by Ava Miles
Sadie was doing her best to hold it together, but she’d witnessed the scene in the front yard. Her mama had needed to hold her back to keep her from going to them, but she was sure she’d never forget the horrified look on Jess’ face. “I… It was worse than us seeing our father a few weeks ago, wasn’t it? We already mostly knew what he was even if I told myself that maybe some miracle could happen to change him.”
“Miracles like that don’t happen with people like them,” Paige said. “They will always be vicious and mean, and they’ll stop at nothing to make everyone feel as horrible as they do inside. Today I’m out of all forgiveness. Maybe tomorrow will be different, but I want to tear Mandy apart from limb to limb for what she did to Jess and Riley.”
She couldn’t agree more. “I know. I want to drop her into boiling oil or kick her until she’s blue. But mostly I just want to wave a wand and undo it all.”
She was going to have to pray for help letting her anger go, but she didn’t have to focus on that right now. In this moment, all she wanted to do was help the two people she loved who were alone in that dark house next door.
“I don’t know what to do,” she finally admitted. “I want to go over and help, but I don’t want to intrude either. Riley is the best person to help Jess right now.”
She cast a glance over her shoulder and looked at the house again. Nothing. Please God, help them, she prayed for the thousandth time.
“I would say you could spend the night,” Paige said, “but I’m not sure that’s best. We’re going to have a long one, I imagine.”
Plus, Paige and Mark were hurting and needed space with their daughter. “Of course. Is there anything I can do for you?”
Paige shook her head. “Unless you have a time machine so we can go back to this morning, I’m afraid we’re all going to have to deal with this.”
There was no mistaking the resignation in Paige’s tone. “I feel like I owe you an apology or something. Jess’ mother wouldn’t have shown up if Rye and Jake hadn’t been here.”
“I’m too tired for this guilt party,” Paige said, pushing up off the counter and standing tall. “This isn’t the first time that woman showed up uninvited, so you stop thinking like that right now. Sadie McGuiness, having you come to my house with love was one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. None of this was your fault. Okay?”
Then Paige crossed to her and they wrapped each other up in love.
“Okay,” she whispered, but her heart felt like it was covered in boils, hot and aching pockets of unresolved pain.
Despite what her sister said, she still couldn’t help but feel responsible for this. She hadn’t intended for any of this to happen, no, but she’d catalyzed it. Did Riley blame her?
As she stepped outside and walked to the car, she took one last look at his house, the house she’d started to think of as hers.
She’d never felt further away from that vision.
Chapter 31
Paige reached for the phone when it buzzed on her nightstand, careful not to wake Haley, nestled between her and Mark. They’d brought her to their bed around one after she’d awakened from a nightmare about Jess’ mom taking her friend away and not bringing her back. It had been a struggle to hold it together.
Seeing Riley’s text didn’t help.
I’m keeping Jess home for a few days. It’s bad over here. How’s Haley? I’m so sorry for what happened. I can’t imagine how upset she is. Tell her Jess misses her and wants to see her later, okay? Not sure when.
Mark rose up on an elbow, and she handed the phone to him. He hadn’t slept much either. Last night was one of the worst nights they’d faced together as a couple, as a family, and she felt more grateful for him than ever. If they could get through this, they could get through everything.
“Tell him I’ll come over to give him a break,” Mark whispered. “I can’t imagine how exhausted he must be.”
“No, I’ll go,” she whispered back. Who understood what it was like to have a mother like Mandy better than her?
When she texted back, Riley’s response was immediate:
Thanks, but I don’t want to leave her. She’s too fragile to be around anyone. I’ll text later about Haley coming over.
But he didn’t.
She and Mark had decided Haley was too vulnerable to go to school as well, so they watched movies with her all day. She lay on the couch with the quilt Sadie had made, acting like the life had been sucked out of her, something Paige hated to see. Haley had asked about Jess a few times, but the reassurance that she was with her dad seemed to calm her down. Her response was either to nod or say, “That’s good. He needs to make sure she’s safe from that bad lady.”
Safe.
Such a powerful feeling…and yet so difficult to restore once it had been broken. Wasn’t that why she’d chosen it as her theme for her first baby quilt? Paige hoped both she and Jess could bounce back quickly, but her heart wasn’t completely sure of it. She knew some traumas lasted a lifetime.
By dinner, Sadie had texted her a couple of times for updates on the situation next door, and Paige was starting to worry too. Riley had told her he needed to spend time alone with his daughter—and had asked her to tell her whole family, but most especially Rye, how sorry he was for everything. Riley often blamed himself for things, and he was clearly taking this on. Much like Sadie was. Two peas in a pod.
Haley went to sleep early after her bath, thankfully, and Paige was sipping a glass of wine staring out of the kitchen window when she saw Riley open his back door with a trash bag in hand. Mark had kept her from going over, telling her to give their friend space.
Well, she was done with that.
She set her glass on the counter. “I’ll be right back.”
“Paige,” Mark said from the kitchen table.
“You stay and listen for Haley.” She hurried out, not wanting to miss her small window.
When she reached him, he was opening the trash cans. He jumped and dropped the garbage bag when she said, “Hey.”
“Shit,” he said. “You scared me.”
Glass had clinked, and she wondered what had broken. “How are y’all? Other than the obvious?”
In the low light from the streetlamp, he looked haggard and his hair was standing up in places. But it was the stooped curve of his back that depicted his struggle. He was like Atlas carrying the world on his shoulders.
“She tore apart her castle,” he said, gesturing to the plastic bag. “And Mandy’s picture. I don’t know how to help her. She’s… It’s like she’s been knocked out and can’t get back up.”
She put her arms around him. “Oh, honey. I know it seems bad right now, but she’s going to heal. I did, and I lived with a woman like Jess’ mom until I was eighteen.”
“I don’t know how you did it,” he said, leaning in. “I’m so sorry Haley saw all that. That everyone did. I let myself believe she wouldn’t come back. I mean, it’s been six years, but Jesus, when I run it back through my mind—”
“Stop doing that,” she told him. “It doesn’t help. She came back because she’s an addict who thought she could get a fast-track on stardom.” After seeing the woman, she knew there was no way that would ever happen. Any spark she’d possessed had been doused years ago. “She’s a user, Riley.”
“I know,” he said, his voice coated with defeat.
“Also, Mark has some ideas for therapists you and Jess can talk to about what happened when you’re ready.”
He pulled back and looked at the house, as if listening for Jess. “Yeah, I know we’re going to need professional help to get her through this. Last time she was so little… I’ll be grateful for his suggestions. I already called my lawyer and told him what happened. We’re going to file for a restraining order against Mandy. God knows I should have done it last time, but she said she’d stay away, and for a while she did. I don’t know. He thinks the judge will grant it. Of course, we might need Rye and Clayton and Vander to
give a statement, and I hate that. God, what they must think!”
She rubbed his back. “They’d be happy to help you, Riley. Everyone wants you and Jess to be safe. For good.”
“I thought I’d done enough,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Before… You know. I still can’t wrap my mind around this. You and Sadie meeting like you did and becoming a family must have given Jess ideas. And that Betty.”
Fear curled in her heart. “Riley, this isn’t Sadie’s fault.” She wasn’t going to comment on the girl, although she’d talked to Haley about her already. It sounded like Betty had meant well, but she and Mark had told Haley some things had to be discussed with mommies and daddies first. She’d understood.
“Of course it’s not Sadie’s fault,” he said. “I’ll tell her that. It’s just…Jess is…heartbroken. I can’t stand to see my daughter like this. If I’d known there was even the slightest chance of her reaching out to Mandy behind my back, I would have told her the truth.”
Paige understood. “Still, Sadie’s worried about you. You should talk to her. ”
“I will,” he said, kissing her cheek. “I just don’t know what to say right now… God!”
“Riley, you just need to tell her you love her and let her help.”
He nodded, but he was already turning away. “I need to get back to Jess. I’m keeping her home tomorrow. If you talk to Sadie, please reiterate that it’s not her fault, okay?”
Why couldn’t he see that he needed to do that?
When he reached the back porch, she heard him mutter, “It’s my fault.”
As she watched the light in the kitchen turn off, she realized she’d never felt so incapable of helping someone she loved.
Chapter 32
In the two days immediately following the incident, Sadie only heard from Riley via brief texts. She quilted up a storm. She finished his superhero quilt and Jess’ princess quilt, staying up well into the night, ignoring the burning in her eyes. All her love and care for them had been funneled into those quilts. She’d done some last-minute rearranging of Jess’ quilt, wanting to show her a how powerful a princess could be in her own right. And Riley’s…well, his had changed as well, and she hoped he understood what she was trying to say.
She knew both Haley and Jess had stayed home on Tuesday too. Sadie understood that Riley’s focus was where it needed to be—on his daughter—but when she looked down at the ring on her finger, she wanted to remind him that she’d promised to be there for him and Jess.
Still, not wanting to rock the boat or add to his worries, she kept silent.
When the two girls went to school on Wednesday, she decided to take a half-day off from work and visit him. Besides, she told herself, maybe the gifts she’d made them would add a ray of sunshine to a cloudy day.
He opened the door after what seemed like forever, and she had to wonder if he’d been gathering himself to face her. Paige had said he blamed himself, and she understood. Despite Paige’s reassurances, she felt the same way.
“Hey,” she said, clutching her purse to her belly. “I hope it’s okay I came by. I knew Jess was at school, and I…I wanted to see you.” Needed to see you.
“Sure.” His eyes were bloodshot, and he hadn’t shaved. He didn’t smile. Only leaned against the door as if exhausted. “Hi.”
“I brought you and Jess something,” she said, holding out the two brightly wrapped presents.
He took them and set them on the floor. “I’ll have her open them later. Come in.”
“One of them is for you,” she said, feeling completely at sea. “The one wrapped in green.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
She stood there, and the distance between them seemed to grow. “I wanted to. I hoped it would…help…somehow.”
When he didn’t reach for her, her worry grew. Should she hug him? Did he need space? She’d grown so used to feeling comfortable with him, but she didn’t feel comfortable now. Oh, she didn’t know what to do.
“I’m sorry I haven’t called,” he said, leading her to the kitchen. “It’s been…horrible.”
She set her purse down on the counter. “I can’t imagine. How’s Jess?” She’d ask him about himself in a minute. She knew he wouldn’t want to talk about that first.
He poured them both iced tea and slid a glass across to her, staying where he was, on the other side of the kitchen island. She couldn’t help but think he was using it as a barrier between them.
“Hell, I want to tell myself Jess is going to heal from all of this, but it’s all too raw right now. My faith is at an all-time low. Sadie…I’ve been thinking…”
Oh, not those words… Those words were the portent of something awful.
“Paige has been keeping me up-to-date here and there,” she babbled, not wanting him to continue his train of thought. “I’m glad you’re going to take her to a child psychologist for a spell. My mama also said she knows some wonderful people if you don’t click with the ones Mark gives you, although I’m sure they’ll be wonderful. Mark is such a great guy, and of course, he’d have great suggestions.”
“Sadie.”
“And Vander told me he gave you a file on Mandy in case it’s a help to your lawyer. I mean, I know you have your own P.I., but maybe Vander found more information. Of course, he didn’t tell me anything that was in it.”
“Vander did go a little deeper than my guy,” Riley said, cracking his neck. “There are pieces of information I wish I’d never learned about her, ones I’ll never share with Jess, no matter what some child psychologist says. Not that it wasn’t good of Vander to compile it. My lawyer said we didn’t need it for the restraining order, but he included it so it would be on record.”
He hung his head, and she extended her hand to him across the counter. Either he didn’t see it, or he didn’t want to take it, and after a few moments, she fisted her hand at her side instead.
“Tell me what I can do to help,” she whispered. “Riley, I hate seeing you hurting like this. And Jess… I just want to wrap you both up in a quilt and take care of you.”
“That’s what I’ve been doing with Jess,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “She had this old baby blanket I’d bought her, and I dug it out of storage when I couldn’t get her to stop crying that first night. It helped, and oh God… My girl. My baby girl. How am I ever going to make this better?”
He knuckled away tears and turned his body away from her as if ashamed.
She couldn’t stand it anymore. Moving quickly, she walked around the counter and wrapped her arms around him. “You’ll love her through it. That’s the best antidote in times like these.” And I’ll keep praying and praying, she thought, and being right here.
He fitted his face into her shoulder. “Oh, Sadie, I feel like it’s never going to get better. It’s so much worse than when Mandy came back before. This time Jess understood and… Oh, God.”
She tightened her hold on him. He still hadn’t put his arms around her. His hands were gripping the counter’s edge, his knuckles white.
“And your family? I can’t imagine how upset they must be. Annabelle and Rory should never have seen that. Then there’s Rye… He had no idea what he was walking into when he followed me out onto the street.”
She’d already talked to Rye. “He went out there because he wanted to have your back. He didn’t know she’d…try and latch onto him.”
He snorted and moved away, and the arms she had around him fell away. “Latch onto him? That’s a nice way of putting it. How could he have guessed Mandy would come out of her hole again to see her daughter for the first time because she knew Rye would be at the party? How could anyone? Maybe I should have…”
His voice was bitter and edged with razors, and it hurt her to hear it.
“Of course, if it had been Jake on the street, she would have ‘latched’ onto him too. Thank God Clayton and Vander told him to stay back. What a shit show that would have been. Mandy trying to
‘latch’ onto not one but two famous country singers.”
“Riley, stop this,” Sadie said, rubbing the tension in his back. “This isn’t your fault. I mean, if you’re wanting to blame anyone, it’s me for giving Jess this idea inadvertently. If I hadn’t met Paige like I did—”
“No. I don’t want you to think for one minute this is your fault,” he said, gripping her arms. “Look at me. This was a little girl’s fantasy. If I’d told her more about how horrible her mother was—”
“—you would have broken her heart earlier,” Sadie finished. “No, you did everything you were supposed to do, Riley.”
When he didn’t look into her eyes, she put her hand on his chest.
“I mean it, Riley.”
“But it all still collapsed at my feet. My parents called and told me I should have known better. They think I’m at fault for not telling Jess the truth sooner. Tyler said something to them out of concern. That was…helpful. I’d thought things were finally turning around with them.”
She didn’t know how to respond to that. Her family always supported each other.
He downed half the contents of his iced tea. “Sadie, I’m not sure when Jess is going to be…back to herself, and that has to be my first priority.”
Her heart sank to her stomach. “Of course.”
“In fact, I can’t be sure Mandy is going to stay away, even with the restraining order. Threatening to call the cops clearly isn’t enough to keep her away anymore, what with her addiction and dreams of grandeur. I mean, she knows Rye and Jake are part of your family. I’m afraid she’s never going to leave this alone. She’s unbalanced and an addict, and people like that just keep coming and using and…destroying everything they touch.”
She knew what was coming, and she wanted to cover her ears with her hands. “Clayton has dealt with people like her before, and so has Vander. They can make sure she never comes around again.”
Riley shook his head, and when he finally looked at her, his eyes were devoid of all the light she was so used to seeing in them. “I can’t take a chance. It’s not fair to you or your family. I won’t be used to get to the people you love. I… Dammit, I don’t want to bring any more of this shit to your door.”