Tik-Tok of Oz

by L. Frank Baum

  CHAPTER 14

  The Long-Eared Hearer Learns by Listening

  During this time Ruggedo, the Metal Monarch and King of the Nomes, wastrying to amuse himself in his splendid jeweled cavern. It was hard workfor Ruggedo to find amusement to-day, for all the nomes were behavingwell and there was no one to scold or to punish. The King had thrown hissceptre at Kaliko six times, without hitting him once. Not that Kalikohad done anything wrong. On the contrary, he had obeyed the King in everyway but one: he would not stand still, when commanded to do so, and letthe heavy sceptre strike him.

  We can hardly blame Kaliko for this, and even the cruel Ruggedo forgavehim; for he knew very well that if he mashed his Royal Chamberlain hecould never find another so intelligent and obedient. Kaliko could makethe nomes work when their King could not, for the nomes hated Ruggedoand there were so many thousands of the quaint little underground peoplethat they could easily have rebelled and defied the King had they daredto do so. Sometimes, when Ruggedo abused them worse than usual, they grewsullen and threw down their hammers and picks. Then, however hard theKing scolded or whipped them, they would not work until Kaliko came andbegged them to. For Kaliko was one of themselves and was as much abusedby the King as any nome in the vast series of caverns.

  But to-day all the little people were working industriously at theirtasks and Ruggedo, having nothing to do, was greatly bored. He sent forthe Long-Eared Hearer and asked him to listen carefully and report whatwas going on in the big world.

  "It seems," said the Hearer, after listening for awhile, "that the womenin America have clubs."

  "Are there spikes in them?" asked Ruggedo, yawning.

  "I cannot hear any spikes, Your Majesty," was the reply.

  "Then their clubs are not as good as my sceptre. What else do you hear?"

  "There's a war."

  "Bah! there's always a war. What else?"

  For a time the Hearer was silent, bending forward and spreading out hisbig ears to catch the slightest sound. Then suddenly he said:

  "Here is an interesting thing, Your Majesty. These people are arguing asto who shall conquer the Metal Monarch, seize his treasure and drive himfrom his dominions."

  "What people?" demanded Ruggedo, sitting up straight in his throne.

  "The ones you threw down the Hollow Tube."

  "Where are they now?"

  "In the same Tube, and coming back this way," said the Hearer.

  Ruggedo got out of his throne and began to pace up and down the cavern.

  "I wonder what can be done to stop them," he mused.

  "Well," said the Hearer, "if you could turn the Tube upside down, theywould be falling the other way, Your Majesty."

  Ruggedo glared at him wickedly, for it was impossible to turn the Tubeupside down and he believed the Hearer was slyly poking fun at him.Presently he asked:

  "How far away are those people now?"

  "About nine thousand three hundred and six miles, seventeen furlongs,eight feet and four inches--as nearly as I can judge from the sound oftheir voices," replied the Hearer.

  "Aha! Then it will be some time before they arrive," said Ruggedo, "andwhen they get here I shall be ready to receive them."

  He rushed to his gong and pounded upon it so fiercely that Kaliko camebounding into the cavern with one shoe off and one shoe on, for he wasjust dressing himself after a swim in the hot bubbling lake of theUnderground Kingdom.

  "Kaliko, those invaders whom we threw down the Tube are coming backagain!" he exclaimed.

  "I thought they would," said the Royal Chamberlain, pulling on the othershoe. "Tititi-Hoochoo would not allow them to remain in his kingdom, ofcourse, and so I've been expecting them back for some time. That was avery foolish action of yours, Rug."

  "What, to throw them down the Tube?"

  "Yes. Tititi-Hoochoo has forbidden us to throw even rubbish into theTube."

  "Pooh! what do I care for the Jinjin?" asked Ruggedo scornfully. "Henever leaves his own kingdom, which is on the other side of the world."

  "True; but he might send some one through the Tube to punish you,"suggested Kaliko.

  "I'd like to see him do it! Who could conquer my thousands of nomes?"

  "Why, they've been conquered before, if I remember aright," answeredKaliko with a grin. "Once I saw you running from a little girl namedDorothy, and her friends, as if you were really afraid."

  "Well, I _was_ afraid, that time," admitted the Nome King, with a deepsigh, "for Dorothy had a Yellow Hen that laid eggs!"

  The King shuddered as he said "eggs," and Kaliko also shuddered, and sodid the Long-Eared Hearer; for eggs are the only things that the nomesgreatly dread. The reason for this is that eggs belong on the earth'ssurface, where birds and fowl of all sorts live, and there is somethingabout a hen's egg, especially, that fills a nome with horror. If bychance the inside of an egg touches one of these underground people, hewithers up and blows away and that is the end of him--unless he managesquickly to speak a magical word which only a few of the nomes know.Therefore Ruggedo and his followers had very good cause to shudder at themere mention of eggs.

  "But Dorothy," said the King, "is not with this band of invaders; nor isthe Yellow Hen. As for Tititi-Hoochoo, he has no means of knowing that weare afraid of eggs."

  "You mustn't be too sure of that," Kaliko warned him. "Tititi-Hoochooknows a great many things, being a fairy, and his powers are far superiorto any we can boast."

  Ruggedo shrugged impatiently and turned to the Hearer.

  "Listen," said he, "and tell me if you hear any eggs coming through theTube."

  The Long-Eared one listened and then shook his head. But Kaliko laughedat the King.

  "No one can hear an egg, Your Majesty," said he. "The only way todiscover the truth is to look through the Magic Spyglass."

  "That's it!" cried the King. "Why didn't I think of it before? Look atonce, Kaliko!"

  So Kaliko went to the Spyglass and by uttering a mumbled charm he causedthe other end of it to twist around, so that it pointed down the openingof the Tube. Then he put his eye to the glass and was able to gaze alongall the turns and windings of the Magic Spyglass and then deep into theTube, to where our friends were at that time falling.

  "Dear me!" he exclaimed. "Here comes a dragon."

  "A big one?" asked Ruggedo.

  "A monster. He has an electric light on the end of his tail, so I can seehim very plainly. And the other people are all riding upon his back."

  "How about the eggs?" inquired the King.

  Kaliko looked again.

  "I can see no eggs at all," said he; "but I imagine that the dragon is asdangerous as eggs. Probably Tititi-Hoochoo has sent him here to punishyou for dropping those strangers into the Forbidden Tube. I warned younot to do it, Your Majesty."

  This news made the Nome King anxious. For a few minutes he paced up anddown, stroking his long beard and thinking with all his might. After thishe turned to Kaliko and said:

  "All the harm a dragon can do is to scratch with his claws and bite withhis teeth."

  "That is not all, but it's quite enough," returned Kaliko earnestly."On the other hand, no one can hurt a dragon, because he's the toughestcreature alive. One flop of his huge tail could smash a hundred nomesto pancakes, and with teeth and claws he could tear even you or me intosmall bits, so that it would be almost impossible to put us togetheragain. Once, a few hundred years ago, while wandering through somedeserted caverns, I came upon a small piece of a nome lying on the rockyfloor. I asked the piece of nome what had happened to it. Fortunatelythe mouth was a part of this piece--the mouth and the left eye--so itwas able to tell me that a fierce dragon was the cause. It had attackedthe poor nome and scattered him in every direction, and as there was nofriend near to collect his pieces and put him together, they had beenseparated for a great many years. So you see, Your Majesty, it is not ingood taste to sneer at a dragon."

  The King had listened attentively to Kalik
o. Said he:

  "It will only be necessary to chain this dragon which Tititi-Hoochoo hassent here, in order to prevent his reaching us with his claws and teeth."

  "He also breathes flames," Kaliko reminded him.

  "My nomes are not afraid of fire, nor am I," said Ruggedo.

  "Well, how about the Army of Oogaboo?"

  "Sixteen cowardly officers and Tik-Tok! Why, I could defeat themsingle-handed; but I won't try to. I'll summon my army of nomes to drivethe invaders out of my territory, and if we catch any of them I intend tostick needles into them until they hop with pain."

  "I hope you won't hurt any of the girls," said Kaliko.

  "I'll hurt 'em all!" roared the angry Metal Monarch. "And that brayingMule I'll make into hoof-soup, and feed it to my nomes, that it may addto their strength."

  "Why not be good to the strangers and release your prisoner, the ShaggyMan's brother?" suggested Kaliko.

  "Never!"

  "It may save you a lot of annoyance. And you don't want the Ugly One."

  "I don't want him; that's true. But I won't allow anybody to order mearound. I'm King of the Nomes and I'm the Metal Monarch, and I shall doas I please and what I please and when I please!"

  With this speech Ruggedo threw his sceptre at Kaliko's head, aiming it sowell that the Royal Chamberlain had to fall flat upon the floor in orderto escape it. But the Hearer did not see the sceptre coming and it sweptpast his head so closely that it broke off the tip of one of his longears. He gave a dreadful yell that quite startled Ruggedo, and the Kingwas sorry for the accident because those long ears of the Hearer werereally valuable to him.

  So the Nome King forgot to be angry with Kaliko and ordered hisChamberlain to summon General Guph and the army of nomes and have themproperly armed. They were then to march to the mouth of the Tube, wherethey could seize the travelers as soon as they appeared.