I bop her nose with my finger. “Tonight was your brother making a grand romantic gesture,” I sigh dreamily. “Ryder never stops amazing me. I love that man so much.”
“He loves you back just as much, Lizzie. I hope one day I’ll find someone that loves me that way.”
Deciding now would be a perfect time for it, I roll off the bed intending to grab the present I made for Brea that I stashed in Ryder’s room across the hall. “I want to give you one of your presents now.”
“Breaking with Christmas tradition, are we?”
My family always opened our presents to each other on Christmas Eve and left Santa’s presents for Christmas Day. The Cuttons wait to open everything on Christmas morning.
Brea takes the box from my hand and carefully opens it, lifting the top off and peeling back the red and green tissue paper. “Lizzie, this is just, wow. This is wonderful. Thank you.” She one-arm hugs me and kisses my cheek. I scanned in all of Hailey’s poems from the scrapbook I found in the boxes from my closet. The ones that triggered my memories to come back. I used software online to make a hardcover book of them for Brea.
“Merry Christmas, Brea.”
She reads a few of the poems, turning the pages of the book reverently. “It’s like she’s here.”
I want to tell her that Hailey will always be with us, but I decide to let her discover that on her own as she reads my sister’s beautifully crafted words. Merry Christmas, Hales. I love you.
It’s another hour before I leave Brea’s room. Ryder poked his head in a little while ago to see what we were up to. After bidding Brea a good night, I head downstairs to find it dark and empty. The light from the Christmas tree is the only illumination in the room. As children, Hailey and I would lie underneath our tree and look up through the branches, telling each other what we wanted Santa to bring us. I touch one bristly branch, the scent of pine strong. I smile when my fingers trail across, then gently lift, a star-shaped ornament that has Ryder’s name written sloppily in the penmanship of a child. I remember when we made these together in class in the third grade.
Lost in my thoughts, I don’t hear Trevor until he steps up beside me. “Sorry.” He chuckles when I startle.
“Where is everyone?”
“Meredith crashed hard and is passed out in the guest room. Ryder and his dad are out back at the firepit.”
“And Fallon?”
Trevor takes one hand out of his pocket and rubs it back and forth across his neck. “We’ve been talking on the front porch.”
I turn my head, arching my eyebrow, unable to hide the half-smirk that curves my mouth. “Talking?”
“Yeah. I opened ‘the door,’” Trevor finger quotes, using the phrase I said to him at the café.
“Did he walk through?”
Trevor barks out a quiet laugh. “Very reluctantly. But it’s a start.”
“Thank you, Trevor. I will consider it a Christmas miracle. He needs you. I think you need him too.”
“Elizabeth, there’s something I need to tell you.”
“Okay.”
“Not tonight, though.”
“Then why bring it up?”
“Because I seem to have a big fucking mouth and no filter.”
“Trevor—” My phone rings and vibrates in my back pocket. Taking it out, the screen shows that it’s Jayson. “Hold that thought,” I tell Trevor and swipe to answer.
“Jayson?” My ears are met with heavy breathing, then the sounds of something smashing in the background. “Jayson?” I repeat and hear another crashing sound like the shattering of glass. “Jayson! Can you hear me? What’s going on?” Trevor frowns down at me and I turn my back to him.
“I remember the first time I saw you. Crooked tiara in your hair and that blue dress you wore, your hair braided in pigtails.” When he speaks, his words are slurred and thick.
“Jayson, are you drunk?”
Another crash and a low groan. “Yes, I’m fucking drunk!” he shouts, and I almost drop the phone. “Why is my goddamn hand bleeding?” he says then starts laughing. Not a happy laugh, but one filled with a bit of mania.
“Jayson! Are you injured? What the hell is going on? Where are you?”
Heavy breaths punctuate his already garbled words making it difficult to understand. “Shit. I think I broke your window.”
My window? “Are you in my house? Jayson, please tell me what’s going on. Is Julien with you?”
“Waiting. Waiting. All I’ve done is wait. My whole life. It doesn’t matter anymore. Fuck!”
I’m already grabbing my coat and heading out the door with Trevor hot on my heels. An ominous feeling deep inside of me spirals up. Something’s terribly wrong. I break out into a run as soon as my feet hit the front porch.
“Kitten, what the hell?” I hear Fallon shout as I run down the walkway to the street. “Trevor, where’s she going?”
“I don’t know what’s going on. Jayson called her.”
“Get Ryder!” I yell back at them, not breaking my fast sprint down the street.
All the morning runs with Julien have paid off and I’m in front of my old childhood home in less than a minute. I’ve kept the phone connection with Jayson open, but other than mumbled words and crashing sounds, he hasn’t said anything else to me. The Christmas lights on the oak tree are still lit and I look up to notice my bedroom window is smashed. A few jagged pieces of glass remain and reflect the colored lights from the tree. Shit! I don’t have the keys to the house that Fallon gave me earlier. Without hesitation, I jump up and catch a low branch, allowing the memories of the hundreds of times Jayson, Julien, and I climbed this tree to guide me. Once I’m high enough, I step out onto the small ledge under my window and climb in carefully, avoiding the broken glass still attached to the frame and the broken pieces littered across the floor.
My bedroom is steeped in darkness, but the light from the tree outside is enough for me to see Jayson hunched on the floor. His knees are raised and his gaze is fixed on the blood that is dripping down his fisted hand. I rush over and kneel beside him, taking off my jacket and pressing it to his fist.
“Jayson, what happened? What are you doing in here?”
As if under a trance, Jayson looks dazedly at me, a wane smile touching his lips. He reaches out and slides the knuckles of his uninjured hand down the side of my face. “Liz?” His lips quiver, but before I can react, his silver eyes blacken with rage and his hand clasps the back of my neck, jerking my head forward. Pain radiates down from the base of my neck and I yelp.
“Jayson! Stop it! Let go!”
Standing up abruptly, taking me with him, he shoves me away with a sudden push and I fall backward on my ass. He sways a few times before steadying himself, using my jacket to wipe his bloody hand.
Fury like I’ve never felt before rushes through me, singeing every synapse in my body. This house is where my family was murdered, where I was stabbed and almost died. I will not allow anyone else to hurt me here. I rise up slowly from the floor with a strength I never knew I possessed.
Fallon shouts my name from below the window, cursing up a storm when I don’t answer. I’m too busy staring Jayson down.
“I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t care how drunk you are right now, but if you ever touch me like that again, I will break every finger in your hand,” I snarl.
“You’ve already broken my heart!” he yells, pounding his injured fist on his chest.
I try not to allow the rage I feel right now overshadow my need to stay calm and figure out what’s going on and what’s causing Jayson to lash out like this.
“I know I broke your heart. I never meant to hurt you, Jayson. Please talk to me.”
“You said yes! It’s supposed to be me!” he howls. “You were mine! I loved you! My whole life, I have loved you! And you said yes to him!” he screams, getting in my face and yanking my hand up to show me my engagement ring.
Jayson must have seen Ryder propose tonight. When was he
there?
The bedroom door starts shaking as Fallon pounds on it. “Elizabeth, unlock this goddamn door right now!”
“Fallon, I’m okay,” I tell him when Jayson starts pacing in front of the bedroom door, stumbling a bit, his eyes never leaving me. I watch him warily, readying myself in case he tries to grab for me again. The man in front of me is not my Jayson. He’s not the boy I grew up with. The boy I fell in love with.
“You loved me,” he growls.
“I did love you.”
“Your memories came back, and you were supposed to come back to me. You did come back to me. Then you left. You left me again. For Ryder. For Fallon.”
“I left for myself,” I counter. “I needed to heal. I needed to make a choice.”
“Choice! Let’s talk about fucking choices. You chose me, Liz! I am the one who climbed through your window that night. I was the first man to kiss you, to make love to you. You told me you loved me first. Me! Not Ryder! You took my promise ring. We talked about getting married and starting a family. My wife! My kids! Not Ryder’s!” he chokes out, then madly swipes at the tears clinging to his face. Turning around, he punches the wall leaving a fist-sized hole behind. Holy shit.
Shouts from outside filter up through the broken window.
“She won’t answer her phone!” Ryder shouts, clearly panicked.
I hear Fallon yell something and then the sound of feet pounding up the stairs.
As calmly as I can, I say, “Jayson, I’m sorry. I truly am. You’re right about most of what you said. I did love you. I did have all my firsts with you, and I would never change any of it. I don’t know what would have happened to us even if that night never happened, even if I never had amnesia. Jayson, things were already changing for me after our fight. I went to see Ryder after you kicked me out of your house. I made a decision that night. A choice. I chose him, Jayson. Just like I choose him now. And I’m not going to apologize for it anymore. Yes, I loved you. How could I not? You had been my everything since I was six years old. But you knew I loved Ryder too. You manipulated me that night when you came through my bedroom window. You knew Ryder was going to tell me that he loved me.”
“I hate you,” he spits, stopping his pacing in front of me, his eyes like swirling liquid mercury.
“No, you don’t. You’re hurt and you’re angry.”
“I would have given you everything. Everything. And you threw it away. You threw me away for him!”
Jayson’s hand flies out and grabs me by the throat, pushing my back against the wall he just punched. Fallon did something similar at the resort in Iceland when he was trying to convince me of his darkness. I saw right through Fallon, just like I see through Jayson now. He’s drunk and he’s hurting and lashing out.
“I will always love you, Jayson. But my heart, my life, and my choice all belong to Ryder.”
I told him I would break his hand if he touched me in anger again. I wrap my fingers around the wrist of the hand that’s holding my throat and twist.
Jayson regrips and slams a bruising kiss on my mouth. “You chose wrong, princess. And I hate you for it. I hate you for choosing him.”
A crash sounds behind me as the bedroom door flies open and Jayson is ripped away from me.
“Don’t you fucking touch her again!” Julien tosses Jayson across the room and faces down his twin brother. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Did you know that she’s marrying Ryder? They got engaged tonight?”
Julien flinches slightly at his brother’s accusing glare. “I didn’t know, but you and I both knew it was coming.”
Ryder and Fallon rush over to stand in front of me, forming a wall to prevent Jayson from grabbing me again.
“Fuck you!” Jayson hurls the words at Julien, then bores his eyes into me. “You say you choose Ryder over me? Well, I hope you fucking choke on it, Liz. I’m not going to stand around and watch him live the life that was supposed to be mine. So fuck you both!” Jayson yells. He shoves past Julien and storms out.
Ryder turns around and enfolds me in his arms as I finally break into giant, racking, ugly sobs. I just lost my best friend, the boy who was my first love, the father of my child.
Fallon rubs up and down my back as Julien puts his arm around me and Ryder. “Liz, it’s going to be alright. He’ll regret every word he said to you.”
“No, he won’t,” I cry, knowing that this is the end of my and Jayson’s story. There’s no coming back from this for us.
Chapter 35
Christmas Day
Merry Fucking Christmas morning, I think to myself, channeling my inner Fallon. What a godawful mess. What was supposed to be a happy time filled with family and friends is now just one big depressing fiasco. I brought Elizabeth back to the house and put her in my bed. I held her all night as she sobbed brokenly. Her jagged, mournful whimpers cut me deep, and I felt useless because I was helpless to comfort the woman I love. She cried so long, she literally passed out from exhaustion.
Meredith, Brea, and Jamie took over for me and have been watching over Elizabeth while she sleeps so I can explain to my distraught parents what happened. Fallon and Trevor are livid and want to find Jay and beat the shit out of him. Julien called a little while ago. Apparently, Jayson left this morning. Like packed a suitcase, hopped in his truck, and disappeared. Jayson told his parents he wasn’t coming back for a while. He’s not going back to CU. Freda is hysterical.
“You know I can track down that motherfucker,” Fallon announces, throwing his phone down on the couch where Trevor is sitting.
“It’s Elizabeth’s choice on what to do, so let it go for now.”
“Do you think he would have really hurt her?” Trevor asks. We all look at each other. Coming into the room and seeing Jayson put Elizabeth in a chokehold—my fists curl into tight balls just thinking about that. I will forever be grateful to Julien for stepping in and protecting her.
“God, Trevor. Before last night, I would have sworn on my life that Jay would never do something like that to her. But, fuck…” I stop, looking down at the floor, not able to finish.
“He’s not getting within ten feet of her ever again,” Fallon spouts at his brother.
“I want to agree with you, Fal, I do. But it’s not our decision. If he comes back and she wants to see him, that’s her call. But she won’t be alone with him in the room if I have anything to say about it.”
“Damn straight, she won’t.”
The front doorbell rings and I go to open it. I’m expecting Julien and Elijah. He said that they were going to stop by and check on Elizabeth.
As soon as I open the door, I let out a string of curses. Can this day get any worse? It’s not even noon yet.
“What the fuck do you want? You’re not even supposed to be here,” I tell my unwanted visitor. Venom and loathing coats every word out of my mouth.
Maria takes a step back, her shoulders hunched over. “Please, I’d like to speak with Lizzie. I heard you both were in town and there’s something I need to talk to her about.”
“Hell no, Maria. You have been nothing but a complete bitch to Elizabeth. You’re also in violation of your restraining order, so if you don’t leave right now, I’m calling the police. Actually, Fallon is inside. Perhaps I should let him deal with you.”
Maria’s brown eyes whip up to mine, pleading. “Please, Ryder. I’m not here to cause any trouble. I swear. I just need to speak with Lizzie. Please. It’s important.”
I stare hard at the girl I used to date. The girl who used to be Elizabeth’s best friend. The best friend who betrayed her. The girl who posted those indecent and very fake pictures of Elizabeth online. “No.”
“Ryder, please. I’m only in town for today visiting my parents before I have to go back to Charlotte.”
“I said no, Maria.”
A hand touches my back and Elizabeth comes around my side. I wrap a protective arm around her. Her eyes are swollen and red-rimmed, the purple bags below
them weighing heavy against her pale skin.
“Maria,” Elizabeth greets her monosyllabically.
“Are you sick? You look awful.”
Elizabeth scoffs and stares numbly back at her once best friend.
“I think it’s time for you to go now,” I tell Maria, backing up with Elizabeth, preparing to shut the door in Maria’s face.
“No! Wait! I need to speak with you, Lizzie. Please,” she pleads once again.
I can see Elizabeth is pondering the request by the way she chews on the inside of her cheek. She exhales loudly. “Fine. Come in.”
Maria follows us nervously into the living room.
“Oh hell no. Get the fuck out.” Fallon rushes forward as Trevor stands up from the couch. Fallon is stopped in his tracks when Elizabeth plants herself in front of him.
My mom runs around the corner from the back hallway. “What is going on now?” She stops when she sees Maria and looks at me. Maria looks like she’s about to change her mind and bolt out of the house since she’s clearly outnumbered and surrounded by hateful glares.
“Maria said she needs to talk to me,” Elizabeth replies. She turns to Maria and bluntly states, “You have five minutes.”
Maria reaches a shaking hand to the back of a chair to steady herself. “I’m sorry.”
“I’ll bet you are, you freaking psycho,” Meredith says from the entryway.
“Let me finish,” Maria snaps then backs down immediately when she sees the fire raging in Meredith’s eyes. Brea, Jamie, and Jack walk down the stairs and stop when they see Maria. The room is now filled with family and friends. We stand united with Elizabeth in front of Maria.
Maria swallows thickly, scanning the faces of each person. Going back to Elizabeth, she swallows again and clears her throat. “I guess I’ll get right to the point.”
“That would be best,” Elizabeth tells her.
“Lizzie, I’m sorry for what I did. But I shouldn’t have to go to jail because of it.”
“Maria, you picked the wrong day to come plead your case. I’m tired and not in the mood.”
Broken Butterfly: Fallen Brook Series: Book 3 Page 32