by Ruby Dixon
Sentorr exchanges a look with Kivian, and I can tell that they're interested. Good.
Kivian slaps my back as we head up the ramp to the hatch. "We'll get you loaded with human trinkets, I swear."
As we pass Sentorr, he frowns at us. "I thought Zoey said the female belonged to the va Sithai?"
My mood immediately sours. "She doesn't belong to anyone, but she is part of their crew, yes. They're training her to be Zoey's replacement." Which means she isn't staying. Which means that me loading up on books or clothes or whatever human things the crew of the Jabberwock can give me to put a smile on Sophie's face is…useless.
Just me being foolish.
But then I think about her comments about being scared. About how the more comfortable and happy she is, the more terrified she gets. And I think about Tarekh's comments about Iris—how she wouldn't eat if she had to ask. Does Sophie want to stay but she's afraid to ask…because she's happy with me?
I don't know. Part of me feels like she would have mentioned something, but then I think of the shy looks she cast in my direction as Cat dragged her away, as if she wanted to be anywhere but with them.
As if she wanted to be alone with me again.
I need to talk to her. Desperately. "Let's just get our business going," I say. The sooner we deal, the sooner we're concluded and I can pull Sophie aside and talk to her. Tell her how I feel…ask her if there's any way she'd consider staying.
Ask her if there's any way she could fall in love with a broken male like me.
Kivian haggles for the drive. Tarekh cracks jokes, and Sentorr listens to them with the same stiff expression he always wears. I nod and pretend to listen, but instead, I'm thinking about Sophie. Sophie, who gave me shy kisses and took my cock in her mouth because she wanted to pleasure me. Sophie, who loves to be called a “good girl” and runs her fingers over my circuits when they jump, just because she knows the twitching bothers me. Sophie, who refused to let me be rude to her in the beginning but has such a hard time saying what she wants the moment she feels vulnerable.
My Sophie. She—
"Sentorr!" The frightened cry comes from the hangar bay. It's human, and female.
The too-proper male's face goes ashen and he jumps to his feet, charging away from the bridge. I follow behind him, because suddenly I'm worried something's gone wrong. Someone's hurt Sophie, MY Sophie, or her pet, or—
I make it to the ramp just in time to see Zoey fling herself into Sentorr's arms, sobbing.
"They're gone," she cries. "My brothers are gone."
62
JERROK
Sophie is paler than I've ever seen her. She hugs her arms to her chest, her expression blank and remote as she stands next to me inside the hangar. I want to put an arm around her and comfort her, but I'm not sure it'd be welcomed. So I move close, close enough for her to touch, so I can let her know that I'm here if she needs me.
Everyone's gathered in the hangar again, and it's hard to listen to Zoey weep, when everything I've been told about her is that she's a tough sort, the kind that can keep up with her rough-and-tumble brothers and never bat an eye. To see her huddled in Sentorr's arms as she cries…I don't like it. I don't like it because it makes me want to comfort Sophie, who has to be feeling something similar and yet holds herself aloof.
The others look worried, too. Fran's practically plastered herself against Kivian's side, and the flamboyant corsair is holding his daughter, the child mauling his drapey sleeve, and he doesn't even notice. "Tell us what happened, Zoey," Fran says in a soothing voice. "We want to help, but you have to talk about it."
I clear my throat. "I might have a flask or two of something strong to drink. Somewhere. Should we get that?" I gesture at my station. "A Homeworld blend—"
"It's fine," Sentorr says, smoothing a hand over Zoey's brow and brushing her hair back from her face. "Just give her a moment." I've never seen the sour navigator look so very tender as he gazes at his mate, comforting her.
A hand touches mine. At first, I think my circuits are jumping and I've mistaken it, but when I look down, Sophie's fingers brush against my own. I clasp her hand, my chest warming at the touch.
She needed me.
"I'm okay," Zoey manages between hiccups. She sits up, wiping her palms over her face like a child, and then sniffs hard. Sentorr pulls out a handkerchief and Zoey blows her nose noisily into the square of plas-fabric. "I'm okay," she repeats again. "They're not dead. They're just…missing."
"No one said they were dead," Sentorr says gently, and when his mate tucks her head against his chest again, he shoots us all a glare, silently telling us not to disagree with him.
Zoey closes her eyes and takes a deep, shuddering breath. "Okay." She takes a second, clearly trying to compose herself, and then continues. "Sophie mentioned she hadn't had a comm from my brothers either, but she knew they were in the Slatra system. And I know they're not great communicators, so I wasn't too upset over that, but…" She takes another hiccupy breath, snuggled against Sentorr's chest. "I also know a guy that runs shipping lanes in V'tarr and I thought I'd check with him."
"V'tarr?" Iris asks, frowning. Her mate stands behind her, both hands on her shoulders. "What's that?"
"Planet in the Slatra system. V'tarr is also the capitol city of the planet," Tarekh explains.
"Your carinoux is rumored to be from a forested moon there," Kivian adds. "But no one's allowed in the Slatra system without the proper documents."
"Right." Zoey sniffs again. "So I sent a comm to my friend, asking if he'd seen the Little Sister's ship signature pull up in any of his traffic logs. I figured they'd need to refuel somewhere, maybe get some supplies. If they were under a different name, I could still find them by the ship's signature. So I sent a comm to Javeri, not expecting to hear back for a while. He was there, though, and…" Her lip wobbles and her voice trails off.
My hand squeezes, and then Sophie steps forward, her voice gentle. "Her friend said that the Little Sister had been pulled in as salvage some days ago. The ship was empty. Abandoned."
Silence fills the hangar.
"What about the escape pods?" Cat asks quickly.
"All intact," Zoey chokes out.
"It just means that they met with someone else," Sophie volunteers. "Maybe the Sister had engine trouble and they teamed up with someone else. Answers are bound to come in."
Zoey nods jerkily against Sentorr's chest. "It's just…it'd kill them for the Sister to sit in a scrap yard, abandoned." She swipes at her cheeks again. "They love that ship. They wouldn't abandon her."
"I'm sure they had a reason," Sophie says. Her hand is so tight in mine. "We just don't know what it was."
Kivian clears his throat, glancing down at the daughter in his arms. He pulls a bit of sparkly sleeve out of the baby's mouth and looks over at Fran, who nods, as if she knows what he's going to say before he says it. "Looks like we're going to have to cut our visit short, then," he says. "We'll go retrieve the Sister from V'tarr and see if we can find out what happened."
It makes sense. "I understand. Let me know if I can help in any way."
Kivian grins at me. "You can start by falsifying our records so we have clearance to the Slatra system."
I nod. "I'm sure I can manage something. Give me a few hours." I'll have to check the flight records of the scrapped ships floating in orbit around my asteroid, see if any of them have access, and then it's just a matter of tweaking the flight records and attaching them to the Jabberwock…normally it'd take days, but I know they won't want to stay that long.
So I'll just make it work in less time.
"How much?" Kivian asks.
"Don't worry about it," I say gruffly. "Use those credits for fuel if you must. And you're free to bring the Sister back here to dock until you find out what's happened to the others."
It's unlike me to be charitable, even in the face of a crisis. Kivian looks surprised at my suggestion, but his gaze falls to where Sophie's tightly holding
my hand, and then he nods. He gets it. Before he met Fran, he was a reckless idiot. Now…well, he's a slightly less reckless idiot with a mate and a baby. I imagine there are jobs even Kivian turns down so he won't put his mate in danger.
The group separates, heading back into the ship. Sentorr lifts his mate in his arms and carries her up the ramp, and his expression is achingly tender for someone who I've always thought of as unyielding and humorless. Falling in love seems to change everyone, because I know how he feels. I'm as protective of Sophie as Sentorr is of Zoey.
Soon enough, it's just me and Sophie standing in the now empty hangar. Her hand is still tightly locked onto mine, and her expression is calm, but there's a rawness to her gaze that worries me. I need to get to work, because Kivian needs those flight records but…Sophie comes first. I squeeze her hand. "Where's your pet, love?"
The casual word slips out of my mouth before I realize what I've said. Love.
Sophie doesn't notice, though. She gives me a weary smile and gestures. "I gave him an old compressor to chew on and left him in the terrarium. I hope that's okay."
"It's fine." She could tell me she let him shit in the shower, and I'd be fine with it. I just want that hollow look in her eyes to go away. I tug on her hand, leading her away from the Jabberwock. "And you? Are you fine?"
She starts to nod, and then after a moment, she swallows hard. "No. No, I don't think I am."
63
SOPHIE
It's been an awful afternoon. Here I thought it'd be a social one, where Zoey and the others would crowd into our space for a while, and then they'd eventually leave and I'd get to be alone with Jerrok again. Not my favorite, but do-able. But then Zoey had asked to check the comms for her brothers, and I'd thought…what would it hurt? So we did…
And now Zoey is collapsed against her mate's chest, weeping, because her brothers are missing, their ship abandoned.
I know this end of space isn't safe. God, no one knows that more than a human on her own. I know that piracy is an accepted sort of thing, and it's entirely possible that the va Sithai were boarded and captured and are being held for ransom. It's also entirely possible that the authorities finally nailed them and they're in prison somewhere.
It's also possible that they're dead, but I don't want to think about that.
I feel helpless and cold and so afraid. Zoey's pain eats at me and makes me feel selfish, because she's grieving her brothers and I understand it…but at the same time, I can't help but wonder what happens to me now?
And then I feel like a jerk for even thinking about myself. It's just…what am I supposed to do? I would love to stay with Jerrok, but now I worry if I bring it up, he's going to feel cornered. Like he HAS to give me a place to stay because I've got no one else. I want him to ask me to stay because he wants me to stay, not because he feels obligated.
But it's something to stress about later. For now, the crew of the Jabberwock needs flight records, and something tells me that Jerrok is going to need me. When he gets stressed, some of his circuits start to jump and twitch, distracting him. I can help with that, at least.
Jerrok parks himself in front of his workstation, pulling up something that looks a bit like a data pad. "I copy all files from the scrapped ships into a database here, so we’re looking for a needle in a haystack. Once we find if anyone's gone to the system, it's just a matter of manually coding the records to reflect the Jabberwock instead of the old ship. It's not hard work, just time-consuming because every system uses a different set of relays to record their information…" He absently rubs his bicep.
Sure enough, one of his circuits is twitching, sending a tremor down his prosthetic arm.
I move to his side, stroking his sleeve and looking for the twitching circuit with small touches. I've learned that if I keep one finger pressed on the loose circuit point while my hand massages the twisting wiring back into place, I can get things back to normal for him faster. I find the bad spot, press on it, and work the rest of it as he types away. "What do you need from me?" I ask. "Are you hungry? Thirsty?"
He groans when I rub his bicep. "Just keep doing what you're doing, love. That's perfect."
That's the second time he's called me “love” now, and each time it fills me with such warmth that I want to…well, cry. It terrifies me even as it fills me with joy, because what if he does love me, just not enough for me to stay? What if he sends me away with the Jabberwock?
Or what if it's just an expression and he doesn't really love me at all?
I swallow the knot in my throat and keep rubbing his arm, moving up to his neck and trying to ease some of the tension there. It's no hardship to keep touching him, to press my hands to his warm skin. Just helping him with my presence, trying to ease some of the knots of worry that build up. He's utterly focused on his task, and I bring him drinks and make a bowl of noodles for him to eat while he works. After a few hours pass, Jerrok's circuits start to twitch again, and I work on his arm and then both of his legs while he types feverishly.
"I found a record," he tells me. "An old freighter named Thief of Clouds. Stupid name, but it'll get us what we need." His gaze is locked on the data pad. "Now I just need to convert the flight logs and add some code so they override any other systems that attempt to access their records."
"You can do that?"
He laughs, not looking up. "I'm going to keffing try."
I run my fingers through his hair and then lean in and kiss his cheek. "You can do it. I'll go check on Sleipnir."
Jerrok grabs my hand before I can leave. Our eyes meet. "Sophie," he says. "Wait. We need to talk."
Oh no. His tone is utterly serious and terrifies me. I try to pull out of his grip, smiling. "It doesn't have to be right now. Really."
He ignores my words, his gaze locked on mine. "I just want you to know you don't have to worry. You'll always have a spot here."
Somehow hearing it said aloud makes everything worse. He doesn't tell me that he loves me or wants me to stay. It's that he doesn't want me to worry. I swallow hard and fight the knot in my throat. "You don't have to say that just because I don't have anywhere else to go. I'll manage. You don't need someone intruding on you permanently."
Jerrok shakes his head and his thumb skates over the inside of my wrist. "You…you're misunderstanding me."
I am? A sliver of hope pierces my heart. "What do you mean?"
"It's not intruding…not with you."
64
JERROK
I'm such a keffing idiot.
It's not intruding, not with you. Could I have said anything stupider? I wanted to tell her that I love her and need her. That I want her on the station forever, at my side.
Instead, I choke out some foolishness about how she's not intruding, and now she's looking at me with confusion.
"Jerrok," Sophie says in a gentle voice. "Now is probably not the time to talk about this. Everyone's making gut-check decisions that they'll regret in the morning. Let's talk about things when you've had time to really sit and think about things—"
I still have her wrist n my hand, so I pull her toward me. She comes around the desk and moves to my side, resting her hip against my leg. I want to pull her into my lap, to kiss away the worry I see written on her face. Why is it so keffing hard to admit how I feel? "I'm not making a quick decision," I manage to tell her. "It's something I've thought about for a while now. You belong here. With me."
She blinks at me, her eyes wide. Then, she gestures at the Jabberwock at the far end of the hangar. "You're saying that because—"
"No. I'm saying it because of you." I slide my hand to her waist and pull her close. "Because you make me happy. I like having you here. The thought of you leaving keffing tears me up inside, and maybe I'm greedy and selfish, but I want you to stay with me. Not just until the va Sithai show up again, but always. Forever."
She stares at me in shock.
Hot discomfort pricks at my neck, but I ignore it. "Even if you don't feel the s
ame way, I just want you to know that no matter what happens between us, you'll always be welcome here." Her silence makes me lose it. I ramble, just to say something. Anything. "It doesn't have to be in my bed. We can just be friends if that's what you'd prefer. And I'll show you how to fly the shuttle like I mentioned, because then you can come and go as you please and—"
Sophie moves forward, puts her hands on my face, and kisses me, silencing the stream of nervous nonsense I'm spewing. Her lips are soft, and the kiss brief. When she pulls away, she gazes at me with a shy smile on her face. "You've felt that way for a while?"
I nod.
"I love you," she tells me. "I want to stay here forever with you. I love being here. I love being at your side. I love waking up with you. But I didn't want you to feel pressured into taking on someone just because we slept together. I know how much you value your freedom—"
I lean forward and press my brow against hers. "It's not freedom if I'm missing you. I wouldn't ever ask you to stay if you wanted to go, but…if you stayed, it'd make me the happiest male in the universe."
She giggles. "That title might already be taken by Kivian's tailor."
I chuckle at that. "Second happiest, then." I kiss her again, unable to believe my good luck. She's not running away. She's not making excuses as to why she needs to go. She's smiling at me, in my arms. It feels like a dream. "I love you. Just being with you makes me happy, and I never thought I'd deserve happiness."
Sophie shakes her head. "You deserve everything, Jerrok. I know we started off rocky, but you've been so kind to me. No one's ever been so good to me." She leans in and presses another kiss to my lips, her eyes full of emotion. "You're sure I won't be a problem?"
"Never."
She bites her lip, clearly thinking.
"I'm positive," I reassure her. "I want you to stay."