by Max Hudson
Bowie knew what it was. Hero hadn’t found another project to work with. There was no other band interested in him. They all wanted the pretty female dancers. He nodded anyway, feeling dirty for enjoying the night before.
He slowly pulled away, still not looking at the other man in his bed. He didn’t think there was much more to say. “We’ve got another meeting at Pokey’s house. More planning. Are you going to come?”
“I have to call a couple of other dancers.” Hero agreed.
“You can bring them along.”
“If they can make it. What time are we meeting?”
“Usually about three in the afternoon. That way we can work our side gigs during the lunch rush. Sometimes we break to do the dinner rush, but maybe not this time.” Bowie shrugged. “We’ll just see how it’s going.”
“Yeah, I’ll be there.” He heard Hero get out of the bed and walk out of the door.
Bowie stayed where he was. He wondered what was going through Hero’s head, but there was no way to tell that. He certainly wasn’t going to ask those questions. He sighed and sat back down on the bed, resting his head in his hand.
He knew that the meeting was going to be awkward. And he had already been warned about doing this. He knew that he was going to have to work with this guy. He wasn’t going to screw him out of a job over a momentary indiscretion.
But he had to say something before the man left.
He rushed back out of the room. “Hey.”
Hero turned around. He had an expectant look on his face. “Hey.”
“So. Is there any way we can not talk about this in front of the guys?”
“Oh?”
“They specifically told me not to do this.” Bowie looked a little ashamed of himself.
“But you did it anyway.”
“It wasn’t like either of us planned it.”
Hero shook his head. “No, we didn’t. And they would be upset if you told them that we slept together, right?”
“Yeah, they think I’m just going to get myself hurt again.”
“Again?”
“I’m good at finding myself in hopeless relationships.” Bowie smiled shyly, not facing Hero.
Hero fell silent for a moment. When he spoke, it was like the world stopped for both of them once again. But this time it wasn’t in a good way. “And we’re not going to work.”
“It was just a blast from the past, right?” Bowie hoped against hope that the man was going to disagree with him.
“Right.” He didn’t disagree. Just finished dressing and left.
Bowie’s heart dropped. This was the last thing he wanted to hear. He didn’t want it to end this way. It couldn’t end this way.
He felt the pain in his chest again. Hero just didn’t feel the same way. Bowie was a one-night stand. A fond memory that had no chance of going anywhere.
He cursed himself when he was alone in the apartment again. He couldn’t believe that he had done something so stupid. It was wrong. It was so wrong. He should have listened to the guys. But he had to invite the guy over to the diner, have coffee. Then invite him back to his house.
Bowie wanted to cry, to scream out in anguish and pain. He wanted to do something to stop this. To make it better. To fix this. There had to be a way to do that. There had to be a way to make the pain of his mistake end. But there wasn’t. He could drown himself in alcohol, but it wouldn’t do any good other than the fact that he wouldn’t remember all the crying and rage in the morning. And that would only mean that he would keep repeating it. He knew that. That was the way it always was.
He sighed, flopping down on the couch. No. He needed time to mourn the mistake that he had made. He had almost let himself feel again. And it had just led to another heartbreak, another bit of pain that he couldn’t control. Nothing was going to go easy from here on out. He knew that. Hero was going to be in the same room as him again in a matter of a few hours. And he was going to have to act like everything was just fine.
His phone buzzed.
He picked it up and looked at the screen. He hoped that it was Hero taking back the painful words that they had shared.
But it wasn’t. Life didn’t work that way. It was a text from Justice.
You up?
Bowie took a moment to gather his wits back around him and nodded to no one in particular before he responded in writing.
Yeah.
I need a favor.
What is it?
Do you have time to come by before the meeting today and we can work on the song?
The one that you’re working on?
Yeah, I need some advice.
Sure. I’ll come.
Thanks.
No problem, you know I’m always willing to help.
I know. Sorry if I woke you up.
You didn’t. I was already awake.
Really? You almost never get up this early.
Had a little trouble sleeping, I guess.
So, what you’re saying is that you’re still awake this morning?
I napped last night at least.
Get another nap first. Don’t rush. Make sure you’re awake enough to drive. I get it. Was a weird night last night with Hero there.
Yeah, it was.
Bowie put his phone down with yet another heavy sigh. He pushed his hair back from his face. It had taken so much effort just to appear normal after what had happened with Hero through text messages. He couldn’t imagine how hard it was going to be when they were in the same room later that day. It felt like a prospect of indefinite uncertainty. And that was terrifying.
He had to get up and get dressed. Meet with Justice. Work with him. Pretend that he hadn’t just relived the most painful heartbreak he had ever lived through. Why had he forgotten how badly it had hurt when Hero had said goodbye that first time. He had hurt badly from it. And now he had asked for it to hurt again. He was paying for that mistake.
They had faded apart slowly, but there had come a point where the reality of it had hit him like a bag of rocks. He could remember it clear as day. He had spent weeks unwilling to leave his room. He couldn’t make himself go to work. He couldn’t even focus. Justice had come to drag him out before Bowie lost his job at the warehouse.
He pushed his hair back from his face again, but the unruly strands stubbornly refused to stay out of his eyes. It was like his own reaction to the man that had left such an impression on him. Just refusing to change the story from one of heartbreak.
He shook his head. He wasn’t going to let himself fall into that again. He was older now, more mature. He was a better man than he had been. He could be a professional. He would be a professional. He had to be a professional. It wasn’t right to deny Hero a job just because he hadn’t been able to resist the lure of the past. He knew that he wasn’t going to do that. But he couldn’t help but hope that Hero would get another offer from another band and they would give him something better than his band could. And that would be enough to get him off of this project. That would make all of this so much more comfortable for everyone involved in it.
Chapter Ten
There were better things to do with his time than sit there and mourn Bowie. The way that the man had reacted. The way he played it off as a blast from the past. It wasn’t supposed to hurt like this. Hero shook his head. It wasn’t supposed to hurt. He knew that it was the truth. That was what it was. He felt like a fool as he ate lunch alone in his apartment. The place felt cavernous and empty even if it was barely big enough to hold a few pieces of furniture without feeling crowded.
He called Agnes instead of focusing on it. He had to talk to someone about what had happened and he trusted her not to judge. She was one of those people that didn’t judge little things like that. And that’s all that Bowie was. He was a mistake of judgment.
She picked up the phone on the second ring. That was fast, even for her. “What’s up?”
Hero wanted to just announce what had happened. But he wasn’t going to do that.
It was too early for that. He wasn’t sure if he was going to say anything at all. “Not much, what’s up with you?”
“About to head out to practice.” She was flippant, and clearly in a hurry. He felt a little bad about interrupting her.
“Right. I forgot that you got yourself a job.” Hero laughed a bit to himself. He was trying to play it cool. He could talk about it later. “How’s it feel to be working?”
“Pretty good.”
“That’s good.”
“What about you? Aren’t you supposed to be working too?”
“I got picked up by Bowie’s band. We need another guy. Is there anyone else having trouble finding a place to work?”
“Yeah, I’ll get you a list. I can email it out today. I need to double-check first.”
“Thanks.” Hero nodded. “I appreciate it.”
“Hey, no problem. I’ll get the hubs on it.” She laughed over the phone line.
It made Hero feel normal again to hear that. “I met with them last night. They’re giving me a lot of creative control on the project.”
“That’s great. So, you’re going to put the dance together yourself?”
“Yep. That’s what they’re offering.”
“That’s good. The band I’m working with is kind of picky about what they want. We don’t have a lot of control.”
Hero smirked. “Should have worked for someone you knew before.”
“I should have worked with an ex, you mean?”
Hero paused. The way she said that made it sound so nice. So wonderful. But was it that? Even after what had happened.
She must have caught on to his silence. “What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re lying.” She called him out on it. “What happened? Did he do something?”
“Nothing like that.” Hero shook his head. He knew that she couldn’t see him, but it didn’t matter. He vaguely considered starting to video chat, but he didn’t like the fact that it would betray his facial expression to whoever he was talking to.
She gasped. She must have heard something in his voice that clued her into what happened. “You slept with him.”
Hero winced when she said that. “What makes you say that?”
“You slept with him. You slept with him. I can’t believe it.”
“It’s not like I did it on purpose. It was just a blast from the past.”
She was frowning now. “That’s a lie. The way you said that tells me it was a lie.”
“What makes you say that?” Hero paused, considering what she was saying. Was he that easy to read? Could Bowie read that too? Is that why he had made it so clear that it was just an old memory that dragged them back to bed?
“You still like him.” She gasped as if she was discovering new things with each word that came out of his mouth.
He rolled his eyes this time. “You’re just reaching now.”
“I’m not.”
“You are.”
“Say his name.” She demanded. She had a voice of steel, but he knew that she was just trying to protect him.
“What?”
“Say his name.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to hear you say it.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Let me hear you say his name. Just humor me.” She teased him, her voice growing a bit gentler.
“Bowie?” Hero went along with it. Fighting it would just confirm her suspicions.
“I can hear it in your voice. You don’t want it to just be a blast from the past. You want it to mean something. You want him back.”
“That’s not true. And even if it were, it wouldn’t matter.”
“Why not?” Her voice grew more subdued as she asked the question. “What happened?”
“He said it was just a blast from the past. He doesn’t want it to go anywhere.”
“Really?”
“He doesn’t even want his friends to find out. He’s ashamed of me.” Hero frowned.
“Really?”
“You keep asking that. It’s the truth. He wants me to keep it a secret.” The dancer felt another sudden wash of shame hit him. He didn’t like it and wanted it to go away, but it wasn’t that easy to do.
“You have to be kidding me.” Agnes was in disbelief over the idea. “I can’t believe it.”
“Believe it, cuz it’s true.”
“What a dick move.” She scoffed. “How could he not want people to know that he was with you. You’re amazing.”
“Pretty sure he doesn’t feel the same. And it’s not important.”
“But now you have to work with him.” She was still frowning.
“Yeah, yeah I do.”
“How are you going to do that?”
“I have no idea.” Hero shook his head. “But I’ll figure it out. I have to figure it out. You were right, this is a big opportunity. And I deserve it.”
“Tell me every detail of what happened. Maybe I can help.” She demanded more information.
Hero didn’t know what made him spill out every single detail of that night. What they had discussed. Stolen glances. All the moments that led up to Bowie inviting him to the diner and then to his house. He said that he hadn’t known what he wanted until it had gotten to the point of no return. And there wasn’t much else to say about it other than he regretted agreeing that it was just a blast from the past now.
He thought about calling Bowie, trying to talk to him about how he felt. But it wasn’t the right thing to do. It would just be a mistake. He knew that. It was such a bad idea. It would only make him weaker. He couldn’t stand that. He didn’t want to be weak to Bowie. Bowie didn’t deserve to see the weakness after what he had said.
He steeled his reserves of emotional strength. He was better than to call an ex after a one-night stand. He was a better man than that. He wasn’t going to call him up and put himself on the line like that. He was stronger, more powerful than that. He was a Hero. He puffed up his chest, standing in his living room as he forced his nerve up.
He knew exactly what he was going to do and how he was going to do it. He just had to act like there wasn’t a problem. He had to call on the discipline that all those years of physically taxing dancing had given him. He was done hoping for the best. The best would never come.
Chapter Eleven
Bowie held his head in his hands. He sat there on the couch and frustration took over his entire frame. His muscles tensed. He wasn’t a powerful man, but he had spent some years hauling equipment for shows and that wasn’t exactly light work. It had kept him strong and toned, along with a bit of work in the apartment gym when he was home.
He frowned. “How could you have let that happen?” He lamented to no one else around, slamming his fist into his forehead. It wasn’t a move meant to hurt, but rather to feel the frustration take a more physical form.
“Screw it. I have to go meet Justice.” He got up and grabbed his coat, flying for the door. He couldn’t be in that apartment anymore. He couldn’t deal with the heartbreak he had just helped level on himself. He knew better.
If he stayed there, he would just end up crying more. And that wouldn’t do anything to help at all. He had to focus on something else. Writing a song. Writing a song always helped. And he had the perfect offer there for him to do just that. Justice was waiting on him.
He ran down the stairs of the apartment. He was in a hurry. He couldn’t let the thoughts catch up with him. He had to move fast, keep himself busy, and thinking about anything else. He couldn’t stop. He had to keep it up. Keep himself from giving it all away.
Justice’s home came into view quickly. He had been speeding. But before he could pull into the parking lot the lights flashed in his rearview mirror. He cursed as the sirens started. “Damn it.”
He pulled into the parking lot. The cop car pulled in behind him.
After a few seconds, the cop walked up to the side of the car. The man’s hand was resting on his gun. Bowi
e frowned, knowing that this cop must be nervous about something. He rolled down the window.
The officer put his arm on the window and leaned in a bit. “Do you know how fast you were going?”
“Uh, no?” Bowie denied it, but he knew exactly how fast he was going.
“You were going fifty in a twenty-five mile per hour zone.”
Bowie winced. He had been caught speeding excessively. “Sorry about that. I should have paid more attention to my speedometer.”
The officer chewed on his lip for a second, considering something before he spoke. “You should have, yeah. Where are you heading to?”
“Here. Meeting with a friend.”
“What for?”
“We’re going to work on a song for our band.”
“You’re in a band?”
“Yeah.”
“Which one?” The cop glanced down at his ticket book.
“Not a big famous one or anything. It’s called Heavy Lead.”
The cop frowned. “Really?”
“Yeah, you heard of it?”
“My daughter’s a fan of you guys.” He explained. “She’s going on about some big show or concert she wants me to get tickets for.”
“Well, I can probably help with that. We get some fan tickets.” Bowie grinned at the man. “I mean, it isn’t a bribe. I still totally deserve that ticket, you know. But I would be glad to help. If you can give me an email address, I can see what I can do for her.”
The officer nodded. “Sure. Let me get you the ticket.” The cop checked the identification and stuff. He wrote out the ticket and Bowie waited, not wanting to see the kind of damage that it would be.
When he got a hold of the paper his heart soared. He had managed to get off with a warning. “Thank you.”
“No problem.”