by Hart, Stella
5
Tatum
My eyes widened, and I skittered away from Elias. It was just a reflexive action, but I saw him flinch at my apparent fear.
“What are you talking about?” I finally said. My voice came out a lot higher pitched than I hoped.
Just when I was beginning to trust him again, he sprang this news on me. Now my mind was whirling once more, confusion and anxiety spiking in my guts. Did I make the right choice to let him in, or was I going to wind up regretting it like I did every other time?
“I’m talking about the fact that a guy is dead because of me.” Elias looked slightly pale, but I could feel heat radiating off his skin.
I gulped down my nervousness and inched closer. “How?”
“I’ve never told you about this, but when I was younger, I had a bit of an issue with drugs.”
I nodded slowly, my skull heavy. “Your father mentioned that to me a few weeks ago. Only vaguely, though.”
Elias let out an irritated puff of air. “Of course he did,” he said stiffly. “It started when I was about fifteen or sixteen. I’d smoke a joint every now and then with my friends. Typical teen shit. But then we started going to lots of parties. In those circles, they’re pretty wild. It isn’t just booze and pot. There’s coke, all sorts of pills, acid.”
“I went to a few parties like that myself,” I said with a rueful smile. “It’s not just a rich-people thing, trust me.”
“Did you ever take anything, though?”
“No.”
“I did. I thought I had it all under control. Never during the week when I had school. Only weekends. I didn’t think I was addicted or anything like that. Getting blasted with friends was just something I enjoyed.”
I wrinkled my brows. “So what happened?”
A vein was pulsing in his temple. He clenched his jaw. “I was heading home one night. Totally fucked up, buzzing like crazy.” He paused. “You ever been on Abernathy Road? It’s that major coastal road, all the way east. Bunch of cliffs on the side overlooking the ocean.”
“I haven’t been on it, but I know where it is,” I said with a nod.
“I was driving there. Everything was pretty dark and quiet. Then I saw these lights heading for me. Another car coming in the opposite direction, on my side of the road. Even though I was all jittery and energetic from the coke, my mind was somewhere else. My reactions were slow too. I dunno why. Maybe from the painkillers I had on top of everything else.” He paused for a moment. “Anyway, I tried to swerve out of the way to miss the other guy, but I moved too late. Sideswiped his car, and he went right off the edge into the water. Died on impact, from what they told me.”
My eyes and mouth were frozen wide open in an expression of stunned surprise. I couldn’t even form a coherent response.
“So there you go,” Elias went on bitterly. There were rigid cords in his neck. “You’re not the one going around knocking people off cliffs. I am.”
Something about his previous words jarred in my mind, forcing me out of my shocked silence. “Wait. You said the other car was on the same side as you. So were you on the wrong side of the road?”
He shook his head. “No, the other driver was. He was drunk. Apparently when they did the autopsy they found that his blood alcohol level was twice the legal limit.”
I lowered my eyebrows. “Well, I don’t mean to sound totally heartless, but doesn’t that mean the accident was mostly his fault? Even if you were totally blitzed, you were still on the right side of the road.”
“That’s exactly how I tried to justify it at first,” he said, staring past me at the wall. “But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how much I was to blame. I saw his lights heading for me several minutes before it happened. The stretch of road I was on is pretty straight. So I had all that time to realize what was happening and swerve out of the way to let him pass. But I was so fucked up, it just wasn’t clicking with me. It felt like I was in a fucking dream or something. Didn’t even occur to me till the very last second to try and move. Plus I was speeding, too. I was probably at least thirty miles over the limit.”
“It still wasn’t entirely your fault,” I said softly. “The guy was blind drunk. He put everyone else on the road in danger with his behavior.”
“So did I. I shouldn’t have been driving. If I wasn’t off my face on whatever shit I snorted earlier that night, I would’ve been able to move off the side. I wouldn’t have hit him. He wouldn’t have died.” He threw his hands up. “So sure, he was drunk and on the wrong side—I get that, believe me—but I was in the wrong too. Badly. That man is fucking dead because of me.”
“Oh, Elias…” I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t think it was entirely his fault at all, but I could see where he was coming from. If I were in his shoes, I’d feel like shit as well.
His jaw tightened. “That’s not even the worst part.”
“How so?”
“I never got in any trouble for it. Not a bit.”
My brows shot up. “Why?”
“That’s what it’s like in this world for a King. Or any other rich kid. My dad paid off the right people to make all the charges disappear. He also paid off the family of the dead guy to never speak about it. After that, it was like it never happened. Only it did.”
“Oh. Wow.” I exhaled deeply. I couldn’t even imagine getting away with something like that so easily.
“He made it seem like it was the right thing to do. For my future, you know. At the time I figured it made sense. I was a dumbass kid, really. Just turned seventeen. The whole fucking world seemed to revolve around me. But then it just ate away at me. All the guilt. I knew I fucked up, and I couldn’t take it back.”
“That must’ve felt awful.”
He cleared his throat. “I never touched coke or pills again after that. Didn’t even take prescription shit, just in case. But it didn’t help like I thought it would. Nothing did. I started thinking it was meant to happen all along because I’m just that fucked up.”
My forehead puckered. “Why would you think that?”
“Seems to be what I do best, right? I kill people. Maybe not on purpose, but I still do it.”
“No, you don’t.”
He looked at me, squaring his jaw. “I grew up thinking I killed my mother, Tatum. You can guess what that sort of shit does to someone’s mind, right? I always felt like a fucking monster. Never spoke about it, but it was always there, somewhere in the back of my mind.”
I sighed. “I get it.”
“I know now that I didn’t do it, after what I learned today,” he continued. “But I spent all those years thinking I was just born into this messed up existence where all I could do was hurt people. Like that was all I was capable of. That shit fucks you up.”
“I’m so sorry, Elias,” I murmured, reaching over to touch his arm.
He rubbed his forehead. “Even now… I know Camille and Sylvie didn’t die because of anything I did, but they still died because of me. Know what I mean?”
I stiffened. “They died because of your father.”
“Doesn’t really feel that way, though.” He shrugged and went silent. After a moment, he looked up at me again. “So what do you think of me now?” he asked, an edge in his voice. “After all the shit I heaped on you for something you didn’t even do. Like you were nothing but a killer, when really, it was me.”
I wet my cracked lips with my tongue as I gathered my thoughts. Then I put my hand on his arm again. “I think you made a terrible mistake when you were young. But you’re not a monster. You’re not even a bad person.”
“How the hell do you figure that?” he asked, eyes narrowing. “I’ve done a lot of fucking horrible things. Look at how I used to treat you.”
I smiled thinly. I had a feeling he’d say that. “You just made my point for me.”
“Huh?”
“Well, do you think your father ever thought twice about paying off those cops and that guy’s famil
y? Do you think he feels guilty? Not just over that, but over any of the awful things he’s done. Like killing Camille and Sylvie. Or running this whole place, filled with captives and slaves.”
“No. I don’t think he’s capable of feeling bad.”
“Exactly. And do you think any of the other high-level Crown and Dagger guys feel bad about what they do?”
Another shrug. “Doubt it.”
I held up my palms. “There you go. That’s the difference between you and a truly bad person. They don’t feel remorse for any of the shitty things they do, whether it’s purposeful or a mistake. It doesn’t affect them at all. They’re sociopaths.”
He grunted but didn’t say anything.
I squeezed his arm harder. “Believe me, Elias, a monster doesn’t wonder if it’s a monster. It doesn’t even occur to it to care. You do care. So you’re not one of them.”
He rubbed the stubble on his chin. “Never really thought about it that way.”
“You should. Yeah, you made a mistake, and you never paid the price for it. But you’ve obviously spent the last several years feeling like shit over it and beating yourself up. That counts for something, at least, compared to all the other shitty people in the world who wouldn’t even feel an ounce of regret.”
“So you don’t think I’m a total piece of shit?”
“No. If anything, it makes me trust you more, because now I know you’re willing to share anything with me, even if it makes you look bad.”
There was another long silence.
“Why are you so good to me, Tatum?” Elias finally asked, the inside corners of his brows slanting upwards. “I literally tortured you.”
“Probably not as much as you’ve tortured yourself,” I said softly.
He snorted. “Oh, don’t give me that shit. I was fucking terrible to you. I hurt you. I tried to destroy you.”
“But you also saved me.” A small smile lifted the corners of my mouth. “Remember that day during the storm, when you pulled me off that cliff? I was so sure I was going to die.”
“Yeah.” He looked down at the floor.
“I went to the edge on purpose. I was so mentally fucked up in that place that I thought I deserved to die.”
“Which was my fault,” Elias cut in.
I held up a hand. “Just listen. I thought that was what needed to happen. So I went to the edge of that cliff, and honestly, I was this close to jumping. But then I heard a voice from somewhere, telling me not to do it. That sort of jumpstarted the rest of my brain into begging me not to do it. So I stepped back. I saw things clearly for the first time in weeks, and I started to believe in myself again.” I sighed and chewed my lip for a second. “For a long time, I thought that voice came from me. In my head somewhere. But now I think it was you. You were there, calling out to me, telling me not to do it. Right?”
Elias blinked slowly. I could tell he was picturing that day like it was only moments ago. “Yeah, I shouted some stuff to you. When I first saw you, I started running to you, but with the wind and rain, I didn’t think I’d get there fast enough. I wasn’t sure if you were doing it on purpose or if you were just out of it and not really aware of what you were doing. But I knew you were close to going off that edge, and I had to stop you somehow.”
“If you hadn’t called out to me and I didn’t start thinking straight again, I don’t know what would’ve happened. I might’ve jumped. But I didn’t, and I think it’s because of you.”
“I—”
I held up a hand and cut Elias off. I knew exactly what he was going to say to try and argue my point. “Yes, Elias, you might’ve contributed to making me feel that low, that broken… but then you brought me back to life. You saved me.”
He stared at me, eyes wide and incredulous, as if it simply never occurred to him that amongst all the bad, there was something good in him. Something wonderful. Something which lit up all the darkness inside.
“I just wish you could see yourself the way I see you right now,” I said.
“Right back at you,” he replied, his voice a low, throaty growl. He was silent for a second, eyes burning into me. “I might not be like the others here, but I’d still kill for you if I had to. You know that, don’t you?” he said.
I nodded.
Pure want and need gleamed in his eyes as he stared at me, and everything else in the room seemed to disappear. It was just us in the world now.
Our breaths filled the air around us, shallow and fast. I didn’t have a chance to say anything before my back collided with the mattress and Elias tangled one hand in my hair, pulling my face toward his. I gasped and his lips captured mine, swallowing the sound.
I didn’t want to fight him. Not anymore.
Earlier I’d tried to tell myself that I didn’t belong to him, that he was nothing but a malicious heartbreaker, but I was only lying to myself to try and make sense of everything Tobias told me. The truth was: Elias was my perfect match. My heaven, my hell. My body begged for him with every rapid heartbeat, and my mind called for him in a high hum, loud and desperate. I needed him more than I needed air to breathe.
Our bodies melded together, and our movements were frenzied as hunger overtook us. Tugging at the zipper of my dress, Elias released me from the gauzy fabric and freed my breasts. His head moved lower. He kissed and sucked at my nipples, sending jolts of electricity straight to my clit.
His rough stubble scratched at my delicate skin, but I didn’t mind. In fact, I liked it, that potent mixture of pain and pleasure.
“You deserve the whole world.” His words came between kisses and nips over my chest, each one making me moan. “And you never deserved any of this. Any pain. You deserve a man who fucking worships you.”
My entire body trembled with need. “I liked some of the pain,” I admitted in a low whisper.
His lips curled into a smile as he looked up at me. “I know. But don’t you ever want something else?”
I bit my bottom lip as I considered his question. “No,” I finally said breathlessly. I didn’t want it sweet and tender. I wanted it the way Elias liked to give it to me: rough, hard, dominant. I wanted him to force me, force my surrender. “I just want you the way you are.”
“Then that’s what you’ll get,” he growled, flipping me over. I yelped as he pulled me up so that my ass was in the air and my head was facing down.
He bunched the skirt of my dress up and pushed my legs apart. Then he leaned down, mouth only inches from my ear. “Maybe you don’t deserve this. But you want it and so do I. I want to make you scream, and you’re gonna love every bit of pain. Isn’t that right, little slut?”
His words made my knees tremble and my skin tingle with goosebumps. It was like I was two different people. Alone, I was just a normal young woman, but with him, I was a breathless bad girl, willing to say ‘yes, sir’ to every command, just to please him. Willing to be treated like a whore and take everything he had to give me.
That used to scare me, but not anymore.
“Last chance to say no, Doll,” he murmured in my ear.
I would never say no to him again.
“Please…” I moaned.
“Please what?”
“Fuck me. Now. I—” My begging was cut off, replaced with a pained gasp as he plunged deep inside me without warning. I tried to brace myself against the bed with my arms, but his passion was more than I could handle, wild and unrestrained, and I began to slip forward. He wrapped a strong arm around me, holding me steady as he used my body the way I wanted him to.
The desire inside me grew and grew, my flooding wetness only adding fuel to the blazing fire. Elias thrust over and over. The fingertips of his free hand masterfully stroked my clit, adding to the inferno.
I bit my lip, trying to stop myself from crying out like a madwoman, embarrassed by the airy grunting sounds already spilling forth whenever he slammed his cock in me right to the hilt.
“Scream for me, Doll.” The command he issued came out as a
hoarse growl against the shell of my ear. “I want to hear it.”
A stinging slap landed on my ass. My mouth dropped open in a whimper. “Oh!”
“Louder. Tell me how much you want this.”
“I… oh!” I cried out again as pressure began to build deep in my core. “I want it. I want it so bad.”
He slapped me again, harder this time. “What do you want?”
“You.”
“And?”
“Your cock,” I said breathily. “I want it in me all the time.”
“Where?” He pulled out for a second, leaving me clenching at nothing, desperate and moaning with need.
“My pussy, my mouth, my ass. Everywhere!” I cried. He slapped my ass again, and I screamed. “Oh, yes!”
He went faster, harder, his free hand snaking up to my breasts to tweak my nipples. Then he trailed it over my back before slipping one finger into my ass, using my dripping juices to lubricate it. One finger became two, and I let out a gasp at the filthy sensation of utter fullness. My fingers gripped the duvet. My eyes closed. I was falling, falling, falling, right into a dark haze of sin and lust and bliss. I was nearly there.
Elias seemed to know I was right on the precipice of an earth-shattering climax, because he pulled his fingers and cock out of me and turned me over, chuckling at the expression on my face as the looming pleasure took one step back, the overwhelming pressure fading just slightly. He wanted to delay it, wanted to torment me by keeping me right on the edge as long as possible. I wouldn’t be allowed to come until he said I could.
“Please,” I begged, my voice coming out in a choked whisper. “Please… Master. More.”
His lips tightened, and he thrust back in hard enough to send me sliding back up the bed. I cried out and snapped my eyes shut, an even headier mixture of pleasure and pain shooting through me now.
“Come,” he commanded. “Right fucking now.”
That was all it took for me to surrender. A powerful climax ripped through me, and I gasped for breath and clung to him, my nails digging into his back. His musky scent filled my nostrils and stars burst across my vision like an explosion of fireworks in the night sky. Elias groaned deeply as my muscles clenched around him. With one final thrust, he collapsed against me, pinning me to the bed.