A Planet for Texans (aka Lone Star Planet)

by H. Beam Piper

  “Stephen! How could you?” she demanded. “You know what you’ve done? You’ve gotten those murdering snakes turned loose!”

  Andrew Jackson Hickock left the prosecution table and approached.

  “Mr. Silk! You’ve just secured the freedom of three men who murdered one of my best friends!”

  “Colonel Hickock, I believe I knew Silas Cumshaw before you did. He was one of my instructors at Dumbarton Oaks, and I have always had the deepest respect and admiration for him. But he taught me one thing, which you seem to have forgottgn since .you expatriated yourself—that in the Diplomatic Service, personal feelings don’t count. The only thing of importance is the advancement of the policies of the Solar League.”

  “Silas and I were attaches together, at the old Embassy at Drammool, on Altair II,” Colonel Hickock said. What else he might have said was lost in the sudden exclamation as the black screen slid down. In front of Judge Nelson, I saw, there were three pistol-belts, and three pairs of automatics.

  “Switchblade Joe Bonney, Jack-High Abe Bonney, Turkey- Buzzard Tom Bonney, together with your counsel, approach the court and hear the verdict,” Judge Nelson said.

  The three defendants and their lawyer rose. The Bonneys were swaggering and laughing, but for a lawyer whose clients had just emerged from the shadow of the gallows, Sidney was looking remarkably unhappy. He probably had imagination enough to see what would be waiting for him outside.

  “It pains me inexpressibly,” Judge Nelson said, “to inform you three that this court cannot convict you of the cowardly murder of that learned and honorable old man, Silas Cumshaw, nor can you be brought to trial in any other court on New Texas again for that dastardly crime. Here are your weapons, which must be returned to you. Sort them out yourselves, because I won’t dirty my fingers on them. And may you regret and feel shame for your despicable act as long as you live, which I hope won’t be more than a few hours.”

  With that, he used the end of his gavel to push the three belts off the bench and onto the floor at the Bonneys’ feet. They stood laughing at him for a few moments, then stopped, picked the belts up, drew the pistols to check magazines and chambers, and then began slapping each other’s backs and shouting jubilant con'gratulations at one another. Sidney’s two assistants and some of his friends came up and began pumping Sidney’s hands.

  "There!” Gail flung at me. “Now look at your masterpiece! Why don’t you go up and congratulate him, too?”

  And with that, she slapped me across the face. It hurt like the devil; she was a lot stronger than I’d expected.

  “In about two minute,” I told her, “you can apologize to me for that, or weep over my corpse. Right now, though, you’d better be getting behind something solid.”

  CHAPTER XI

  I turned and stepped forward to confront the Bonneys, mentally thanking Gail. Up until she’d slapped me, I’d been weak-kneed and dry-mouthed with what I had to do. Now I was just plain angry, and I found that I was thinking a lot more clearly. Jack-High Bonney’s wounded left shoulder, I knew, wouldn’t keep him from using his gun hand, but his shoulder muscles would be stiff enough to slow his draw. I’d intended saving him until I’d dealt with his brothers.

  Now, I remembered how he’d gotten that wound in the first place: he’d been the one who’d used the auto-rifle, out at the Hickock ranch. So I changed my plans and moved him up to top priority.

  “Hold it!” I yelled at them. “You’ve been cleared of killing a politician, but you still have killing a Solar League Ambassador to answer for. Now get your hands full of guns, if you don’t want to die with them empty!”

  The crowd of sympathizers and felicitators simply exploded away from the Bonney brothers. Out of the comer of my eye, I saw Sidney and a fat, blowsy woman with brass- colored hair as they both tried to dive under the friends-of- the-court table at the same place. The Bonney brothers simply stood and stared at me, for an instant, unbelievingly, as I got my thumbs on the release-studs of my belt. Judge Nelson’s gavel was hammering, and he was shouting:

  “Court-of-Political-Justice- Confederate-Continent-of- New- Texas-is-herewith-adjourned-reconvene-0900-tomorrow. Hit the floor!"

  "Damn! He means it!” Switchblade Joe Bonney exclaimed. Then they all reached for their guns. They were still reaching when I pressed the studs and the Krupp-Tattas popped up into my hands, and I swung up my right-hand gun and shot Jack-High through the head. After that, I just let my subconscious take over. I saw gun flames jump out at me from the Bonneys’ weapons, and I felt my own pistols leap and writhe in my hands, but I don’t believe I was aware of hearing the shots, not even from my own weapons. The whole thing probably lasted five seconds, but it seemed like twenty minutes to me. Then there was nobody shooting at me, and nobody for me to shoot at; the big room was silent, and 1 was aware that Judge Nelson and his eight associates were rising cautiously from behind the bench.

  I holstered my left-hand gun, removed and replaced the magazine of the right-hand gun, then holstered it and reloaded the other one. Hoddy Ringo and Francisco Parros and Commander Stonehenge were on their feet, their pistols drawn, covering the spectators’ seats. Colonel Hickock had also drawn a pistol and he was covering Sidney with it, occasionally moving the muzzle to the left to include the z’Srauff Ambassador and his two attaches.

  By this time, Nelson and the other eight judges were in their seats, trying to look calm and judicial.

  “Your Honor,” I said, “I fully realize that no judge likes to have his court turned into a shooting gallery. I can assure you, however, that my action here was not the result of any lack of respect for this court. It was pure necessity. Your Honor can see that: my government could not permit this crime against its Ambassador to pass unpunished.”

  Judge Nelson nodded solemnly. "Court was adjourned when this little incident happened, Mr. Silk,” he said.

  He leaned forward and looked to where the three Bonney brothers were making a mess of blood on the floor. “I trusty that nobody will construe my unofficial and personal comments here as establishing any legal precedent, and I wouldn’t like to see this sort of thing become customary . . . but . . . you did that all by yourself, with those little bean- shooters? ... Not bad, not bad at all, Mr. Silk.”

  I thanked him, then turned to the z’Srauff Ambassador. I didn’t bother putting my remarks into Basic. He understood, as well as I did, what I was saying.

  “Look, Fido,” I told him, “my government is quite well aware of the source from which the orders for the murder of my predecessor came. These men I just killed were only the tools.

  “We’re going to get the brains behind them, if we have to send every warship we own into the z’Srauff star-cluster and devastate every planet in it. We don’t let dogs snap at us. And when they do, we don’t kick them, we shoot them!” That, of course, was not exactly striped-pants diplomatic language. I wondered, for a moment, what Norman Gazarian, the protocol man, would think if he heard an Ambassador calling another Ambassador Fido.

  But it seemed to be the kind of language that Mr. Vuvuvu understood. He skinned back his upper lip at me and began snarling and growling. Then he turned on his hind paws and padded angrily down the aisle away from the front of the courtroom.

  The spectators around him and above him began barking, baying, yelping at him: “Tie a can to his taill” “Git for home, Bruno!”

  Then somebody yelled, “Hey, look! Even his wrist watch is blushing!”

  That was perfectly true. Mr. Gglafrr Ddespttann Vuvuvu’s watch-face, normally white, was now glowing a bright ruby- red.

  I looked at Stonehenge and found him looking at me. It would be full dark in four or five hours; there ought to be something spectacular to see in the cloudless skies of Capella IV tonight.

  Fleet Admiral Sir Rodney Tregnaskis would see to that.

  FROM REPORT OF SPACE-COMMANDER STONEHENGE TO SECRETARY OF AGGRESSION, KLVNG-.

  ... so the measures considered by yourself and Secretary o
f State Ghopal Singh and Security Coordinator Natalenko, as transmitted to me by Mr. Hoddy Ringo, were not, I am glad to say, needed. Ambassador Silk, alive, handled the thing much better than Ambassador Silk, dead, could possibly have.

  ... to confirm Sir Rodney Tregaskis’ report from the tales of the few survivors, the z’Srauff attack came as the Ambassador had expected. They dropped out of hyperspace about seventy light-minutes outside the Capella system, apparently in complete ignorance of the presence of our fleet.

  . . . have learned the entire fleet consisted of about three hundred spaceships and reports reaching here indicate that no more than twenty got bach to z’Srauff Cluster.

  . . . naturally, the whole affair has had a profound influence, an influence to the benefit of the Solar League, on all shades of public opinion.

  ... as you properly assumed, Mr. Hoddy Ringo is no longer with us. When it became apparent that the Palme- Silk Annexation Treaty would be ratified here, Mr. Ringo immediately saw that his status of diplomatic immunity would automatically terminate. According, he left this system, embarking from New Austin for Alderbaran IX, mentioning, as he shook hands with me, something about a widow. By a curious coincidence, the richest branch bank in the city was held up by a lone bandit about half an hour before he boarded the spaceship. . . .

  FINAL MESSAGE OF THE LAST SOLAR AMBASSADOR TO NEW TEXAS STEPHEN SILK Copies of the Treaty of Annexation, duly ratified by the New Texas Legislature, herewith.

  Please note that the guarantees of non-intervention in local political institutions are the very minimum which are acceptable to the people of New Texas. They are especially adamant that there will be no change in their peculiar methods of insuring that their elected and appointed public officials shall be responsible to the electorate.

  DEPARTMENT ADDENDUM After the ratification of the Palme-Silk treaty, Mr.

  Silk remained on New Texas, married the daughter of a local rancher there (see file on First Ambassador, Colonel Andrew Jackson Hickock) and is still active in politics on that planet, often in opposition to Solar League policies, which he seems to anticipate with an almost uncanny prescience.

  Natalenko re-read the addendum, pursed his thick lips and sighed. There were so many ways he could be using Mr. Stephen Silk . . .

  For example—he looked at the tri-di star-map, both usefully and beautifully decorating his walls—over there, where Hoddy Ringo had gone, near Alderbaran IX.

  Those were twin planets, one apparently settled by the equivalent descendants of the Edwards and the other inhabited by the children of a Jukes-Kallikak union. Even the Solar League Ambassadors there had taken the viewpoints of the planets to whom they were accredited, instead of the all-embracing view which their training should have given them. . . .

  Curious problem . . . and, how would Stephen Silk have handled it?

  The Security Coordinator scrawled a note comprehensible only to himself. . . .