All Right Now

by Madelynne Ellis

  It wasn’t. Why should he care about her, when she clearly cared so little for him? “We’re over. What does any of it matter? Why do you keep going on about it to me?”

  Spook sucked taut his upper lip, and Ash waited for him to spit out another retort. He knew one would be coming. They’d had more or less this same conversation every day, at least twice a day since they’d hit the road. To his surprise, Spook walked out of the door.

  Irritated, Ash scrambled to catch up. He stood in the dressing room doorway and yelled down the corridor after Spook. “You know this isn’t some piddly misdemeanour you keep expecting me to forgive. How would you feel if you learned you’d been screwing another man’s wife for nine months, or that the woman you thought you knew doesn’t even technically exist? Ginny Walters is a fake. She’s not real. Friends and lovers aren’t supposed to keep secrets from one another.”

  Spook swivelled around on his heels. “Is that right? So, you’re saying you’re entitled to know everything about every member of this band?”

  Yeah, actually. “Everything that matters.”

  Spook shot two fingers up at him. “Except plenty of things have fuck all to do with you.”

  “I know about your girlfriend, Spook.”

  Spook marched three paces towards him. “You know fuck all about anything. What do you actually know about me Ash? What do you know about my life before we met? Nothing, that’s what, because it’s none of your fucking business.”

  “But if it were, you’d tell me.” Leastways, he hoped so. Spook’s glowering irritation was seeding doubts.

  His friend bowed his head and stared at his baseball boots. Slowly his shoulders began to tremble as if he were laughing to himself.

  “What?”

  Spook met his gaze again. “Nothing… Absolutely nothing.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and found a stick of gum, which he shoved into his mouth. “Carry on believing whatever you need to, but at least contemplate the possibility that she didn’t tell you earlier for a valid reason.”

  Luthor stuck his head around the door at the end of the corridor. “Guys, the car is waiting.”

  Rock Giant pushed his ugly mug into view too. “Hurry it up. I want cake, and apparently we can’t have cake until the guest of honour arrives.”

  They both dutifully trooped towards where they were supposed to have been ten minutes earlier.

  “Were you guys fighting?” Luthor asked as they piled into the mini cab.

  “Respectfully disagreeing,” Ash claimed. He shot a smile in Spook’s direction, but his best friend refused to acknowledge him.

  Okay, well screw him. “Let’s go and party.”

  -25-

  11th January, England

  “Hello… Hello?” Ginny stared at her phone screen to check the caller number. “Dani? Hey, are you there?”

  There was no response, leaving her to conclude this was an accidental call, rather than a deliberate one, and that the device wasn’t anywhere near her friend’s ear.

  Damn, her heart had done a little excited skip over the prospect of having someone to talk to. She and Dani had more or less made their peace with one another, down to Xane’s intervention, but they hadn’t spoken very much due to the tour schedule. In fact, the only person Ginny regularly spoke to was her solicitor about all the crap she’d rather pretend didn’t exist. Miles’s counter filing now meant they were waiting on an arbitration date.

  “Hey,” she said into the phone, one last time to no avail. The other end of the line was noisy. It sounded very much like a party. Most likely, Dani was backstage after the latest Black Halo gig. Ash’s song had seriously put the band on everyone’s radar again.

  Ginny closed her eyes, recalling the first time Ash had played Lockdown to her, when it was still raw and unfinished, without drums or keys and the magic of Xane’s vocals. Even then, it had been something special. It was hard to believe that was—what date was it now? The 11th?—four months ago.

  Hang on—the 11th. That meant the band were in Latvia. She remembered, as Ash had talked to her about visiting the Ethnographic Museum, and she’d had to confess she didn’t have a clue what that was. He’d explained it was an outdoor museum in the middle of a forest with an ancient village and windmills. He wanted to have a picnic there for his birthday.

  Her jaw dropped.

  Ginny closed her eyes as they filled with tears. That’s what she could hear. They were celebrating Ash’s birthday. How the heck had time got away from her so successfully that she’d hadn’t even been aware it had crept so close?

  “We need to do something. This isn’t what he wants.” The voice was Dani’s, and she didn’t know how she knew, but her guts insisted her friend was talking about Ash. The snippet of conversation made her hesitate over hanging up. Did this mean he was in some sort of trouble?

  “Sweetheart, he’s a big boy. He can handle himself?”

  Was that Xane? She thought it was Xane. His voice sounded a little rough, must have been a tough performance.

  “It’s not like he hasn’t taken a score of hot women back to his bed before.”

  Oh God, no! Ginny clutched the phone tightly to her ear. Surely, he hadn’t fallen straight back into his old ways. Hadn’t he learned anything while they were together? What had happened to his self-respect? He knew those women used him, and that screwing them did nothing to fill the void in his soul. He probably wouldn’t even come, despite striving towards that end for hours. Ash only came when his heart was engaged.

  “Xane, I don’t care if this was normal in the past. I don’t think it’s what he wants now. We should intervene.”

  “You can’t tell a grown man he doesn’t want something when he’s happily letting a bunch of women strip the clothes off him.”

  “He’s not thinking straight. Which is why we need to.”

  “Dani, all that will happen if you go over there, is that you’ll cause a scene, and you’ll cement his actions. He’ll follow through purely to be contrary and prove you wrong, whereas if you let it be, it might come to nothing.”

  “Yeah, ’cause that’s bloody likely.” Her friend gave an exasperated sigh.

  Please stop him, Dani. Please.

  “I’m not standing back and watching this.”

  Oh, thank God.

  “Dammit, Xane, let go of me. Luthor. What sort of friends are you that you’re prepared to stand back and watch him self-annihilate like this?”

  “Barging in on him will achieve the opposite of what you want to happen.” Now Spook had joined them. “He’s set his course, Dani. I’ve tried. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

  “I’ve told her,” Xane said. “Dani, Ash wants to feel something. You’ve seen what he’s been like. He’s been walking around as if he’s numb.”

  “So, I’m supposed to stand back and allow him to get molested. How’s that going to help him? It’s going to make things worse. He doesn’t want those women, he wants Ginny. He’s just too dumb and butt hurt to admit it.”

  Ginny smiled despite the tears coursing over her cheeks.

  “It’s not going to get that far.” That was Spook again. “Those girls are going to be sorely disappointed. They’ll be lucky if they get to first base with him, considering how much he’s had to drink. The chances are, he’s about to face plant straight into a pillow, and/or puke all over them.”

  Her teary grin widened as she imagined the harpies attacking her man getting a face full of vomit. Not that he really was her man anymore.

  “And what if he’s so inebriated that he doesn’t know what he’s doing and isn’t in a position to stop those five women doing whatever they like? Did any of you think of that?”

  Boy did Dani sound pissed. Ginny was bristled right along with her. She’d seen with her own eyes what the band’s groupies were like. For too many of them, Ash’s wants would be irrelevant. All that mattered was that they got to claim they’d slept with him. How enjoyable that experience was for either party, or whether it was
even consensual were by the by.

  “He’ll chuck over them,” Xane reiterated.

  Dani made a disgusted noise. Then there was a scuffle of feet, and sharp words, as Dani told both her lovers where to go take themselves. She had a few choice words for Spook too. “You’re shit friends for even considering letting this happen. Real friends would step in and stop him from doing this to himself. Real friends don’t let their mates get raped. What?” She made another disgusted growl. “You think that’s not an actual thing that happens? Ash is out of it. He’s too drunk to put one foot in front of the other properly. What’s happening in that room is not consensual.”

  Please listen to her, and stop them.

  Dani was on the move. The phone must be in her pocket, because things were rustling against it. It occurred to Ginny that maybe she shouldn’t be listening in, but then how could she possibly hang up?

  A door creaked open and slammed closed.

  “Hey, it’s occupied,” an unknown woman yelled.

  “Find your own playmate,” brayed another.

  “Take a hike, ladies. The party’s over.”

  It was hard to believe that was Dani speaking. She’d always possessed a protective streak, but months of living with the band had toughened her. She sounded like she wasn’t going to take any shit, and the ladies with Ash clearly knew it.

  “I said it’s time to go, princess.”

  There was always one snowflake in every group who thought they were the exception.

  “Who the fuck are you to be telling us what to do anyway?”

  “She’s Xane’s bitch,” another voice muttered.

  “Then Ash ain’t any of your business.”

  “He’s my friend, numbskull. I mind when my friends are being assaulted.”

  “I think the party is over, ladies,” Xane’s voice boomed over the chatter of other voices.

  “Hey, Xane.”

  “Oh, hi, Xane.”

  “She thinks there’s a problem, but see there isn’t. Ash invited us. Isn’t that right, tiger?”

  A lot of garbled shouting erupted, that ended with Dani screaming, “Do you even imagine he’s with it enough to recall what you look like tomorrow?”

  Sheesh! He sounded so bad. Ginny was stepping into her shoes and frantically looking around for her keys to bomb to the rescue before she realised that not only did she not know exactly where Ash was, and that his location was in a different country, but she wouldn’t be welcome even if they were right across the street. Her turd of an ex had made sure of that. Well, him and her own bad judgement. As if it wasn’t bad enough that he’d destroyed her life, she suspected he was the one behind the rumours being published by the daily mudslingers.

  “If there are no issues, then you’ll all be fine with me taking a few photographs.” Spook had evidently decided it was time to provide some back-up, and while he clearly wasn’t stopping anything that was going on, his remark seemed to convince most of the women to run for cover. Squeals and protests accompanied the shutter snap of his photo application.

  “I didn’t consent to you taking that. Delete it, now!”

  “Did Ash consent to you stripping him?”

  There followed the scuffle of multiple people moving, and of bedsprings creaking.

  “I haven’t done anything wrong. You delete that, you hear. You delete that…”

  The shrieks faded into the background, and the line went quiet save for some laboured breathing.

  “Now will you admit I was right,” Dani said. She received several murmured apologies.

  Now that she knew Ash was safe, Ginny knew she ought to end the call. Dani was unaware she was eavesdropping, and the international call charges would be astronomical. That fact alone gave her stomach twinges, until she recalled that Xane was most likely picking up the bill, and Xane didn’t worry about money in the same way that normal people did. He had no concept of what it was like to be stony broke. While he hadn’t come from a very loving home, he’d never lacked for material things.

  “Hey, Danger Dude.” Ginny could imagine Dani gently prodding Ash in the centre of his tatty vintage T-shirt of his favourite superhero. “You feeling okay?”

  There was no audible response, and Ginny strained her ears, making sure. She hadn’t heard Ash’s voice since Christmas Eve, and longed to hear even the smallest groan he might make.

  “That good, huh? I thought as much. You really need to stop drinking so much. It’s not a solution. Yes, I know why you do it. We all know why.”

  “It’s my birthday… Ist traditional,” he slurred.

  “Yeah, that’s totally the main reason your paralytic.”

  “I brought some water,” Spook said. “And a large bucket.”

  “That qualifies as a bucket?” Dani sounded incredulous.

  “The bigger the bucket, the less emptying it requires. Believe me, I know how this works. I’ve had tons of practice. Xane, help me get him upright. Let’s see if we can get some water into him.”

  Gurgling and gagging sounds ensued, followed by copious retching noises, and punctuated by effing somethings.

  “That’s it, get it up. Now, let’s get you rolled over. There we go, on your side, arm behind you like this, and that one tucked up under here.”

  “Just fu’king leave me to die alone.”

  “Can’t do that. You’ve just scored us our biggest hit to date. We’ll be needing more of your song-writing genius,” Xane insisted.

  Bedsprings creaked. “Dani would you fetch some more water?” Spook asked.

  “I don’t want any bloody water.”

  That was clearly Ash. Her heart swelled at the sound of his voice, even as it was torn ragged by how down he clearly was.

  “Yeah, well, I’m not overly keen on patting your back while you spew, but we do these things because we know it’s for the best.”

  “You don’t know anything. How did you not know about her? You know about everybody else. You check out everybody else.”

  “Ginny was different,” Spook soothed.

  “Don’t you mention her. Don’t you talk to me about her. What she did… What she did, Spook…”

  More spewing noises ensued. “That’s right, get it all up. You’ll feel better for it.”

  “I fucking hate you.”

  “As you say. You know it’s funny. Every time we have one of these late night bonding sessions you burble all this crap about hating my guts, and how evil I am, but then you’re always eager to share just one more session. I think I even kind of missed this while you were being happily monogamous.”

  “Weirdo.”

  “Here you go.” Dani had obviously returned with the water.

  “Thank you, Dani.” Spook broke the seal on the bottle, and obviously thrust it at Ash.

  “Don’t want it.”

  “Drink it or I’ll force it down your throat.”

  “And he’ll enjoy it.” Xane was with them again.

  “It’ll make me heave again,” Ash moaned.

  “That’s the idea, fuckwit. Shall I hold him?”

  “Why do we want to make him heave?” Dani asked. You could tell she’d never in her life been drunk. She’d never needed to purge herself of all the toxins she’d swallowed.

  Holding Ash down had evidently become a reality judging by the sounds of water being splashed around and spluttered over things.

  “Leave me a-fucking-lone. Without her I want to die, okay? I just want to fucking die.”

  Ginny hit the end call button, Ash’s cries still ringing in her ears, and the sounds of him heaving into the oversized bucket as loud as if he were with her here in her room.

  Aw, hell, there was some drunken dipstick heaving into the bushes outside her window. Ginny slammed it closed, returned to her bed-nest. It was entirely her fault that Ash was in this state. She shivered, but no matter how tightly she pulled the duvet around her shoulders, she couldn’t seem to stop shaking, or hold back the guttural sobs that gripped her for an i
ndeterminate amount of time.

  The thing was, once she’d cried herself out, she knew it was up to her to fix this. But, how the hell did you mend something so badly broken? If she were only free of Miles, at least she’d feel she had a future she could offer Ash. Maybe even a married future filled with all those kids he was so keen on having. He’d be a hopeless father—hopelessly indulgent, that is.

  “Oh God, Ash… I miss you so much. I never meant to hurt you like this. I should have trusted you.”

  It was easy to blame Miles for everything, but in truth, this was entirely her fault. What she ought to have done, and what any sensible, honest person would have done, was admit the truth the moment things became serious between them. It might not have been pleasant. It might have killed their relationship in its infancy, but the pain couldn’t possibly have been as bad as this.

  You couldn’t pave over shit and not expect the smell to leak up through the cracks.

  Her phone rang, the vibration function making it dance over the surface of the mattress. Dani again.

  “Were you listening in?” her friend asked.

  And, she’d been caught red-handed. “I didn’t mean to,” she blabbed.

  “I meant you to. You need to get your butt out here and make things right again, Ginny, preferably before one of the trolls does more than pinch his arse and relieve him of his pants. You heard everything, right? It’s every bit as bad as it probably sounds.”

  “If I had any clue how to do that—”

  “You could start by fucking apologising.”

  Ginny gasped. The Saint was swearing at her.

  “How can I? He won’t speak to me. He’s blocking my calls.”

  “In person, Ginny. You’ve seen the movies, you’ve read enough books. You need to do something big to fix things when you muck up this badly.”

  Hollywood did so love its grand gestures, people chasing one another across town in the dead of the night, or taking long-haul flights halfway around the globe so that they turned up right when the other person needed them. Or else, they’d have to conquer their biggest fears, like a petrifying hatred of snakes, or an inability to take one foot off the ground let alone climb a ladder.