Dashing Through the No

by Sivec, Tara

  “That’s so fucking hot, you know that?”

  “Just shut up and do it already.”

  “All right then, roll onto your side and brace yourself. I’m jumping on that couch behind you, I’m gonna wrap my arms around you, and then I’m gonna snuggle the shit out of you while we watch this Christmas movie in the barn with the rest of the guests.”

  “Couldn’t they have at least picked something fun, like Krampus, with more bloodshed? Why do they have to torture me with White Christmas? There’s so much singing.”

  “Shhh, just lie there like a good girl, and it will be over soon.”

  “Isn’t that the same thing you said to me the first time we tried anal?”

  “Ha ha, you’re hilarious. Seriously. Pipe down and let me enjoy cuddling you in public.”

  “…I smile down at her and speak the words I’ve never said out loud my entire life. ‘Merry Christmas, Noel.’ The end.”

  “Oh my God, that was the best Christmas romance we’ve read yet this year. I’m definitely glad I packed that one. You’re getting so much better at doing all the voices when you read, Tess. I’m so proud.”

  “That was the dumbest book we’ve ever read with the dumbest title.”

  “Come on, The Stocking Was Hung is punny and festive.”

  “It’s ridiculous, and so was that book.”

  “There is nothing ridiculous about a blowjob in Santa’s workshop. I knew we were forgetting something when we were at the mall earlier.”

  “Goodnight, Bodhi.”

  “Goodnight, Tess. I love you the most-est.”

  “And I love you enough not to smother you in your sleep. Tonight.”

  “That’s the Christmas spirit! Want to burn something just for funsies before I turn the light off?”

  “Nah. I’m good.”

  “Then do you care if I burn something just for funsies? Heh heh, get it? Because I smoke—”

  “It’s time to stop talking and go to sleep now, Bodhi.”

  “Fine. We have to head home early tomorrow anyway.”

  CHAPTER 10

  Tess

  “But wait, there’s myrrh!”

  “I want a—”

  “I want a—”

  “I want a—”

  “I can’t believe you replaced this stupid pillow yesterday.” I laugh, turning my head in bed to look back over my shoulder.

  My laughter is quickly cut off with a moan when Bodhi holds his cock inside me and then swivels his hips against my ass, kissing his way up the side of my neck behind me.

  “You know you’ll never be able to come again without listening to this song.” He chuckles softly against the side of my ear, his strong arms wrapping tighter around my body as we lay on our sides in bed, under the blankets, having warm, half-asleep morning sex.

  One of his hands is cupping my breast, his thumb rubbing torturously back and forth over my nipple, while his other hand is down between my thighs, his fingers circling my clit as he starts pumping in and out of me again.

  “Fuuuck, Tess,” Bodhi hisses in my ear when I hitch one of my legs back over his knee, opening myself up wider and arching my back so he can sink deeper.

  I stop caring about the stupid hippo pillow that somehow made its way under us, when Bodhi’s fingers start circling faster. My warm, languid body vibrates with need, just like it did as soon as Bodhi woke me up by sliding his arms around me under the covers along with his cock inside me. As I push my hips back to meet his shallow thrusts, my fingernails dig into the skin of Bodhi’s arm that’s anchored around me.

  “Let me feel you come, my little firestarter,” he whispers in my ear.

  With a few more swipes of his expert fingers over my clit, I’m coming with a shout of his name while Bodhi follows quickly behind. His arms holding my body against him tighten as he rocks his hips against me, chanting my name against the side of my neck as I feel his cock pulsing inside me through his orgasm.

  It’s the absolute best way to wake up on what I hope is the best day of our lives so far.

  We stay tangled up together in bed with Bodhi’s arms still wrapped tightly around me and his chest pressed against my back, dozing off again for a few minutes until there’s a knock at the door. Four slow raps followed by two rapid ones.

  It’s time.

  “Come on. I have a surprise for you.” I tap my hand against one of Bodhi’s arms around me to wake him up, the one with his hand still firmly cupping my boob.

  “I didn’t think I’d ever ask you this but… are you high right now?”

  A short bark of laughter flies out of me when Bodhi asks me this question with so much shock his voice. Looking back over my shoulder and smiling again when I see his wide eyes, I lift my chin and kiss the bottom lip of his equally wide-open mouth.

  “Just high on life, baby,” I tell him as I untangle myself from his arms and legs and scramble out of bed.

  “This is it. This is the day you murder me,” Bodhi mutters, watching me pull my favorite pair of black cargo joggers with a chain that hangs down from two belt-loops out of my bag, a black-and-white checkered flannel, a slouchy black beanie, because fuck doing anything with my hair, and two other items that I hide in my armful of clothes. “You buttered me up yesterday letting me go Christmas crazy, and today is the day I die. You even gave me death row nookie. That was really very thoughtful of you.”

  I laugh at his dramatics as he slowly rolls out of bed on the opposite side from me, and I toss a clean pair of khaki cargo shorts at him across the rumpled covers, as well as a green T-shirt with a gingerbread man on it that says Let’s get baked.

  “Hey, this is new!” Bodhi perks up, holding the shirt out in front of him with a smile, showing the first sign of happiness since he decided me surprising him with something equals I must be killing him.

  “Yep. It’s new.” I shrug casually, even though for the first time in my life I’m bursting with excitement like some kind of giddy little girl. “I gotta pee. Get dressed, and I’ll be out when I’m ready.”

  We’re fully clothed and heading downstairs ten minutes later, with me walking carefully behind Bodhi on my tiptoes with my arms above his shoulders and my hands covering his eyes, maneuvering around all the damn nutcrackers as I walk him through the guest living room. Stopping him right by the coffee table in front of the couch, I drop my hands from his eyes and step to his side, watching his face when he blinks them into focus and sees what’s sitting in the middle of the table.

  “Oh… my… God,” he whispers, his eyes getting huge, and I’m pretty sure I see them filling up with tears. “That’s the biggest Santa bong I have ever seen in my life.”

  First item on Bodhi’s Best Christmas Ever List of Necessities: The biggest Santa bong I’ve ever seen in my life.

  Standing around fifteen inches tall by ten inches wide in the middle of the coffee table really is the biggest glass bong shaped like a big fat Santa—with the glass bowl piece protruding from his big belly—that anyone’s probably ever seen in their life. I have no idea how Millie found this thing, and I don’t care. I’m just glad she agreed to help me two nights ago when I gave her that list. Even though I barely got any sleep the last two nights, because I guess nighttime is when Millie works best and she kept texting me with questions, it was worth the sleepless nights just to see the look on Bodhi’s face right now.

  “I’ll be back in about fifteen minutes.” Bodhi smiles happily, leaning forward to grab the bong.

  “No, not yet.” I stop him with a hand on his arm. “Your surprise isn’t finished yet.”

  “I do not understand the words coming out of your mouth. Santa bong,” Bodhi mumbles, not even looking at me as he leans toward to the coffee table with both of his arms stretched out in front of him.

  “Seriously, you just have to wait like, ten minutes,” I tell him, pushing his arms back down.

  “Mine. Gimme.”

  Bodhi keeps reaching for the bong, and I keep pushing his arms down, u
ntil eventually I have to grab a blanket from the back of the couch and toss it over the bong so it’s no longer in sight.

  “Jesus, I knew I should have made that the last surprise. Now you won’t care about anything else. Millie! Hurry up!” I shout to where I know she’s hiding in the foyer, waiting for my signal for the next surprise.

  As soon as Bodhi turns toward the foyer to see what’s going on, Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” starts blasting through the loudest Bluetooth speaker ever, definitely waking up the rest of the house.

  “There was a slight snafu after we last spoke!” Millie shouts around the music as she peeks her head in the room from the foyer, a few guests wandering in from the dining room to see what all the noise is about. “Just… embrace the change and feel the Christmas spirit! But especially feel that third one’s ass!”

  She disappears, we hear the front door opening, and then…

  “Well, this is unexpected, and yet… oddly arousing. Hey, boys!” Bodhi happily greets the single-file line of men with a wave, who come dancing into the living room. Each one looking like an extra from Magic Mike, wearing nothing but Santa hats and red, glittery Speedos.

  “I know it was supposed to be ladies, but you have no idea how hard it is to get female strippers on such short notice this time of year!” Millie shouts over Mariah Carey’s voice as she shimmies her body right along with one of the nine exotic male dancers.

  “I didn’t say strippers. I said ladies dancing!” I yell back over the music while I try not to vomit in my mouth as one greasy, gyrating, sexy Santa starts hip-thrusting two inches away from me.

  Bodhi is cheering and pulling dollar bills out of his wallet as a group of male strippers twerk and dance around him, so I guess the snafu worked, considering I fudged a little on one of the items on the list too.

  Second and third items on Bodhi’s Best Christmas Ever List of Necessities: Nine kickass ladies dancing, and to be serenaded by Mariah Carey singing her number one Christmas hit.

  In Millie’s defense, she did offer to send Mariah a text, even though they had a falling out a few years ago when Millie said she “accidentally” made out with Nick at the Kid’s Choice Awards. Sweet of her, really. I kind of have to forgive the male strippers, even though I specifically told her to contact the local high school dance team for some family-friendly, fully clothed dancers.

  Gingerly tiptoeing my way through the living room with my arms high above my head so I don’t touch any of the half-naked, greased-up men air thrusting their hips to the music, I get to the tree in the corner of the room and grab the heavy, large box with the bottom and top wrapped separately in Christmas paper that Millie put there for me. Carefully hefting it in my arms so the gift inside doesn’t topple over, I walk back to Bodhi in the middle of the room right when he runs out of dollar bills and slides his wallet back in his shorts.

  “What the hell is even happening right now?!” He laughs, shouting over the music and making me laugh right along with him, as parents who’ve wandered into the foyer start covering their children’s eyes when they see all the bare-chested hip gyrations.

  “More surprises.” I shrug, handing him the box.

  Holding it in one arm, Bodhi lifts the lid and tosses it to the carpet, reaching in and pulling out…

  “Yeah, little snafu with that one too!” Millie smiles as she dances by, while Bodhi drops the empty box to the ground, and holds up a two-foot long, six-inch thick dirty piece of wood that looks like it came from the firewood pile next to the house. “I’m Jewish, but even people who celebrate Christmas didn’t know what the fuck a yule log is, and I asked everyone. Also, all of you idiots spell you will wrong, so I fixed it for you.”

  Fourth item on Bodhi’s Best Christmas Ever List of Necessities: A yule log.

  “That was supposed to be one of those chocolate roll cakes that’s frosted to look like a log,” I tell Bodhi as he holds the piece of wood up higher to see that Millie spray-painted You’ll log on it.

  “Who even are you right now?” Bodhi whispers, his eyes shining with happiness as I take the damn log out of his hand and set it down on the coffee table next to the covered-up Santa bong.

  “But wait, there’s myrrh!” I roll my eyes at how stupid I sound saying a dumb Christmas pun, as Millie restarts the Mariah Carey song again from the beginning when it ends. A few guests have joined us in the living room to dance with the strippers all around us, while Allie and Jason stand in the foyer looking exactly like Bodhi did when he thought I was going to murder him.

  With Bodhi’s eyes locked on mine as I stand a few feet away from him in the middle of the room, I quickly unbutton my joggers and shove them down my legs, kicking them off and finally not sweating to death after wearing them on top of the khaki-colored leggings I snuck on in the bathroom. One of Bodhi’s eyebrows quirks, and he gets a dirty look in his eyes when I start unbuttoning my flannel shirt.

  The dirty look is replaced with wide-eyed shock when he realizes I’m not joining in with the half-naked men all around us to strip, as I yank my flannel down my arms and toss it to the side with my joggers. To reveal the green, long-sleeved cotton shirt I also snuck on in the bathroom, with a gingerbread man on it, along with the words Let’s get baked.

  Fifth item on Bodhi’s Best Christmas Ever List of Necessities: Matching Christmas PJs.

  Tears are definitely filling Bodhi’s eyes now as they dart back and forth between our ridiculous matching outfits, whispering, “Holy shit, we match,” as I motion Millie over with a wave of one of my hands.

  She quickly trots over to me on the toes of her sky-high stilettos and hands me a small box. “So, there was a little—”

  “Snafu,” I cut her off with a laugh and a roll of my eyes as I take the box. “Already assumed as much. Thank you.”

  Millie air kisses both of my cheeks before trotting away. Taking a deep breath, I close the distance between me and Bodhi and hand him the box.

  “Open it,” I whisper when he just stands there staring at me, as Millie finally turns the music down so it isn’t house-party level, and the strippers and guests start bobbing and swaying slowly to the music, instead of dry-humping all around us.

  “Wow, kinky,” Bodhi says with a wag of his eyebrows when he finally pulls the lid off the small box in his hands. There’s nothing I can do but sigh with a smile on my face when I see what’s nestled down inside the box.

  Fifth item on Bodhi’s Best Christmas Ever List of Necessities: Five motherfucking golden rings blessed by Snoop Dog.

  “We couldn’t get Snoop on such short notice—”

  “He sends his love from Turks and Caicos, though!” Millie interrupts me, shouting from back in the foyer, as Bodhi looks over at her, giving her a smile and a chin nod of thanks.

  “But hey, nothing says will you marry me like five golden cock rings.” I’m already down on one knee in front of Bodhi before I finish speaking. There’s a loud gasp, and then the box of cock rings slips from his hands and spills around the carpet by my knee when he looks away from Millie and then down and sees what I’m doing.

  And right now, I’m proposing to my boyfriend, because I am Tess Motherfucking Powell, and I ask the questions around here, goddammit!

  “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!” Bodhi chants, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet as he fans his face with both hands. He looks down at me with eyes that are more excited than when he saw the Santa bong.

  Resting both of my hands on my bent knee, I take a deep breath and let it out slowly as I stare up at him. “You know I really fucking hate this mushy stuff, so this is gonna be quick,” I start, swallowing a few times and pressing one of my hands against my stomach to try to calm the butterflies.

  Bodhi’s excitedly flapping hands smack down over his mouth as I continue, but he’s still bouncing up and down on his feet, just making me love him even more than I thought I possibly could.

  “I love the hell out of you, and I should have said yes
to you the first time you asked,” I tell him honestly, his face suddenly getting blurry as my own eyes fill with tears. “But seriously, man, during a blowjob? You really want to tell our grandchildren that you popped the question while your dick was in my throat?”

  The strippers all start cheering, and I shush them with a wave of my hand before bending over, grabbing one of the golden cock rings, and holding it up in front of me symbolically.

  Right. Because this is going to be a much better story to tell the grandkids.

  Bodhi drops his hands from his mouth to let out another loud gasp, and I grab onto one of his hands and give it a squeeze.

  “Bodhi Preston Armbruster the third, will you—”

  “Oh good, you used the gold ones I had in my trunk!”

  My fingers separate, and I immediately drop the cock ring I’m holding up for Bodhi when Sheldon steps into the doorway next to Millie.

  Blowing out an annoyed breath, I look back up at Bodhi, who just laughs and shakes his head at me.

  “You’re my best friend, but don’t tell Birdie that. You keep emergency packs of matches in your wallet for me. And you take care of me, every single day. I know I’m not the easiest person to love—”

  “Shut up, you’re perfect,” Bodhi cuts me off as I swipe away at a tear on my cheek and he does the same, before I lace my fingers through his and look back up at him.

  “Don’t say that.” I shake my head. “I’m not perfect, and I don’t want to be. I just want to be perfect for you.”

  “You already are,” he quickly whispers, making me wish I wouldn’t have wasted so much time fighting in the wrong direction.

  “Besides, if I were perfect, I’d have nowhere to go but down. And baby,” I tell him, smirking up at the man I love the hell out of, “I just wanna spend the rest of my life getting higher with you. Will you marry me?”

  “Awww, you made a weed pun,” Bodhi gushes with a huge smile as he tugs on my hand, yanking me up to my feet and pulling me against his body, making me let out a squeal when he lifts me up and spins me around.