Broken Butterfly: Fallen Brook Series: Book 3

by Jennilynn Wyer

  Well, that one is weird. I delete it.

  Chapter 21

  “Good morning, running buddy!”

  I think I jump about five feet. Liz is leaning back against the railing across from my front door. “Christ, you scared the shit out of me.”

  Biding my time, I bend down to re-tie and double knot my shoelaces, secretly happy that she’s here. I do a few stretches and Liz does the same. She has her hair pulled up in a high ponytail and is wearing long exercise pants, a Randy’s Custom Auto hoodie, and gloves since it’s cold out this morning. Her cheeks and nose are already rosy from the chilled air. God, I’ve missed her.

  I take off at a slow jog, my feet finding a steady rhythm. Liz keeps pace, staying at my side.

  “I think I may drop out of CU and become a tattoo artist.”

  She’s trying to cut through the tension between us by making light banter. I give her side-eye but say nothing.

  “Apparently, I’m very good at drawing on people. I think I scored an entire opera of musical notes on Ryder’s body with permanent marker. Oh, and I wrote a song for you last night. It’s called ‘I’m sorry and I love you and please don’t be mad at me anymore because I miss you and need you in my life.’”

  The snort of laughter escapes before I can stop it.

  “I can sing it for you.” And she does. She uses the beat of our feet pounding the ground to keep time with the words as she chants like an army drill sergeant. A few other joggers give us bemused looks as they pass by. I know she’s making up the lines as she goes, but it’s funny as hell and very endearing—and I give in. I love this girl too much to stay upset with her.

  I come to an abrupt halt, causing her to trip over her feet and slam sideways into me. We fall on the frost-covered ground in a heap of tangled limbs.

  “You’re relentless, you know that?” I playfully admonish from my supine position.

  “Do you forgive me, Julien?” The hopeful puppy dog expression on her face would have done me in if I hadn’t already surrendered.

  “You knew full well that I couldn’t stay mad at you forever.”

  “One day of you being mad at me feels like forever, and it’s been days which means longer than eternity.”

  I stand up and her pull her with me. “That’s not even mathematically possible.”

  Strands of her ponytail are sticking to her face. I take each piece and gently push them back into place. And because I’ve missed her so damn much, I plant a smacking kiss on her frosty pink lips.

  “Don’t leave me again. I’m serious. If you need to escape or need room to breathe, let me know. Send pigeon carrier mail for all I care. Just let me know.”

  “It may have to be pigeon mail. Fallon confiscated my phone while we were away, but he texted Ryder almost every day. Didn’t Ryder tell you and Jayson?”

  “He told us, but it’s not the same as hearing from you. And I was envious that Ry was the one Fallon was communicating with and not me.” I reach for her hand and loop it through my arm at the elbow. Liz snuggles into my side and we start walking.

  “You going to tell me what the hell is going on between you, Jay, Ry, and Fallon? Jay said that the two of you were back together. That’s clearly not the case, is it?”

  A cloud of vapor rises up like smoke as Liz exhales hard. “I feel like I’ve been on repeat the past few days explaining the same things to everyone.”

  “Let me make it simple. Are you and Jay back together?”

  “No. But I did make a very, very big mistake the night my memories came back. That’s why I ran away. I had to sort things out in my head. You know how much I loved Jayson.”

  I can only interpret that very big mistake to mean they had sex. I also catch the last sentence – loved Jayson, not love in the present tense. A slip of the tongue?

  “I will always love Jayson. But I don’t love him the way I love Ryder.”

  “And Fallon?”

  “As much as you, Ryder, and Jayson care about me, you couldn’t help me in that moment. Us being around each other would have only made things worse for everyone. Fallon was dead on when he told me that. That’s why I went with him. He understands me in a way that the three of you couldn’t. I know how that must sound, especially since we’ve been inseparable for most of our lives, but Fallon was the only person who could help me. I don’t regret going with him. He literally saved me, Julien, and I will be grateful to him for the rest of my life.”

  I chew on that for a minute, wanting to ask more about what’s going on between her and Fallon. There’s clearly something deeper there.

  “Where does Ry fit into all of this?” I ask her.

  “Ryder is my everything, Julien. That night with Jayson should not have happened, but I’m the only one to blame. I didn’t mean to make things worse, and now Jayson won’t listen to me. He refuses to accept that I’m with Ryder.”

  “You know how stubborn my brother is when it comes to you. You know he’ll never give up.” Knowing my brother, Jay will scorch the earth to get her back, especially now that her memories have returned.

  She winces. “Julien, I don’t even remember how I got to your condo that night. That’s how messed up I was. I only realized what had happened after I woke up the next morning.”

  “Have you spoken to your doctors? What do they say?”

  She winces again. “No. I’m going to see Dr. Clairemont later this week.”

  I give her a hard stare. “And your neurologist.”

  “Why? I’m feeling great. I’ve had no other issues this past month.”

  “Liz, I mean it. Full check-up from every doctor. I’m not budging on this. I’m surprised Ryder hasn’t strong-armed you into every one of their offices yet.”

  She laughs. “Oh, trust me. He has been on me like ants on honey.”

  I snicker at her double entendre, “I bet.”

  “Okay, you’ve got me there.” She grins.

  If Liz remembers everything now, then she remembers that night. The only good thing to be said about this mess is that she may be able to recall details about her attacker to help the police finally catch the depraved murderer who hurt her and killed her family.

  I switch subjects. “How are you doing after all the Thanksgiving drama?”

  Liz kicks a pinecone down the path. “It was a lot. The house, telling your parents about Elizabeth Ann, talking to Jayson. Elijah’s dad wants me to call the detective in charge of the case. Speaking of Elijah…”

  “E and I are taking things slow. I guess it was kind of hypocritical of me to be mad at you when I was hurting him in almost the same way.”

  “Don’t think I didn’t notice the two of you sneaking off together the other night. I’m glad you guys are working things out.”

  “Me too. I’m trying to do by better by him.” I look at my watch and see the time. Jay had told me last night Liz was coming over for breakfast. I was going to stay away after she would have left for class. Looks like my plans have changed. “You ready to head back?”

  “Wow, has it been an hour already?”

  “I don’t know how you’ve been keeping up with your coursework while away, but I made sure to take really good notes for you in chem.”

  “You were angry with me and still took notes for me? Aww,” she gushes and squeezes my arm. “Fallon said he had it covered, whatever that means. I guess I’ll find out today. I can’t believe the semester is almost over and then it’ll be Christmas break and off to Seattle.”

  “Have you spoken to Daniel or Drew at all?”

  Liz’s face falls and she rests her head against my shoulder as we walk. “No, I haven’t. Not since the hospital. That’s something else I’m going to rectify soon. I just don’t know how yet. Drew has been texting me. With everything he’s going through with his chemo, I feel so damn guilty about not reaching out to him. It’s just I’m still so angry at them. How could they keep secret the fact that I was pregnant and lost my baby?”

  I don’t reply bec
ause I’m also still mad as hell that Daniel kept what happened to Liz and Elizabeth Ann a secret. “You and I still have so much we need to talk about, Liz.”

  “I know.”

  But at least this morning was a start. Hopefully, it will be smoother sailing from here on in.

  “There’s a fight tonight,” Jayson says as he walks me down to my car. I couldn’t stay long for breakfast since I have to rush back to my apartment and shower before my nine o’clock class.

  I settle back against my cherry red car. “Are you asking me to come?”

  “Well, you mentioned before that you wanted to.”

  After I disappeared, Jayson started fighting in what I can only describe as underground college fight clubs. It seems to be a thing these days. Instead of drinking himself unconscious, he turned to using his fists as a way to deal with his emotions. I asked him to stop fighting when I saw him with bruises and scabbed-over cuts on his face, but Jayson confessed to me that he couldn’t; he said he needed it. I felt so damn culpable at the time, knowing what happened to me was the reason he was fighting.

  Jayson reaches out and takes my hand, his thumb tracing slowly back and forth across my knuckles. “Will you come?” he softly asks, and that’s when I see it. Hope. He has so much damn hope in his eyes.

  Jayson is opening the door for me, begging me to come inside, needing me to see him. The dynamic between the two of us over the past several months has been complex and often strained. With my amnesia, I didn’t remember him. I didn’t remember us. And then I fell in love with Ryder. And a month ago, the worst thing happened. My memories came back and the first thing I did was sleep with Jayson. It took Fallon, one month, and a trip around the world for me to come to grips with everything. Only then was I ready to choose who I wanted to be and who I wanted to be with. In the end, my heart chose Ryder.

  And there lies the guilt. Jayson wants to fight to get me back.

  I should tell him no, that I won’t come watch him tonight. But I can’t. Jayson was always my best friend before we became more, and I miss that part of us. I miss him. I miss the silver-eyed boy who would play knights and dragons with me. The boy who would stomp in the creek while holding my hand as we drenched our shoes and clothes. The same boy who would monkey across the oak tree between our houses and climb through my window. If there is even the slightest chance that boy still exists in the fierce man in front of me, I need to try and connect with that part of him. In a perfect world, Jayson and I could remain friends even though I would be with Ryder. But as life has shown me over and over again, perfect is never an option.

  No one should blame Jayson for his anger. I sure as hell don’t. I would be fucking angry too if I lost the person that I loved only to have them come back and not remember me, then fall in love with someone else. I get it, I really do, but I can’t help the way I feel. I may be Ryder’s girlfriend, but I’m still Jayson’s friend. Part of being a friend is being there for the other person, and I want to be there for Jayson.

  “Yes, I’ll come.” His silver eyes flash at my acceptance. “How safe is it? Should I be worried about the cops showing up?” I pull my hand back from his intimate hold, needing to re-establish boundaries.

  “We’ve never had problems before. Do you remember how we would get GPS coordinates the day of the bonfire parties that told us where to go?” I nod. “That’s basically what happens with the fights. We get texted a location a few hours before. It’s usually some abandoned field or warehouse out in the middle of nowhere. Your friend, Trevor, said he used to fight. He should know how things are done if you want to ask him.”

  “Maybe he’ll want to come.” I’m a little trepidatious about being around a group of testosterone-filled college guys who want to beat the shit out of each other for fun. It’s a given that Ryder will come with me, possibly Fallon too. Might as well go all in and ask Meredith if she wants to come as well. Watching sweaty, muscled men punch each other should be right up her alley. Julien is going out with Elijah tonight and I am not going to get in the way of their reconciliation by asking them to join us.

  As I’m unlocking my car door to get in, Jayson cups the back of my neck and pulls me in to press a kiss to my forehead. “See you after chem?”

  I hastily get in my car and plaster on a smile. “Absolutely.”

  Jayson hesitates like he wants to say something else, then shakes his head slightly and raps his knuckles on the hood of the car.

  I roll my window down. “Jayson?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Would you like to come over this weekend? To hang out or talk?”

  “Yeah, Liz. I’d like that,” he replies. In my rearview mirror, I see him standing in the parking lot, watching me as I drive away.

  Rushing home to get ready for school, I barge into the apartment, throwing my bag on the floor and hurrying to the bedroom. I hear the shower running. Perfect timing. It takes me less than ten seconds to strip and step inside the humid air of the bathroom.

  I’m filled with optimism this morning. Julien forgave me, I’m working on rebuilding my foundational friendship with Jayson, Fallon is…well, Fallon, and I adore him, black soul and all. I’m back in Meredith’s good graces. Trevor and I picked up our friendship right we left off. I spent Thanksgiving with Ryder and his family. We visited with Freda and Mitch. And most importantly, Ryder loves me.

  “Any room for one more?” I ask, stepping behind Ryder in the hot spray. He turns around and wraps me in a warm, sudsy hug. I walk my fingers up the hard plain of his chest and rise on tiptoe to welcome his kiss. Perfect.

  “I was going to text you but decided not to since you said you wanted to talk with Julien this morning. I didn’t want to intrude. How did it go?”

  He hands me my bottle of jasmine soap and I lather it in my washcloth. “We talked and made up, so all is right with the world again.”

  Ryder takes the washcloth from me and begins to rub it over my body. I can’t help the illicit moan that escapes. I slap my hand over my mouth and giggle up at him with wide eyes. “You always bring out the wanton hussy in me.”

  Ryder smiles devilishly and turns me around in the spray to rinse off the soap. “Do we have time?” he asks in that low, husky voice that makes my thighs clench together.

  “I so very much really wish we did, but I only have like twenty-five minutes to get to class,” I tell him as my sneaky hand reaches back and curls itself around his thick, smooth cock and strokes him from base to tip.

  “Elizabeth,” he moans, and I flip us around so he’s directly in the shower spray.

  I rise up and murmur in his ear while continuing my leisurely stroking of him. “You missed a spot here with the soap. I’m just helping clean it off.” I rub my thumb in circles around the tip and use the lubrication of the water to start pumping up and down in long, hard, smooth motions.

  Ryder glides his hand down my stomach, and I open my legs wider for him. I have no doubt we can get each other off within five minutes. Plenty of time for me to grab a trail bar, throw on some clothes, and get to class.

  Fifteen minutes later, Ryder drives us to campus in my car. On the ride over, I tell him about going to watch Jayson fight tonight, and of course he says he’ll come. We park in the student lot, and as we walk hand in hand across the quad to Mason Hall, my skin starts to prickle and feel uncomfortable, erasing the effervescent feeling I’d been enjoying since the orgasm Ryder gave me in the shower. An eerie foreboding of someone watching me slithers its way down my spine. I look around and notice several groups of students blatantly staring at me and Ryder, some with hands cupped around their mouths like they’re passing secrets. After the comments from those girls yesterday at Meredith’s dorm, having more people stare at me today puts me on edge.

  Ryder drops me off at Mason Hall with a sweet kiss and a reminder that he’ll meet me after class. I, in turn, remind him that I’ll be dropping by Fallon’s after chem class and that he should meet up with me there when he gets out of his afterno
on class. Once in the auditorium, I take my usual seat with Meredith and Trevor, but I still feel several eyes on me and it’s starting to really freak me out. I dart my gaze around the room.

  “Is it me, or are a lot of people staring over our way?”

  Meredith is overt in her perusal of the auditorium. Several heads turn away from her glare.

  “Nope, not just you. What’s up with that?” she says. She checks her clothes, smooths her hair, and lifts up her shoes.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Making sure there’s no toilet paper stuck to the bottom of my shoes or a bird in my hair.” See roams her gaze over Trevor, then me. “Nothing embarrassing sticking on or out of us. So those bitches better stop staring!” she announces loudly, sticking her middle finger up at a group of girls who won’t stop giggling and pointing our way. I notice Trevor tense up and scowl at the girls, so I try and distract him before he flies off the handle like he did yesterday.

  “If you guys aren’t busy tonight, Jayson is fighting, and I told him that I would come.”

  Like I knew she would be, Meredith is instantly distracted from her sneer-war with the rude, giggling girls.

  “Hell, yes. A bunch of aggressive alpha males. Count me in,” she replies.

  Trevor leans back so he can talk past Meredith to me. “It can get pretty gruesome. Are you sure you want to see that?”

  Because I’m curious, I ask him, “What was it like? You said you fought for a couple of years and then stopped.”

  “I needed an outlet for my anger after my mom died. What was it like? A bunch of dickheads with very loud mouths, bigger egos, and little to show for it. Most of the time, a couple of well-placed punches to the face would take them down. A lot of guys think they know how to fight. It was easy money.”

  Meredith and I both express surprise. “You got paid? To fight?”

  “What? Did you not expect anyone to place bets on which fighter would win his round, or for the winner to get a cut of the pot?”

  No, I honestly didn’t. “Why did you stop?”