Stay With Me

by Kathryn Shay

  Extending his arm, he pulled her close; she sank down on the edge of the bed and laid her head on his chest just like she used to when she was little and he’d read her stories—on the rare nights he was home. “I’m here, Dad,” she whispered, as always sensing his need. “Everything will be fine.”

  o0o

  EVERYHING WAS A MESS. Spence gazed out over the lake on Thursday morning, stumped by how miserable life had become since a week ago, when he’d been on his way to Niagara Falls with Jeff and the Castles. But it was too breathtaking of a day for these piss-poor feelings. The lake shimmered in circles of gold, as if the sun had sent down a series of feathery kisses that made the water smile. Even the ducks were out, quacking and gliding under the docks, six little babies with their momma.

  Spence swore, thinking of his own little duckling, Jeff, who’d flown the coop—literally and figuratively—because papa duck had been a bastard. Using his favorite defense mechanism, Spence had closed down after the hospital visit with Austin.

  Just recalling that night made him cringe. He’d been at a stalemate with his son when Alexis interrupted with news of Austin. Afterwards, the shock of Jeff’s canceled trip got all mixed up with the shock of Alexis’s decision to stay in Rochester with her father. By then, Spence was pulling into himself quicker than a turtle into its shell.

  After the hospital visit, Spence had driven Jeff, Alexis and Jamie to the Castles’ Rochester house—a classy three-storey condo in an upscale section of the city known as Corn Hill. Jamie had dragged Jeff off to show him her room.

  “I know you don’t want me to stay,” Alexis had told him in the kitchen, where she and Spence had a modicum of privacy. “But I’m worried about Dad. If I don’t take over, he won’t get the proper rest and he won’t heal.”

  Drawing her to him, Spence held on tight and buried his face in the tangle of hair that still smelled like the sexy perfume she’d worn the night before. “I’m worried about your healing.”

  “I’m better, Spence.”

  He stared down into her eyes, trying not to resent the fact that they were the eyes of the future CEO of Castle Enterprises. “You were walkin’ a fine line when you came to Catasaga Lake, sweetheart. I don’t want it to happen again.”

  “It won’t.”

  “And Jamie’s just gotten her bearings because you’ve been around.”

  She’d snuggled into him. “I have to return to work some time, Spence. We’re all going to have to deal with this eventually.”

  It had been like a slap in the face with cold water. He wasn’t ready to acknowledge reality yet. He suspected their relationship was too fragile to withstand it. He wondered whether Jamie could handle her mother’s absence so soon. And it wasn’t as if Austin Castle had some life-threatening illness. What the hell was he doing playing tennis at his age, anyway? And why couldn’t they cancel the damn meetings?

  Bothered by the two ominous turn of events, Spence had been sullen on the drive across town to Jeff’s apartment on Sunday morning. Jeff had taken the silence personally and clammed up—an old pattern between the two of them. Judd had been waiting in the parking lot and Spence had fumed all over again.

  Jeff made one last effort. “Dad, about the Glen...”

  Inside his Cherokee, watching his father pop the trunk of his Jag, Spence had felt the old familiar resentment take over and win. “We’re both tired. Let it go for now.” He’d looked up at Jeff then, and in the harsh morning light, had noted the worry lines around his mouth, and the wrinkle or two in his forehead. “After this trip, you should think about taking some time off,” Spence had told his son. At Jeff’s concentrated stare—waiting for more—Spence searched hard for the father inside of him. He reached out and gave Jeff’s arm a squeeze. “We’ll talk, son,” he’d said simply and driven off. It was the best he could do, though as usual, he’d come up short.

  During the week, his phone conversations with Alexis had built the walls around him higher...

  “I’m in Chicago.”

  “Where’s Jamie?”

  “With the nanny she’s had for years.”

  The next night...

  “I miss you.”

  “Come home, Lexy.”

  “I can’t. My father needs me.”

  I need you, he’d wanted to say. So does Jamie. But he’d changed the subject and hung up, disgruntled.

  Finally, Wednesday...

  “I think I can wrap this up in the morning and be back tomorrow afternoon,” she told him.

  “I can’t wait to see you.”

  “I...um...probably can’t come to the lake until the weekend. I’ll need to brief Dad and make sure he’s all right.”

  That’s what you get for hoping. “Sure, whatever.”

  Angry at his own behavior, and at the damn reminiscence, Spence rose from the porch swing and scanned the lake. He noticed Jamie’s little Starfish bobbing in the water by the dock. Its moorings needed tightening. Tramping down to their dock, he’d just hitched up the lines when he heard a voice behind him, “Hey, Indy, get away from my rig.”

  Tipping up the brim of his fedora-style hat—hence the nickname—Spence experienced a surge of gratitude. Jamie was here. Therefore, so was her mother. Alexis must have headed right for the lake, after all. That he was so anxious to see her didn’t sit well. Just like wanting Jeff’s company so much prickled him. He hated needing people.

  “Keag? The boat?”

  “The lines came loose in the storm last night.”

  Jamie drew up close. Though her hair was now a natural color, her clothes were still wild—bright flowered baggy pants and a lime-green T-shirt with matching high-tops. Without thinking about it, he reached out and hugged her. She held on tight. Too tight.

  “You okay, kid?” he asked, releasing her.

  “Yeah, sure,” she said, shrugging.

  A loud quack, followed by several softer ones, drew her attention to the water. “Oh, Keag, look! The ducklings.”

  He smiled as she trekked to the end of the dock and called to the birds. After a moment, she faced him. “Where’s the male? He was with her and the ducklings last time I saw them.”

  How on earth did Spence keep getting into this position? Where was her mother—or even a good biology teacher—when you needed her? “You read the books, Jame.”

  “I don’t remember.”

  A Freudian lapse, he suspected. “The drake only hangs around about two weeks after the birth of the babies. Then he heads out.”

  A worldly expression claimed her face. “Just like people.”

  Ignoring his own paternal guilt, he tried to comfort her. “The dad doesn’t stay around?”

  “Or the mom.”

  Cocking his head, Spence felt something cold unfurl inside him. He glanced toward Clare’s cottage. “Where’s your mother?”

  “The windy city.”

  “I thought she’d be back by now.”

  “Millions of dollars hang in the balance, Keag. And only Superwoman can make the deals, didn’t ya know?”

  Though he already resented Alexis’s absence, he felt a new surge of anger on behalf of the young girl, who pretended to be so blasé. “I’m sorry, Jame.”

  With typical teenage bravado, she shrugged. “Hey, no problemo. This is old stuff, Indy. At least she let the Castle Enterprises chauffeur drive me down here. I’m stayin’ with Aunt Clare and Portia.” She wiggled her brows. “But if you really feel bad for me, you can take me and Max out waterskiing today.”

  Grinning, he realized he’d been had. “I think I can handle that.”

  “All right!” She gave him a high five. “I’ll go get my suit. Max’ll be here in ten.”

  “I gotta change, too. Meet you at the boat.”

  The minute he walked into his house the phone rang. “Keagan.”

  “Keag, it’s Teddy. Sally said you called me.”

  Early in the week, he’d phoned Teddy about going to the Glen. Unable to reach his buddy, Spence had vacillated
for days between taking Teddy or waiting for Jeff.

  Now, he pictured his son climbing into Judd’s Jaguar. He heard Alexis on the phone, My father needs me. He saw Jamie’s pitiful bravado as she pretended not to care that her mother was gone. Even the fatherless ducklings paraded through his mind.

  This intimacy—this getting close and letting others in—he didn’t like the feel of it one bit.

  “Yeah, I called,” he said, into the receiver. “I got two tickets to the Glen this weekend. Wanna go with me?”

  o0o

  “WHAT DO YOU mean he’s gone?” Alexis sat back on one of Portia’s deck chairs early Saturday morning, with one eye on Jamie and Max, who were down on the dock sketching the ducks on big white pads.

  Concentrating on her feet, her cousin painted a long, metallic-gray stripe on her middle toenail, the color matching her new, shiny, silver bikini. “He went to Watkins Glen.”

  “Oh, I forgot. He had those tickets from Jeff.”

  “He didn’t go with Jeff.”

  The sinking feeling in Alexis’s chest gave way to surprise. And a little wariness. “What do you mean?”

  “Teddy picked him up last night.”

  Shaking her head, Alexis frowned. “But Jeff gave him those tickets for Father’s Day. They were supposed to go together.”

  Portia shrugged. Her violet eyes leveled on Alexis. “Why don’t you know this? I thought you two were close.”

  “We are,” she protested.

  Portia waited.

  “He was upset that I stayed in Rochester and traveled to Chicago this week.”

  “That doesn’t surprise me, Lex.”

  Of their own accord, her shoulders sagged. And a niggling pain curled through her stomach. “I know.” She glanced toward the lake. “First Jamie, now this.”

  “What about Jamie?”

  Alexis shot her cousin an exasperated look. “I’m sure it’s no secret that I’ve turned into Cinderella’s wicked stepmother again. Jamie had a fit when we didn’t return to the lake this week. That’s why I imposed and asked if she could stay with you.”

  “It’s not an imposition. I love having Jamie here. And you.” She squeezed Alexis’s arm. “I’m going to miss you when you go back to Rochester.”

  The familiar clutch in her heart that she got every time she thought about the end of the summer reared its head, demanding attention. “I know. I feel bad about it, too.”

  “Then stay.”

  Alexis straightened. “Stay? Here?”

  “Yeah. You can buy Ma’s cottage and renovate it, or get some fancy condo in the east end. No law says you have to go back to the big city.”

  “But Jamie’s school’s in Rochester. And my work is based there.”

  “Jamie’d be ecstatic if she got to live on the lake year-round. And she’d love Catasaga High. We talked about their great arts program when we went to The Cranberries concert and saw a display of students’ work in the courtyard.”

  A kaleidoscope of possibilities bombarded Alexis— having a real home, belonging to a community, staying close to family. And staying with Spence. All of which were an impossible dream. She might as well wish for a condo on the moon. “It would never work, Porsche. We’re based in Rochester, but Jamie and I spend a lot of weekends and vacations in New York and Chicago. We would’ve been in one of those cities this summer, if I hadn’t gotten sick.”

  “So you’ll slide into your old life, abandon Jamie to a nanny and welcome your ulcer with open arms.” She waited a beat. “And, of course, lose a wonderful man in the process.”

  Alexis was cold-cocked by the sarcasm in Portia’s voice. Or was it the truth of her words? “Well, don’t be afraid to tell me how you really feel.”

  Tilting her delicately-sculpted chin, Portia held Alexis’s gaze. “It looks like somebody’s got to tell you. Jamie’s a different person on the lake. Spence is crazy about you.” Her voice trembled a bit. “And pardon me if I love having my best friend back again.” With that she rose. “I’m going to check on Ma.” And she was gone.

  Alexis sank into the deck chair, speechless. “Where did that come from?” she asked aloud.

  From somebody who doesn’t want to see you blow it. Lexy, it appeared, sided with Portia.

  A spurt of anger roiled through Alexis. Damn it, she was simply trying to hold things together. And she was exhausted. Her father had been a bear, what with his injury-induced idleness, his battles with the crutches and his worries about Castle Enterprises. She’d managed to ease his concern about the business and had flown to Chicago for the tedious and tense meeting with the presidents of each of their companies. All the while she’d worried about Jamie, who got more and more sullen on the phone every night. And she missed Spence, who’d grown as distant as the Milky Way by the end of the week, when she hadn’t even been able to reach him.

  What was she supposed to do? Abandon her father? Let the business fail?

  Take care of yourself—Lexy answered—and those you love.

  o0o

  MAX LOOKED OVER at Jamie, her black eyes wide with concern. “You gonna ask her?”

  Nonchalantly Jamie skimmed a stone on the lake. “Maybe, maybe not.”

  “You said you would.”

  “I, uh, she’s...”

  Max grinned. “You sound like me, Jame.”

  Jamie watched Max. What would she do in Rochester without her? They were best friends. Jamie couldn’t even bear the thought of going back to her fancy private school, where all the girls stared at her as if she were “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and treated her like dirt. “My mom’s a city slicker, Max. We don’t have a shot in hell of staying on this lake.”

  “But you got so much money. Seems to me something could be arranged.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “And if she’s gonna leave you somewhere anyway, it oughtta be here with me, and the McPhersons and Keag, dontcha think? I’d die if they weren’t around when my ‘rents are invisible.”

  Jamie scowled. “We’re just not like other people.”

  Max’s head snapped up like a doe scenting humans. Her gaze fixed on a spot behind Jamie.

  “Jame?”

  Rolling her eyes, Jamie realized they’d been caught. Well, the best defense...She pivoted. “Hey, Bill Gates, what dragged you away from your computer?”

  Her mother sighed in frustration, but Jamie saw the hurt flash across her face. “Max, I’d like to talk to Jamie alone.”

  Leaping to her feet like a stealthy cat, Max crept away just as quietly.

  “That was rude,” Jamie said.

  “I’m sorry. But I want to know what you meant that we’re not like other people.”

  “Surely you jest.”

  “Just answer me.”

  “Mother, we’re about as normal as the Kennedys. We live a life completely different from regular people.”

  “Don’t you like our life?”

  “No, do you?”

  Doubt flicked in her mother’s eyes. “Of course I do.” Then more vehemently, “Of course I do.”

  “What’s that line from Shakespeare Keag likes? The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”

  “What does Spence have to do with this?”

  Jamie shook her head. Adults were such dorks sometimes. “Mom, I’m not blind. He’s nuts about you. And you act like a real person around him. Not some corporate cutout.”

  Alexis just stared at her.

  On a roll, Jamie went for broke. “I like Keag. I like living on the lake. I like being normal.”

  Her mother threw up her hands and they slapped noisily on her denim-covered thighs. “This from the female version of James Dean? Everything you do makes you stand out from the crowd.”

  Again, Jamie shook her head, disgusted. “You shouldn’t need Dear Abby to help you figure that one out, Mom.” Turning, Jamie left to find Max. She wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t.

  Swiping the tears away, she stumbled up the grassy path.

  o0or />
  ALONE, ALEXIS PACED back and forth on Spence’s deck at nine o’clock Sunday night. A sullen Jamie had asked to stay overnight with Max when she found out Alexis was driving back to Rochester. Portia, unusually subdued, was out on a date, and Spence hadn’t returned yet from Watkins Glen. So she waited.

  Get used to being alone. You’re slowly alienating everybody who cares about you.

  No, damn it. She wouldn’t allow that to happen. She could have it all.

  Do you want it all?

  Yes.

  No.

  Crossing to the edge of the deck, she gazed out at the lake. The slice of moon that smiled down from the inky sky reminded her of the night she and Spence had made love on the shadowy float that bobbed gracefully a hundred feet out from shore.

  She might not know whether she wanted it all but she did know some things. Which was why she was here, praying for Spence to return. She wasn’t going to let this rift between them widen. She planned to drive back to Rochester tonight, tie up the Chicago budget meetings, and return to Catasaga Lake in a few days.

  For how long? If it was this bad for only a week...

  “Alexis?”

  Turning, she saw Spence silhouetted in the doorway of his house, soft interior lights glowing behind him. His shoulders seemed bigger, his height taller. She could just make out his features. They were stony.

  All she could think of to say was, “Hi.”

  “What are you doin’ here?”

  “Waiting for you to come home.”

  He leaned against the doorjamb, one arm raised above his head. “Why?”

  Her heart sank. “Don’t you want to see me?”

  He didn’t answer. Instead, he pushed off the doorjamb and crossed the deck. Towering over her, he gripped her shoulders and took her mouth. It was a bruising kiss. When he let her go, she stumbled backwards. He turned away from her and faced the lake.

  “If that’s supposed to be my answer, I’m even more confused.”

  “Well, join the club.”

  “What are you confused about?”

  Expelling a heavy sigh, he shook his head. “I guess I’m not sure anymore about what I want from the people in my life.”

  Darkness enveloped them. The waves lapped on the shore and crickets chimed their nightly chorus. Spence’s white shirt stood out in the blackness. “Why did you go to Watkins Glen without Jeff?” she asked him.