There was definitely a pause. It was only the way Connor leaned into her touch that kept Ashley from starting to feel nervous. When he did speak, it was slowly, as if thinking through every word.
“I don’t know.” Connor propped himself up a little against Ashley’s pillows, reaching out to brush his hand over her mark. “There are a lot of Connors, and a lot of Ashleys,” he pointed out. “I don’t know how you know if you’ve found the right one.”
He frowned slightly, only stopping when Ashley lifted a hand to touch the crease between his brows. “My parents had matching soulmarks,” Connor told her, and Ashley realized it wasn’t something he’d said before. “They weren’t happy. I don’t know if that means they aren’t soulmates, or if it means soulmates don’t always work out.”
Ashley was hardly going to be the person who argued that they must be soulmates, especially because she did agree with Connor that there was a chance they weren’t . But Ashley was willing to entertain the idea which was a great deal more than she would’ve expected herself to.
“I think that for a lot of people it's very hard to admit when things aren’t working, especially once you've convinced yourself this is it, you've met your soulmate,” Ashley commented. She rolled over on her stomach so she could look at Connor more easily. This seemed like a conversation that required looking at each other.
“And yeah, maybe we won't work out, but I’m willing to give it a shot if you are.” The idea that he might not almost physically ached inside of Ashley. She also wanted to believe that he did want this. Connor had given her no indications that he didn’t.
“Of course I am,” Connor agreed. He looked almost shocked by the idea that he might now decide he wasn’t willing to give it a go. “Whether you might be my soulmate or not, I’d want to give this a go,” he clarified. He reached out, running a hand through Ashley’s hair softly, teeth pressing down into his lower lip.
“It is a bit scary that you might be,” he admitted. “Just because -” He paused, and Ashley let him get his thoughts into order without interrupting. “I don’t know, I guess it seems like a lot of pressure.” Ashley could certainly see that, especially given how public their matching soulmarks were. “Everyone thinks we’ve known each other for months longer than we have,” Connor elaborated. “And what about Dallas?”
Ashley was still going to Dallas in a couple of months’ time, so that was a very fair question to ask. Like how hockey mattered to Connor, Ashley’s career mattered to her. She didn’t, however, think it couldn’t work. If they worked for it, they could have the best of both worlds.
“You’re an NHL superstar,” Ashley teased. “I’m sure you can afford to fly your girlfriend out for a weekend or so.” She didn’t think Connor would be against it. In the time she’d known him, Connor hadn’t been shy about spending money.
She did give him a much softer smile, too, though. “I think taking a risk that it might not work, this thing between us, that’s part of what makes it worth doing.”
Connor chuckled. “Somehow, it doesn’t surprise me that the risk appeals to you,” he noted. “Obviously I was right when I said you’re unlikely to choose the easy route.” He moved down on the bed to join Ashley, turned onto his side so he could still see her. His hand stroked down her bare side. It raised goosebumps on Ashley’s skin, and not from the cold.
“A weekend or so doesn’t seem very much,” he said, looking more serious. “I already miss you when I have to be away for games.”
“And I miss you,” Ashley said easily. “But I like it when I do see you.” It seemed pretty simple. Sure, Ashley would rather she didn’t have to leave, but she was hardly the sort of person who wanted to sacrifice one thing she loved for another. It wasn’t ideal but it was a challenge. As Connor had pointed out, Ashley liked risk and she definitely liked challenges.
Shuffling in closer to Connor, Ashley pressed a kiss against his lips. “Maybe if you play your cards right, I’ll send you some nudes,” Ashley teased.
The sound Connor made - halfway between a laugh and a moan - was honestly delightful. Ashley beamed at him. “Well, when you put it like that,” he teased. The hand that had been innocently running along Ashley’s side moved down to her ass, cupping it as Connor pulled her closer to kiss her back.
It was a much slower kiss than the ones they’d shared earlier. Connor seemed determined to explore Ashley’s mouth. He sucked on her lower lip as he pulled back, his breath coming faster. “Do we keep up the story that we met five months ago?” he asked. “It seems… easier. And it’s not as if anyone but us is really going to care exactly when we met.”
“It does seem easier,” Ashley nodded. There was no reason for them not to, really. “You’ll have to tell everyone who knows the truth,” she pointed out, but Ashley hardly imagined that to be an issue. If anything, it seemed kind of... nice that they’d developed real feelings for each other.
Ashley ran her hand down over Connor’s broad back. Even there she could feel muscles move and Ashley had to admire just how beautiful Connor truly was. She’d known he was great looking, but that had been clothed . He was unbelievably hot naked.
“You’re so fucking hot,” she breathed, because, really, Connor just was .
“Look who’s talking,” Connor said, grinning at Ashley like he truly believed she was every bit as hot as he was. He smoothed a hand down over Ashley’s ass, fingers curving around her thigh before he hitched her leg up. It brought their hips flush together, and Connor ground against her eagerly.
“I thought I was sleepy,” he announced, “but all this talking has woken me up again.” His mouth dropped to Ashley’s neck, and he bit down on the skin over her collarbone, making Ashley’s breath catch in a gasp. “What shall I do with all this energy?” Connor asked, barely lifting his mouth from her skin long enough for her to make out the words.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Ashley said rocking into Connor’s touch. “Have you considered reading?” She teased, but her actions were very far from suggesting that she planned for Connor to stop to read right now. Rather, as her hands trailed down Connor’s back, Ashley felt her actions were suggesting he do something a lot more active than that.
Chapter Nine
Connor had supposed that dating Ashley for real would feel basically the same as dating her for the press. He hadn’t expected just how differently it would affect him emotionally. Ashley still came to the Howlers’ games, but now it filled Connor’s chest with pride to know she was out there, seeing him do what he did best. She still teased him, and she still explained things in a way that Connor understood, but both came with an undercurrent of affection that lifted Connor’s spirits far beyond what he’d been used to when Ashley was only pretending .
He’d told Maisy first. She’d laughed so hard she’d had to hang up, and only congratulated him when she rang back later in the evening. She hadn’t said so, but Connor knew she was withholding judgment on the whole soulmate part of his and Ashley’s relationship. That was fine. Connor was kind of waiting for more evidence either way, too. He didn’t care if Ashley wasn’t his soulmate, because he still had fun with her. The more he realized how deeply his moods were connected to Ashley’s presence in his life, the more Connor hoped that maybe Ashley was , that this would be the relationship that didn’t fizzle out.
His mum, as Connor had expected, was over the moon.
“Oh, Connor!” she sighed at him over their regular Tuesday call. “It’s so romantic! Like something you’d read in a magazine.”
“Like something you’d read in a magazine,” Connor corrected playfully. It made him think. Ashley had said that people wanted to believe celebrities were living the perfect, more enchanted life. Meeting his soulmate while looking for a pretend soulmate did feel like it was somehow… more. Connor made a mental note to talk it through with Ashley, later.
“When do I get to meet her?” Liz asked, and Connor grinned. He wanted that, for Ashley to meet his mom, and Maisy. He wanted
them all to discover what he loved about each of them.
“I don’t know, mom,” he hedged. As much as Connor looked forward to it, he and Ashley had only really been dating for a week, and that seemed pretty soon for the meeting of the family. “If the Howlers make it to the playoffs, you’ll come to watch some of the games, right? And I’m sure Ashley will.” He could hear his mom’s laugh down the phone and knew what she’d say almost before she said it.
“Must everything in your life revolve around hockey?” she asked. Connor didn’t need to see her to know she was rolling her eyes.
“Yup,” Connor agreed, without guilt. They moved on, his mom telling him all the latest gossip from home.
Three weeks after Connor and Ashley decided to make things real, the Howlers lost a game. They should have easily won, and what was worse was that there was no real reason . No one was injured, there’d been only a normal amount of on-ice aggression, and there was no obvious hole in their defensive line. Every small thing that could go badly had done, from a pass being intercepted to Connor missing when he’d had a clean shot at the goal.
The mood in the locker room after was low. The team did what they always did, hurrying through interviews and press attention so they could all go home to sulk in peace.
Connor had been in his living room for nearly an hour, mentally replaying every wrong move and missed goal, when it occurred to him that for the first time, he didn’t need to be alone. He hadn’t messaged Ashley, because he hadn’t really wanted to talk , but of course, Ashley had been at the game herself, she’d already seen how badly it had gone.
He sent her a text immediately, offering to pay for an Uber over.
By the time she arrived, Connor still felt pretty grim. He did manage to find a smile for her. “Sorry it took so long,” he apologized. “I guess I’m not used to having someone who won’t mind being around me after we lose.”
Ashley tiptoed to kiss Connor and somehow that already made the tightness in his chest ease. Not so much he’d forget about the loss tonight, but at least to relieve it a bit. “I don’t mind,” she confirmed, taking Connor’s hand so she could squeeze it. “We can cuddle on the sofa and make you feel better, yeah? Have you eaten?”
The question honestly took Connor by surprise. He never ate after a loss. At least, not since he’d moved to Madison, and started living by himself. “No,” he said, shaking his head. “Not since before the game. I don’t really feel hungry.” Despite that, Connor did lead the way to the kitchen, offering Ashley her choice from the drinks in his fridge.
“I’ll feel better tomorrow,” he promised, which was probably true. Tomorrow there would be training, and Connor always felt better after he could get out on the ice. It was hard to let failure go before he had an opportunity to prove he could do better. “Not that I’m saying no to cuddles,” he added. It did make his heart feel lighter to think about having Ashley in his arms for a while.
“Take a seat, I’ll make you something light,” Ashley instructed. “Egg white omelet. The protein will do you good.” The way she said it didn’t leave much room for argument and that kind of felt... nice. Connor didn’t have to think too hard, Ashley would take care of it. Of him. He watched her move around the kitchen, getting the eggs, setting the frying pan up, just letting Connor be there with her.
Once the food was ready, Ashley set the plate down in front of Connor and then pressed a kiss against his cheek. “You can feel better tomorrow, but today you can feel bad.”
The words freed Connor from any expectation that he had to be good company. He was surprised to find that made it easier to look on the bright side. He chuckled, reaching out a hand to catch hold of Ashley’s shirt, keeping her close. “I like having you here,” he told her. It was true, but it also made Connor’s heart ache, because Ashley wasn’t always going to be there. She was going to be in Dallas, hours and hours away. It made Connor feel almost worse than losing had.
So he wouldn’t say anything about how he wished Ashley didn’t have to go, Connor took a forkful of the omelet. It was pretty good. The first bite made Connor realize how hungry he’d been. “How is it that you know just what to do and just what to say?” he asked. “Do you think it’s a soulmate thing?”
Ashley stilled and briefly, Connor had to wonder if that hadn’t been the right thing to say. When she gave him a smile, it felt reassuring . “Maybe it is,” she nodded. Obviously, Ashley, like Connor, couldn’t say for certain, but the fact that she would at least entertain the idea made Connor feel good . He knew Ashley’s opinions on soulmates, so to know that she was willing to consider him hers was important .
“Or maybe I’m just a very good girlfriend,” Ashley teased.
“You are a very good girlfriend,” Connor agreed, feeling a warmth settle in his stomach that had nothing to do with being fed. “I guess I was wondering whether you’re good at being a girlfriend in general , or if it’s different with me.” Connor wanted to believe that things were different with him, that Ashley hadn’t always been this good at being part of a couple. As long as what they had was special, Connor didn’t really mind whether they were soulmates or not. At least, he didn’t think he did.
Taking another bite, Connor chewed thoughtfully before he offered, “It feels different for me. You don’t try to make me guess what you want, or make me feel stupid when I can’t.” Those were qualities that Connor’s previous girlfriends had lacked. “And it’s easier to be open with you,” he carried on. “I guess probably because I know you’re open with me.”
He saw her hesitate and it really just went to illustrate Connor’s point. In the past, if a girlfriend had reacted like that, Connor would’ve rushed in to say she didn’t have to answer or apologize for whatever might’ve upset her. But with Ashley, Connor knew she’d tell him . It might take her a moment to find the right words and that was... pretty great, really. To know that she’d be honest, that she’d explain.
“I don’t think most of my exes would say I’m a good girlfriend,” Ashley finally said, turning away to tidy the dishes she’d used to make Connor a meal. “You’ve been... you haven’t seemed like you mind it when I take charge. Other men I’ve dated before, they didn’t really like that I wanted to plan things, or that I always needed to have a structure to what was going on.”
The way she looked, as if she were ashamed of having to admit that other men might not have liked her, was almost physically painful. Connor got up, reaching out to tug her close to him, one arm around her waist.
“I think it’s great when you take charge,” he told her, trying to keep a lid on his emotions so that he didn’t sound as fierce as he felt. “You’ve made things run much more smoothly than I could ever hope to. Why wouldn’t I like that?”
Part of Connor wanted to find out who these men were who’d made Ashley feel bad for being herself, so he could tell them how wrong they were. M ore of him was just glad to be the one Ashley was with now.
Lifting one hand to Ashley’s cheek, Connor tipped her face up to his, brushing his lips across hers. He’d meant it to be just a light kiss, brief because he certainly wasn’t used to wanting anything more in the kind of mood he was in. Ashley’s lips were so soft, her body warm against his, that Connor found himself deepening the kiss out of pure instinct.
Ashley kissed back, her lips parting to let Connor slide his tongue in, meeting it with her own. Her hand came to brush over Connor’s side before Ashley pulled back, giving him what looked like a rather suspicious look. “Are you trying to distract me or yourself?” She asked. Her tone was teasing enough that Connor knew he wasn’t really expected to answer it. If he’d had to, the answer was probably ‘both’.
“You need to finish your food,” Ashley informed him. “And then we can go cuddle on the couch.” The authority in her voice made Connor grin, but he didn’t talk back. Instead, he returned to finish off his food and then let Ashley lead them through to the living room. She kicked her shoes off and pressed up against Conn
or’s side once they’d sat down, shifting her legs to drape them over Connor’s lap. It was strikingly companionable .
Reaching for the remote, Ashley clicked the TV on. “What are you in the mood for?” She asked before frowning slightly. “What sort of TV do you even like?”
Connor shrugged. The truth was that he was mostly in the mood for whatever he could watch mindlessly. He’d spend more of his time watching Ashley than the television. “I don’t really watch much TV,” he admitted. “I like films or something where I can sit down and watch from start to end. Somehow, I never seem to finish a TV series. Even with Netflix, I get distracted after an episode and I wander off. Then the next time I actually have a long enough break to watch TV in, I’ve forgotten what happened.” Connor didn’t really mind. Hockey had always been more important than staying up to date with the latest episode of whatever.
“You can pick,” Connor offered, feeling that Ashley would probably like being given the control, even over something as trivial as what to watch on TV. “As long as it’s not sports.” Connor did watch sports, but not after he’d just lost a game. While Ashley clicked through a few different channels, Connor settled his weight comfortably against the couch. “I like documentaries,” he admitted, shyly. It wasn’t the kind of thing he’d tell the guys, so only his family really knew - and even they found it surprising .
Ashley, too, seemed surprised if the way she turned to look at him was any sort of indication. But then her face lit up in a wide smile that made Connor feel good about his admission. “What sort of documentaries?” She asked sounding genuinely interested in finding out. “Do you like animal documentaries? Those aren't too hard to watch even when you're tired.”
Connor nodded his agreement, while also trying to decide how to answer the broader question. “Animal documentaries are good,” he confirmed, “or anything about a person. I started out watching documentaries about sports, or about athletes.” That part, at least, was unlikely to surprise anyone. “Then I started watching things about historical figures. Elvis, JFK.”
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