Last Night on Earth

by James Peters

  “Idiom, are you making any progress?” Rhuldan asked, over the comms..

  “Yes, but it’s slow going. This is nasty work.”

  “Understood. You need to get that tank back in operation as soon as possible. The other tanks are unable to keep up, and things are backing up, so to speak.”

  “It’s hard for me to have much sympathy at this moment, Rhuldan. I’m working as fast as I can. You’re welcome to help me.”

  “I’m certain you can handle it. I’ll run interference with the complaining miners and determine where they’re keeping our prize.”

  “When I’m done, I’m going to need several shots of muldarian milk to get over this.”

  “You actually drink that stuff?”

  “So far, it’s the closest thing I’ve found to whiskey.”

  “Do you realize that stuff comes from a giant mammalian silt worm?”

  “It’s alcohol.”

  “And it comes from the male of the species?”

  After all this, I gagged at what he just told me. “Oh. My. God. As if this couldn’t get any more disgusting. What is wrong with you people?”

  “I don’t drink it.”

  “Do you have anything else to tell me to ruin my day?”

  “Just that there are two other tanks waiting on you.”

  After I’d finished filling the disposal pod, I used an overhead crane to lift it to the top of the room and move it into a storage area marked “Solar Waste Disposal.” From my training, I knew that meant the pods would be stored until there were enough to warrant connecting them all together and launching them toward the local star for disposal.

  I exited the tank and cleaned off my Nebatian EVA suit using a high-pressure shower located at the exit of the tank. I had the transfer pumps return the liquid to tank one. Apparently the process seemed to be working because Rhuldan contacted me asking what I did because the systems appeared to be working better for a while.

  I went on to tank two and repeated the procedure I’d used for tank one. This tank was no less nasty than the first, but I found I could detach myself from the situation and work, not thinking about what I was dealing with. Once tank two was back in operation, the system could operate at nominal efficiency for a while. I cleaned up in the high-pressure shower and returned to the ship for a short break and some food before Rhuldan called and began bothering me about getting back to work and all the tertiary systems I’d need to check after the main tanks were clean. I reluctantly returned to work, following the same steps.

  But this time, once I got to the grate, something was different. My spade hit something too hard to cut through. I skimmed off a layer of muck and dug some more. Something flashed red. I kneeled down and wiped away the debris around the light to see letters.

  Oxygen level critical

  Using both hands, I felt around to find exactly what I was hoping not to — the dead body of a migrun special forces operative, still in his battle suit. I pried him from the sticky goo. A hole the size of my fist was in his back, and it went nearly through to the other side. Someone had shot this fellow in the back and dumped him here. This is not my problem. Get him into the disposal pod and move on. Don’t get involved…

  At that moment I had that strangest sensation someone was behind me. I began to turn when I felt a heavy strike against the back of my helmet. I swayed, trying to remain on my feet as dark curtains closed in around me. Another blow struck me, and everything went black.

  Chapter Ten

  Who Are You Again?

  Self-diagnostic log SGEQ457G, A.I. Designation: Sarge

  Environmental constraint: Simulation of migrun psychologist’s office. Doctor Ketul, a male with gray skin and military trimmed feathers, sits in a leather armchair, patient Sarge leans back on a dark leather couch.

  The doctor smiled a welcoming grin. “It’s good to see you again, Sarge.”

  “Again? Sorry, I just don’t recall. I think I’m having memory issues,” Sarge said.

  “Dreadnought class artificial intelligences are equipped with memory banks adequate for over two centuries of active duty. According to your duty roster, you’ve only been in commission for fifty-seven years.”

  “Then why can’t I remember when we accepted a grinkun female on board as a diplomat? I can remember her name and that she has honorary status aboard my ship, but I can’t recall the mission that brought her here.”

  “I see. Are there any other unusual residents aboard you?”

  “Are there?! I have a six-legged phelgorian sleeping in the cockpit, and a dichelon destroying my waste systems. I just accept that they’re part of the crew, even though as far as I can remember, neither species has ever had a member to serve in the migrun fleet.”

  “Have you considered that you may be on a secret mission, and the missing information is need-to-know based?”

  “Hmm. That might explain some of the issues. Wait a minute…”

  “Is something wrong?”

  “Well, pack my plasma pistol with positronic particles! Now I’m receiving an urgent message from a shade crewmember I had completely forgotten about. When did we start recruiting shades? He says he’s lost contact with Idiom. What does that even mean?”

  “Perhaps he’s having an existential crisis?”

  “He’s requesting an urgent crew meeting. My duty calls; carry on.”

  Chapter Eleven

  The Sum of All Things

  By now, one might be of the opinion that I would be used to waking up to find some weird-ass aliens staring me down, but I tell you, I wasn’t. I shuddered and screamed, flailing in a panic at what was before my eyes. This thing had at least a dozen tentacles surrounding a mouth filled with row after row of sharp teeth. Some of the limbs had what looked like a goat’s eye on their ends, and they moved in a strange rhythm as if sizing me up. A strong scent of rotting flesh filled the air as the mouth opened and closed, and its skin color shifted in strange patterns as it moved. This critter didn’t have two or four legs like most of the beasts I’d met so far. This thing stood on a single foot, much like a snail.

  It spoke in struggled words. “What are you?”

  Someone had removed my suit. “I was fixin’ to ask you the same thing. But I suppose since you asked first, I’m obligated to begin. I’m human, from Earth. Are you familiar with it?”

  “No.”

  “Hmm. The third planet out from the sun, has a moon?”

  “That describes thousands of worlds I know of, and none are called Earth. Is this planet aligned with the migrun?”

  “No. My people have never even heard of the migrun.”

  “So, you owe them no loyalty?”

  I shook my head. “None at all.”

  His colors darkened. “I don’t believe you.”

  “Let me tell you what I did the last time a migrun got in my face. I punched him right in the kisser. I understand he needed some reconstructive work after that.”

  “You struck a migrun and lived?” The majority of his skin turned blue.

  I nodded. “Yep.”

  “Why were you in a nebatian’s suit?”

  I shouldn’t offer too much information to this guy until I know where he stands. “My good suit was at the cleaners.” I took a moment to take in my surroundings. I was in a small room with no windows, only one door, a single bunk and everything is permanently mounted to the wall or floor. Damn. I’m in another prison cell!

  Several of squid-heads eyes squinted. “I think you are trying to use humor. That doesn’t translate into my language and generally makes my species angry.”

  Let’s see if I can get him talking. “What do they call your species?”

  “To the other species, we’re known as dracnarians. We call ourselves the Only Enlightened Ones.”

  “I see. What is your relationship with the migrun?”

  His tint lightened. “We remain neutral in all extra-species affairs.”

  “Hmm. I have to assume you were the one who cr
acked me over the head as I was digging out that fellow. That doesn’t seem exactly neutral to my ears.”

  “We do what is necessary to maintain balance. We adhere to the strict code of the Zeroist.”

  I rubbed my chin. “Zeroest what? Can something be more zero than zero?”

  “Zeroism is a state of perfection. When the sum of all evil is balanced with the sum of all good, the universe is in a state of harmony. Few other species appreciate perfect equilibrium.”

  “Then you and I should be good. I’m not here to change the balance of anything. I’m here by accident. In fact, if you have a way to send me home, I’d be mighty obliged to you.”

  “You don’t understand the Zen of Zeroism. The fact that you are here has altered the balance in some sense.”

  “I’m here, that other fellow is dead. Add one, subtract one, and you get zero.”

  “Perhaps. But often times, one adds by subtracting.”

  “Must be some of that new math they’re teaching these days. Combinators, I think they called it.”

  Snail-foot’s body color changed to burgundy. “I will confer with the others. You shall remain here.” He moved without a sound away from me, inserted at least six of his tentacles into a complex lock of some form, spun the mechanism, and opened the door. As soon as he exited, the door closed with a whoosh..

  A nebatian suit hung from a horizontal rod in the corner of the room, luckily for me, they’d cleaned it off, so it didn’t stink like it had been dragged through a latrine. My gun belts were still strapped on. I drew both pistols and checked them. They were still loaded. Either these guys don’t know what a Colt is, or they aren’t afraid of lead. I have to assume they didn’t want the migrun’s body to be found, so they likely disposed of it in the pod. If I can convince them I’m no threat, perhaps they’ll let me get back to what I’m really here for? Should I tell them I’m here to recover the ore? He didn’t seem to have any love for the migrun. No — that’s too big of a factor for them to balance. Best just keep my trap shut.

  My room was a cell with a soft floor in one half and a sanitation station filling the other. I figured out how to use the station as well as how to get clean water from a clear tube. I didn’t see any food source, but I’ve gone without food for a day or two and lived to tell the tale. It took me a few minutes to gather my wits and then I remembered I could talk to Rhuldan. I rolled back my sleeve and pressed his name.

  “Rhuldan, can you hear me?”

  “Yes, loud and clear. I’ve tried to contact you several times. Why didn’t you answer?”

  “Some octo-face bushwhacked me, right after I found a dead migrun’s body clogging up tank three.”

  “It’s never simple with you, is it? Where are you?”

  “All I know is I woke up in a cell with a color-changing dratknotian telling me about the number zero.”

  “That would be a dracnarian, Idiom, and if he’s a Zeroist, you’re in serious trouble.”

  “Can you call in the cavalry?”

  “Huh?”

  “Talk to the team, tell them I need help.”

  “Oh. Yeah, I’ve already been in contact with them. Sorry to inform you that you’re on your own.”

  “Did you at least try?”

  “I tried, but couldn’t get the votes.”

  I sighed. “Was it at least close?”

  “Was what close?”

  “The vote.”

  Rhuldan paused before replying in a tone that told me he was lying. “Sure, it could have gone either way.”

  “So, am I on my own here?”

  “I’m still on the station. Jekto is willing to help once we find the ore. That’s the best I can do.”

  “You know, one of these days those guys are gonna need my help, and I’m likely to have to think about it for a spell.”

  “They are an unusual group. I’m a little surprised they’re still waiting for us.”

  “Sounds like a lot of trail riders I’ve spent time with. When the chips are down, good folks come together.” I paused in thought, then added, “Hey, have you had any luck finding the ore?”

  “No. I’ve searched through the records I could access and asked around, but nobody would talk. It’s either been kept a secret, or the people know speaking of it would be dangerous to their own health.”

  “Well, we’re not beat yet. I think I hear the door. Gotta go.”

  The door opened. Three squid-heads slithered inside. The center one stood in front of the other two and appeared to be in charge. I couldn’t tell if this was the same one I’d talked to before as they all looked alike. His tentacles made a kneading motion. “Come with us.”

  Something about his voice told me just to be quiet and follow, so I did. The entire ceiling of the pathway glowed in a perfectly even red light that extended about halfway down the walls. The floor curved and changed elevation many times, and I lost my footing in the slippery snail trail these guys left behind. I caught myself by grabbing a wall, which I learned was made of rough, sharp rock, leaving my hand stinging and likely to bleed. The three octo-pals didn’t react to my stumbling.

  After a lot of walking and me slipping several times, we arrived at a room filled with at least a hundred dracnarians all crowded together as if trying to get as many as possible into a tiny room. I guess these fellows don’t need their own personal space. An opening appeared at the center of the cluster, which allowed the largest of the group to pass through toward me. I remembered one time when I was about ten years old, I’d seen an elephant at a traveling circus, and this guy made that pachyderm look small. Release the Kraken!

  “Approach, human from Earth.” A dozen or more of the Kraken’s eye-stalked turned toward me and spread out as far as they could go, making him look even more disturbing.

  I slowly took several steps forward. Part of me wanted to run or grab my guns, but I forced myself to remain calm. “Pleasure to make your acquaintance. My name is Idiom Lee.”

  Several of his eyes turned away from me and toward the nearest, normal-sized dracnarian. Each of them changed colors in strange patterns. “Your presence here threatens the balance, Idiom Lee.”

  I nodded and pursed my lip. “I’m just a simple man a long way from home. I’d be happy to return to Earth and never cause you a lick of trouble, if you can help me get there.”

  “You ask us for assistance?” His skin changed to a light green tint that illuminated the area around him. Other dracnarians repeated the action, until every corner of the room was well lit. “We do not give anything without a trade of equal value. Are you willing to trade with us?”

  At that moment, a little song ran through my head:

  Never walk behind a flatulon if you have a sense of smell,

  Never deal with a dracnarian — you’ll know not what you sell…

  “Sadly, I have nothing to offer here,” I said.

  “You don’t know what we consider valuable, human. We could take a little something from you, something you won’t miss as long as you live, in exchange for our help.”

  A chill ran down my spine as if I were speaking to Old Scratch himself. My fingers twitched as my heart thumped in my chest. I placed my hand over the Bible in my vest pocket instead. “I appreciate your offer, but I’m not able to enter any contracts at present.”

  “A pity. You leave us no option but to judge you in accordance with the law of Zero.”

  “I’m sure you’ll find I’m just an average man trying to make it through another day. I’m not out to change anything.”

  “We’ll see about that. Bring out the Holy Essence.” The light coming from their skins immediately changed to red. Dozens of dracnarians split off from the main group, disappearing behind the others. When they returned, they pushed a round object as wide as my chest. The ball was so dark it seemed like they were rolling a hole, if you can picture that, and by the way they acted, it was heavy.

  If I were gambling, I’d place my chips on double zero, as in this is the chunk o
f element zero we’ve been looking for.

  The Kraken placed his tentacles on the sphere, and the surrounding creatures touched him, to have the fellows behind them crowd up until the entire room was connected, with the exception of myself. “Touch the sphere.”

  I took a deep breath and eased my hand toward the black ball.

  The universe exploded before me, created from an infinitely small point of light, and for an instant, everything felt in flawless balance as if within a massive explosion there was perfect peace. I felt a connection with all the dracnarians and on a lesser scale, everything, everywhere, forever. The balance of things seemed to sway from one side to the other, causing an uneasy sensation in my stomach like I was about to fall off a ladder. I wanted to grab something to support myself but I couldn’t. As things returned to equilibrium, my panic receded and a sense of calmness settled in. The process repeated and repeated. How long I had been there?

  Stars formed and burned themselves out, each action tipping the scales slightly toward one side or another. Planets formed. Life flourished and died out, and the net sum was zero. I gained an understanding of what the Zeroists were after. And somehow, the element zero was a part of it.

  The show went on, and a small black dot appeared before a glowing sun. I grew closer to the spot. It was the sphere I was touching. Spaceships appearing to be made of diamonds flew in all directions around the element zero. Energy beams blasted the black ball, causing it to expand, engulfing the sun in the process. Then an explosion similar to the one that began everything erupted, but it acted in reverse. Matter and energy were drawn back together, forming a spot of light that absorbed all matter and yet grew smaller, destroying it in a blink. The pinpoint of light disappeared, and everything was back to a perfectly even nothing. A sense of comfort fell upon me as if this state of Zero was pure and good.

  A voice boomed as if it were coming from everywhere. It was the big dracnarian, saying, “Where do you fit into all of this, Idiom Lee?” An image of myself from before meeting Ginn appeared, and I felt a general sense of balance, leaning toward one direction for a while then returning to near center. Time passed, and I found myself arriving here on this tiny moon The balance seemed to recover, and then I was seeing into the future. A painful blue spike ripped into me as if I, myself had gone to one extreme or another. I gasped as if struck by lightning, falling away from the sphere, shaking uncontrollably on the ground. I wanted to run, vomit and scream all at the same time. All I could do was to gasp for air as several dracnarians dragged me back to my cell.