Ma'am turned and stumped up onto the candy striped porch, bidding Rose to follow. Rose caught Lukus's eye as she passed inside, anxious to discover what would be expected from them as payment for their being rescued from the dorchadas.
Chapter 35
Light flared up from a dozen candles in sconces along the walls of Ma'am's cottage revealing her lighting them by pointing at them. When the room was ablaze, she disdainfully flicked her fingers at the doorway, causing Lukus to give way and slide down the porch post, landing smartly upon the edge of a step. He hobbled to a crouching stand, rubbing his smarting rear end as he limped through the door. Right away, he and Rose became so captivated by the sights and smells that they nearly forgot their fear and exhaustion.
“Peppermint and licorice,” said Rose, breathing deeply as she sat on the red velvet cushion of her chair. “This place smells like a sweet shop and looks like something from a fairy story, Lukus.”
Lukus had a reply, but found himself mute once again.
Ma'am saw his look and made signs in the air in front of his face. At once, he felt his throat relax. “Be advised, young Lukus,” she said with a cramped rattle, “I've little patience for tomfoolery or smart mouths.”
Lukus gave her a serious nod but dropped it at once and turned aside to Rose. “You’re right,” he said. “This place is fantastic. I'll bet everything in here is enchanted.”
“I'm enchanted,” said Rose. “Everything in here has been fashioned after some kind of sweet.”
“Well now,” said Ma'am. “I expect you want something to eat before going to sleep, so the two of you will want to stay put while I step into the kitchen.” Her smile turned to limp leather beneath a glare which she thrust at each of them before stumping away.
“A footstool upholstered like a cupcake, in front of a cinnamon bun chair,” said Rose. “Imagine an old witch so taken with sweets that she'd actually do all this.”
“If the old fairy stories be true,” said Lukus in an eerie voice, feigning Ma'am's magical gestures, “places like this are for luring foolish children into the witch’s cooking kettle...” .
“Lukus! What if she had walked in while you were doing that? She'd probably make you mute for life. You're playing with fire.”
“Rose, we have to get out of here. We came here for a reason, and unless she's our dear old auntie, then being here isn’t it.”
“Absolutely. But let's get some food and rest. And I think she's dangerous enough that we're really going to need to know what we're doing in order to get out of here. Besides, she might even know Ugleeuh, or where to find her. Why wouldn't she help us? She did save us from the dorchadas.”
“But why? And the old bat says we owe her for it, too. She's dreaming up what she wants out of us, and I can’t imagine it will be anything we’ll like giving up.”
“Oh probably not,” said Rose as she paused to locate by her feet the chirping of a sparrow in wee leg irons. “That looks cracked! What kind of madness has you chained to an iron ball?” At the tinkle of wee chain links, she spied two more hobbled sparrows. “That's crazy...” She stopped short at the sound of Ma'am's heavy shoes as she pushed through the door with a huge tray of dainties.
Ma'am rammed a look at Rose perfect for freezing naughty children.
Rose opened and shut her mouth at the thought of how dangerous a confrontation might be.
“I forgot to warn you about those evil little birds, dearie,” said Ma'am as she set down her tray. “You didn't get close enough to any of them to be bitten or scratched, did you?”
“Why no...” she said, stepping back for another look. “I was merely startled at seeing them chained up that way.”
“Well they're not innocent, girlie. When they look like they do, it's all part of their wiles. And I see by the look on your face that you doubt me. So why in all the wide forest would I keep them in leg irons unless they were dangerous? Those sharp little talons and beaks are poisonous as any viper you’ll ever meet. Now sit. You too, boy.”
Rose took her seat at the table, forcing herself to ignore the birds.
“So eat,” said Ma'am. “I'll go see if dearest has finished his breakfast. He'd certainly like meeting the two of you before you go to bed, particularly since you’ll be staying here indefinitely.” She flashed a rotten grin before stumping off to the kitchen, leaving them gaping at each other.
“Great galloping turds, Rose! 'Indefinitely' sounds like a long time.”
“'Indefinitely' sounds like forever, Lukus. And this quest still hasn't excused your awful mouth.”
Lukus dropped his retort at the sight of ol' Ma'am returning with an armload of blankets. On her shoulder perched a huge smug crow. “What a conceited fowl,” he thought.
“Here's my dearest,” she announced. “His name is Hubba Hubba. And he's just a bit too plump to get off the ground these days. Those poisonous sparrows there help him get fresh air and exercise. But we can talk after you've rested. You've yet to eat and your tea is cooling. Hurry on about it, now. I want to get some rest, too, for I’m not so used to flying all night, you know.”
Rose and Lukus fell ravenously upon their exceedingly sweet meal. When their state of famish suddenly changed to stuffed nausea, they fixed their pallets and were asleep at once.
***
Lukus was not sure what had awakened him as he stared into the cold sooty recess of the fireplace which had not been alight for days. The calls of a towhee outside and the pencil thin streams of light let in by cracks in the closed shutters reminded him that it was nearly noon. As he rocked his head from side to side on his pillow, he noticed a light coming from old Ma'am's kitchen. The murmur of voices coming from there got his attention, and he was up on his elbow at once, straining to hear. He inched his pallet across the floor until he could just see Hubba Hubba in the light, balanced atop a strong iron perch, with his bloated mass hanging over each side of it. Beyond him, old Ma'am paced into and out of view in a state of thought and agitation.
“I don’t understand why you brought them here in the first place,” said Hubba Hubba to Lukus's utter astonishment at hearing him not only talking but conversant. “You said yourself that you wouldn’t want to eat them, and you certainly have me, so you don’t need any more pets. So what good are they? All they'll do is lie about all day and take up space and eat our food. I say leave them out into the woods or take them back to the dorchadas.”
“You must be patient. We aren’t going to keep them forever, but do I want to know just who they are and why they've come here. There's something oddly familiar about that girl, though I just can’t put my finger on it. But I will.”
Hubba Hubba began wobbling along his perch. “Ugleeuh,” he croaked, “you can’t possibly think it's your daughter, come in search of you after all these years. Can you?”
“Nay,” she said as she tramped 'round his perch. “The king and queen promised never to tell her that she was adopted, and they're the kind who are stupid enough never to violate such an oath.”
“Well...” said Hubba Hubba, as he settled back into a sagging heap across his perch, “that’s good then, if you’re sure.”
Lukus gasped in disbelief and shrank back into his blankets to lie on his back, staring at the dark ceiling. At once he was up again, dragging his pallet back to the fireplace where he bumped into Rose, waking her.
“Lukus! Move over!” she moaned. “I'm not getting up yet.”
At this, Ugleeuh and Hubba Hubba fell silent.
Lukus looked at Rose and shook his head, wondering how he would ever tell her that they had not only found Ugleeuh, but that she was indeed Rose’s real mother. He felt sick. “Oh, Rose!” he thought. “Why, oh why did we ever leave Niarg?”
“Up, you two,” said Ugleeuh as she stumped in, listing under the weight of Hubba Hubba, rocking ponderously on her shoulder.
“Yea,” said Hubba Hubba with pompous arrogance. “Time to eat.”
Rose bolted upright. “It talks!” she
said, flinging back her covers. “I thought only parrots could do that.”
Ugleeuh and Hubba Hubba glared at her with one icy accord, reminding her so much of a pair of glaciers, that without thinking she pulled her blankets back over her legs.
“My name is Hubba Hubba,” he said as he straightened his feathery heft. “I am not a thing. Do not refer to me as 'It!'“
Ugleeuh gave a hiss at Rose through her nose.
Rose shrank back into her bed roll.
“I don’t like parrots,” she snarled. “I would never have one. Crows, particularly this one, have far greater command of language than any parrot. And from now on, if either of you talks about or speaks to my dearest, you'll call him Hubba Hubba. Is that perfectly clear?”
Rose and Lukus nodded in astonishment.
“Good,” she said as she stepped into the kitchen. At once she was back with a tray heaped with dainties which she plopped down before them with all the charm of a scullery maid putting her mop to the floor. “Well? Eat or go hungry. I'll make it vanish before I stoop to beg you.”
After a moment's gaping hesitation, Rose and Lukus scurried to the table.
“If you need anything else, holler. I’ll be in the kitchen with my dearest.”
Their early afternoon breakfast consisted of thick slices of white French toast, each one generously powdered with sukere, laced over with thick strings of melted chocolate and topped with a huge glob of whipped cream. To go with this, they each had a tall glass of chocolate milk, that by some enchantment of Ugleeuh's had been made icy cold. After so long with little but their dried fruit and cheese travel rations, they made very short work of their meal. And Lukus, brash young fellow that he was, took Ugleeuh at her word. “Ma’am!” he hollered. “I’d like another glass of this chocolated milk!”
Ugleeuh stepped from the kitchen and studied Lukus as though he might be a fly speck or perhaps a mold spore. “How about a cup of tea, instead?” she said.
“No thank you,” he said, shaking his head. “I’d really like another glass of that milk, please. It's delicious.”
“Well, if your heart's set on it, then you’ll get it yourself,” she said with a scowl. “I've already put in more time than you deserve to please you. So if you must, I'll show you, but you'll have something besides chocolate, because there won’t be any more of that ‘til tomorrow.”
Rose followed them out and paused to look at the cottage. “It's every bit as tiny on the outside as it looked,” she thought. “How can it be so huge on the inside?”
Ugleeuh took them to a small red and white candy-striped barn which smelt minty to them as they stepped inside. She led into a stall an odd trembling cow which was white all over except for her teats, each one being a different color: bright pink, brown, brilliant dark yellow and white. The cow put her head into the manger to wait for feed as Ugleeuh closed the stanchion about her neck and handed Lukus a small silver bucket and a red and white striped milking stool. “This is Shaker,” she said. “Named her that ‘cause she shakes and quakes all the time. Anyway, you pick the flavor of milk by the color of teat you choose. The brown one's milked out for today. You drank it. The others are strawberry, banana, or vanilla. You can guess which is which...”
“Whoa! Wait a minute,” said Lukus. “You mean to tell me that this freak cow with the colored teats gave the frothy chocolated milk exactly as Rose and I just drank it? It came out chocolate?”
“And icy cold.”
“Go on! You're playing us for fools. We know better..”
“No you don't. You have a dunce's knowledge of magic and I'm not amused in the least. Squeeze and see. This cow's as real as you are. “So. Know how to milk a cow?”
“You think it's a huge deal?” said Lukus, avoiding her eyes. “You don't think I can squeeze the faucet of my choice? It must still be difficult for you to grasp.” He thrust out a flippant grimace.
“Your cheek will have you in the fire right soon,” she said with a vomitous face as she suddenly turned away and marched out.
“What's the matter with you, Lukus?” said Rose. “Can't you get it straight that she's dangerous? Anyone able to create the cow you're milking, can certainly ruin anything dear to you, if you vex them enough.”
“Yea, yea. I'm not that little anymore. I need to talk to you, away from big ears and long noses, if you know what I mean, and making her lose her patience with me was the only thing I could come up with on the spot. It was scary, but it got her to stamp out in a huff. I need to talk to you about Ugleeuh.”
“What in Niarg does she have to do with any of this, Lukus? Just what are you getting at?”
“Well let me then,” he said, turning his back to Shaker. “Ol' Ma'am is Ugleeuh.”
“No way, Lukus. She can't be Ugleeuh. She's 'way too ancient and decrepit. Mother’s sister's younger than she is. And I don’t care what Ugleeuh’s mother may have looked like, our mother could never have a sister who looked like that old witch. I don’t know what makes you think so, but you're wrong.”
“Sorry Rose. I heard that lard ball crow call her that. He called her Ugleeuh. I heard him. And she answered to it. You were asleep, this morning.”
“Oh. Did you hear anything else? I mean, anything important?”
Lukus suddenly swiveled about and put his head against Shaker's right flank. “So what do you want, Rose? Strawberry or vanilla?”
“What, what? Oh strawberry, I suppose,” she said, making a zigzag pattern in the dry, rotted manure of the barn floor with the toe of her riding boot as her stomach knotted up.
Lukus milked in silence as feelings of guilt washed over him for dodging her about what he had overheard. After stripping out the last drop of strawberry from Shaker's bright pink teat, he picked up his pail and stool and nodded to Rose. He stopped just outside the barn. “Rose, what would you do if you suddenly found out that you really were Ugleeuh’s daughter? Of course it's unlikely and all, but how would you live with it?”
“Live with it?” she said with a squint. “The last I knew, you were convinced that there was no possible way for Auntie Witch to be my mother.”
“Right. I was just thinking that if you weren’t really a princess by birth, you might be able to get out of marrying ol' pea-slinger after all. And if that's what you really want, not being a princess would be an advantage.”
“Go on Lukus! You know very well I don’t want to marry James, and you also know just as well what being heir to a banished witch would do to me. You're not asking me these questions just to make idle conversation. You've heard something. So what have you heard?”
“Yea. Just what have you heard, Lukus?” said Ugleeuh right at their backs, causing them to jump. “You have your milk, so why are you fooling about? I brought you out here in the first place to spare my time, and now you have me coming back out here for you. Did you let her out?”
Rose and Lukus worked their mouths, utterly speechless.
“Did you open the stanchion?”
Lukus shook his head.
“Bother! I've no time for this foolishness. Inside. Now! I've things to attend to in the forest and I can’t have you out here by yourselves. It wouldn’t be safe. Go!”
Hubba Hubba was lumbering back and forth along the length of his perch, before the fireplace. “I told you these two were going to be more trouble than they're worth,” he rattled. “Trying to sneak off so they'd not have to repay the debt they owe you, were they?”
“Trouble they are,” said Ugleeuh. “But dawdling, gossiping and wasting time is typical for the lazy young people these days.” She shoved a glare at them to head off any protests they might have and then nodded at a leather harness hanging from a peg on the wall. She gave a more peevish nod and Lukus fetched it down to stand looking at it with Rose, completely dumbfounded. Attached to it were long tight braids of thin leather. At the ends of each were much smaller harnesses. “My dearest wants to go on an exercise flight, but as I said, I have pressing business in the forest.
The two of you can help him put on his harness and then rig up the slave sparrows in each of theirs. Once you've done that, walk them all outside and wait in the yard while they fly about for a spell. When they finish, help Hubba Hubba back out of his harness and get him inside and comfortably onto his perch. He'll need to eat, since his flights leave him famished. He'll tell you what he wants to eat and where things are. While you're taking care of him, take the harnesses off the slaves and fasten them back to their balls and chain. Any questions?” She donned her hat and cape and picked up her broom. She paused to study Rose and Lukus's compliant nods. “Good sign if you can cooperate once in a while.” She whispered something to Hubba Hubba as she gave him a scratch, and stepped out the door.
Rose and Lukus looked at each other and then at Hubba Hubba.
Hubba Hubba squinted at them. “You may think that you can simply take this opportunity to leave,” said he with a disdainful yawn, “but if you seriously consider where you are and how you got here, I think you’ll see how foolish that would be. Besides, just how far could you get before she returns? You don’t know this forest at all, and she knows every tree.”
“A lot you know, Lard Bottom!” said Lukus with a snort. “We have pure-bred cyflymder unicorns resting in your stable, and we could ride a right fair distance before that old sow gets back, if we chose.”
“Oh really? Have you looked at your mounts lately, then?”
“There's been no need,” said Lukus with a look of alarm. “Ugleeuh said that she'd see to them.” And he bolted for the door of the cabin and raced to the stable beside the barn to find it completely empty except for the rat scurrying for cover along the timber atop the manger. He stood watching the cobwebs stir with the minty air he was letting in.
“Lukus!” hollered Rose from the hitching rack where they'd last seen their unicorns.
He ran to find her standing beside their bridals, laid neatly on the porch, the only evidence that they had been there at all.
“That witch!” cried Rose. “It's rotten enough that she's done whatever she's done to them, but to let on that she was going to stable them while we rested. Poor Mystique! Poor Starfire!”
Heart of the Staff - Complete Series Page 35