“Ho-How could this be?”
“Tanya...” Shauna called out.
“I’ll call him.” Tanya ran to her phone. “I’ll call him. Talk to him, and he’ll come back here and we’ll get married. It’ll have to be a late wedding. Kenneth wouldn’t do this to me.”
“He is Tanya.” Rod tried to take the phone from her. “He IS doing this to you. Ken was here earlier, then lied about why he had to leave. Now he’s saying he isn’t coming. It’s confusing as hell to all of us but, we can’t let you sit here and wait for him like this.”
“No, he wouldn’t!” She snatched away. “We have PLANS! Plans to build OUR life, TOGETHER! You all are not going to come in here and tell me that everything is over. I am calling him!”
“Awe baby. Let’s just get you home.” Tamara tried to convince.
The phone rang until the voicemail came on. She frantically dialed again, looking over her shoulder at her mother and friends packing up her stuff.
“Stop that!” She screamed. “Put my stuff back!”
“Hello.” Kenneth answered.
“Ken, honey.” She replied in a suddenly calm tone. “Everyone seems to think you’re not coming. I don’t care if you’re running late. Hell, I’ll marry you in an empty church. Just come down here. Right now.”
“Tanya, I love you. You know that...”
“Of course I know you love me. That’s why you’re on your way back right?” She smiled, looking to the floor.
“No. I can’t do it. We’ll talk later, I gotta go clear my head. I’m sorry.”
“KENNETH! DON’T YOU DO THIS!” She screamed. “DON’T YOU DO THIS TO ME!”
He couldn’t bear listening to the painful cries of his fiancé. Kenneth hung up as she slumped over the makeup table, knocking over lipsticks.
As she cried, her mind went back to the eerie feeling of the morning when Kenneth wasn’t answering her calls. Hanging up the phone, numbness took over her body, and the tears went away. Things were starting to add up, her fiancé had second thoughts all along and never said a word.
Tanya didn’t know what to say, what to feel, or what to do. Her legs felt weak, wobbling with each breath. Tamara grabbed her daughter to keep her from falling. Feeling her mother’s comfort, tears returned with a demure cry.
“What happened Rod? He was fine when I left him.” Tanya asked.
“Last night, Ken was distant. He didn’t drink, didn’t speak much. After an hour he said he was ready to go.” He replied in a low tone.
“And no one thought to call me!?!”
Shauna couldn’t take seeing her friend hurt, and didn’t want to risk her friend asking if she knew of Kenneth’s weird behavior. She could have warned her friend, instead, she allowed Tanya to think everything was fine. Her best friend’s wedding, destroyed. She left the room to check on the coordinator. Anything to get her out of that room.
Valerie stood outside of the closed door, afraid to face the anxious bridal party. Tapping her clipboard, relief came over as Shauna walked up.
“Do they know?” She asked, erasing tears with her fingertips.
“No!” She answered in distress. “I’ve never done this before. I don’t know what to say. Especially since Kenneth isn’t giving us any answers.”
She rolled her eyes at the coordinator’s panic. Her mind stayed on Tanya’s mental state.
“I want to get Tanya out of here before you tell them. She doesn’t need to be bombarded by the questions or unnecessary comments.”
“Ok. I’ll wait for you guys to leave before I make the announcement to them and the guests.” She paused and resumed tapping on the clipboard. “The guests! Gosh, I forgot about them. What do I tell them?”
“Think of something!” Shauna demanded in a bold whisper. “I have a best friend to think of. Do your job.”
This is NOT part of my job. Valerie thought to herself.
She returned to the room where Keena and Rod were sneaking bags and boxes out of the back door. Moses and Tanya’s brothers joined Tamara to console their broken angel. Shauna stared at her hurting friend, sitting in the make-up chair with tears falling onto the beautiful gown. A gown that once helped to lift her spirits about being a bride.
Tanya looked up to Shauna with the deepest pain in her eyes.
“Did you know? Did he say anything to you?”
“No.” She whimpered, holding back more tears. “He didn’t say anything.”
“What do I tell everyone?” Tanya asked, with her hands quivering around the colorful bouquet. “How can I face them after this?”
“You don’t have to baby girl” Moses answered, rubbing her back. “Not until you’re ready. Let’s get you out of here.”
They hurried her to the car before the coordinator broke the news to the wedding party. As they attempted to whisk her away, a few guests peeked through the window watching her scurry like a runaway bride. They were confused to see Tanya leaving.
At 3pm, conservations and questions filled the venue about the holdup, the groom’s whereabouts, and why the bride left. A few put the puzzle pieces together and began to leave. Many stuck around to get the scoop on why they weren’t watching two beautiful people become one.
Just as rumors of Kenneth being in an accident began to spread, the wedding coordinator came to the front of the makeshift chapel to deliver the news.
“Hi, I’m Valerie. Kenneth and Tanya entrusted me to coordinate their beautiful day.” She began with a shaky voice.
Loud whispers, baby’s whining, and groans filled the room.
“Just a moment.” She waved her hand. “I’m sorry you all have been kept waiting this long. However, due to unforeseen circumstances, the wedding will be postponed. On behalf of Kenneth, Tanya, and their families, we want to thank you all for taking time out of your day to witness what would have been a beautiful occasion. I’m sorry but unfortunately, I don’t have further details to share with you all at this time.”
Noises of anger, confusion, more kids groaning took over. Valerie stood in front, staring at the disappointed faces demanding answers.
“We do have refreshments available for those who wish to partake, but you all are free to leave.” She added to help ease the blow of the news.
“I flew all the way down here from DC and they ain’t getting married!?!?” A guest yelled out.
“Where’s Tanya?!? I need to talk to her!” A loud country voice added.
“Is Ken okay?” Another screamed out. “I heard he was in a bad car accident.”
“Yea me too! He was too drunk from last night and...”
“Guys, I can assure you that Kenneth is okay. He wasn’t in an accident.” Valerie stated, pulling on her shirt.
“Well, what is it then?!?!” An elder woman in the front row asked.
“I have to go!” She concluded before rushing out. Valerie ran to the nearest office, locked herself in, and hyperventilated on the couch.
After the news hit, Tanya’s phone flooded with text messages and calls. She turned the phone off and threw it in her bag. When Tanya couldn’t be reached, Shauna’s phone began buzzing.
Rod drove to Kenneth’s house to demand more answers. He wasn’t there, and the lights inside the house were off. Kenneth always left a light on when he was home, even in the day time. He tried calling the estranged groom again, but no luck. Although the final effort appeared to be a lost cause, Rod wasn’t giving up. He was going to sit outside until he returned.
Tanya reached her front door, holding her mother’s hand tightly. With tears flowing, she made sudden glances behind her, thinking Kenneth would show up to explain, apologize, or just whisk her away to elope instead. With all of the humiliation, she still wanted to marry him, no matter the explanation.
“Do you want me to keep your phone T?” Keena asked. “I can handle calls for you.”
“No. I’ll talk to everyone tomorrow. I just need a day. I’ll keep my phone; Kenneth may call.” Tanya replied in a low tone.
/> Shauna began removing all of the wedding and bachelorette paraphernalia to prevent any triggers for her wounded friend.
“Let me help you get out of that dress sweetie.” Tamara suggested.
“Mom, can you run me a bath?” Tanya asked sitting on the sofa, staring at the carpet.
“Sure baby.”
“You hungry?” Tanya’s brother, Lewis asked. “We can make a quick food run.”
“Pizza.” She answered, squeezing out a smile.
“Pizza it is! I know how you like it.” He said rubbing away his sister’s tears. “Anybody else?”
“No, I can’t eat a thing!” Shauna answered, throwing decorations into a trash bag. “Tanya, get out of that dress girl and go take your bath.”
“I’ll get up in a minute.” She replied, staring into her phone.
While waiting for Kenneth’s call, the swooshing sounds of the trash bag began to be too much for her to take.
She left the living room and slumped towards the staircase. The climb felt like an eternity. Each step representing reminders. The first step, a bad indication of why she was back in her home, instead of kissing her new husband during their first dance. Another step represented the reason she had to take off her dream dress. A few more steps representing the failed relationship which occurred with no major warning signs.
Tanya stopped and counted the remaining steps. Five more reminders. Step five, her family and friends were supportive during the detrimental loss. Step four, the bouquet sitting on the dining room table, and not tossed in the air for anxious single ladies. Step three, the delicious food and cake that would go to waste. Step two, the honeymoon she would have to cancel. Step one, the day she had been dreaming of since Kenneth proposed; destroyed by an unexpected cowardly act. Although she had her reservations, she chose love, and it let her down.
After taking the final step, Tamara greeted her with a loving hug and kiss.
“Baby, everything is going to be alright. This storm will pass. Focus on resting tonight. Don’t worry about what you need to do. We’ll help you get through this.”
No matter how sincere her mother’s words felt, there was nothing anyone could say to make the indescribable pain subside. She released her mother, entered the bedroom, and closed the door. All her family and friends could do was allow Tanya to process and deal with the desolation in her own way.
Chapter IV: Newly Single and Numb
“What in the hell just happened to me?” Tanya said silently in between deep breaths.
Standing in front of the full-length mirror, she took one final glance in the wedding gown. The dress that once symbolized becoming a Mrs., represented pain, confusion, and doubt that she’d be able to bounce back. There was no backup plan for heartache with Kenneth. The wedding was supposed to happen. That day, a blank page was dumped on her to write a new plan, without a guide to help navigate through the turmoil.
Running her hands down the additional beading, freshly sewn, derived more reminders. Ms. Lucy wouldn’t have photos to showcase the beautiful masterpiece. Tanya fell deeper into sadness thinking about the wasted time she put into the dress.
“He didn’t even get to see this. I did this for him. I did ALL of this for him!” She wept.
As her breathing grew out of control, she grabbed her chest, feeling the dismay. Heaving in and out; disoriented in the wedding gown. Sadly, everyone downstairs was unaware of the demur chaos taking place in the master bedroom. Her feet moved back and forth in a tango motion; causing more disorganized body movements.
“I did all of this for him...I did it for him.” She repeated in a huff.
The panic attack dance ended with a stumble to the floor. Tanya laid on her back and watched the ceiling spin. The mirage of the ceiling circulating, helped the huffing slowly return to normal breaths. An imaginary dose of novocaine hit, which signaled a moment of meditation. Since that was the best she’d felt in the past few hours, Tanya sunk into the blank introspection.
Ironically, the mental vacancy gave her the strength to bathe. She managed a short crawl towards the nightstand to help her up. The zombie state allowed her to function.
Part of her wanted to dive into the tub, dress and all. Out of respect for Ms. Lucy’s over-worked hands, she peeled out of the gown and climbed in. Sinking into the hot water, the tears returned. The steam was the cure for the mini-trance. Tanya slowly started to feel again, thinking about the hours Ms. Lucy put in to create the dress. At first, the tears came at a moderate pace. No words, just tears building up to the much-needed release to begin healing.
A belted cry left her lips, getting the attention of Tamara coming up the stairs. She ran into the bathroom where she found her daughter weeping into wet hands.
“Baby.” She whispered. “It’s okay. Let it out.”
As the cries came in small and huge spurts, Tanya was bathed as if she was an infant. The room was silent as the calming waters splashed from her body sent contentment between them.
Following the bath, Tanya was left alone to get dressed as her brothers returned with food. She didn’t want to go downstairs to eat; it would’ve only led to unwarranted conversations and comments about the day. Taking one last look at the phone with missed calls from everyone except Kenneth, she decided to sleep the rest of the day away. Just as she placed the powerless phone to the side, an idea of how to get that needed sleep came to mind.
She hastily searched through bathroom drawers and the medicine cabinet. Behind bottles of rubbing alcohol and peroxide, she found allergy pills. Those pills were her only answer to getting through the day. The phrase, “May cause drowsiness”, printed in blue letters was the key to prevent more sadness. Two minutes later, Tanya downed three pills, with water scooped from the faucet.
Dressed in an old college t-shirt and tube socks, she climbed into bed and plunged deep into the covers. Her brother, Lewis, came into the room minutes later, finding his sister hidden by the white rose printed duvet. He left her alone, with hopes that a good rest would help ease her out of the shock.
The next morning, Tanya was awakened by a neighbor dragging the garbage can from the curb. 5:30 AM and the sky appeared as nightfall. Hair in a mess, she sat up in bed and looked at a broken soul in the full-length mirror. Not wanting to face the dreadful day after a canceled wedding, she scurried out of bed for more pills.
At 2PM, Tanya woke up, used the bathroom, and then took two more pills to remedy staying awake. Just as she finished swallowing, Shauna entered the room.
“Do you want anything to eat?” She hesitantly crept in.
“No, I just want to sleep.” Tanya answered in a raspy voice. “Has anyone heard from Kenneth?”
Shauna reluctantly shook her head, knowing the answer killed her friend’s spirits.
“I figured that.” She felt chunks of stress and agony rising within.
Shauna stepped out to take a call, which made Tanya remember that her phone was powered-off from the previous day. She threw off the covers and got out of bed but hesitant thoughts stopped her.
Why do I need to turn on my phone? He didn’t call.
Reluctant to face the possible reality of his name not appearing on the phone, she returned to the duvet cave to sleep.
Soon after, her brother appeared at the door with bags in hand.
“He little sis.” Ryan shook her. “Lewis and I are heading to the airport. I’m sorry, we can’t stay longer.”
Tanya emerged from the covers in a drowsy state. “It’s okay. I understand. Call me when you land.”
“We will.” Lewis replied. “Get some rest. Everything will be okay. If you want, you can join me and my buddies, backpacking in Dublin next month.”
“I’ll think about it.” She grinned.
Ryan gave Tanya a sincere look; wishing the pain she endured would disappear. “He never deserved you. Now you can live the life YOU want.”
“He’s right. That’s why you need to come backpacking with me. I have a few single buddi
es and..”
“Lewis!” Ryan exclaimed.
“It’s okay Ry.” She let out a soft laugh. “Hurry up and get out of here. Don’t want you two to miss your flight.”
“I can come back down if you need me to.” Ryan said grabbing his duffle bag.
“No need. I may be off to Dublin with your crazy brother.”
“Get some rest. I’ll call you later.” Lewis said, kissing her on the forehead.
As they left, Shauna re-entered the room.
“I’m taking them to the airport, and run some errands. Don’t worry about dealing with anything, me and your parents are handling it. Just rest. And make sure you eat something.”
“Thank you. I will.” Tanya replied, sliding back into her cave.
The pills kicked in, and she was back to sleep. Throughout the forced slumber, no dreams of Kenneth occurred. She dreamt of random adventures and crazy extremities that had no way of making itself into reality. The dreamy utopia was a huge relief.
Later that evening, Tanya woke up to her father and Rod speaking in the living room. The intense conversation prompted her to head to the top of the stairs and listen. Rod caught a glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye and stopped mid-sentence.
“Hey Tanya, you wanna eat something? Your mother cooked before she left.” He said abruptly.
“Where did she go?” Tanya asked, pushing hair out of her face.
“She and Shauna went to Kenneth’s house to go pick up most of your clothes.” Moses answered. “We would have gone but....well I just didn’t want to risk seeing him and do somethin’ stupid.”
“Has anyone talked to him?” She limped down the stairs.
“Yea...I have.” Rod replied, slumping his head to the floor.
“Are you ok baby girl?” Her father asked, rushing to assist his daughter.
“I’m fine, my foot’s asleep. So...So Rod, what did he say?”
Rod sighed deeply, before responding. “He called earlier, while you were asleep. He said he tried to reach you but kept getting the voicemail. Nothing else after that. Do you want to call him back? We’ll sit with you if you need us.”
Devastation or Destiny??? Page 5