I Don't Want to Be Friends

by Camilla Isley

  But you have unexplored feelings for the guy, a voice retorted inside Haley’s head. Best to avoid him.

  Also true.

  But if she said ‘no’ now, the girls would sense she wasn’t telling them something. And Haley really didn’t want to have to explain the whole Halloween drama now. Better to say ‘yes’ and hope David would refuse. It was Friday night, after all, he probably already had plans. Yes, he’d definitely say ‘no.’

  Wrong!

  Less than half an hour later their doorbell rang, and David waltzed into the house carrying a Coors Light six-pack and four pizza boxes.

  “Hello, ladies, I come bearing gifts.” He dropped everything on the coffee table. “I have beers and I have pizza. Double cheese, pepperoni, and two regulars. You get your pick.”

  “Amen,” Madison said, launching herself at one of the pizza boxes.

  Haley stole a glance at him and cursed herself for the tiny electric jolt meeting his blue eyes gave her. In response, David’s mouth curled up at one corner as if he’d just read her mind. He winked at her before sitting comfortably on the couch between her and Alice.

  Haley tried to make herself small and shrink away as much as she could. But nothing could shield her from his conspicuous presence next to her… Hell, this was going to be a long evening.

  ***

  “Can you believe the team had to go to China to play a game?” Madison asked during the half-time break. “I mean, freaking China! It’s a different continent.”

  “At least they’ll be home for Christmas this year,” Alice said. “I couldn’t have afforded another trip to Hawaii.”

  “So what are you doing?” Madison asked. “Aren’t your parents going on their usual Christmas cruise?”

  Alice beamed at them. “Going home with Jack. He’s already invited me. I guess I’m meeting the parents.”

  “Ugh, I’m getting diabetes just looking at you,” Madison said jokingly, then turned to Haley. “And what about you?”

  “Yeah,” David said, inserting himself into the conversation. “Are you coming home to meet the parents?”

  He stared at her with a half-challenging, half-mocking little smirk. The fact that going home with Scott to meet his parents would mean also spending the holidays with David, in the same house, was not lost on Haley.

  She’d already met their mother in a brief encounter back in August while Scott was still hospitalized. But to spend the holidays at the Williams’ house would be a whole different ball game.

  “I haven’t discussed it with Scott yet,” Haley said, choosing a neutral reply. “But I can’t bail on my parents for two Christmases in a row, especially not after this summer.”

  “Oh, right,” Madison said.

  David only mouthed a cocksure “Pity” at her.

  “The game’s back on,” Alice said, grabbing the remote and turning up the volume. “Come on, guys, we’re only two points down.”

  The words had barely left her lips when Stanford scored again.

  “Only four points down?” Alice said, dismayed. “Why are we doing such a poor job?”

  “We’re letting them take the lead,” David said. “It’s always them going ahead, and us trying to catch up. Our defense sucks.”

  “Is it Scott’s fault?” Haley asked.

  “In part,” David confirmed.

  “Is he still afraid?”

  “No, I cured that. But he’s angry, and he’s making poor judgment calls.”

  “Angry about what?”

  David turned to look at her. “I don’t know, you tell me. Trouble in paradise?”

  “No!” Haley wasn’t about to discuss her relationship issues with the guy who was causing them.

  “Then Scott must be wearing his angry mask for no reason,” David replied, putting extra strain on the word ‘mask’ to let her know he wasn’t buying any of her bullshit.

  Haley shot him a not-taking-the-bait look and concentrated on the game, which, from then on, only got worse. So far, Harvard had managed to keep in pursuit of the Cardinal within a margin of four to five points, but the gap started increasing to eight, ten, and even twelve points toward the end.

  With only ten seconds left on the clock, Harvard was down by nine. Not ready to give up, Jack was slashing through the lane in a last attempt to bring home two more points, but the referee blew his whistle three times before he could shoot. The game was over.

  “And that, ladies,” David said in a resigned tone, “is how you lose.”

  Thirteen

  Haley

  Scott didn’t come back from China until late next Sunday night. With midterms so close, they could only hang out together to study. So, on Monday, they met at a private study room at the library. Scott barely kissed her hello before opening a biology textbook and burying his nose in it. Since they had to do homework, it made sense not to talk much, but Haley sensed Scott’s silence went beyond that. It felt… hostile.

  Initially, Haley pinned the bad mood on the lost game against Stanford. After all, who’d be happy to fly fifteen hours to China only to lose in front of thousands of local spectators and even more college basketball aficionados back home? But, according to David, Scott had been playing like crap because he’d been angry… So if he’d started the match already in a bad temper, losing would only have aggravated the issue, but it wasn’t the cause…

  Haley shifted in her chair. “Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked, for what must’ve been the third time.

  “Yes.”

  “Is it basketball?”

  “No.”

  “So you’re not having any trouble playing?”

  Scott kept his eyes trained on the pre-med textbook he was highlighting. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Seems you have a harder time defending since… the accident…”

  “And since when have you become a basketball expert?”

  “I’m not, but David said—”

  Scott’s neck snapped up so fast Haley thought it might break. “David? When did you see him?”

  “We watched the games together.”

  “Games, plural?”

  “He came to the MIT game. It’s a public space,” Haley added defensively, seeing his dark look. “And Alice invited him to our place to watch the Stanford game. She needed someone to explain what was going on with the game so she could discuss it with Jack later, and David is the only person we know who understands basketball.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Scott demanded.

  “Wow, Scott, calm down, do I have to fill in a log every time I see David now?”

  “You shouldn’t be seeing him at all.”

  “What? Are you going to have to approve all of my friends now?”

  “David is not your friend, as you made very clear on Halloween.”

  There. The resentment that had kept bubbling under the surface since Halloween was finally seeping through the cracks. No matter if they hadn’t discussed it, or pretended the issue didn’t exist. David’s shadow was always with them. And it made Haley feel so angry and so guilty.

  “So David is on the list of people I can’t see. What’s next? Are you going to pick the clothes I can wear?”

  Scott stared at her, shocked. “That’s not fair, Haley, I’m not some jealous psycho. What would you do in my place? Would it be okay for you if I hung out with a girl who…” Scott trailed off, apparently unable to frame what the equivalent would be. A girl he liked? A girl he had feelings for? What had he wanted to say?

  “Listen. For the MIT game, David just showed up at the gym and sat between Alice and Madison. I could either go and miss the game, or stay and not make a big deal out of it. And for the Stanford game, Alice invited him to our place, and—”

  “You could’ve said ‘no!’”

  “I did, but she insisted so much it would’ve been weird if I kept saying ‘no.’ I would’ve had to explain…” This time Haley left the
phrase hanging.

  “Explanations are hard, aren’t they?” Scott said, his tone bitter.

  He looked down at his hands and kept silent for the longest time. When he finally lifted his gaze, his eyes were all red and shiny. “I can’t do this, Haley. Not anymore…”

  Haley’s body reacted as if she were free-falling, even while sitting perfectly still in her chair. She stared at Scott filled with dread and, oddly enough, relief. Since Halloween, something had shifted in their relationship, even if they’d both pretended everything was the same. David had been on her mind more often than not, and Scott seemed to have picked up on her indecision, even if he hadn’t said a word about it. Until now.

  “Come on, Haley,” Scott continued. “We’re past you trying to spare my feelings… You can admit it.”

  “Over the summer…” Haley paused to gather her thoughts. “Something changed… between David and me.”

  “When you found out about the kiss?”

  “Maybe that was the start, but then it became much more than it ever used to be. I never had real feelings for him, not even after the kiss. And I never lied to you, and I don’t want to lie now…”

  “So what happened?” Scott’s voice shook. “What changed?”

  Haley looked at him with teary eyes. “You went away,” she admitted. “In the beginning, I missed you so much… But all summer we spent days without having a meaningful conversation… Whenever I called, you were too busy to talk, or it wasn’t the right moment. That is, if you even picked up the phone at all. It never seemed like you missed me… and I guess because of it, I sort of stopped missing you… It felt like you weren’t there for me, not just physically, but emotionally, too…”

  “And David was?”

  Haley swallowed and nodded. “With you gone, it was like I couldn’t breathe anymore… But David… he bulldozed his way into my life and forced me to let the air in again… and my first gasp of it was a big laugh.”

  “So it was all my fault… because I left?” Scott said, again not angry, only bitter. “You’re saying I practically drove you to him… He told me, you know?”

  “Told you what?”

  “That he was gonna steal you while I was gone. I just never thought you would’ve let David into your heart…” Scott paused, then asked, “What is it exactly that you like about him? I mean, I get it, he was there when your dad got sick, but…” Scott stared at her, at a loss for words.

  “David makes everything feel new and… unpredictable. I’m a different person with him. He changes me, challenges me, and… surprises me. When we’re together, I’m no longer sure of anything. He makes me question everything. When I’m with him… it’s like… I’m free.”

  “And I’m your cage?”

  “Not a cage. With you, I feel loved and safe and protected.”

  “And are those such bad things?”

  “No, just different things.”

  “Things you don’t want anymore…”

  “Scott… I’m sorry. I never wished for any of this. It just happened. I hadn’t even fully realized it until—”

  “Yeah, exactly when did you realize you had feelings for my brother?”

  A million flashbacks passed through Haley’s mind, followed by just as many questions. The day he told me about the kiss? All those afternoons together at the library? When he drove me home to my father? The night he gave me this necklace? Haley’s hand unconsciously wrapped around it. When he saved you from the pool? When he stayed up all night to read to you at the hospital? When I found out he wouldn’t let Madison tell me about his apology to her? On Halloween night?

  All of those moments had made her fall for him a little, but the truth of it was all in a single instant spent together under the rain. “I won’t go away, Haley.” David’s words rang again in her mind. “I’ll always be here for you… I love you.”

  “Last summer,” Haley confessed. “He told me he loved me—”

  Scott scoffed. “I guess that’s another little thing you conveniently forgot to tell me.”

  “No, I chose not to.”

  “Why?”

  “I didn’t want to come between two brothers…”

  “Yeah, great job with that.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Why drag it out for so long if you’ve known for months?” he accused.

  “Because I didn’t know-know. Because it was all so confusing. And because I still love you. Before I could start thinking about the way I felt for David, you came back, and I was so happy to see you… Then there was the accident, and that day at the hospital I was so scared to lose you… I thought whatever I’d imagined having with David had to be… nothing real, nothing important…”

  “And now?”

  “Now I don’t know what I want anymore…”

  “What, or… who you want?”

  Haley kept silent.

  “Did you two ever…?”

  “No, Scott, no! How can you ask me that? I would never cheat on you.”

  “At this point I don’t really know, do I?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “For what? Because you want him?”

  “It’s more complicated than that. There isn’t a switch I can turn that says ‘stop loving Scott, love David instead.’”

  “Love? You love him?”

  Haley could only stare back at Scott.

  “And you love me, too?”

  She nodded.

  “But you’re in love with only one of us…”

  Fourteen

  Madison

  A quick peek at her watch told Madison that Scott was already twenty minutes late, which was pretty unusual for him. They’d reserved a study room at the library to finish the next revision of their group project and, with the assignment due tomorrow, they really couldn’t afford to waste any time.

  The project—a co-written short story that had to be cohesive, but with two clear, distinct voices—had been presented in their second class, and Madison and Scott had teamed up at once. Now they were halfway through, with Madison writing in the POV of a young witch, while Scott penned her very sarcastic talking cat.

  Fed up with just sitting there and waiting, Madison started revising her side of the story. And by the time Scott arrived, she was so immersed in the narrative that he startled her when he plunged into the chair next to her.

  “Sorry I’m late.”

  Late, Madison scoffed inside her head. What a pity we’re not working on euphemisms.

  She was about to berate Scott for letting her do all the work when she took a second look at him: one-day stubble, dark sunglasses, messed up hair, and a foul reek of…

  “Are you drunk?” she accused.

  Scott sneered. “Mostly hungover.”

  Madison’s eyes bulged. “But it’s the middle of the day. Are you okay?”

  “Haley and I broke up. By definition, I’m not okay.”

  A million different thoughts and emotions hit Madison in the guts like sudden punches: elation, guilt, sorrow, hope, elation again, followed by the same guilt. Then, finally, the need to know exactly what had happened. Who had broken up with who, and why?

  “How can it be?” she asked

  “So you haven’t talked to her?”

  “No. Last night she came home and shut herself in her room. We assumed she had homework to do or something… What happened?”

  “Apparently…” Scott removed the sunglasses and, elbows on the table, he pressed both his palms against his closed eyes. “She has feelings for my brother.”

  Ah, yeah, there’s that…

  Scott finished rubbing his eyes and turned his bloodshot gaze to her, studying her reaction. “And you don’t seem surprised.”

  “Scott, I—”

  “Please,” Scott interrupted her. “If you’re about to spin me some bullshit, don’t. I’ve already had enough of that.”

  “I wasn’t going to, but Haley
is my best friend…”

  “And what about me? Am I not your friend?”

  Oh, Scott, you’re so much more than that.

  “Of course we’re friends, but—”

  “No buts. Did you know she had feelings for David, or not?”

  “I suspected it, but the one time I confronted her about it, she denied it.”

  “Why did you confront her?”

  “Because I’d seen them together.”

  “Where?”

  “At the library.”

  “Damn, I hate libraries.” Scott stared around the room with contempt. “What were they doing?”

  Madison cursed herself for not being able to keep a poker face. The interrogation was making her so uncomfortable. She didn’t want to spill the beans on Haley, but… Scott deserved to know the truth.

  “Nothing, really,” she explained. “They weren’t doing anything specific except for laughing.” Scott’s face turned even grimmer, as if instead of “laughing” Madison had just said they were banging each other’s brains out on the table. “It was more of a vibe I picked up.”

  “And when you confronted her about it, what did she say?”

  She pivoted the argument on me for having feelings for you… Yeah, definitely not going to say that.

  “She swore they were only friends,” Madison said as neutrally as she could.

  “Yeah. Just fucking friends.”

  “Scott.” Madison put a hand on his arm. “I don’t think she was lying. Not consciously, at least.”

  “When did I lose her? When she learned about the kiss?”

  “No, that night she was only worried about how you’d react when she told you. She still hated David back then…”

  “So when did it change?”

  “I guess when they started meeting at the library. David… he can be charming if he wants to…”

  “Okay, now I seriously despise libraries. Can we get outta here?”

  Madison threw a glance at their half-finished story… Homework didn’t matter right then.

  “Yeah,” she said, pressing Save before closing her laptop. “Let’s go.”

  Scott stared at the computer, aghast. “Oh, I’m so sorry, the project! I wasn’t thinking straight. We can stay and finish it.”