by Ava Miles
He wasn’t thinking straight. “Riley, this isn’t—”
“And with Rye and Jake in your family, Mandy’s not going to stay away. I can’t stop her from going after Jess. I need to remove the inducement.”
That stopped her short. She hadn’t thought about it that way.
“I think we should call the wedding off,” he interrupted. “I need to focus all of my attention on getting Jess what she needs right now. I can’t…”
The walls holding all her sadness back started to crack. “Then let’s just postpone it. I can give you and Jess time. This way your lawyer and Clayton and Vander can find a way to protect Jess. Riley, I love you. Don’t do this.”
He touched her cheek briefly before his hand fell away. “I’ve thought about this day and night, Sadie, and I don’t see another way.”
She clutched his shirt. “Riley—”
“Sadie, I can’t live with this happening again,” he said, covering her hand. “I can’t.”
This time it was she who hung her head. His resolve was unshakeable, and she knew there would be no convincing him.
How had they gone from loving each other to this place of self-blame and fear? She looked down at the beautiful ring he’d designed for her. The diamond sparkled, but it was the engraved pattern of the wedding quilt that always made her happy. Today, all she felt was grief when she looked at it. The interlocking circles of their bond hadn’t been strong enough. The first trial had broken them, and right now, she didn’t see a way to mend them.
Working the ring off her finger, she fought tears, and held it out to him.
“No, keep it,” he said, closing her fingers over the ring. “To remember what might have been.”
What might have been? She pressed the hand to her mouth, fighting the sob threatening to destroy the last of her composure.
“I’m sorry,” he said, cupping the back of her neck and looking directly into her eyes. “Sadie, I’m so sorry.” The longing she saw in his gaze, heard in his voice, didn’t keep him there.
He left her, stumbling from the kitchen. Almost running in his haste to get away. She cried quietly with her hand over her mouth, not wanting him to hear. Reaching for the last of her strength, she set the ring on the counter and gave it one last look. That ring had embodied everything she’d ever wanted with a man, with a family.
She walked out of his house and told herself not to look back.
Chapter 33
Riley went running after he heard Sadie’s car drive off. If he hadn’t dragged himself out, he would have ended up crying, and he couldn’t handle doing any more of that. In the last few days, he’d done more crying than in his entire life put together. Most of it had been for Jess, but he’d cried for himself too. Like the most evil of villains, Mandy had managed the ultimate revenge, and he felt forever condemned for his association with her.
Letting Sadie go had been the right thing to do.
But losing her… He wasn’t sure he’d ever get over that.
His feet raced across the pavement, anger pumping hot in time with his blood. Damn Mandy. Damn her to hell. Before she came blowing back in like a hurricane, he and Sadie had been on a solid path to being happy together with Jess and any other kids they might have.
Other kids… His steps faltered, and he doubled over at the waist as pain shot through his system.
There would be no more children. Ever.
Because there was no more him and Sadie.
He hadn’t checked to see if she’d left the ring. He wasn’t sure he could handle it if she had. What in the hell was he supposed to do with it? He made his body start running again. He didn’t have to think about that now. Like he’d been telling himself the past couple of days, one step at a time…
But the steps seemed harder to take the more he ran. Either he was suddenly out of shape or his lungs were refusing to cooperate. He couldn’t seem to draw enough breath, and when he saw stars, he cut back his pace. Walking home gave him too much time to think, but there was no avoiding it. Right now he really wished his female superhero were real so she could alter time in his favor. He’d have her zip back to all of the destructive blocks of time with Mandy in them and change them so he wouldn’t be stuck in this dark place.
When he let himself in through the front door, he ignored the two presents she’d brought. The pink one was clearly for Jess, and he’d give it to her when she got home. His own present…he wasn’t sure he could ever open it.
The size of the package suggested a quilt, and if she’d made it…
He couldn’t think about that now. His lawyer had called and left him a message while he was out running, one he’d let go to voicemail. He’d shower and call him back and then go pick up the girls. Paige was leaving work early, he knew, wanting to be around for Haley—and likely for Jess and him too.
His hair was still wet from his shower when he called his lawyer. The man told him the judge had granted the restraining order or protective order or whatever the hell they were called. In all his life, he’d never wanted to file one, and against the mother of his child, no less. After wrapping up the call, he looked out the window of his office. The street they lived on had always seemed like such a safe place, filled with nice neighbors.
He wondered if he’d ever feel like Jess was truly safe again. Somehow a flimsy piece of paper backed by the law didn’t reassure him. He’d faltered in his job to protect his daughter.
He could never let that happen again.
Hovering in his office kept him away from the kitchen, so he stayed up there drawing for as long as he could. He kept sketching various scenes, trying to figure out how his superhero could move blocks of time around to change reality.
When it came time to pick up the girls from school, he made himself walk down the steps to the kitchen. He knew he was dragging his feet, but if Sadie had left the ring on the counter, it would be better if he put it out of the way before the girls saw it.
The diamond was sparkling from the afternoon sunlight streaming through the window over the sink. Prisms danced on the walls, but Riley couldn’t find the beauty or the magic in the colors like he normally would have.
Jess was right. There were no happily ever afters.
How was he ever supposed to help his daughter believe again when he didn’t?
As he picked up the ring, he couldn’t stop the avalanche of sadness from pressing down on him. Holding the ring to his heart, he squeezed his eyes shut. Sadie was gone. By his own command. That was something he would just have to live with.
When he thought he was more in control, Riley walked to the front door and picked up his present. Taking the stairs two at a time, he reached his bedroom. There was a top shelf in his closet, one Jess likely couldn’t reach. He shoved the present in the back, and then scanned his shelves for the best place for the ring. There was a leftover watch box on his shelf. After he closed the ring inside it, he slid the box next to the present and left.
Paige was standing beside his car when he left the house.
“You broke off your engagement?” she asked, rounding on him. “Are you crazy? Riley, Sadie is the best thing that’s happened to you besides Jess. I know you’re upset about what happened on Sunday, but you don’t throw a lifetime of happiness away because of it. Or because of a woman like Mandy.”
He didn’t want to hear it, so he simply walked around her to the driver’s side of his car. “This is for the best,” he said, opening the door. “I don’t expect you to understand.”
She rounded the hood of his car. “You’re damn right I don’t. You love her! And she loves you! You’re not thinking straight. I want to tell you you’re being stupid, but that seems a little harsh.”
“Yes, I am stupid. I’m going to get the girls. Are you coming?”
She glared at him. “I’m going to chalk this up to temporary insanity. Riley, I know you. I know the kind of man you are. You aren’t going to let Mandy destroy the rest of your life. It would be like me sa
ying no to Mark when he asked me to marry him because my mom could come back at any time for drug money.”
This kind of reasoning was like a barrage of arrows to his heart. Paige didn’t understand. It wasn’t just about money. Rye and Jake were powerful attractors to Mandy, which added a new angle to the situation, one he didn’t think he could get around. “I’m done talking about this, Paige. It’s hard enough as it is.”
“Because you’re not thinking right!” She covered the distance between them. “What are you going to tell Jess? That Sadie doesn’t love her? Doesn’t want to be her new stepmother anymore?”
His head started to hurt. “Jess has enough on her hands right now. I wasn’t planning on saying anything except Sadie was giving us some time alone.” He certainly didn’t plan to mention she’d be away for the foreseeable future.
“Riley, this is so the wrong move. I know you’re upset—”
“Stop! Please. This is killing me. Okay? I’m doing the best I can. Now, I need to leave to get there on time. Are you coming or not?”
“I’m coming,” she said, and then promptly went silent.
They drove without speaking to the school, but she was all smiles and hugs when the girls ran to the car.
“I want to go home,” Jess told him when she wrapped her arms around him.
“You’ve got it, princess,” he said, and Paige met his eyes.
Haley was quiet on the way home, holding Jess’ hand. When he asked about school, Haley muttered, “Okay,” and Jess said, “Fine.” He decided not to ask about Betty. He’d thought about calling her parents, but that might be an overreaction right now. No doubt Paige was right, and the girl hadn’t intended any harm.
He could feel Paige stewing, so he turned up the music playing in the background. The Psychedelic Furs were singing “Love My Way” and Riley couldn’t have thought of a better song. He was doing love his way, and that was his right. Anger started to pump through him again, hot and insistent. No one had the right to tell him how to live his life. Not even Paige.
Halfway through the song, Paige said, “Do you mind if I change the song?”
He looked over. “Sure. Whatever you want.”
She dispatched his new mantra with the flick of a switch, and he focused on getting them home without engaging with her.
When they arrived home, the girls scooted out of the back seat. Riley picked Jess up.
“What do you want to do? Have a snack?”
She shook her head. “No, I’m not hungry.”
Yeah, he’d made all of her favorites, including mac and cheese, but she didn’t have much of an appetite. “Okay, how about we find some paints?”
He wasn’t going to ask about homework right now. That would be like giving a kid a spanking when she was already down.
She shrugged. “Haley, what do you want to do?”
Haley was holding Paige’s hand, her brow knitted with worry. “How about we watch Enchanted? That always makes you feel better.”
“I don’t want to watch that,” Jess said with a shake of her head.
Since destroying her princess castle in the playroom, she’d been emphatic about her new distaste for princess movies. He wondered if those carefree days of hearing the kids laugh over a Disney movie would ever come again. God, he hoped so.
“What about Honey, I Shrunk The Kids?” Paige asked, suggesting one of Mark’s favorites to watch with the girls. “That one’s funny.”
With no princesses in sight, Riley thought.
Jess lifted her shoulder. “Okay.”
Riley suppressed a sigh. Finding something Jess wanted to do these days was worse than pulling teeth, and he’d floundered when none of her normal happy things had sparked her interest.
“Do you want to watch it over at our house?” Paige asked. “I’ll make banana and honey sandwiches.”
“Okay,” Jess said again in a flat voice.
“Riley, if you want, I’ll watch the girls to give you some time to do…things.”
Like get your head on straight. He could read between the lines. Except being alone was its own nightmare right now. He couldn’t go running again. Well, he supposed he could, but his muscles were already achy from his earlier sprints.
“I’ll hang out with you ladies, if that’s okay.” And hope to high heaven Paige would leave him alone.
She did. Mostly. Except for the angry looks she shot him when the girls weren’t looking. The worst moment came when she picked up her phone and left the room for a while. He couldn’t help but wonder if Sadie had called her sister again.
Was she crying her heart out? He pinched the bridge of his nose and tried not to think about it.
When Mark got home from work, he greeted the girls warmly. The look his friend gave him clearly telegraphed that he wanted to talk, but Riley couldn’t handle whatever kind of open-hearted psychological babble Mark wanted to use.
He called it quits after the movie and suggested he and Jess head on home, which she did reluctantly.
“Are we going to resume our morning runs?” Mark asked him as they were leaving.
“Let’s give it a few more days,” he said, feeling like a chicken shit. “I’ll text you when we can get back on schedule.”
His friend didn’t blink. Only man-hugged him. Then Paige hugged him too, even if it was a touch stiff, and Haley. It was like each of them was reassuring him that they were still his family—and reminding him that he couldn’t push them away too. Of course, with them next door, that would be impossible. Besides, Jess and Haley were BFFs. He’d never mess with that.
But as he let his daughter and himself into their house, he found himself fretting about his relationship with Mark and Paige. Sadie was Paige’s sister, after all, and it was possible his behavior would hurt things between them. Hadn’t his behavior ultimately damaged his relationship with his parents? When he and his friends had first talked about it, back before his first date with Sadie, he’d never imagined it was actually possible. Now fear beat its dark drumbeat in his belly.
On the way up to take her bath, Jess spotted the present and sat on the floor to open it when he said it was from Sadie.
He knew it was a quilt, but he hadn’t been prepared for the sheer majesty.
The princess had green eyes and the same curve of the jaw as Jess, but she was all grown up. The main quilt color was a lush rose, and the princess’ dress was a complementary pink. Her hair was long and lustrous and the same shade as his daughter’s, and her arms were wide open, much like her gaze and her smile. She loomed larger than life, taking up the entire quilt. In fact, she seemed to be a giant of a woman, a woman who commanded attention, a woman…
Who wasn’t afraid of anything.
Much like Sadie hoped Jess would grow up to be.
Jess was staring at it.
“What do you think?” he asked, his voice raw.
Jess stood up, and he caught the similarities again between the woman Sadie had created and the woman his daughter would grow up to be. It was like looking ahead in the future twenty years. Like she’d woven her own vision of time into it…
The hair on the back of his neck stood up.
“She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” she whispered.
You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, he wanted to say to his daughter—much like he wanted to say to the woman he loved.
“I… Daddy, can we put this on my bed? I want to sleep with it tonight.”
He helped her gather it up, and his hands felt the warmth in the material. He knew he was imagining it, but it felt like Sadie’s loving touch. And his throat got all jammed up with emotion.
Bath time was quiet, and afterward, Jess snuggled under the covers and he spread her new quilt over her. She gave him the first smile he’d seen from her since Sunday, and when she touched the quilt, she seemed to quiet down.
He read her story after story until she drifted off to sleep.
Then he tiptoed out of the room
and left the door ajar. In the low light of the hallway, he stopped and looked toward his bedroom. His heart knew where it wanted to go. This time he listened.
In the closet, he drew down the green-wrapped present and sat on the bed. Unwrapping it would affect him. Change him. He knew it.
He couldn’t help himself.
The quilt’s background was a rich navy, and sure enough, the superhero depicted on the quilt looked a little like him, even though all it consisted of was blocks of cloth and thread. And thread.
He thought of Clotho again, spinning her threads of fate.
The man’s eyes were large and arresting while his face seemed to be in shadow. There was a quixotic touch of a smile on his mouth, like he perpetually found something amusing. His shoulders were strong, and he appeared to be levitating in outer space from the way a trail of stars lined a pathway under his red-booted feet. The letter R was emblazoned in the center of the man’s turquoise-blue superhero outfit, and he held what looked like a drawing pencil in his right hand. He wondered if she’d added it to make sure he knew she was depicting him—in case he’d somehow missed the big R on his chest. It was something he would have teased her about at a different time.
Riley then glanced down and noticed the mask the man was holding in his left hand. Made out of dark brown material, it appeared sad, almost resigned.
Riley couldn’t help thinking Sadie might have added the mask on Monday after he’d texted her back to say he didn’t think her coming over would be a good plan. He’d made up some bullshit excuse, but she must have known…
He’d been pushing her away already, donning a dark mask, one she didn’t recognize.
Of course he didn’t recognize himself either right now, and that was downright scary. After all the mistakes he’d thought he could blame on youth and young love, he’d turned around his life. But that hadn’t been enough. What kind of man was he really? What kind of father was he? His internal compass seemed to have disintegrated.