“I love him, Liz. I don’t want to go another day without him. Our fight was stupid. If I made you feel like I blamed you in any way, I am so very sorry. You were the first person, and the only person, for a long while who stood by our relationship from the very beginning. I won’t ever forget the sacrifices you made in high school to make sure Jules and I had alone time to be together and not have to hide who we were to each other. I will always love you for that. And it would mean the world to me if you would stand by my side on my wedding day.”
My hand connects with his in a high-five. “Elijah, it would be my pleasure.”
“So that’s a yes?”
“Of course it’s a yes! Oh, do I get to wear a tux too?”
His eyes twinkle. “Liz, you would rock it in a tux. Like a sexy secret agent.”
“As long as it’s not pink. Or red. Or purple.”
“Jules asked Jay to be his best man but he’s going to ask Ry as well. He always felt like Ry was as much his brother as Jay was.”
“So cute. Like co-best men. I love it.” Noticing some sugar cookies, I pick one up. Freda must have made them earlier. She’s a wizard at cookie icing. I could never get the hang of it. I nibble on the trunk of a frosted Christmas tree.
“I know the Seattle trip was something personal between the four of you, but if you ever need to talk about anything, including Elizabeth Ann, I’m here for you, Liz. I hope you know that.”
I’ve always had a soft spot for Elijah. He truly is one of the really good guys. He gave up his full ride to Stanford to help take care of Julien when I disappeared after my attack. He and I were friends even before he grew close to Julien, Ryder, or Jayson.
A cheer goes up in the other room. “Sounds like they found the football game.”
“Football’s never been my thing.”
“I know!” I smirk. “You fall asleep after the first five minutes of every game we watch together.”
“Want to start decorating the tree?”
“Lead the way, E.”
Chapter 32
“It was the sweetest little thing I have ever seen,” I tell Faith. Freda had knitted a Christmas stocking for Elizabeth Ann that she let me hang with everyone else’s along the fireplace mantle.
“Freda has always been such a good woman. My heart breaks for her, and for you, Lizzie, for your loss. You know that Randy and I would have come to Seattle to support you if you’d asked.”
“I know. And thank you. It means a lot.”
I rinse off the plate I just cleaned and hand it to Faith to dry. Ryder, Fallon, and I came back as promised a little before eight for dinner. Ryder, Fallon, Randy, Jamie, and Brea disappeared somewhere and left me and Faith with the dirty dishes.
Faith drops her drying rag on the counter and places a hand on my shoulder. “Lizzie, are you alright, sweet girl? You’ve had a lot to deal with these past few months.”
“I’m getting there,” I reply with a sigh. “Ryder takes very good care of me. He’s been my rock and I feel like I’m letting him down.”
“Oh, honey, why would you think you’ve let my boy down? He loves you. You’d have to be dumb, deaf, and blind not to see how much.”
“I wish Hailey and my mom were here,” I say sadly. “Hailey always knew exactly what to do when I was sucked into my thoughts. Her poems would help calm whatever conflict I was facing, and Mom always gave the best hugs.”
“Ann was my best friend. She was one of a kind. However, I’ve been told I give great mom hugs too.” Faith opens her arms to me, and I stumble into them like a lost child seeking comfort. “Now, tell me what’s troubling you and why you think you’ve disappointed Ryder.”
“I’ve been terrified to tell Jayson about our engagement.”
She runs her palm down my hair in a gentle gesture. “That’s understandable. You and Jayson had a fierce, fiery young love that was ripped away from the both of you quite suddenly in the most horrific way.”
“I’ve always loved Ryder, though. Even when I was with Jayson. You must think something awful of me for saying that.”
“Sweetie, if you recall, Randy and I were front and center to everything that happened. We saw what was going on. My husband is a very smart man. He once told Ryder that you needed time to decide what you wanted and to be patient. That if you were the one he was supposed to be with, it would all work out. I can’t tell you how many boyfriends I had growing up. I swore each one of them was the one.” Faith chuckles to herself.
“But that right there is the innocence of youth. When I met Randy, that’s when it really hit me. I ran home to my momma after the first time he kissed me and told her, ‘Momma, I’m in trouble.’ I knew right then and there that he was my forever. That man has owned my heart ever since.” I love how she describes Randy as her forever, just like I do with Ryder.
“I want to be Ryder’s wife more than I have ever wanted anything else. I can’t imagine my life without him by my side. I just don’t want anything to be ruined by the fight I know Jayson and I will get into when he finds out. I will always love Jayson, too. He’s been my best friend for so long, and he was my first love. I don’t want to hurt him.”
“I know. I wish I could tell you exactly what will happen and not to worry; that everything will work out. But life sometimes doesn’t turn out that way. It’s in those times, the times that are hard, that you must stand by what is truly in your heart. Never be afraid to fight for what you want, Lizzie. If what you want is to be with my son, well, by God, fight for him. If your heart tells you to be with Jayson, then you must fight just as hard for him. If it’s neither of them, then that’s your right as well. It’s your choice, Lizzie, no one else’s.”
My choice.
I reach into my pocket and pull out my ring. I slip the magnificent yellow diamond back onto my finger with a silent promise never to take it off again.
“I will always choose Ryder.”
The fire is crackling in the firepit and I inhale the burned aroma of wood fire and smoke, relishing in the camaraderie of the evening. Jamie’s boyfriend, Jack, arrived earlier and he’s been regaling us with stories of his backpacking trip along the Appalachian Trail. Otherwise, it’s just me, Fallon, and the Cuttons enjoying a break from the excitement of the last couple of days.
The night is clear, and stars pop out against the inky blackness; a waxing, gibbous moon hangs in the sky. I’ve noticed Brea has been quiet most of the evening. I’ll make sure to spend some alone time with her later. I’ve been so busy with everything else that I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to her much. I texted Meredith earlier today and she said she was bored out of her mind sitting around the house and being forced to talk to cousins she rarely sees and couldn’t care less about. I also texted Tatiána so I’m surprised when her text comes in now since it would be in the middle of the night in Madrid.
Tatiána: Feliz Navidad. Merry Christmas, Elizabeth.
Me: Merry Xmas Eve, Tatiána!
Me: What are you doing up at this hour? You should be in bed.
Tatiána: I was hungry. I think I will be as round as a whale when the baby finally comes. I’ve been craving peanut butter and fried plantains.
Me: That actually sounds pretty good. Let me know what you think.
Tatiána: How is my brother doing? I’m glad you had him stay with you for Christmas.
Me: He’s good. He and Ryder bought my old childhood home for me and fixed it up. We are planning to use it to house a family we met at the women’s shelter in New York City. Fallon is offering jobs down here to all the women we met at the shelter. I’m so proud of him.
Tatiána: I told you that you were good for him. Thank you for opening his heart.
Me: He helped mend mine. I owe him.
Tatiána: You can never put a price on love, Elizabeth.
Me: Speaking of love…Ryder and I are engaged!
I take a selfie of me and Ryder while raising my ring hand to catch the firelight glin
ting off the facets of the diamond. Ryder quirks his brow up at me. I kiss his stubbled jaw and continue texting.
Tatiána: Oh my! Tan hermosa! So beautiful! I hope Eduardo and I are invited to the wedding?
Me: We haven’t decided on a date yet, but yes, I would love for you both to be here. Hopefully with a little one with you.
Tatiána: Only five more months to go. Te amo, Elizabeth.
Me: Love you too. Go eat and get back to bed. Merry Xmas!
“Fallon, you may want to order some fried plantains for your sister and have them delivered.”
“I thought it was fried pickles.”
Brea and Jamie both make gagging noises and Brea declares, “I will never get pregnant if that’s what I’m going to be craving. Gross.”
“Fried pickles were last week. Apparently, this week is fried plantains with peanut butter,” I share with Fallon.
Brea gags again and everyone laughs.
“Got it,” Fallon notes, typing away on his phone.
“Now fried pickles dipped in peanut butter is more my thing,” a voice pipes up from the side of the yard.
I turn to see who it is. “What are you doing here?” I ask, surprised but happy.
Meredith pops her hand on her hip and angles her head back to where Trevor is coming around the corner. “Your boy summoned us. Surprise!”
“It’s a wonderful surprise, but I don’t understand.” I get out of Ryder’s lap to hug Mer and kiss Trevor’s cheek.
He returns it with a hello, then he turns me around. “I think your guy has something else up his sleeve.”
Somehow, Ryder is now standing along with everyone else in front of the firepit, a guitar strapped over his shoulder and a pick in his hand.
“Ryder Cutton, what is going on?”
My handsome, devilish man winks at me and starts to strum the guitar. I recognize the notes of Taylor Swift’s “Love Song.” Freda, Randy, Brea, Jamie, Fallon, and Jack take out sparklers and light them. Ryder looks like a country-rock god with his dark hair disheveled and sticking up where the wind and my fingers have run through it today. His copper eyes sparkle with mischief, and his biceps bulge as he grips the guitar. He is the sexiest man I have ever seen. If we were at a concert and he was up on stage, I’d be throwing my panties at him. But it’s the baritone of his voice that slays me. I grab on to Meredith’s hand in a death grip when Ryder starts singing.
I mouth the lyrics with him as he sings but my words falter when I find they are different from the ones I know. Ryder has changed the words to the song. His new lyrics chronicle our life together from when we were kids to today. It chronicles our love story. I’m trembling so hard, Trevor has to hold on to me lest I collapse to the grass. My man’s words turn my legs almost liquid and cause my heart to pound so hard, I feel light-headed.
As Ryder sings, he and I slowly inch our way toward one another; that invisible gravitational force that has always existed between us bringing us together. As he gets to the ending lyrics of the song, he swings the guitar behind his back and takes a knee. I drop down on my own knees in front of him, clasping one hand over my mouth to catch the sob that tries to escape. He pulls out a diamond eternity band that matches my yellow engagement ring, takes my hand, and sings the last words of the rewritten song.
“On bended knee, I pulled out a ring,
And sang, ‘Marry me, Elizabeth,
And say you’re mine forever.
I’ll love you every day that we’re together.
You’ll wear my ring and pick out a wedding dress,
It’s our love story, so baby, please say, Yes.’”
“Oh my God, yes! Always, forever, yes!” Our lips meet with crushing force, neither one of us caring at all that we’re surrounded by family. Our family. My family.
I pull my mouth from our kiss and nibble my way up to his ear. “I am going to fuck you so hard tonight and we’re going to come so much that neither one of us will be able to walk for a week,” I whisper.
Ryder’s hands clench on my back and he stands up abruptly with me in his arms. “We’ll be right back,” he calls out at everyone and rushes us inside the house to the sound of our friends’ and family’s celebratory hoots and hollers.
Chapter 33
With the celebration of Julien and Elijah’s engagement, I completely forgot to give Liz the Christmas ornament I had made with Elizabeth Ann’s name on it. I knock on the front door of the Cutton home, but no one answers. That usually means they’re in the backyard. I notice a black Range Rover in their driveway and wonder who it belongs to. Rounding the corner, I hear a guitar and I smile. I love to hear Liz play and sing. I’m glad she brought her guitar with her to Seattle and sang to our little girl.
As I round the corner of the house, smile on my face, with the present secured in my hand, my smile deepens when I notice the Cuttons holding sparklers. I used to chase Liz in the backyard when we were kids, the both of us holding sparklers in our hands. Her favorites were the gold ones. My steps slow when I notice Meredith and Trevor next to Liz. My feet stop when I see it’s Ryder singing, not Liz. My heart breaks when I see him kneel in front of her, a ring held in his outstretched hand. And the love that has consumed me for her since childhood twists into a raging hatred toward her when I hear her say, “Yes!”
Chapter 34
“I can see some things never change,” I tease, leaning a shoulder against Brea’s bedroom doorframe. Brea is dressed in her finest Christmas flannel pajamas. She has fuzzy Rudolph chenille socks on her feet, a reindeer antler headband on her head, and a bowl of toffee-covered popcorn in her lap, as she sits on her bed watching the Hallmark Christmas movie marathon that airs every year. It was a tradition she and Hailey would do every Christmas Eve.
“It’s not Christmas Eve without Hallmark,” Brea says.
“Mind some company?”
Brea tilts her head when shouts of celebration can be heard. “Sounds like things are still in full swing downstairs.”
It’s almost midnight but no one is eager to go to bed yet. Faith insisted that Trevor and Meredith stay for the night, which was an offer they easily accepted. Everyone was downstairs playing the Exploding Kittens card game when I noticed Brea’s absence, so I came upstairs to find her.
Brea shifts over and pats the side of the mattress next to her. I hold up a finger, showing her the reindeer antler headband I had been hiding behind my back. Once I secure it to my head, I jump on the bed to join her, grabbing a fistful of popcorn and shoving it into my mouth. My headband has tiny jingle bells attached to the antlers and Brea flicks them a few times.
We’re both lying on our stomachs. Brea bumps my side. “I have to confess, I never knew my brother had it in him.”
“What? Being romantic? Knowing how to sweep a girl off her feet?”
“Yeah.” She giggles.
“Oh yeah,” I sigh. “He definitely has it and then some.”
Brea lays her head on my shoulder, causing our headbands to clash and my jingle bells to rattle. “I’m so glad you’re back, Lizzie. I missed you.” Brea pauses. “I miss her so much.”
“Me too, Brea. Every day. It’s okay if you want to talk about her.”
Brea’s eyes fill and become glassy. “I don’t want to upset you, Lizzie. I don’t want to bring back bad memories for you.”
I rub her arm and kiss the top of her head. Brea has grown up so much since my senior year of high school. She and Hailey were attached at the hip from the moment they first met and shared their love of American Girl dolls.
“The only memories I have of Hailey are good ones, Brea.” I pause. “Brea, I know you have a lot of questions, especially about that night. It’s going to be very hard to hear, so why don’t we leave that conversation until after the New Year and enjoy this cheesy, romantic movie. I’d like to think that Hailey is watching it with us.”
We sit in silence for a while and watch the movie. It’s sweet, sappy, and simple. Classic Hallmark. I play with her ha
ir, braiding it loosely then finger-combing the braids apart. I remember Hailey used to do this to Brea’s hair just like she would brush my hair to soothe and relax me when we talked. Brea’s coloring is similar to Ryder’s—dark hair, light brown eyes a shade darker than his, tanned skin. Brea is gorgeous, like her brother; she’s gentle and kind like him too.
“Do you have a boyfriend yet?”
“Oh my God, no. Boys are douchebags.”
I’m a bit surprised. “Brea, you’re a senior in high school and you’re telling me you’ve never had a boyfriend.”
“You haven’t seen the asshats that go to my school. I wouldn’t date one of them for a million dollars. Besides, I have bigger things to do than worry about dressing up on a Friday night for a date.”
“Like what?” I pull one braid in her hair apart and re-do it.
“I want to go to college and study psychiatry.”
I don’t have to ask why to know it’s because of what happened to Hailey.
“I’m proud of you,” I tell her.
“I’m really excited that you’re going to be my sister-in-law.”
“Me too.” I tickle her side.
She plays with my engagement rings. “Ry did a great job. These are absolutely stunning. Why two? I thought the solitaire was the engagement ring and the band was for the wedding.”
I pull my teeth over my bottom lip. “Well, tonight was his second proposal.”
“You said no the first time?” Her voice raises an octave.
“No, he said yes the first time. I asked him to marry me. Just blurted it out like a crazy person. Come to find out, he had already bought me the ring and was going to propose. I beat him to it.”
“Ahh, so tonight was him giving you a proper proposal.”
“No, he already did that after he said yes.”
Brea rolls over onto her back. “You guys are so weird.”
Broken Butterfly: Fallen Brook Series: Book 3 Page 31