ugleeuh covered her gloat with another look of smooth serenity. “Ha, Minny Too-Too!” she thought.

  At that moment, Captain Strong came up the stairs bearing a leather pouch. “Razzmorten and Mistress Dewin, this is indeed awkward,” he said, struggling to catch his breath, “but could you please step back into your flat while I speak with Their Majesties?”

  “Let's just go to the throne room,” said Hebraun.

  Razzmorten and Ugleeuh stepped inside at once. “How odd,” said Razzmorten the moment the door clicked shut. “Do reckon his serious matter had to do with that pouch he had?”

  “It's obvious, isn't it?” said Ugleeuh. “That pouch is full of sukere.”

  “Yours?”

  “Sir Chester's,” she said, shaking her head. “He was my first customer.”

  “Sir Chester bought sukere from you?”

  “Well I gave it to him. I just said he was my first customer, but that was before the first vote. There was nothing wrong with that, right? You said, didn't you?”

  “Can you prove it was before? Did anyone see you give it to him?”

  “No. But it was before.”

  “Well, I'll support you on this if it goes before the King's Bench, so long as you're certain that no one will ever find out otherwise.”

  “King's Bench? That's crazy!”

  “Let's just fix a nice dinner,” he said, giving her a little hug. “Hebraun's a good king and a very clear-headed fellow. I expect he'll consider that Sir Chester's sukere was his own affair and nothing will come of this at all.”

  The moment they had reached the throne room, Hebraun drug up a tea table and a three-legged chair and placed them before the two thrones. “All right, Karlton,” he said as he sat. “Show us what's in the bag. This is all about what's in the bag, right?”

  “Yea,” said Captain Strong. “But before I do, you need to know it's not so much the bag as the stink it's already causing.”

  “You mean to tell me that enough people know about that bag for there to be a stink, yet Niarg is better off without my very family knowing about it? What the blazes is going on?”

  Karlton shook out the bag onto the tea table.

  “That stuff's sukere, isn't it?” said Hebraun.

  “Yeap,” said Strong. “This was amongst the few things that weren't burnt with Sir Chester. And the big stink started with everyone a-watching him drop his lance right in front of Razorback. A whole lot of those people have watched him perform flawlessly through countless jousts. Never a mistake, ever. And at least three score of them were standing about, looking straight at me when I picked up this bag and poured it out into my hand.”

  “And?”

  “And they not only blame Mistress Dewin, they want to see her in the pillory before the day's over. Word's already out everywhere.”

  “Even if she gave it or sold it to him before there ever was a law?”

  “She did in their favorite jouster, and they want her in the pillory. They have no use for details. They want to throw things.”

  Hebraun gave a great sigh and ran his hand over his face. “Well, we're much obliged for your being quick,” he said with a glance at Minuet. “I want guards around Razzmorten's tower immediately, and I want them kept there night and day.”

  Chapter 24

  “It's open!” cried Talamh Coille Graham, looking up from his mortar and pestle at the knock at his door. “Just keep grinding those, Birlinn.” He rose to find out whom he'd just let in, stooping and dodging the hanging bunches of plants as he went. “Leeuh! My love. This is entirely unexpected. Why didn't you send word so I could've been ready for you?”

  “Surprise is always exciting, of course,” she said with sparkling dark eyes.

  “Well,” he said, wiping his hands on his dirty apron. “Splendid. I can't begin to keep my mind off you when you're gone. And this is the first you've actually seen the apothecary, isn't it?”

  “Yes it is,” she said, offering her hand. “I hate to tell you this, but I'm here on business.” She drew him into an embrace and stepped back to look up into his eyes. “My father sends me, believe it or not.”

  “Razzmorten?”

  “Who else, silly?”

  “Well I'm right surprised, is all. I'd not expect that he'd ask for your help or for mine either, for that matter. He's been dealing exclusively with Neron since we withdrew from Niarg.”

  “He needs my help this time. He's tied up, trying to help the crown figure out how to slay the dragon which just killed our most renowned jouster, and is out burning the countryside. Meanwhile, Niarg is infested with vermin worse than the rats we had during the plague, which he thinks is being caused by someone's magic. He's convinced he needs the preparation of a plant only found here in the Jutwoods. And since he knows that Neron doesn't especially trust me (at least not enough to be quick about it), he advised me to come straight to you.”

  “So what's the herb?”

  “Nimh bitsie.”

  His eyes grew round at this. “I see. And
how much does he want?”

  “Not much. As near to two ounces as you can make it.”

  “Hoo-wee! That's a huge lot of nimh bitsie, love. An eighth ounce would wipe out an army. I know that there's some made up, but it's been a good while. Just let me go see what I can find.” He turned and vanished behind swaying bunches of herbs.

  “Sir,” said Birlin, catching him as he went by. “I'm finishing up, just now.”

  “Good then,” said Talamh. “I'm thinking that I might like some extra privacy with my lady. Go find that young lady of yours. You can have the rest of the day off with pay.”

  “Hey! Thank you ever so much,” he said, taking off his apron at once.

  In one of the storage rooms, Talamh fumbled impatiently for keys, then opened a heavy trunk against the back wall. “Drat! The ledger. There'll have to be an entry made, in spite of how awkward.” He quickly found a vial and a graduated cylinder and measured out two ounces of jet black liquid, nearly taking the entire quantity. He fitted the vial's ground glass stopper, wired it down and dipped it in a pot of hot wax. At last, he sped forth from the room to find Ugleeuh, patiently waiting.

  “So,” he said, clearing his throat, “I hate to go on about this, but I simply have to make a ledger entry, back there. The crown keeps strict track of this stuff.”

  “Oh bother,” she said, softly rubbing the back of his hand, “couldn't you do that later? I have no choice but to get right back, so we have almost no time for us.”

  Talamh hesitated, but when Ugleeuh gave him a pleading look and a provocative smile, he gave in, set the vial on a nearby shelf and turned back for an embrace.

  Without warning, she flung up her fists, discharging a lavender flame from each of them into his eye sockets with a deafening pop, turning him into a smoking cinder. At once she stepped past him and grabbed the vial from the shelf. As she did so, she blew at his face as though she were extinguishing a candle. His head collapsed in a cascade of ash. “Get your arms down!” she snapped as she knocked their outstretched remains onto the floor. “You were the one who owed me, Talamh Coille.” She stood back with her hands on her hips. “You're the only one who ever really listened to me, though. Well, I don't suppose anyone else ever will.” She heaved a sigh of detached resolution, then took up her staff and scrying ball, mumbled her spell and vanished.