Heart of the Staff - Complete Series

by Carol Marrs Phipps

  ***

  “I'm all right, Ugleeuh. Really,” said Hubba Hubba as he preened his tail feathers, shook them out, and settled himself once more on his perch. “At most I may be slightly bruised, but nothing at all to be concerned about.” He looked up sheepishly at Lukus.

  Lukus flashed him a comradely grin in time for Ugleeuh to intercept their exchange of looks with one of her own. For some time now, Lukus had been harboring the conviction that she was jealous of their growing friendship.

  “Well then,” said Ugleeuh to Hubba Hubba, as she shoved her look of contempt at Lukus, “if you're certain that you're not hurt.”

  Without warning there came an assertive pounding on the cabin door, causing everyone in the kitchen to look up wide eyed. Before anyone moved, Rose tramped through, vexed and groggily ruffled, the pink marks of rumpled bedclothes stamped on her cheek. She glared as she passed, as if they had conspired to disturb her sleep by allowing the racket to continue. She flung open the door, banging it against the inside wall of the cabin. “Very well, what?” she demanded.

  Before her stood a very wide-eyed courier. He took a step back at the sight of her, glancing anxiously at his company of five, who sat astride their mounts just behind him. At a nod from one of them, he stepped forward again and cleared his throat. “I am here in the service of His Highness, Prince James of Loxmere,” he said as Rose gasped. “I am searching for his betrothed, the Princess Rose of Niarg, who is rumored to have been seen last at an inn, the Sea and Fairy by name, in the company of her brother, Prince Lukus.”

  “Jolly good for you, knave,” said Ugleeuh with a bristling swagger, as she rose to stand beside Rose. “Now what explanation do you have for why you are troubling my family and me? We have no ties to Loxmere, nor to Niarg, for that matter.” She hurled a glance at Lukus which caused him to grab for his throat, as she gave a sweeping wave at the room behind her. “Do you actually see anyone here who looks like the betrothed of your lord, the Prince?”

  The soldier stepped through the doorway. He saw Lukus and spoke, but Lukus could only answer with a dry tongue and swallowing noises. He nervously glanced about the room and saw the sparrows. When he noticed their balls and chain, he went quite white, faltering for a moment as he regained his composure. He furtively peeked about, letting his eyes fall on Rose last of all. He quickly looked about her face, careful to avoid her eyes. He gave his head a rigid side to side tremor as he took a backward step. “Actually, no. I do not see anyone at all like their descriptions,” he said as his courtly posture gave way to submissive bobbing, “but I am ordered to search thoroughly each and every residence in these woods.”

  “Then you're through,” snapped Ugleeuh with a flinty stare.

  “I don't follow...”

  “You're done, then!”

  “I still don't...”

  “I'm not surprised boy! I'm saying that if you've examined this cottage, you've seen them all. There are no other houses in this forest. So that means you're obviously quite done. Right? So be gone! We have things to attend to here.”

  “I'll just be on my way then. Thank you for your cooperation.”

  Ugleeuh held the door for the soldier, giving no nod whatsoever, eyeing him as if he were some sort of rat snake sliding along a shelf in the kitchen. They stood inside the doorway, watching him mount as he spoke to his company. “Let's get the blazes out of these weird woods. That's the only cabin here and there's no one there except a gargantuan crow, a pudgy mute and two ugly witches. And the fat one who answered the door had such rotten breath, I thought to my stars that she would discolor my very breast plate,” he said as he took a polishing swipe at his front with a rag. “There was no sign of their highnesses, unless...”

  “Unless what, Captain?” said one of his party.

  “Unless they be amongst the three unfortunate souls held thrall in chains and turned into sparrows.”

  “That idiot said two witches!” shrieked Rose at the receding sound of hooves. “I am not a witch!” She picked up a chair and threw it across the room, smashing it against the door, breaking two of its legs and scattering the slats out of its back. “If ever again I see James, I'll have that courier! Oh, what am I talking about? I'll never see James again. I don't even want to anyway.”

  “I'm not a witch either, girlie,” said Ugleeuh, throwing her head back with a seizure of laughter. “But I've gotten that one out of people all my life.” She suddenly straightened up, the sallow furrows of her face glistening with tears, as her voice frosted over. “I never know for sure, girlie,” she said, eyeing Rose and her poor chair, “but you just might see your betrothed right soon, after all. And just what do you have against that door, anyway?”

  Rose's eyes widened as she gaped in bewilderment at Ugleeuh and Lukus.

  “Well Rose, remember my eye?” said Lukus, pointing to his face as he took a seat at the table.

  “Eye...?”

  “Yea, dearest! My eye! You popped me in this eye this morning when I tried to get you up to tell you this.”

  “Go on, what? To tell me what?”

  “Well then, not to make too fine a point of it, it seems that you truly are my sister after all.”

  “What? That can't be right, Lukus. Ugleeuh can't possibly be your mother, too. That's completely crazy. That is just too much to swallow. There's an explanation for my replacing the first Rose. What about you? I mean there's...”

  “Rose! Please hush and let me finish. Dang! I was trying to make this short and simple. It appears that our Aunt Ugleeuh, here, gave her baby daughter to the king and queen of Goll, Rose.”

  “But Lucas...”

  “Goll, Rose! Don't you understand? Ugleeuh's baby grew up in Goll, not Niarg. You are therefore not Ugleeuh's daughter. No way.”

  Rose went silent for a moment, taking a seat with a plump. “Lukus!” she said, suddenly sitting upright. “That means that Spitemorta...” she glanced at Ugleeuh, who had just leant forward at this, “Spitemorta lied to me! The horrible hateful girl lied.”

  Lukus folded his arms with a decisive nod and Rose stared off into space, utterly stunned. “Then there's no earthly reason for Lukus and me to stay here any longer,” she said, turning suddenly to Ugleeuh. “We can go home to Niarg, and you and Hubba Hubba can return to your own lives. Meanwhile, do you know of a safe route to travel through the Chokewood Forest? Better yet, is there an alternate route home? Could we avoid that place altogether? We would be truly grateful if you could tell us.”

  “You seem to have forgotten your debt to me, dear girl,” said Ugleeuh, with round cheeks of evil glee. “Were you planning to just run off without squaring up with your poor, banished auntie? Exiled I might mention, by your very own high and mighty parents. Shouldn't I be rewarded for saving their precious children from the dorchadas's kettle? Something appropriate, something easy. Perhaps a pardon for their outcast relative, don't you think?”

  “So,” said Rose, trying to sound calm, as she and Lukus exchanged looks of impotent dismay. “You fancy blackmailing the House of Niarg into giving you your freedom?”

  “Blackmail is such a harsh word, honey dew drop. Splendid tool in this case. Harsh word,” she said, stroking her chin. “No, sometimes we must give, shall we say, firm assistance to those who don't seem to grasp certain things on their own. The House of Niarg, if you must be so grand, was blithering unable to appreciate my considerable contributions to their realm. That's why they have me here. That, that word you chose refers to a fair and even exchange that I have conceived: your freedom for mine. Your parents cancel my misguided and untimely exile to these woods, and I sweep away every teensy bit of your sizable debt to me. In fact, you'll come out ahead on the deal, there being two of you. Two for one, right?” She paused, grandly grinning at first one, then the other of them. “Good. I'm so glad you agree. Now, whether you mind or not, go out and get some fresh air for a bit. Hubba Hubba and I have some things to discuss. But do stay close by. You won't like it if I have to come f
ind you.”

  They took her order at once and went outside, avoiding her face as they passed by. Outside, they walked on in silence until they were certain that they were well beyond her keen ears. “We have to find a way to escape,” they blurted out in unison. Rose continued: “I don't know whether you'd call Ugleeuh mad as well as evil, but make no mistake: she's far too dangerous to be loose in Niarg. She was put in this place for a reason, after all.”

  “Boy! Evil! No joke, Rose. So just how do we get away from someone like that? And what do you suppose the old bat will do to us if we escape and she catches us? Vengeful and mean spirited don't come close to what she is.”

  “For awhile there, though, she seemed almost bearable, but that was when she believed I was her daughter. Her daughter! Lukus, can you imagine? Spitemorta is her daughter. She has to be. Had you only seen her when she changed herself to look the way she did when she was banished here. She was a dead ringer for Spitemorta.” She shivered at the thought. “As for how we can escape from here, I think I have an idea about that, though it may take a few days to prepare for it. If she catches us, well, she is a nasty one when she's all roiled up, but she won't do us any real damage because we're her booty.”

  “So, what's this plan you're hatching?”

  “We'll have to work the kinks out of it Lukus, but I think it just might set us free. Actually, it was Ugleeuh herself who gave me the idea.”

  ***

  “Let me get this straight,” said Hubba Hubba. “You actually want me to fly all that long way to the palace in Niarg, just to take a message to the King? Yoo hoo! Time to wake up! Have you lost your senses? Why not simply have one of the slave birds do it? Isn't that their purpose, to do our bidding?”

  “It isn't just a message, dearest. It's a missive of imperative diplomatical instruction. It's a ransom note, if you must. It's important. I can't trust a ransom note to a pin headed thrall who'd most likely just fly off and not only not deliver it, but never return here either. You simply can't trust important matters to dim-wits, Hubba Hubba. Where's your brain? You are the only possible one for the job, dearest, so that's precisely what you're about to do. I can't leave here, but you can. Think of it. King Hebraun will be so overjoyed to learn that his brats are safe, he'll gladly order Razzmorten to release me from this curse and allow me to come and go as I wish. We'll be free, Hubba Hubba, free!”

  “Yea?” he said with a squinted eye, “Well, what if the stinking king doesn't take kindly to your ransom note and decides to take it out on me? Suppose he locks me up in his dungeon or worse? Torture. Is that what you want for me? What if he pulls out my toe nails one by one? Plucks out all of my beautiful feathers? What if he puts me on the rack and rips off my wings? What about all of that? I won't do it, I tell you. No! Never! I'm quite happy right where I am. Thank you all the same.” He leveled himself at her like a fighting cock, neck feathers ruffled in open defiance.

  “Shut up and listen, birdbrain!” she screeched, as she slammed the table with her fist hard enough to cause the heavy vase in the center to dance off onto the floor and smash. “The king wouldn't dare harm you with his children's lives at stake. Besides, the king and queen of Niarg have long been known for their fondness for birds. In fact, they've never been without one as an mascot for the castle. Rose told me that they have some kind of parrot these days, though of course when she told me, I thought she was talking about Brutlee and Bee at Goll.”

  “Birdbrain is it? How endearing! A lot of gratitude you show for all the years of guidance and companionship I've given. And what sex did Rose say this rich, royal parrot is?”

  Ugleeuh scarcely noticed, rummaging around for paper, pen, and ink.

  “I said what sex is the court parrot?”

  “Um...female, I think. Did you say parrot? What?”

  Hubba Hubba was already strutting back and forth on his perch, flexing his irises and clicking his beak. “Female?” he said. “Are you sure the parrot is female? And what color? Does she have a mate? Is she old enough to...?”

  “What difference does it make what the feathered royal pest of Niarg looks like? It has nothing to do with anything.”

  “All right. Don't get excited. I was just curious, that's all. I am a bird, you know.”

  “Put at ease by their bird fancy maybe, but you're not supposed to get all excited over the mere mention of a female of a different species. That's twisted. That takes more time than I've got, right now. And we have to get you ready.”

  “So? I have a thing for parrots. Don't you have a thing for sea serpents?”

  “Shut up!”

  “Hey! It really is a long flight, all the way to Niarg Castle. Just what am I supposed to eat, anyway? I can't imagine the stupid king having any candy corn fields, so I'll just stay right here, thank you.” He walked to the far end of his perch from Ugleeuh and settled himself firmly.

  “Well,” rasped Ugleeuh in a dangerously low voice, as she centered her nose at the tip of his beak, “if you're determined to refuse my simple little request after all I have done for you these livelong years, then you should know that I have a tasty sounding recipe for sweet and sour crow that I've been wondering about.”

  Hubba Hubba gave a gasp and sat speechless.

  Ugleeuh gloated, waiting for him to recover.

  “So tell me Ugleeuh,” he said at last, “just how soon do you want me to leave?”

  “First thing in the morning,” she said, as her smile spread across her face. “Now shut up and let me write this ransom note. I want it to be perfect for Hebraun and my dear, dear sister.”

  “Yea sure, I'll shut up!” he said softly as he settled back on his perch. “You rotten old hag.” he added under his breath.

  Ugleeuh's head snapped up from her writing and riveted her stare at the startled bird. “Did you say something...dearest?” she hissed.

  “Why no, dear Ugleeuh,” he croaked. “I have, uh, been having just a little tickling sensation in my throat lately and I was merely trying to clear it, is all. Perhaps, if you've time before I leave in the morning, could you concoct a tonic for it?” He began to preen his feathers furiously.

  “Yes dearest. Something sweet and sour, perhaps?” she said as she looked him over carefully. With a nod she returned to her ransom note. Once she was satisfied with it, she read it to him to see what he made of it.

  “Here she threatens my life and turns clean around and needs my opinion,” he thought. “That ought to about do it,” he said, speaking out rhetorically, when she had finished reading. “If you'd like, you could just hitch me up to the old slave birds right now and I could probably make it to the Enchanted Land before dark.”

  “My, aren't we anxious to go all of a sudden,” she said with a suspicious squint. “Why's that?”

  “Oh? Well as you said, you've done an awful lot for me through the years, and I was just sitting up there on my perch, watching you work so hard writing that note and all. I started to feel guilty, don't you know. I started feeling really ashamed of myself for being so self-centered. I really do owe you this. Come on, Ugleeuh! You've got to believe me. This is my way of saying I'm sorry here...and thank you, if you know what I mean, for everything. All right?”

  “Oh Hubba Hubba, you know I can't stay mad at you. All is forgiven. And you shall have a substantial breakfast before you leave in the morning,” she said, as the sparrows exchanged looks of dread. “Just don't disappoint me.”

  Chapter 39

  “Whoa!” croaked Hubba Hubba awaking with a jerk to catch his balance. He straightened up with a shake of his feathers. “What a revolting dream. Nuts, seeds and berries. I'll die! Ugleeuh! Ugleeuh! I've changed my mind. I can't go to Niarg for you.”

  Ugleeuh was in her kitchen where she had spent the past two hours preparing his favorite treats, when she heard his frantic caws and rushed to his side. The commotion also woke Rose and Lukus who, with a conspiratorial nod of agreement, stayed tucked away in their bunks to eavesdrop.

  “H
ubba Hubba! What's the matter? Did that rotten boy do something to you again?” she said, glancing at Lukus where he lay with his eyes closed.

  “Lukus?” he said. “No, no. Nothing like that. I had a dream. I think it was a vision. Yea. A vision warning me not to go on this journey to Niarg or else I could die. So you see why I can't, right?” He looked up for reassurance.

  Ugleeuh stared at him with an expression that he had never before seen on her face, and it struck him with sheer terror. “Wait right here,” she hissed, as she snapped her gnarly floured fingers. She stumped quickly to her kitchen and returned with an axe and a chopping block. “Now dearest,” she said, setting them down before him. “As you can plainly see, death is certain if you don't go.”

  “Kawk!” he shrieked, as he tumbled onto the floor, where he lay with his wings sprawled, his eyes nearly popping from their sockets and his heart pounding so fast that he could barely catch his breath. “Hold on Ugleeuh!” he gasped, as he backed away from her in a trembling, ruffled heap. “I'll go! I'm going! Just don't chop off my head! Please! I'm really, really sorry I said I wouldn't do it! I was just scared! I'm scared! I've never been away from home before without you, dear Ugleeuh! I was distraught! Surely you can understand that?”

  “I don't know, dearest,” she said, tapping her pursed lips in thought, “While I was slaving away in the kitchen this morning before dawn, fixing your favorite foods, I ran across that little recipe I was telling you about yesterday.”

  “The one for sweet and sour crow, you mean? he croaked in a rasping soprano whisper.

  “Yes,” she said, glee sparkling from the dark pits of her eyes. “It sounded so very tasty. I must tell you, it put me in the mood to try some.”

  “I thought you loved me!” he said, looking at her with pleading eyes, scarcely believing that she was treating him this way.

  “And I thought you loved me,” she said, as she straightened and gave him a fierce, wounded look. “But you won't even take the tiniest risk to save me from this life of exile I've been sentenced to. Unfairly sentenced to, I might add. All you want is to laze about in this fantasy forest and suck up everything which I slave away to provide, while you get fatter and more self-indulgent by the day. Why, you don't even know what life is about, Hubba Hubba. This forest that you cling to and love so much isn't even real. What I didn't create outright, I ensorcelled. I had to keep myself occupied, after all, or go insane. Tinkering with the forest and all the creatures in here is the only thing I've had to do during the years I've spent here. This place is nothing like the real world, Hubba Hubba. You might hold fast to this place because you don't remember what it was like outside, but I remember, and I want my life back. And don't forget that above all, you owe me. Now dearest, for the absolute last time, do you plan to be my messenger or my meal?”