The Deadfall

by Lilly Black

  If I could just explain it to him, I'd tell him it's a good thing. Maybe it took someone as perfect as Alek to make me even consider moving on. Or maybe I'm just trying to rationalize it because I want him so much. I fucking hate myself, but every time I think of Alek, my whole body just melts. When I lie against his bare chest at night, I can feel every, tight muscle beneath my cheek and fingers, and when he grows hard against my leg, it's like a switch is thrown inside me because all I can think about is climbing atop his glorious body and straddling his steely cock, feeling it slowly ease inside me to the hilt. I almost can feel his hands on my hips, lifting me as we begin to f...

  Olivia jumped, startled by a loud knocking on her bedroom door. Flushed, she shoved her diary in her nightstand and answered it, surprised to find Savannah standing there.

  "Thinking about Alek?" she asked, glancing at her mother's chest with a smirk, and Olivia looked down to see that her nipples were showing even through her bra.

  "Savannah!" she hissed. "Inappropriate!"

  "Everyone knows he sleeps here, Mom," she said, rolling her eyes as she walked past her into the room, and Olivia suddenly felt her heart in her throat. Savannah was the last person she wanted to know about her sleeping arrangements.

  "Can we please not talk about this right now. I'm already having a really bad day."

  "Yeah, me too," Savannah said.

  "What's the matter?"

  "It's Austin."

  "Savannah, I've already told you. I'm not going to kill a fifteen-year-old..."

  "That's not what I want anymore," she said. "In fact, I think you should let him out."

  "What?"

  "I don't mean permanently. Just let him get a shower, change his clothes, feel a little normal again, then maybe I can get him to talk..."

  "Savvy, I don't want you anywhere near him," she said, then she put her arm around her daughter and led her to sit beside her on the end of the bed. "Listen, baby, I know you knew him before all this happened, but you don't know him anymore. When there are no laws, our true selves come out, and maybe he showed his when he came into this community with those other two kidnappers. What do you think they would have done to Kylie, Penny, and Dani if they had gotten away? You think they would have fallen in love and lived happily ever after?"

  "No, but..." she began then paused, realizing it would be awkward and likely futile to tell her mother her real motivations. She knew what he told Alek about being impotent, and though what she really wanted was to prove that it was utter bullshit, she decided to appeal to Olivia's maternal instincts instead.

  "I heard that he was really affected by his time in that group," she said finally. "I think they did some terrible things to him that messed him up, and if that's the case, maybe he deserves a second chance. He's just a kid...like me."

  "Then he needs to talk to us."

  "That's what I'm trying to accomplish," she said. "He's not going to talk to Dani, but maybe he'll talk to other teenagers. Maybe he'll talk to me."

  "Savvy, I can't risk putting you in that position," Olivia said, frustrated, but as she looked into her daughter's pleading eyes, she realized she needed to do something. "I'll talk to Liana and see if she's okay with Rey talking to Austin, but that's the best I can do. Okay?"

  "Okay," Savannah said as she realized they were going to have to switch to their Plan B because even if Liana would be willing to let Rey speak with Austin, Rey wasn't capable of carrying out the ruse that would prove that Austin was a liar.

  Thanking her mother, Savannah hugged her, but when they pulled away from each other, she was still sitting on the bed looking at her.

  "Is there something else?" Olivia asked.

  "Can we talk about Alek now?"

  "Savvy," Olivia sighed, expecting her daughter to heap more guilt upon her, but what Savannah said next completely floored her.

  "It's time to stop leading him on. He's a good guy, Mom, and I know Daddy would want you to be happy."

  "What are you saying?"

  "When was the last time you heard from Daddy?" Savannah asked, and though Olivia's mind immediately flashed to the phone call from two days before, she didn't mention it.

  "It's been over a month."

  "I don't think he's coming home," she confessed as her face fell. "I miss him, Mom. I miss him so much, and I know you miss him too." She took her mother's hand in hers, holding on tightly as tears began to roll down both of their faces, but Savannah quickly wiped hers away because she didn't come here to upset her mother. She came here to free her.

  "You have to stop torturing Alek, Mom," she said suddenly. "I've overheard things, and I'm not stupid. I know what's going on with you two."

  "Savvy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

  "It's okay. I understand, and Dad would too," she said. "This isn't normal life. We aren't going to live to be a hundred anymore, so we have to live faster. You and me."

  "What does that mean, Savannah?" Olivia asked.

  "It means I kissed Rey, and I'm going to do it again," she said with a shy smile. "It also means that it's okay for you to kiss Alek...or whatever it is that you grownups do together." She gave Olivia a wink that made her stifle a laugh even as tears threatened her.

  "You're too smart for your own good," she sighed as she realized that her daughter had grown up so suddenly, she felt like she barely knew her. Even the teenage drama that had made Olivia ground her from her best friends the weekend the apocalypse began seemed to be a thing of the past.

  "I just want to see you happy again," Savannah said wistfully. "I miss seeing you happy."

  "Thank you, baby," she said, wrapping her arms around her daughter, and as Olivia cried, Savannah began to cry too. "I love you so much."

  "I love you, too, Mom, and I love Daddy...wherever he is."

  "I'll always love your daddy," she whispered, kissing her daughter on the side of the head as they held onto to each other, neither wanting to be the first to let go.

  Olivia's Journal

  Day 49, Second Entry

  Savannah did the most miraculous thing. I forget sometimes that she's practically a woman, and though she didn't say anything about Alek that I hadn't already thought myself or been told by my friends, hearing it from a fourteen-year-old really put it in perspective. And the only thing that could make me more certain than my daughter's blessing would be to hear Reid say that it's okay for me to be happy without him. It doesn't mean I don't miss and grieve him in the very depths of my soul because I do, and I always will. I love Reid.

  But I've fallen in love with Alek now too. Unfortunately, it took me doing something really stupid to see that. I shouldn't have sent him with June. He should be here with me, and now that I know Savvy won't hate me for loving someone other than her father, I see everything so clearly. I should run out there right now, find him, and stop him, but I won't. I made this bed. If Alek lies in it with June, it's what I deserve, and I'll never hold it against him.

  Olivia's Journal

  Day 49, Third Entry

  It's been about two hours since Alek's shift ended. I don't know where he is now, but my guess is that he's at June's cabin. I arranged for some of the men to take her boys night fishing to give them privacy, and I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if Alek plans to sleep there tonight or come back here, but I won't say a word either way.

  I've spent my evening preparing for the worst while I tortured myself with thoughts of what Alek might be doing with June. I took a long bath, using both of our water rations for the day, then when I opened my lingerie drawer to get a pair of panties, I noticed a new, pink babydoll nightie I'd never had the chance to wear before the apocalypse came. At first, it made me sad to see it, then I got a devious idea. I know I had sworn that I would be strong and mature about this, but I couldn't stop myself from doing what I did next.

  I put the nightgown on. I looked in the mirror, and while part of me wanted to cry, most of me wanted to make Alek suffer by showing him what he was miss
ing when he came back from June's.

  That's when it hit me.

  I didn't realize it until now, but I've been playing a game - a silly, juvenile, fucking game! Alek was supposed to say no. He was supposed to swear he could never be with anyone else and come running back to me, but he didn't. Now, I'm sitting here reaping what I've sewn.

  I accept that this is entirely my fault, and I swear I won't hold it against him, but why is he still there with her now? I didn't ask him to spend the night with her. When he finished, he was supposed to come back here.

  Of course, if he doesn't, I could always go down into the bunker...

  Olivia's Journal

  When Alek Came Home to Me...

  Last night, I was writing in this journal when I heard Alek's knock on the door from the office. I tossed it in the drawer as I grabbed my robe to cover the lingerie because I wasn't going to play that game with him anymore, then I called out for him to come in.

  "Hey," he said sheepishly as he slipped inside, and I echoed him, awaiting and dreading confirmation of what he'd done. But he didn't offer anything. He just came in, took off his shoes, and hung his jacket on the hook on the back of the door as he would any other night. Then he took off his shirt like he always does before bed, and as he stood there with his perfectly defined pecks and abs staring at me, I started negotiating with myself inside my head. Him fucking June was supposed to stop me from doing the same, but suddenly I had trouble caring if he had because I wanted him so much, my whole body ached.

  Slowly, he walked toward me, and my eyes climbed from his tight jeans to his halo of blonde hair, drinking in the beauty of everything in between. When he reached me, he knelt down before me, wrapping his arms around me and laying his head in my lap. I heard him take a deep breath through his nose.

  "God, you smell good," he whispered, nuzzling his face against the silk of my robe.

  "So do you," I said as I detected the scent of his body wash, wondering if he showered afterward. Then he began apologizing, and my heart sank. I believed I had my answer until the only perfect words that could be spoken in that moment came from Alek's lips.

  "I couldn't go through with it," he confessed, looking up at me with tortured eyes as the truth poured out of him. "I didn't want to hurt her, but I couldn't do it, Liv. I just couldn't..."

  I took his face in my hands, silencing him with an enthusiastic kiss, and it was pure electricity to feel our lips meet and know that he was so thoroughly mine. With his arms around me, he pulled me against him so hard, I slid off the bench into his lap as he trailed hungry kisses toward my ear.

  "It wasn't fair to her, but all I could think about was you," he whispered as he moved to my neck, and gooseflesh instantly rolled down my body. My nipples tightened, and the tiny strip of lace between my legs became thoroughly soaked as I felt his cock, growing stone-like beneath me.

  "You're all I ever think about," he breathed, "and I'll wait for you, baby. I'll wait for you forever."

  He caught my eyes, brushing my hair behind my ear, and a mischievous smile spread across my face as I reached down and untied my robe, letting it fall off my shoulders to reveal the sheer, pink babydoll beneath.

  "Oh, fuck," he murmured as he looked me over, reaching out to touch me cautiously as if he feared it might be a mirage. He ran his fingertips down the side of my breast, his thumb tracing over my nipple as it peeked out of the half cup of the bra, but even as he trembled in anticipation, he stood firm on his earlier promise to me.

  "You have to tell me what you want, Liv," he insisted. "You have to say the words."

  "I'm yours, Alek," I whispered, "and I want everything you have to give."

  "You have no idea what you're asking for, woman," he threatened as he abruptly rose to his feet, scooped me up, and carried me to the bed in such a swift motion, it made me giggle until the seriousness of his stare chased away my laughter. He laid me down, his body atop mine, and he kissed me again, his every action torturously soft and slow as I yearned for more. Sensing my desire, he slid one hand behind my head before his lips met mine again as he clutched my neck, pulling me into an insatiable kiss that was exactly what I'd been longing for. He forcefully attacked my mouth as if he couldn't get close enough to me no matter how hard he tried, even when he moved to my throat, and I heard my breath catch loudly as his teeth sank into me just shy of breaking the skin.

  Oh, God, I wanted him now.

  "Fuck me, Alek," I urged him, growing impatient as I felt his cock struggling against the zipper of his jeans, and my greedy fingers rushed to free it. I wanted to see it, to touch it and taste it, but he stopped me.

  "Uh-uh," he said, lifting my hands over my head and holding them there. "You made me wait so long for this, Olivia. Now it's your turn to wait while I savor every, last moment."

  "Oh, God," I moaned as he returned to his path, still holding my wrists in one hand as he ran his tongue from my neck to my nipple.

  "Don't move your arms," he commanded, then he released my wrists. Balanced on his knees, he dragged his hands downward, making me giggle as they swept over my underarms toward my breasts. He pulled down the bodice and cupped them, pushing them together as he leaned in, taking my nipple between his teeth, nibbling and swirling his tongue over it. It excited me to feel him touch me anywhere with his hands or mouth, but my nipples are not terribly sensitive. And I didn't need the foreplay. I needed to come.

  "Alek, please," I begged, my fingers clutching the pillow above my head as I fought the desire to defy his order that I not move my arms.

  "Please what, Olivia?" he asked with a devilish grin. "Tell me what you want."

  "I want you inside me."

  "But I'm not finished with you yet," he protested, and I realized he thought it was going to be over if he fucked me.

  "Do you have a problem putting your mouth where your dick has been?" I asked him with a smirk.

  "No," he said.

  "Me neither," I whispered, breaking his command and reaching for his zipper again.

  "God, you're perfect," he growled as he gave in.

  Working together, we hurriedly got him out of his jeans, and when he reached down to guide himself inside me, I saw his eyes flash as he found me dripping wet for him. How could I not be? I was about to fuck Alek Hellström.

  Oh, my God! I thought as it hit me. In the past two months as we worked so hard for our survival, the idea of how much I had wanted him just because of who he was had fallen off my radar, but it suddenly came rushing back along with images of that first night we met in Pittsburgh, the starstruck memory colliding with the love I felt for the man I had come to know. I was on edge already, every nerve ending begging for contact, and when he finally slid his thick, majestic cock inside me, I exploded from one, single, deliciously deep stroke. Instantly, my heels dug into his calves, my back arched, and my lips trembled as his name softly fell from them. I grabbed his head, thrusting my tongue into his mouth as I writhed against him, sucking out every last bit of pleasure the orgasm had to give until I finally relaxed my grip.

  "Now, you can do all those other things you had in mind," I whispered in his ear.

  "Oh, my God, did you...?" he asked, his eyes full of wonder, and as I smiled shyly, his lips found mine again, breathing my name into my mouth. Slowly, he began to fuck me, and as his rock-hard cock glided against the hypersensitive nerve endings inside me, I could already feel it building again fast. He reached down, lifting one of my legs over his arm, and just the slight shift in the angle sent me spirally into madness.

  "Oh, God, Alek," I cried, bucking against him and using my legs wrapped around his ass to force him in deeper as I felt myself soak his cock with warm, wet praise of its magnificence. He reared back, and I pulled him into me again as the exquisite pleasure radiated outward, sparking electricity at every point of contact between our flesh, even as the orgasm subsided.

  "Goddamn, woman," he whispered, looking into my eyes as I bashfully bit my lip.

  Did he th
ink I was exaggerating when he read my diary? I wondered as he pulled my nightie over my head and started kissing downward from my navel.

  Then his hands gripped my inner thighs, pushing them apart as he lowered his head until his tongue slowly made that first, faint brush over my clit, and holy fuck! I don't know if it was the fact that it had been almost two months since it had been touched or that I glanced down and saw Alek Hellström's eyes looking back from between my legs, but that soft touch sent a million volts of raw power coursing through me!

  I gasped, the sheets suddenly fisted in my palms as his tongue swirled over me, and he played my body like a master, catching every subtle cue to know exactly when to go faster, adjust the pressure, switch up the motion until at the perfect moment, he began flickering over the tiny bundle of nerves with lightning speed.

  "Oh, fuck...don't stop," I moaned, my pelvis already tilted forward in anticipation, and he slid his hands under my ass, the half moons of his fingernails digging in as he pulled me into his face. I could feel my release on the horizon, his tongue like a machine, so precise as it darted over me, and I was out of control, growling and whimpering, writhing against him, yanking on the sheet so hard, the fitted corners popped off on both sides, quickly finding their way into my clenched fists as his talents brought me to the very gates of Heaven.

  "Oh, Alek, my god!" I screamed as the orgasm tore through me. The words coming from my mouth were pure impulse, and my movements merely reflex. As I arched my back, convulsing and grinding against his face, he maintained his tempo, miraculously holding his mouth against me despite that it had become like riding a bucking bronco. And just when it seemed that it might end, he did it again, his fucking incredible tongue driving me to a second, powerful climax that ended in loud, shameless praise falling from my trembling lips in a chaotic barrage of fucks and Aleks and Gods.

  Finally, he released me, and I collapsed on the bed, giggling and mumbling about how amazing he was. I was so high, ecstasy coursing through my veins like a narcotic, and though I could have lain there, lost in it forever, there was no way I was going to miss sharing this rapture with Alek. I needed him to feel just as stoned and stupid, but I was in no position to take charge at the moment, capable of little more than a delighted growl when he thrust himself into me again. He was so gloriously hard, the skin stretched so tightly, he barely felt human anymore, and it thrilled me to know that going down on me did this to his cock.