by Hart, Stella
“I was telling the truth.”
She finally seemed to hear me again, and her forehead creased with a mixture of fury and puzzlement. “What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you still denying it?” she asked, her upper lip curling with disgust. “I told you, I heard the recording! I heard you saying it was all a trick, just to ruin me.”
“No.”
I tried to wipe the tears from her face as I spoke, but she recoiled. “Don’t touch me.”
This wasn’t working. I had to make her fucking listen.
I grabbed her arm again. “Tatum, calm down. I’ve let you have your say, and I’ve listened to every word. Now let me have my say.”
She squirmed free. “No. Fuck you. I want you to get the hell—”
I clamped my hand over her mouth. Her eyes immediately widened with shock. “I guess we’ll have to try something you’ll actually respond to, then,” I said, squaring my jaw.
She whimpered but didn’t move.
I glared down at her. “It’s my turn to speak, Doll, so you’re going to kneel and listen. Now,” I growled.
I pulled my hand away. Tatum’s eyes flared with indignation as she stared up at me, but she didn’t argue or lash out at me again. In her fiery gaze, I could practically see the battle raging in her mind between the part of her that despised me and the other part that still desperately wanted to serve me, powerless against my demands.
The latter finally won out, as I knew it would. Her bottom lip wobbled and she sank to her knees, slowly and shakily.
“Good girl,” I said, putting my hand on her left shoulder. “Now you’re going to listen.”
“Okay,” she whispered raggedly.
I cleared my throat. “That recording is real. I admit that. But you don’t know the circumstances it was made under.”
Tatum opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but then she obviously thought better of it and stayed silent.
“Do you remember when we were on the island, and I told you how I felt about you? That I knew I was supposed to hate you because of Ben, but I just couldn’t?”
She nodded. “Yes,” she murmured. “I remember.”
“Before that, things were different. I’ve told you this before, that all I felt for you back then was…” I trailed off for a second, clenching my free hand into a fist at the memory. “All I felt was this pure burning hatred. I wanted to destroy you for what you’d done. Somewhere along the line, that changed, but it took a long time. So at the beginning, I really did want to ruin you. I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. You already know that from the last time we discussed this.”
“Right,” she murmured, casting her eyes down.
“No, look at me,” I said, tilting her chin upward. “I’m not done.” She didn’t fight me on it, so I kept going. “My plan back then was to make you fall for me. Do you remember how I suddenly started being nicer to you after the ball?”
She nodded. “Yeah. I was really confused.”
“Well, that was why. I was trying to make you fall in love with me so I could destroy you. I know it sounds fucked up. But that’s what was going on in my head at the time.”
Tears glistened in her eyes again. “Right.”
“Then it all changed. I started having these other feelings for you. I couldn’t think of anyone or anything else. Just you. It all came to a head when you almost fell off that cliff.” I rubbed the back of my neck, a frown pulling at my brows. “I couldn’t fucking deny it after that. I knew I’d fallen for you, plain and simple. So that was it for my stupid fucked up game. It was over. I didn’t want to play it—or you—anymore.”
“But the recording was made after that day,” she said softly. “Wasn’t it?”
“Yes. I was lying to the council.”
She shook her head. “I’m confused,” she said, her brows puckering.
“You’ll understand soon.” I paused for a breath. “I started having suspicions about the society a few months ago. Nothing I could prove, but still… they were there. So many things that didn’t add up. I figured there was an innocent explanation for it all, but I’d only know the whole truth if I made it to the third level. So back then, getting in was mostly a peace of mind thing. Not like in the last few weeks when I knew for sure that there was shady shit going down.”
“Uh-huh.” Tatum’s brows were pinched together. She still looked confused.
“I did everything I could to gain consideration from the council. Everything. I think I actually told you that’s what I was doing at some point, right? Trying to get to third so I could figure out what they were hiding and what the fuck to do?”
She nodded. “Yes, you mentioned it,” she said stiffly.
“Well, I knew what they wanted to hear. At least I guessed. But during one of my first interviews, it started to go really fucking badly. They were mad at me for not sharing you at the party and for actually treating you with a modicum of respect. So it looked like I wasn’t going to make it in. That meant I’d never know the truth.”
“Oh.” Comprehension finally dawned in her eyes. “So… you told them your old plan? That you were trying to make me fall for you, and that was the only reason you were being nice to me?”
“Yeah. Exactly. Even though it wasn’t even true by that point.” I rubbed my jaw. “I knew it was probably what they’d want to hear, and I was right. I passed the interview and I was allowed to continue with the rest of the trials. After that, they finally let me in all the way. It happened today. That’s when I heard about the hunt and all the other fucked up shit.”
Uncertainty flashed in her eyes. I could tell she wanted to believe me, but she was too frightened to let her guard down around me again.
I leaned down to her level. “I swear to you, I didn’t know about any of it until today, and I wasn’t lying to you the other week. I really do love you, Tatum. I’d do fucking anything for you.”
She swallowed hard. “I just… I can’t…”
“I know. You can’t trust me yet. Not after all this. But you can still listen, right?”
“Yes,” she murmured.
I took her hand and squeezed it. “Good. Because there’s more, and when I heard about it, all I wanted to do was come up here and tell you. You’re the only person I can trust. The only one I wanna talk to.”
There was a flash of curiosity in her eyes. Brief, but I still caught it. I was winning her back. “More what?” she asked.
“The council didn’t just tell me about the hunt. They’re hiding all sorts of fucked up shit in the third level. Like the truth about my mother.”
Her brows lifted. “What?”
I scrubbed a hand over my face and sighed. Then I filled Tatum in on the pregnancies Crown and Dagger forced upon unwitting captives. Her face grew dark with horror.
“That’s why I saw those pregnant women that day,” she said, looking down at her lap.
“Yes.”
Her eyes shot up to meet mine again. “So your mother was one of them.”
“Sort of. Not a surrogate, though.”
“I don’t get it.”
“She was a slave to my father. Her name was Camille Gorham.”
Recognition flickered in her eyes. “I think I’ve heard of her.”
“Yeah, you would have. She went missing from somewhere near the Roden campus in the early nineties.”
“So she was brought here like me?”
“Yeah.” I hesitated, and then it all came flooding out. “My whole life, I thought my mother was Sylvie King. My father’s wife. He told me she died giving birth to me, and I spent my entire fucking childhood feeling bad about it. But what really happened was this: he got Camille pregnant, and he decided to keep the baby and raise it with Sylvie, seeing as they were having issues conceiving a child of their own. He tried to convince her that Camille was just a side-piece, but she figured out the truth. When I was a few months old, she took Camille and me, and they tried to run away.”
Tatum’
s eyes were wide, her pupils dilated. “What happened?”
“My father caught them and killed them.”
Her face crumpled, and she looked back down at her lap. “Oh my god. I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
I let out an angry breath. “You know how powerful he is, and the kind of connections he has. It wouldn’t have been hard for him to cover up his own wife’s disappearance, not to mention Camille’s.”
“I know.”
I narrowed my eyes. “So do you see now?” I asked. “Do you see what a fucking lying asshole my father is? He’ll say anything to make you believe what he wants you to believe. He’ll twist the truth any which way to back his shit up. But that’s all it is. Shit.”
She nodded, and I went on.
“He manipulates everyone. Everyone. If he was going to lie to me about my mother, he could’ve just said she died in an accident, right? But he didn’t. The story was always that she died giving birth to me. Like it was partially my fault.”
“That’s so awful.” Tatum shook her head.
“Yeah. I bet he only told me that so he could make me feel like a fucking monster from the second I was old enough to comprehend things. That way it would be easier to get me on his side with all the shit he does. Or so he thought. He probably hoped I’d think something like ‘well, I’m already a piece of shit, so I may as well act like one’.” I snorted with cold disdain. “God knows what else he’s fucking lied to me about over the years, just so he could manipulate me.”
Tatum bit the inside of her cheek and looked away.
“What is it?” I said sharply.
“There is something else he lied to you about,” she replied, her voice soft and tentative. “I just remembered.”
“What?”
She chewed her bottom lip. “Can I go and sit somewhere else first? It’s getting uncomfortable here.”
I nodded and helped her up, my heart pounding as I led her out into the bedroom. “So what did he tell you?”
“It’s about Ben.”
I immediately stiffened.
“Please, just listen to me,” she said hurriedly, cowering away from me.
“I am listening. Don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt you.”
She took a deep breath and sat down on the bed. “I know you hated me from the start because you thought I killed him, and I know I told you I did. But I only said that back then because I thought it was what you wanted to hear. And if I’m being honest, there were a few weeks there where I went a little crazy and started to believe I really did. But I didn’t. I promise.” She looked up at me, her gaze hard and resolute. “Do you believe me, Elias?”
I swallowed hard and took her hand. “Yes. I believe you.”
She took a deep breath. “Your father knew all along that I wasn’t guilty. He was the secret witness from the beach.”
I stared at her, aghast. “What the fuck?”
“He told me he wanted you to be just like him. Everything he did was an attempt to mold you in that way, and when the whole thing with Ben happened, he saw an opportunity in me—a girl he could make you hate beyond belief. He thought if he bought me for you as a slave, you’d pour all that hate into me. I guess you were supposed to realize from that how much you loved hurting me, and eventually you’d turn out just like him. The kind of guy who hates women. The kind of guy who loves to rape, torture, and murder them for fun.”
Blood rushed to my head. I knew Tatum was telling the truth. She wouldn’t lie, and besides, what she was claiming sounded exactly like my father. Not just the manipulation, either. It was the way she said he wanted me to be exactly like him. He’d always said that. It was drummed into me from an early age that I was his legacy. He’d do anything to ensure I turned out the way he wanted.
“He’s the reason my name was cleared,” Tatum went on. “He was down on the beach that night. He saw what happened, and he was the one who called the police. The courts had to believe his statements, because he had no reason to lie on my behalf. Not when he was practically Ben’s uncle.”
It felt like I’d just been doused with a bucket of ice water. “What about the video?” I said in a low voice.
“He faked it with some sort of Hollywood movie magic team, because he knew you wouldn’t completely believe in my guilt without solid evidence.”
My head whirled. I rubbed my temples and slumped down next to her on the bed, guilt roiling in my guts. “Oh, fuck. All this time….”
There was a heavy feeling in my stomach, a coldness at my core. I hurt Tatum because I thought she was guilty. I tortured her. I tried to destroy her. All for nothing. She was innocent all along, and apart from when she stabbed my father, she’d never done anything to harm another human being. Unlike me.
I really was a fucking monster.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Why are you sorry?” I asked, turning my agonized gaze back to her. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Because of Ben. He was your friend. I know it must be hard to come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t the guy you thought he was.”
I sighed and massaged the spot between my eyebrows. “Tell me,” I muttered. “Tell me everything that happened that night. The real story.”
“It’s just like I said all those months ago. Ben slipped something in my drink and tried to assault me when we went for a walk together. I was so naïve that I didn’t even realize what he was doing at first. I thought he wanted to go for a walk because it was romantic. Because he actually liked me. I didn’t realize he was just trying to get me alone in the dark.” She shrugged and then sighed, her shoulders slumping back down. “I was so stupid.”
“You were seventeen,” I muttered. “Not stupid.”
“I guess. But anyway, after he attacked me, I managed to wriggle my way free. Then I ran away, and he chased me. When he caught up, I pushed him away, but he wasn’t near the edge of the cliff then. After that, he ended up stumbling back a few yards, right over to the edge. That’s when he slipped and fell. I always felt guilty for it, because I suppose he wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t for me, but I wasn’t lying when I said that’s how it happened. I didn’t push him off the cliff. I wouldn’t.”
I was silent for a moment as I gathered my thoughts. Finally, I looked back over at her.
“It wasn’t your fault he was there. He was there because he wanted to rape you. That’s on him.” I let out a heavy sigh and shook my head before continuing. “I swear, I had no idea what he was really like. But I believe you now. One hundred percent.”
“Are you sure?” she asked, her eyes wide and anxious.
I nodded. “Even the people closest to you can hide all sorts of shit from you. Like my father with me. It’s almost impossible to tell if you truly know someone these days.”
“Yeah. Like my parents too,” she said bitterly. “I would’ve never thought in a million years that they’d sell me, but here I am. Sold and enslaved.”
“Fuck.” I put my head in my hands. “Tatum, the things I did to you….. I’ll never forgive myself.”
It was her turn to be silent for a moment.
“You shouldn’t feel bad about that,” she finally said in a low voice. “I guess I understand it all after today. Why you hated me so much, and why you never believed me when I said I was innocent. You thought you had actual proof that I was lying. I would’ve hated me too.”
“No.” I gritted my teeth and clutched at her shoulder. “I should’ve fucking listened to you. I should’ve known from the second I saw you that you weren’t a killer.”
She sighed deeply. “It’s not your fault. Like you said before, your father is a manipulative snake. He probably would’ve said and done anything to make you believe I was guilty.”
What she did next shocked me more than anything else I’d witnessed in the last few hours. She leaned in and slipped her arms around me in a tentative hug.
I closed my eyes and pulled her even closer. Breathing in
the scent of her, all I could think about was how much I fucking loved her. How much I didn’t deserve her forgiveness. How desperate I was to save her and spend my whole life with her, away from all the psychopaths of Crown and Dagger.
“I’m so fucking sorry,” I muttered, my voice turning hoarse as I burrowed my face into her sweet-smelling hair.
“So am I,” she said, her voice muffled against my chest. “I’m sorry for not believing you when you said you loved me and wanted to help me. I should’ve listened. I shouldn’t have waited so long and made it so difficult.”
I set my jaw. “After the way I treated you in the past, why would you believe me? I’m a fucking asshole.”
She moved back and stared at me. “You genuinely thought I killed Ben. It made sense for you to hate me.”
I leaned forward, putting my head in my hands again. “I don’t know… maybe I never really hated you,” I muttered. “Maybe I was just projecting my own shit onto you.”
“Hm?” Her brows pinched together in a puzzled expression. “What do you mean?”
“Remember a few minutes ago, when I said it’s hard to really know another person?” I said slowly. She nodded, and I kept going. “I want us to be different from that. I want us to tell each other everything, no matter what.”
She smiled shyly. “I’d like that too.”
“Good. So in the name of total honesty, there’s something you should know.”
“What?”
I sat up straight and looked her in the eye. “I know you’re not a killer. But I am.”
She shook her head vehemently. “It’s not your fault Camille and Sylvie died, Elias. You were just a baby, and they were trying to get you away from your psycho dad. You can’t keep feeling gui—”
I planted an index finger on her lips to cut her off. “I’m not talking about that.”
“Then what are you talking about?” she said, pulling her face away from my hand.
I let out a deep, juddering breath. “Tatum, I killed someone,” I said. “I fucking killed a guy.”