by Lilly Black
"I'm sorry," she said. "I just never dreamed a man like you would worry about that."
"Normally, I wouldn't, but things are different with Olivia."
Dani looked at him curiously for a moment before it dawned on her what had happened.
"Oh, Alek," she said apologetically. "You read her diary."
"How did you know?"
"Because I'm the reason she wrote it," Dani said, going on to explain the research she was doing before the apocalypse and how her friends agreed to take part, then she looked up at him with a serious stare. "Don't let her journal freak you out, okay? Reid had fifteen years to learn how to do that to her."
"How's that supposed to make me feel better?"
"Because you're going to be something she's never experienced before," Dani said, then she proceeded to tell him a little bit about Olivia's past, things she knew wouldn't come up in conversation between Alek and Olivia because Olivia was hesitant to tell him anything about her husband.
Olivia and Reid had met their junior year in college, introduced at a Christmas party on campus, after which they ended up back at his place, both really drunk. The next day, Olivia went home for winter break, and when she saw Dani, she admitted that Reid was the first guy to ever get her off.
"She said she'd always lied to Liana and me because she was embarrassed that she couldn't figure it out, but that excuse never made a whole lot of sense to me, so I started to think that something bad might have happened to her at some point. That's pretty common with women, you know. Everybody acts like the female orgasm is so elusive, but the truth is, a lot of the women it eludes are either with men too lazy to learn to do it right or they've been fucked in the head by some asshole who molested their bodies or their minds before they even saw themselves as sexual beings.
"June's a prime example. She's never gotten off because some patriarchal psychopath who rewrote the Bible shamed her into thinking that her clit was the devil's doorbell. But with Olivia, I always figured if there was something psychological going on, and being drunk that first night with Reid, who apparently really knew his way around a clit, kept her higher brain functions from interfering with her body's natural process."
"So, are you suggesting we get drunk?" Alek asked, struggling not to let his mind go down the rabbit hole that led to the possibilities of why Olivia might have been inhibited in the first place.
"No," Dani said, grinning. "I'm saying she's learned a lot since then. She knows what she likes now, and according to her diary, she's become very good at getting off. And you, my friend, are going to be the first new man she's been with since she figured all that out. I don't think you have a thing to worry about."
"Except living in the shadow of a dead husband who can make her come like a fucking orgasmatron," he argued, and Dani laughed.
"Relax, Alek," she said. "She wants you so bad, you could just lie there, and she'll still think it was the best sex anybody ever had. Trust me. I'm pretty good at this human psychology shit."
He looked at her with a raised eyebrow.
"Fine. I'm no good at it when we're not talking about my own life," she admitted. "So, can we please get back to Jax?"
Alek groaned playfully as he slumped down in his seat, shaking his head.
It was late when Alek's shift finally ended, and he was glad to be home. Dani's obsession with Jax had become a minor nuisance, but tonight, after an interesting conversation that yielded more about Olivia's husband than he would have liked, the insane jealousy in Dani's and Jax's relationship had reached a whole new level. As she pressed Alek for information inside the guard house, he looked out into the darkness with night vision goggles and saw someone watching them from the woods - someone who looked just like Jax in infrared. Curious, he dialed Jax's extension on the comm system and watched as the figure in the forest reached for his cell. Alek hung up before he answered, and when Jax returned the call, he claimed it was an accident.
He didn't tell Dani about it, and she didn't notice it on her own because she wasn't really paying attention. After the shift, he had planned to mention Jax hiding in the woods to Olivia, but when he got back to the room and saw her lying in bed with her blonde hair shining like gold in the dim lamp light, he forgot about everything but her like he always did.
Though he wasn't aware, she had been avoiding him all day, not sure how she was going to tell him that she had volunteered him to service June. She knew she had to find a way because she had become convinced that it was the only thing that would make it possible for them to go on, and when he slipped into bed, freshly showered and smelling like heaven, it was a struggle not to let him chase the thoughts from her head as well.
Then he kissed her, sliding his hand beneath her head as his tongue parted her lips, and she melted into him, desperate to just let her weakness overtake her, to put June and Reid and the whole fucked up world out of her mind and surrender to him. But if she was nothing else, she was consistent.
"We need to talk," she said as the kiss ended, and Alek's posture fell.
"About what?" he asked with a groan.
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to..."
"Just spit it out, Olivia," he muttered as he sat up against the headboard. He was losing his patience...the very reason this was so important to Olivia.
"I have a favor to ask of you," she said to minimize the impact, and he immediately felt guilty for getting frustrated with her.
"You know I'd do anything for you," he offered.
"Don't say that until I tell you what it is," she warned him.
"Why? What is it?"
"I want you to..." she paused, gritting her teeth then forcing the words out of her mouth so quickly, he wasn't even sure he heard her right. "I want you to have sex with June."
"Did you just say you want me to..."
"...have sex with June," she repeated.
"Funny."
"It's not a joke, Alek. I really do want you to..."
"No fucking way!" he hissed, incredulous as he stood up, glaring down at her. "Jesus, Olivia! What the fuck?"
"You said you'd do anything for me."
"How is fucking June doing something for you?" he demanded, and she reached for his hand, urging him to sit back down. He didn't want to, but her power over him was hard to resist. He found himself lured back to her bedside.
"I know it sounds crazy, but I think it could be a really good thing. June's never had an orgasm," she said, then her voice became a purr as she rolled her eyes down his body to his cock and back up again. "And I know you could make that happen for her."
"Do not stroke my ego, Olivia. This is fucked up," he growled at her, his jaw set.
"I'm being honest, Alek. You know you can do it, and you need to get laid."
"So do you," he said.
"Yes, but I'm the one fucking that up for myself. I don't have the right to fuck it up for you, too, and June promised she didn't want any strings..."
"I don't care. I don't want to fuck June. I want to fuck you," he shouted, exasperated.
"I want to fuck you, too," she yelled back, but then her voice softened, her lips falling into a frown. "I do, Alek. You don't know how much I want you, but I just can't. Not yet."
"Why not?"
"Because..." she began then stopped herself. She was about to lie to him to avoid a fight, but she owed it to him to be honest. "Alek, I'm married. I can't just move on as if Reid never existed. I don't even know if he's dead or alive."
"Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me!" he roared, on his feet again. "Was I the only one who heard that goddamned phone call? I'm not trying to hurt you, Olivia, but you need to face reality. If Reid loved you, he wouldn't want you torturing yourself like this. I damn sure wouldn't if I were in his shoes! But you know what? Fine. If that's how you want it, let's do this your way.
"I'll fuck June. I'll fuck her anywhere you want, any time you want. I'll even fuck her right fucking here while you fucking watch if that'll make you fucking happy. Anythi
ng for you, Oblivia!" He spat the name out of his mouth like a foul taste, and she buried her head in her hands as tears pricked the corners of her eyes. He'd never called her that before, but she knew why he picked now. She was oblivious to his needs - his actual needs, not the ones she was assuming came with the territory of owning a dick.
"Alek, stop, please!" she begged, and even as furious as he was, he hated himself for making her cry. He calmed down, taking a more gentle approach as he realized that although he had yelled it in anger, he meant every word he said. He was going to do it, and maybe after he fucked June, Olivia would feel like she had suffered enough to deserve a little happiness. He sat back down on the bed.
"I mean it, baby," he said. "I may have said it like an asshole, but I mean it. If it's important to you, I'll do it."
"Really?" she asked, suddenly unsure how she felt about it now that he had agreed, and he nodded.
"Just tell me when and where."
"I don't know. I guess you guys can work that part out," she said.
"Uh-uh. If you're going to whore me out, you're going to do all the pimp work. I'll just show up and perform."
"Alek," she sighed.
"What do you want from me? I'm not going to be happy that you're only willing to fuck me by proxy, but I'm going to do it...for you. Okay?"
"Okay," she said.
"Okay," he echoed, then he laid down on the bed, his movements almost robotic. "Come here." When she laid down, he pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her like any other night, but this time, he was stiff, his anger emanating from his every, rigid muscle. They didn't say another word, and Olivia lay there for more than an hour before she finally felt his grip relax as he fell asleep.
It's the right thing, she thought, trying to convince herself.
Day 48
Late Night
Liana waited for Aiden to fall asleep, then she crept into the bathroom carrying the jar of ointment the woman in the woods had given her. It had taken her days to talk herself into trying the spell because she was so afraid of it not working, and if that happened, there was no more hope. Aiden had promised to discuss the possibility of submitting to her, but it was clear that he didn't want to, so she was left with only one viable option.
She pierced the wax that sealed the glass container, and the air was suddenly filled with a pungent stench that made the bile rise in the back of her throat. She put her hand over her mouth and nose as she began to have second thoughts, but the promised result was too tempting, even if it meant smearing something on her inner thighs that smelled like rotting skunk flesh. Taking a deep breath from behind her hand, she turned on the exhaust fan, lifted the hem of her nightgown, and began to cover the entire scarred and blemished area with the vomitous concoction, using every last bit as the witch had instructed. Then she washed her hands, placed the thin, glass pot under the heel of her right flip flop, and read the incantation.
"Souls of the Earth, and Spirits of the Sky
Destroy that which offends mine eye
Mold my flesh as I bend my knee
To serve the powers that blessed be."
As she spoke the words, crushing the glass beneath her shoe, she had expected something to happen, anything that would have given her the indication that she had done it right, but she just felt silly standing there, stinking of rancid meat and reciting poetry that was as ludicrous as it was creepy. At the very least, the lights could have flickered. Something.
Disappointed, she pulled on a pair of stretch pants and sprayed herself with perfume to try to conceal the odor, and she slipped outside to throw the glass in the garbage can.
When she came back into the bedroom, Aiden stirred in his sleep, crinkling his nose oddly before rolling over, and she slipped under the covers, whispering a silent prayer that he not be able to smell the foul reek on her thighs. Then, even though it seemed like blasphemy, she added another request.
Please, God, let this spell work for me.
Liana's Journal
Day 49
It didn't work. I woke up this morning with my crotch still reeking, but when I pulled down my pants to look at my inner thighs, there was no difference. I'm still covered in scar tissue, and just like always during this point in my cycle, I'm getting those hard, painful cysts. I feel five of them coming on this time, even more than usual, probably because this fucking witch's brew of lizard balls and pig shit has made things worse. I'll bet that bitch is laughing her ass off right now at the poor, dumb city girl who fell for her line of bullshit, and I'd march up the mountain and rip her fucking head off this very minute if she couldn't smell me coming from a mile away. At least I'm too goddamn mad to cry about it.
Actually, that's not true.
Liana couldn't finish her journal entry. She wanted desperately to be angry, but she was really just depressed because now she had lost the last bit of hope she had left. When the world was full of dermatologists, she had spent a small fortune trying to solve her problem to no avail, and the only thing left to try was the expensive surgery to remove the affected skin, which would have left her with ridges of scars instead of the random, roundish ones she already had.
With Aiden away for a shift at the gate, she broke down on her bed sobbing. All she had wanted was to be just like any other woman, to be able to take off her clothes with the man she loved and not have him think she was disgusting because of a skin condition that she couldn't control. She didn't even know what Aiden would think if he knew. He was so attentive and understanding, it was entirely possible that he wouldn't be bothered by it at all, but it didn't matter. She was bothered. She was embarrassed. She thought the scars and acne were disgusting, and she thought they made her disgusting. It had been the background noise of her life since puberty, and now it looked like it would be until the day she died.
She cried for nearly an hour before she forced herself to start her day. She was supposed to be at a meeting with Olivia in the lodge, but she called to postpone it because she just couldn't face her perfect friend with the perfect life knowing her own would never measure up. Everyone believed that Olivia and Alek had finally sealed the deal last night, and the thought of seeing that happy smile on Olivia's face was just too much to bear.
She pulled some clothes out of her dresser and plodded into the bathroom, passing the mirror without a glance, then she stripped and stepped into the shower stall. She soaped up her wash cloth and began to scrub her inner thighs to remove the vile, useless paste, the new tears in her eyes washing away in the stream of warm water as fast as they formed, but her sadness quickly turned to curiosity when she didn't feel the texture of her scars beneath the cloth. Instead, it ran smoothly over her flesh.
She finally looked down and was amazed by what she saw. The blemishes were washing away with the soap as if they had been drawn on. Two decades of ugly scars along with the new cysts that she had felt forming earlier just vanished beneath the washcloth, leaving her skin flawless. Tears filled her eyes once more.
"Oh, my God!" she cried joyfully as she watched the colors that had plagued her - shades of pink, red, and purple - circling the drain and disappearing from her life.
When she got out of the shower, she stood in front of the mirror just staring at her inner thighs, and she had never felt so beautiful. She couldn't wait to be with Aiden tonight. She'd never have to press him to let her blindfold and handcuff him again, and she was about to get the one thing she hadn't had in years, the craving that Bob could never quite satiate. Suddenly, it was all she could think about, but Aiden wouldn't be home for hours.
Olivia's Journal
Day 49
Tonight is the night Alek is going to be sleeping with June. I wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible so I couldn't change my mind, but now the thought of them together is absolutely killing me. If I was free to be with him, I don't think it would bother me that much, and I do want June to experience what she's been denied her whole adult life. If Reid were here, given our circumsta
nces, I might even offer him up for the job. I know that sounds like bullshit, but it isn't. I'm not a jealous person. I've set up a couple of three-ways with Vegas call girls for Reid to fulfill as much of his fantasies as I could within the rubbery confines of being with a professional. I learned that I don't mind sharing his body, and now that we don't live in the same world where everyone gets to be selfish and jealous anymore, I could easily make that sacrifice for June for one night. But Alek isn't Reid. I know I could never lose Reid to another woman. I haven't had a chance to cast the same spell on Alek since the incantation goes something like "Oh, God, Olivia, yes!"
When Alek left our room this morning, he took some clothes, his body wash, and a few other things so he wouldn't have to come back here after he finished work. He doesn't want to see me today. He said if he did, he wouldn't be able to go through with it, but I think he's just pissed at me. I don't even know why he's doing it to be honest. I don't think he wants to, and he certainly isn't doing it to please me despite his best efforts to make it look that way. He's probably doing it to punish me, and that's fine too. I deserve it.
I just don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I can't move on, why can't I let go. When I think about Reid, I see him fighting for his life to get back to Savannah and me, and my first instinct is to hope he's not sleeping alone and scared out there on the road somewhere. I would forgive anything if he came home to me.
So why can't I imagine him forgiving me?
Maybe it's Alek. Maybe if he were a different man, this would be easier. If he were less attractive or if he hadn't been famous before the apocalypse... My husband is an incredibly sexy man, a rugged, masculine man who makes all the ladies at the local feed store blush and giggle, and Alek is so tall, fair, and beautiful, like he was sculpted by angels. Neither would have any reason to be intimidated by the other, but I know Reid's jealousy would come on hot and heavy if he knew.