Once they arrived at the stadium, they were greeted by a couple of sports photographers Connor recognized. All of them wanted pictures of ‘the happy couple’. Putting his arm around Ashley’s shoulders, Connor had to make a real effort not to look as uncomfortable as he felt.
Connor was honestly relieved that he and the rest of the team were flying out the next day for a series of away games. Ashley dropped him off at the airport, pressing a kiss against his cheek ‘for luck’. It left Connor wondering whether it would still be lucky.
He dozed most of the flight and felt so restless by the time they landed. To overcome it, Connor had invited Blake out for a run before they’d even arrived at their hotel. He knew running with someone else would push him harder, make him exhaust himself so he could actually focus on strategy in their pre-game meeting.
He and Blake raced through the quiet streets, trash-talking and urging one another on until they collapsed in a sweaty heap at their agreed finishing point. After each draining a bottle of water, Connor moved to get up, but Blake waved him off.
“What’s up with you?” Blake asked, and before Connor could even open his mouth, his friend had carried on. “No, don’t tell me it’s nothing, you’re a shit liar, Lewis.”
That almost made Connor choke on a laugh, and Blake gave him a look like he wasn’t going to accept ‘no comment’ as an answer. “Are you fighting with Ashley?” Blake asked.
“Why would you ask that?” Connor asked, hoping he could buy himself some time to come up with a plausible lie. If only Ashley could’ve been here, he had no doubt she would’ve known the right thing to say.
Blake shrugged. “You’ve hardly spoken since we got to the airport,” Blake pointed out. “And you’ve been together, what, five months? About time you had your first fight.” Connor blinked because he knew he’d only known Ashley for two months. It took him a moment to remember that they’d told everyone they’d already been dating for three before that.
“No,” Connor said, not even sure what he was denying. “It’s just - hard. Being away from her.”
“Right,” Blake said, and then just looked at Connor, waiting for him to go on.
“It makes me think, you know, that this isn’t going to last,” Connor muttered, and Blake’s eyes narrowed at him.
“You’re soulmates,” he pointed out, “why would you think it’s not going to last?”
Connor groaned. He knew soulmates didn’t always work out, because his parents hadn’t worked out, but it wasn’t something he liked talking about.
“You’re not doubting that she’s the right Ashley, are you?” Blake asked. “Because if you are, I’m going to have to knock some sense into you.” The threat, playful as it was, made Connor laugh, and almost instantly feel better, but Blake didn’t wait for him to answer. “I know it’s my fault, that you had to go public with her so soon,” he muttered, and he looked so honestly guilty that Connor had to bite his lip to keep from revealing the truth. “So I consider it my responsibility to make sure you don’t fuck it up,” Blake finished.
“It might be too late,” Connor admitted, feeling his lip twist. He didn’t want to have fucked it up, but he worried that he was.
“You’ll feel better if you just tell me about it,” Blake promised. “Come on, you know I won’t breathe a word.” It was true. Connor trusted everyone on the team, but he was closest to Blake. They messed with each other, but for all that, Blake was probably Connor’s closest friend. He took a breath, trying to find some version of the truth he could explain.
“Ashley’s got a job offer in Dallas,” Connor found himself blurting out. “In a few months. She’s taking it, obviously, it’s a great opportunity, but -” Connor could feel frustration rising, frustration at himself, at the situation. “I don’t want her to go,” he admitted. “But if it were me, if it were an opportunity to sign somewhere, I’d go. I can’t expect her to do differently.”
“And that’s what’s got you all upset?” Blake asked, frowning. “Because you don’t want it to hurt when she moves?” That wasn’t all, of course, and Connor sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Come on, you’ve got to have more faith than that,” Blake urged. “You’re -”
“ Don’t !” Connor interrupted his voice almost a shout. “Don’t. We’re not soulmates, okay? It’s all a fucking con.” His stomach twisted, and Connor didn’t know if it was guilt at having lied to Blake, or guilt at betraying the truth now. “I found her the day the press published the pictures of my soulmark, and her name was Ashley, and her soulmark said Connor, so I asked if she’d pretend to be my girlfriend.”
There was a silence between them, and Connor watched Blake’s frown getting deeper and deeper. Shit, he had fucked this up so badly. “You won’t - you’re not going to tell anyone?” Connor asked, sounding small and uncertain.
“That’s bullshit,” Blake responded. “Ashley’s not pretending to be your girlfriend.” It was not the response Connor had expected, and he blinked.
“She is,” he insisted. “She’s doing her Master’s in PR, that’s why the publicity’s been so good. It’s just an act. She’s not my girlfriend, and she’s definitely not my soulmate. She doesn’t even believe in them.” And fuck, Connor hadn’t meant to say that.
Blake’s face was unreadable, and once again, Connor almost wished Ashley were there to help him handle this.
“Okay, putting aside that I don’t believe for a minute you can fake a relationship,” Blake said. “If it’s all an act, I don’t understand what the problem is. If she’s not your girlfriend, why do you care if she’s moving?”
It was a good question, and Connor didn’t really have an answer. He liked Ashley, and the thought of her being miles and miles away was depressing. Connor didn’t want to have to wonder if he’d ever see her again.
“I like her,” Connor offered. “Not as a girlfriend, but -” It still didn’t make sense. While it was true Connor didn’t have a lot of friends who didn’t live in Madison, he’d never not wanted someone to move before. If it was best for them, he’d always been happy on their behalf.
“And she likes you,” Blake insisted. “Which is why I don’t believe this story about it being fake. I talked to her at the gala. When I cut in to dance with her?” Connor remembered, and he gave a nod. “She definitely wasn’t pretending,” Blake continued. “I told her how good she was for you, and I promise you, Connor, she fucking glowed like it was the nicest thing anyone had ever said about her.” Connor couldn’t stop the smile that slowly spread over his face.
“Really?” The idea that Ashley had liked the thought of being good for him, it was oddly touching.
“And she has been good for you. Come on, do you really believe you were texting her all the time as some kind of ruse?”
Now that Blake mentioned it, it did seem odd. Why had Connor felt the need to carry on their relationship when it wasn’t a matter for PR, or even for his team? He’d sent those messages to Ashley because he liked her, wanted to be in contact while he was away.
Shit.
“But she’s still going to move,” Connor pointed out. “And -” He stopped, uncertain. He’d already told Blake about the worst, though, about their fake relationship. What could it hurt to tell him the truth about the gala? “She kissed me,” he admitted. “At the gala. Pulled me into a cupboard and -” Well, he wasn’t going to give Blake details .
“And?” Blake asked, his eyes lighting up. “You’re telling me she kissed you, but nothing else happened? What are you, stupid?”
Connor groaned because maybe he was stupid. “I told her we weren’t together.” Hearing it in his own voice now, Connor could tell how hurtful it must have been. Judging by Blake’s wince, he could tell, too.
“I think maybe you need to talk to her,” Blake suggested, giving Connor’s arm a friendly shove. “But when you get back, yeah? Give yourself some time to think it through.”
It kind of stung, that even Connor’s best friend thought he
needed time to think something over, but Connor couldn’t deny that Blake was right. Whenever he wasn’t on the ice, he was thinking about Ashley, wondering what she was doing, and how she was feeling.
Connor had no idea if he’d messed it all up for good, but he was determined to find out. It was a determination which carried him all the way to Ashly’s door, and then momentarily vanished, to be replaced by a host of anxious snakes writhing in Connor’s stomach.
He hadn’t warned Ashley he was coming, and he could see the surprise on her face when she answered the door. “Can we talk?” he asked. “I think I’ve been an idiot.”
Having come straight from the airport, Connor hadn’t really thought about what time it was, and it was only when he really took in what Ashley was wearing that he realized it probably was quite late . She had pajamas on but despite that, and the fact that she clearly was surprised to see him, Ashley nodded and took a step back to let Connor in.
Pulling her cardigan tighter around herself when Connor brought the breeze inside with him, Ashley shut the door, giving a nod so he’d come through to the living room with her. “Have you been an idiot about anything in particular?” She asked. “I watched your games, you did well,” she added as if Connor was here to talk about his games . But then he did also have to stop himself from asking more about that. This was not about hockey.
“I was an idiot at the gala,” Connor said, and days of preparation really had made it easier for him not to beat around the bush. “When I said that we weren’t together, that it wasn’t a relationship, I didn’t mean it to come out the way it did.” It had been true , but that wasn’t the point.
“I didn’t mean I don’t want a relationship,” Connor clarified, feeling his face heat slightly as Ashley’s gaze moved sharply to him. “I just meant - well, that we shouldn’t be making out in a cupboard without talking first.”
The silence that then dragged between them was almost enough for Connor to consider bolting now that he’d said his bit, but he was a professional hockey player . So he could brave a bit of silence. Probably.
“So,” Ashley began slowly and somehow that seemed worse than the silence. “I embarrassed myself by basically jumping your bones and putting myself out there, showing you that I wanted to kiss you, but you wanted for us to just... talk?” She didn’t sound very sure of herself, which was not a tone Connor had really heard from her. Apart from when they’d been in the cupboard, just before she’d left.
“Talk first ,” Connor corrected quickly. “It’s not that I didn’t want you.” Even now, he could remember exactly how fiercely he had wanted Ashley, how hard it had been to pull away from the heat of her body to ask what they were doing. “I like you,” Connor offered, taking courage from Blake having assured him that Ashley liked him, too.
“And I don’t want to sleep with you one time if that’s going to mean we can’t ever talk again, because I like talking to you,” he carried on. If he didn’t pause, maybe Ashley wouldn’t be able to tell him that he’d got it all wrong. “I know I can’t be a good boyfriend,” he added, dropping his gaze. “Not right now, and maybe not for ages. I have to put hockey first, and that wouldn’t be fair.”
“So you’re going to just decide for me?” Ashley asked with a frown.
Connor’s first instinct was to object, say that of course he hadn’t wanted to decide for Ashley, but the truth was, that maybe he had, and if that was true, Ashley had a right to be annoyed.
Remembering what Blake had said, about Ashley glowing at the idea of her being good for him, was just about enough to keep Connor from backing out of this altogether.
“I know what it’s like when someone’s career is more important than you,” he said honestly. When Ashley didn’t immediately respond, but rather looked like she was waiting for him to continue, Connor sighed. “I know what it was like for me when my dad put his job first, and I saw what it was like for mom, too. Not that she’d ever admit it. It blows, knowing you’re always second place, and I’ve never wanted to do that to anybody, but hockey is - Hockey’s always been everything. I don’t know how to have that and a relationship with somebody where I can make them feel important.”
This time, Ashley took a step closer to him. It was slow and almost tentative, but when Connor didn’t step back, she tiptoed and for a moment he thought she was going to kiss him again but Ashley didn’t. Instead, she pulled Connor into a hug, wrapping her arms around him. It only took him a short moment before he hugged back, holding her body tightly against his.
“You’ve been a great boyfriend, Connor,” Ashley told him. “Even as a fake boyfriend, you’ve been a great one.” She did pull back then, the closeness of her face almost too distracting, but Connor focused to hear what she said.
Bringing a hand up to brush over Connor’s cheek, Ashley gave him a small smile. “I’m scared, too, Connor.”
Leaning into her touch, Connor still managed to raise an eyebrow. “You?” he asked, and though he’d meant to sound teasing, he could hear the note of surprise. “I figured you were fearless,” he added, more sincerely. It was hard to imagine Ashley being afraid of anything, but it made Connor feel better to know that she was.
That seemed to startle a laugh from Ashley. “I only pretend for you,” she said and her tone was teasing in a way that put some ease back into Connor.
“What are you scared of?” he asked, not because he couldn’t imagine, but because he could think of so many different reasons to be afraid, and didn’t know which of them were bothering Ashley.
The question made Ashley pause but Connor could tell it wasn’t because she didn’t want to answer it. Taking a step back, Ashley reached to take Connor’s hand, giving it a small squeeze. She led them over to the couch, but Connor was glad when she didn’t let go of his hand.
“I’m scared because I’ve never felt like this. I like being around you, I want to be around you. I’m scared that you don’t, or that you don’t want to. But I want to... I want to try .”
It made Connor feel as though his heart gave a wild leap in his chest, and he grinned, suddenly unafraid of looking like an idiot. “I do want to be around you,” he assured. “I think about you all the time when you’re not there. About what you’d say, or what you’d find interesting, or how you’d tease me about something.”
He laced his fingers through Ashley’s, giving her hand a squeeze. “I meant it, though,” he added, more seriously. “I don’t want to be like my dad was, and I’m not sure I know how not to be.” Hockey was always going to be important, was going to dictate where Connor lived and how much time he had to devote to someone else.
“I know how important hockey is for you and I don’t want it not to be. I don’t think hockey and a relationship are in the same category. You can have both.” And somehow when Ashley said it, it sounded like it was true . It gave Connor hope in a way that was also scary .
Another squeeze of Ashley’s hand drew his attention back to the conversation. “These past two months, I haven’t felt like I came second to hockey and we weren’t even dating for real. Did you feel like having me in your life interfered with your work?”
Because it was Ashley asking, Connor actually took the time to think about it, and didn’t just jump to the answer he thought she wanted to hear. “No,” he admitted, shaking his head. “You’ve made some parts of work easier, with the way you’ve handled all the press stuff.” Connor knew his image was better now than it had been, and it hadn’t even been bad before.
“And you don’t interfere with playing or training,” he continued because Ashley never had. “But wouldn’t it be different if we were really dating? Wouldn’t you mind ?” Connor did believe Ashley when she said she didn’t want hockey not to be important, but his mom would’ve said the same about his dad, that she hadn’t wanted his career not to be important. Connor knew it had still made her sad when he’d canceled their plans together, or not turned up to something she’d mentioned ten times.
“
I’m not sure why it would be different. I’d still want you to do what made you happy.” It sounded so simple when she said it. “I can’t promise that things will always work out but... I’d like to give it a go, Connor. And it seems like maybe so would you? We could always just be scared together?” The offer was followed by a small smile.
“You make being scared sound pretty good,” Connor teased, lifting a hand to brush his thumb against the corner of Ashley’s smile. “Yeah, I’d like to give it a go, too.” Ashley was right, they couldn’t guarantee anything, but they could try being together. If their fake relationship was anything to go by, they should do pretty well.
There were probably a dozen questions Connor should have asked. What about Dallas? Were they going to keep pretending they’d been together for months? Were they going to keep pretending to be soulmates?
Instead of asking any of those things, Connor bent his head to brush his lips against Ashley’s, free hand settling on her waist as she opened her mouth under his.
Chapter Eight
Connor’s lips felt just as good against Ashley’s as she remembered them from the night of the gala. Hot and hard in exactly the right sort of ways. The worry she felt seemed to ease, especially as Connor cupped Ashley’s face, the kiss deepening with his tongue against her lips. Parting them, she let him in, licking back just as a soft moan escaped her. God, had she wanted this then and she wanted it now .
Ashley’s hand came up to brush over Connor’s neck and she kissed him back harder, enjoying the eager response he gave. When she came up for air, Ashley’s breath caught slightly at just how hot Connor looked.
Game Plan Page 11