by Rose Pearson
Gathering herself, Katie pushed open the drawing-room door and hurried to the front of the house, where her mother and father were already wandering back towards the house. She could see Jane sitting across from George Grainger, a small smile on her face although her eyes were still heavy.
“Goodbye, Jane!” Katie called, as the carriage began to roll away. “Do write to me, will you?”
Jane’s eyes flickered towards her, one hand raised in a half-hearted farewell. Katie waved frantically, as though by doing so, she might be able to show Jane just how much she meant to her. Jane managed to smile, although just as the carriage became too distant for Katie to see her sister clearly, she was quite sure she saw a tear fall from Jane’s eye.
Whirling about, Katie hurried towards her parents, seeing her father already directing his steps back towards his study.
“Papa!” Katie exclaimed as he began to walk away. “When was all this arranged?”
Her father turned around, a look of confusion on his face. “When was what arranged, my dear?”
“For Jane to go to London,” Katie exclaimed, glancing across at her mother. “She only told me this very moment that she was going and –”
“I believe it was quite quickly arranged,” her father said, with a slight lift of his shoulders. “George Grainger gave her the invitation last evening and they decided to leave this morning.”
For a moment, Katie could find nothing to say, a little astonished that her father seemed so at ease with his eldest daughter leaving for London at Christmas time.
“Not that I think there is any hope for your sister with Grainger,” her mother said, with a dismissive air. “Although it will make it easier to focus on your upcoming marriage with her in London, Katie. After all, that is what is most important at this present moment, I think. Viscount Halifax does not look to be leaving Abbeford Hill any time soon!”
The air between them thickened. Katie felt revulsion rise up within her, feeling so much pain for her sister’s sake that she could not draw breath. Her sister’s departure, her own connection to Viscount Halifax – it had all been her mother’s doing. It was as though they were nothing but pawns in her mother’s game of chess, told where to go and what to do; their futures entirely out of their own control.
“Your mother has it all in hand,” the vicar said, with a quick smile. “Although I am glad to hear that this viscount of yours is coming up to scratch – or so your mother tells me.”
“Much better than that steward of yours,” her mother sniffed, turning away from Katie. “Now do go and change, Katie,” she called over her shoulder, as Katie stood there, stunned. “Viscount Halifax is to arrive shortly to take you for a short walk, I believe, although why you insist on walking out in the cold I simply do not understand.”
Katie stared after her mother, unable to speak. What had her mother done? How had she known that Katie had held an affection for Samuel? Heat rushed into her face, nausea climbing up her throat. Had her mother somehow seen her this morning, out with Samuel? She dismissed that idea at once, shaking her head to herself. No, she could not have done, but there must have been some knowledge on her mother’s part about the close relationship between Samuel and herself. She would not have made such a comment about him had she not been aware of it? For a moment, Katie felt herself sway, suddenly afraid that her mother had done or said something to Samuel that had made him unable to return her own affections.
“Katie?” her father asked, looking a touch concerned. “Are you quite all right?”
Katie shook her head, tears burning in her eyes. “No, Papa. I am not all right.”
“But what can the matter be?” he asked gently, coming closer to her. “You need not worry about missing your sister, for you will have more than enough to worry about come your engagement.”
She turned to him, her eyes fixed on his. “Did you say something to Samuel?”
He blinked, obviously astonished. “Samuel?”
“Mr. Putnam,” she said, firmly. “Did you speak to him about…..about me?”
Her father looked all the more confused. “Of course I did not, Katie. Why would I? I have no reason to think….” He trailed off, a look of understanding slowly creeping into his expression. “You care for Mr. Putnam, then. I confess I had always wondered whether that might be the case.”
“Oh?” Katie asked, a little surprised.
Her father smiled. “But of course. You were always the very best of friends and it is not uncommon for affection to come from such a friendship.”
Staring at him for a moment, Katie tried to calm her increasing frustration, her overwhelming upset, only to feel it begin to bubble over. “Then why are you and mother so desperate for me to wed Viscount Halifax?” she exclaimed, throwing up her hands as tears began to stain her cheeks. “Why am I to be given no consideration? Why do my wishes count for nothing?”
Her father shook his head and put one hand gently on her arm in an attempt to calm her. “I’m afraid, my dear girl, that I understand very little of what you are saying. I have never known how you felt about…..well, almost anything, I suppose.” A frown burrowed its way into his brow, his eyes drifting away from her own. “That is one of my failures, I think.”
“Then why will Mr. Putnam not consider me?” Katie whispered, the fight suddenly gone from her. “I have only accepted the viscount’s courtship because Samuel has told me to do so, has told me that I can never expect anything from him. He told me – I mean, he has suggested that I will lose more than I will be able to bear, should we begin to court. Why would he say that to me unless it has come from this house?”
Her father looked as confused and as hopeless as she felt. “I can give you no simple answer, my dear,” he sighed, heavily. “But if the viscount has made you an offer and you have accepted, then I do not think you can go back on it now. It would not be right.”
She looked at him. “And if I have not?”
A small smile crossed his lined face, his eyes gleaming. “Then there is nothing to prevent you from following your heart, my dear girl.”
“You would not care whether I married into the nobility or not?”
Her father laughed and shook his head. “No, indeed, my dear girl. I am a clergyman, am I not? I know full well that titles, wealth and fortune are only temporary and are not to be chased after in this life. I may have come from a rich family but I have never desired to go back to that life. No, I have not any consideration for titles and the like. That is your mother’s…. penchant….” Slowly, he trailed off and looked at her steadily, a glimmer of awareness flickering in his eyes. “You must do what you think is best, Katie. I only wish for you to be happy. I wish for both my daughters to be happy.” Shaking his head, he passed one hand over his eyes, suddenly looking much older than his years. “I think, perhaps, I have failed in my duties as your father, Katie. I have allowed your mother to guide you and thought it needed none of my insight or guidance. Mayhap I have been wrong there.”
Her emotions were tumbling over one another, seeing her father’s sudden regret and feeling it tear through her. She knew now that he had no knowledge of what her mother had been pressing her towards and that he had believed her to be guiding Katie with a love and concern for her own needs. That was not the truth of it, however, and Katie had the impression that her father only saw that now, at this very moment.
“I must go,” she whispered, wiping her eyes. “I must prepare for the viscount’s arrival.”
Her father nodded, his eyes heavy with a sudden grief that had not been there before. “Of course. But remember, Katie, you are to do as you think is right. I will not have you tied to a gentleman out of duty.”
“Thank you, papa,” Katie replied, leaning over to kiss his cheek before hurrying towards her room, trying to quiet her sobs as she closed the door behind her.
Chapter Nine
Viscount Halifax had sent a note of apology the previous afternoon, which Katie had appreciated more than she
could say. Her eyes had been sore with crying, her heart aching heavily in her chest, and to be freed from false smiles and pretend enjoyment of Viscount Halifax’s company had brought her a joy she had clasped to her bosom.
Now, however, she was waiting for Viscount Halifax to call, having been expecting him for the last half hour. He had apologized in his note the previous afternoon, stating that he had found himself a little out of sorts and did not want to come to spend time in her company, for fear that it might turn into a malady which he could then pass on to her.
Katie lifted her chin as she saw his horse ride up to the house, her hands clasped firmly in front of her as she forced her lips into a smile. This was to be a most difficult conversation, she was quite sure, but her mind was entirely made up. After her conversation with her father yesterday, after her fierce, passionate kiss with Samuel, she had decided that she was not to be tied to Viscount Halifax any longer. This would, perhaps, be a painful discussion but it was one she would not shy away from. Thereafter, she intended to tell her parents precisely what she had done and precisely what she intended to do. That, she was quite certain, would bring about a multitude of consequences and threats from her mother, but Katie knew she herself would remain firm. She was to live her own life, free of her mother’s direction and forcible guidance. She would not let her dictate any longer, not when she herself had no particular feelings towards the viscount. Title and wealth be damned! She would be more than content to live in Samuel’s cottage, although she had to confess herself relieved that he employed a woman from the village to cook and clean for him. She was not exactly well used to preparing her own meals!
“You look particularly happy this afternoon,” Viscount Halifax exclaimed, as he jumped down from his horse. “I do hope that it is because of my arrival, Miss Brookes!”
She winced inwardly, aware that her thoughts had been quite fixed on something else, or, in fact, someone else, which was the reason for her delight. “It is good to see you, Viscount Halifax,” she murmured, hoping that this was a good enough reply to his suggestion. “Are you still wishing to walk this afternoon? It is certainly a little warmer than this morning.”
“But of course,” he replied, grandly. “Although I am hoping you will invite me in for tea thereafter, considering that it is still rather cold.” He smiled at her, his blue eyes warm, and she found herself smiling at him. Even though she felt nothing for him, he was, in fact, something of a friend and for that, she was glad. This might make things a little easier than she had anticipated.
“I am quite sure tea can be arranged,” she replied, pulling on her gloves and half wondering to herself whether or not he would still want to drink tea with her after their walk was completed. “Shall we walk through the grounds of the vicarage first? They are quite large and –”
“I shall go wherever you wish it,” he interrupted, offering her his arm. Glancing behind him, he gave her a slightly puzzled look as they set off together. “You do not have a maid with you today? If it is propriety that concerns you, then I would be glad to stay in sight of the house.”
Her breathing was a little quickened, nervousness beginning to spike in her veins. “Indeed, the maid could not be spared and my sister is gone from the house.”
“Oh?” He smiled down at her pleasantly, his expression a little interested. “Has she gone anywhere exciting? I confess I do not know the town of Abbeford Hill particularly well yet and cannot know what might entice a young lady out of the house on such a cold day as this! Perhaps she is gone to search out the Christmas yule log?”
She laughed and shook her head. “Indeed, my lord, there is nothing too much of interest in the town and my father always takes very great pride in finding the yule log himself. I’m afraid you quite mistake my meaning. My sister is gone from Abbeford Hill for a time.”
Lord Halifax’s steps began to slow, a slight frown flickering between his brows. “She has left the vicarage?”
“For a time,” Katie replied, slightly puzzled over the viscount’s demeanor. “She is gone to London, with George Grainger. He has a sister in London, who is married and settled but who has invited her to stay for a time, during the little Season.”
Silence fell between them for a few minutes, leaving Katie feeling more and more anxious as she watched the viscount. He was walking unseeingly, his eyes fixed on the ground as his brow furrowed all the more.
“George Grainger did not tell you as much?” she asked, when the quiet grew too much to bear.
The viscount cleared his throat, looking a little stunned. “He mentioned going back to London but, as I am here to court you, I chose to remain behind with his elder brother and father,” he replied, haltingly. “I see. I see now. So she is gone to London with George Grainger.”
“Yes,” Katie replied, wondering what it was that confused the viscount so much. “They are very dear friends and have been for many years.” Wondering if this was the way to begin talking about Samuel, Katie drew in a long breath. “In fact, I too have been friends with another gentleman for some years and so I know what it is to have such a strong friendship that it feels as though you know one another entirely!”
Lord Halifax grunted, his expression now rather dark. “I see,” he muttered, shaking his head a little. “Gone to London, have they? Well, that must be it now. That is all it can be.”
A little frustrated that Lord Halifax was not paying her the slightest bit of attention when she was doing her best to find a way to tell him the truth about how she felt, Katie cleared her throat loudly and arched an eyebrow as Lord Halifax glanced down at her.
“I do apologize, Miss Brookes,” he stammered, a flush creeping up into his cheeks. “It is just that I was a little surprised to hear this news about your sister and George Grainger. That is all.”
“I do not understand why it is of any particular importance,” she replied, aware that her voice was a little higher than usual. “She will return soon enough, I think.”
“Did she say when that might be?” he asked, suddenly. His eyes were intent, staring into hers with such desperation that it took her breath away.
“No,” she replied, slowly, as they continued to meander through the vicarage grounds. “No, she did not.”
“I see.” The viscount seemed to suddenly recollect himself, gave himself a slight shake and put a small smile on his face. “But you are quite right to say that it is not of any particular importance, Miss Brookes. Not when there are things of much more importance for us both.”
Katie sucked in her breath, her heart fluttering in her chest. The viscount was behaving very strangely, she had to admit, but now she had the distinct impression that he was considering their own future. Putting a smile on her face, she pressed his arm lightly.
“Indeed, Lord Halifax, I have been considering matters and I find –”
“I have been considering matters also,” Lord Halifax replied, interrupting her. “In fact, now that you have informed me about Jane – I mean, Miss Brookes – going to London, things have suddenly become very clear.” He looked down at her, his lips curving, but no brightness entered his eyes. “Shall we sit for a few minutes, Miss Brookes? I know it is cold but I think this conversation should be held in private.”
“But of course,” she replied not knowing what else to say. “There is a bench here.” She indicated a bench to his left, which was quite dry given that the sun was shining on it with its weak, wintery light.
Viscount Halifax nodded but said nothing, leading her towards it. Katie felt her hands grow clammy within her gloves, her stomach churning as she sat down carefully, hardly aware of anything other than what she had to say to him.
“Viscount Halifax,” she began before he could say anything. “I have been greatly appreciative of your attentions towards me of late. You have proven yourself to be a generous and kind-hearted gentleman, who has only ever sought my best.”
He smiled at her, his hand pressing her gloved one for a moment. “How could I
not be drawn to you, when you are kindness itself?” he asked, softly. “I was aware of your mother’s hopes and found myself glad to consider you, Miss Brookes. You are gentle and sweet, with a sharp wit and a considerate mind. I think that we will rub along very well together.”
She caught her breath, staring at him in shock. She had not expected him to propose to her so soon but now it seemed that this was precisely what he was doing.
“We have not courted for quite as long as I had suggested,” Lord Halifax continued before she could speak. “But I think I am quite convinced in my own mind that this could bring us both a good deal of happiness.”
Swallowing the lump in her throat, Katie struggled to find her voice. “Lord Halifax, you are very kind but I –”
“Will you accept my hand in marriage, Miss Brookes?” he asked, taking a hold of her hand and smiling into her eyes. “Will you be my wife?”
The answer would not come to her lips. She could not say either yes or no, looking into his handsome face and seeing the expectancy there. The silence grew, the air growing thick with tension and anticipation.
And then, much to her shock, Lord Halifax threw her hand away, got to his feet and stormed away from her. Her heart thudded painfully, her whole body tingling with fright. What had she done?
“In heaven’s name, why can I not forget her?”
The roar that came from Lord Halifax’s lips shocked her completely, forcing her to sag against the bench for support. Lord Halifax was striding back towards her, his face contorted in an agonized expression. One hand was thrust through his hair, the other placed firmly on his hip as he turned from her again, walking back and forth like a man possessed.