Carousel

by Aurelia T. Evans

  Riley was so damn strong. He barely had to strain to hold her to his chest and thrust his cock in a steady rhythm. Colm still made himself known, a hand to her spine, a kiss to her back, a fist in her hair to push her against Riley’s neck, but he didn’t interfere.

  “Yes, God, yes, you feel so fucking good,” she said to the beat of his thrusts. She wasn’t doing it for Riley’s benefit to stroke his conflicted ego. She meant every word she moaned and wanted him to know it. And it did spur him on, until they were meeting each other with sharp slaps of their bodies together, friction driving the electricity of their pleasure over the surface of their skin.

  Riley finally caught her mouth to drink in her moans and mix them with his own. She tightened her thighs around his sides, shuddering as her orgasm spiraled inside her and around him, ripping out in every direction until she had to break their kiss to gasp for breath.

  She spasmed in an aftershock when Colm closed his teeth at the base of her neck, growling as though he could taste her climax.

  Riley’s knees buckled, but he braced himself in a crouch, holding himself up until he couldn’t hold back any more. He crushed her with his prodigious arms as he fell to his knees, and she took his face in her hands and kissed him through his own exclamations, like earth-shaking groans from deep in his chest. After he had emptied every last bit of his pleasure into her, he met her kiss with a ferocity that startled her, since he’d already released any urgency he might have had.

  Then he hitched her up off him and let her down. She was a mess, covered in dry dirt and grass, sweat, dew. Then there was the mingling of all three of them smeared over her thighs.

  She could and intended to go to Kitty’s trailer to clean up. If Riley could fit in the shower, she thought Kitty wouldn’t mind if Riley and Colm cleaned themselves up a bit too if they wanted. However, as Riley kissed her and Colm left teeth marks on her skin—as though determined to counteract any tenderness she might think he had for her—Caroline felt better than she had in weeks.

  Including before Arcanium.

  Chapter Eight

  When Caroline came backstage that morning to get something more substantial for breakfast than her fridge could provide—since she was starving after last night’s exertions—Kitty said, “I hear you and your two men have finally learned to get along.”

  Caroline had been avoiding everybody’s eyes for the last few weeks. Now she couldn’t meet anyone’s eyes even if she wanted to.

  “Don’t be too embarrassed,” Kitty said as Caroline sat down at her table. “Most of us have had exposed sex at least once. It can be difficult to care about voyeurs when the sex demon magic really hits, especially if you’ve been holding back. And point of order, Maya and Valorie have each had exposed sex for reasons that had nothing to do with sex magic, so you can at least tell yourself you’re not a natural-born exhibitionist.” Kitty laughed when Maya punched her arm as she passed by and sat opposite her.

  “Shit, who saw?” Caroline asked. “I mean, I know Maya and Madoc and whoever they were with didn’t…”

  Maya covered her face with her hands. Madoc rubbed her shoulders idly as he ate his breakfast. Caroline was worried her soft barb had really hit a vulnerability. However, when Maya withdrew her hands, her face was as red as Caroline’s, but she was also grinning a little, as though she couldn’t help it.

  “Well played,” Madoc said. He kissed Maya’s temple.

  “Do you really want to know who saw?” Kitty asked.

  “No, not really,” Caroline conceded. “I think I’ll just fall back on blissful ignorance. And try to be more discreet next time.”

  “Implying that there will be other times that you spend your time with two very attractive men?” Valorie asked.

  “Okay, we should let up before she spontaneously combusts,” Maya said, still having trouble hiding her grin. “It takes time for the horrification to settle and become normal. I know it’s been a while since you’ve been horrified by it, Valorie, but…”

  “I was only joking,” Valorie replied. “Not that we’d stop you if you did. I’m sure it was incredibly hot.”

  “Oh my God, you’re one of the ones who saw, weren’t you?” Caroline said to Valorie.

  Lennon whistled next to Valorie. He couldn’t even whistle innocently.

  “If it makes you feel better, we didn’t watch the whole thing. We got kind of busy ourselves after a few minutes,” Valorie said.

  “I didn’t see it,” Kitty said, resting her hand on Caroline’s for a moment. “I heard about it this morning. There are some benefits to sleeping on the other side of the big top tent.”

  “Similar benefits to sleeping in a carousel a quarter of the way around away from the caravan,” Maya said with a grin. “Fewer people can hear you.”

  “Okay, I get it. It’s fun watching the new girl turn funny colors,” Caroline said. “It was a mistake. It won’t happen again.”

  “Which part? Fucking them or fucking them in public?” Kitty asked. Her tone was serious, although her expression was far from judgmental. Caroline was also startled by Kitty’s swearing, maybe because Kitty was much older than her and didn’t seem to devolve into profanity to the same degree that Caroline was used to from some of the others, as well as herself and her own circle of friends on the outside.

  Caroline moved her fork through her eggs, but in spite of being hungry, she also experienced a wave of nausea before she said, “In public.”

  The other people at the table found something else to talk about when Caroline didn’t elaborate and no one asked her to. Caroline could have sworn she felt other people’s gazes on her in the room, but she chalked it up to paranoia—and if it wasn’t, she didn’t have to explain herself to anyone else here.

  Except herself. She couldn’t very well judge them for working with and sometimes sleeping with demons if she was going to do the same thing. Ex-demon, sure, but he still thought like a demon. It had been stripped from him, not something he had shed voluntarily. Sleeping with Riley might get her grounded by her father, but sleeping with a demon had to be a bigger hit.

  Yet she was having a hard time convincing herself to regret it—aside from the ‘in public’ part. Colm was rough, occasionally violent and he didn’t like humans, but he’d been really good last night, in the skill sense. In comparison to how he’d treated her the last week, he’d been positively personable, closer to human—or at least humane.

  As soon as she was finished with breakfast, Caroline did what she always did and escaped to return to her carousel. Riley and Colm were back in place, but she could have some moments to herself before the crowd arrived in the afternoon.

  “Caroline, wait.” Kitty stopped running toward her then drew her in the direction of Oddity Row. Aside from the crew readying the souvenir tables and food and midway booths, Kitty and Caroline were practically alone—and the way that the crew tended to ignore the cast, they might as well have been.

  “What?” Caroline tried not to sound too annoyed. After all, Kitty had been okay during the makeover, made a mean margarita and gave her nearly twenty-hour access to her shower and toilet. Caroline thought she should at least show some courtesy. Or downright kindness, because it was really hard to hate someone named Kitty, and she’d done nothing but try to help Caroline this whole time. Caroline took a breath and tamped down her annoyance at being caught out.

  “They’re whistling in the dark,” Kitty said. “All of us are. You think I don’t recognize that conflict in your eyes, but I do. I’ve seen it in the eyes of so many here as the years go by. It’s not easy, having the love or affection of a demon, is it? Not with all we’ve been taught about what a demon is and what they’re supposed to do to us. It isn’t that simple. I wish it was, but it isn’t.”

  “You know what I’ve noticed when people say ‘it isn’t that simple’? It usually means that it is that simple, but they’ve made it complicated to rationalize it to themselves,” Caroline said, but she didn’t sound convinci
ng, even to herself.

  Kitty smiled. “Arcanium makes it more complicated, because the demons have limits here too, not just the humans. And if they choose to be here, it’s because they’ve chosen those limitations. Demons have free will just like we do. They can choose not to be as bad as they can be. If you have not just the obsession but the affection of a demon, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Frankly, the people here will judge you more because you’ve acquired the affection of two men who threatened this circus than they will the fact that you’re sleeping with a demon.”

  “Even though they’ve had their punishment?” Caroline asked. “I don’t know about Colm, but Riley seems to have learned his lesson, if you ask me.”

  “That will eventually translate into leniency,” Kitty said. “But we tend to take it personally when we’re attacked. You have to remember we were in the tent when Riley set the fires.”

  “With Madoc there, were you ever in any real danger?” Caroline asked.

  Kitty tilted her head in a half-nod. “Riley didn’t know that. We can forgive, but slowly. Misha’s only recently been given a reprieve from his punishment, and he’s been here thirteen years.”

  “Jesus H. Christ, seriously?” Caroline could barely conceive of it. Riley had only been there maybe four years.

  “Just because we shun them doesn’t mean you have to, though. We won’t shun you for not shunning them,” Kitty said. “All of us—all of us, Caroline—we get by the best we can with the companions we have. If you want them, they are more than lucky to have you, and they probably know it. So do the rest of us.”

  Caroline stopped for a moment and just looked at Kitty, taking her in. It was amazing how fast she’d gotten used to the soft grain of hair Kitty willingly showed off and brushed and accessorized to its best advantage. She exuded quiet confidence that perhaps only a born oddity could produce. What’s more, Caroline believed without hesitation that her confidence extended to the bedroom. Kitty didn’t hold back on accentuating her pin-up hourglass figure, the swell of her breasts over the bodice, the glimpse of beautiful leg through her ribboned skirt.

  Maya and Madoc weren’t secretive about their relationship, and Valorie had made it clear that she and Lennon had one as well. Kitty had said she had a satisfying sex life, one more private than usual for the circus and where most of her lovers were outsiders rather than Arcanium cast. But now Caroline wondered whether Kitty spoke from personal experience.

  Kitty appeared to understand the question in Caroline’s expression, but as Caroline had expected, she didn’t answer it. She just put her arm around Caroline’s shoulder and kissed her forehead lightly.

  “You’re a good girl, Caroline. A sweet, good girl in a dark world, and I don’t mean that in a patronizing way.”

  “I know,” Caroline said. She tucked herself against Kitty’s softness, reminded of the last time she’d hugged her mother.

  “Don’t let the darkness take that away from you,” Kitty said. “Bell didn’t bring you in here to do that. If he brought you in, it was for you to light the shadow, not for the shadow to dampen your light. Had he wanted to hurt you, he wouldn’t have showered you with the gifts he’s given you.”

  “Is that what he calls them?” Caroline asked with a wry smile.

  Kitty stroked her hair affectionately then withdrew. “If you bring light to just two lost souls of Arcanium, perhaps that is your purpose. Bell never meant to make a hell of this place. That’s sometimes hard for the new cast to comprehend, but I’ve been here long enough to understand not just the many things that Arcanium is, but also what it isn’t.”

  “You’ve definitely adopted the whole poetic, enigmatic aura of this place. Did you get that from Madoc?” Caroline asked.

  “Guilty as charged,” Kitty said, pushing her own hair behind her ears with a little embarrassment. “I guess it does tend to rub off when the demons around you speak in riddles all the time. But I reiterate that you are not guilty, okay? I don’t want you to feel guilty about what you’ve done.”

  It wasn’t up to Kitty whether Caroline felt guilty or not. What Kitty had to say made sense to Caroline, but it wasn’t enough, especially if Kitty did speak from experience. It called her objectivity into question.

  Caroline just had to hope that Kitty was right. Because she didn’t intend to stop, and it was exhausting fighting against liking the cast. Even after all he’d done, Madoc himself didn’t have to try too hard to be likable.

  * * * *

  She stopped by Lady Sasha’s bullet trailer to drop off her black leather pants and bodice for cleaning after the abuse of last night. Lady Sasha must have heard about the circumstances, because she didn’t seem surprised. She accepted the folded clothes with little more than a mild disapproving look. Caroline promised her that she’d be easier on her clothes from now on.

  When Lady Sasha brushed her hands taking the bundle, Caroline realized that she wasn’t affected by Lady Sasha’s succubusness at all, even though Lady Sasha jerked away to avoid an extended touch.

  Caroline already knew that Lady Sasha and Lord Mikhail weren’t supposed to touch her—or any of the cast—because of their particular brand of magic. But Caroline was surprised to discover that the lust she’d been feeling came from Lord Mikhail alone.

  That certainly explained why the incubus and succubus weren’t allowed to touch. If Lord Mikhail exerted that much influence on Caroline from a distance, she shivered in fear and arousal at what he would be capable of up close and personal. A fly would willingly enter a spider’s parlor with the promise that the sex demons gave them. It was frightening, her own reaction to nothing more than the fantasy of Lord Mikhail inviting her in.

  That was the reason she left Lady Sasha’s trailer so quickly, Caroline told herself. Not the terrariums of snakes that lined the walls. Caroline would swear some of them were venomous, although she didn’t stick around to inspect them. And she certainly didn’t flee because of the giant terrarium where the bed should be, lined with pillows—and the giant boa constrictor that had been part of Lady Sasha’s act. In fact, Caroline thought there might have been two in there, plus a few albino pythons.

  For some reason, the implication that Lady Sasha slept with them freaked Caroline out almost as much as knowing that the woman had been responsible for the deaths of more men than Caroline could count.

  Caroline was going to have to work extra hard to avoid Lord Mikhail at all costs. The fact she had her own musclebound man to come home to at night would make it easier—at least she hoped so.

  In her clockwork corset and light, shorter skirt brushing her knees, Caroline headed back to the carousel, but she wasn’t in any hurry. She considered grabbing a pretzel before getting in the cage. It would stay warm in the nook under the board, and she wouldn’t have to interrupt Geoff to ask him for something to eat that afternoon.

  Someone tapped her shoulder. Caroline turned around.

  She didn’t know who she’d been expecting, but she definitely hadn’t been expecting two of the clowns, the happy male clown and the sad female clown standing there, unblinking. She didn’t have to look up to meet the sad clown’s eyes. They were the same height.

  “Can I help you?” Caroline asked. The ‘you’ died when the two clowns didn’t respond.

  Then the sad clown raised her arms and caressed Caroline’s cheeks lightly with the backs of her delicate hands.

  “Um…” How was she supposed to respond to that?

  The sad clown slid her hands down to Caroline’s shoulders and cocked her head twice toward the big top backstage entrance. Once again, their mouths didn’t move at all. The only expression there was painted in bright red, but the lips were frozen. Either they had extraordinary discipline as mimes or something was very, very wrong.

  Disquiet increased like temblors in her stomach. The sad clown beckoned and led Caroline to the backstage entrance. The happy clown followed behind, like private security, ensuring that Caroline went where she was supposed to go.
The sad clown was gentle, though she certainly had the capacity for violence, since her orange-painted nails had been filed to points like claws. That, and the proliferation of signs over the circus that did nothing to calm the anxious flutters in her stomach as they herded her.

  “Is there something you need?” Caroline asked. “I’m not sure how much help I can be. I don’t spend a lot of time back here.”

  The sad clown lifted the tent flap and bowed in, not looking away from Caroline.

  “I don’t know what you want,” Caroline said. It was like talking at a baby who had been fed, changed and rocked and was still crying. She couldn’t even tell if the sad clown had any more comprehension of what Caroline was saying than a baby, because she didn’t say anything or give any indication she heard Caroline’s questions or comments.

  The backstage was lit with lanterns and lamps. The big cat cages no longer held people but instead a large tiger and lion, both which paced in agitation when the clowns entered backstage. The sad and happy clown paid them little mind, although their restlessness briefly distracted Caroline when she reminded herself that these animals were actually human beings.

  Then the monster clown stalked out of the shadows, grabbed her by her arms and pulled her onto a chaise longue in the middle of the empty backstage.

  “Hey, what are you—? What the hell are you doing?” Caroline exclaimed. She tried to shake her arms out of the monster clown’s grip, but he wouldn’t budge.

  His hands were like vices. They pinned her to the cushioned back of the chaise. The incline of the chaise made it difficult to gather core power to push against him, especially when the happy clown held her legs down so that she couldn’t kick. He knelt at her feet but did not let her go. His expressionlessness was especially chilling as she struggled to get free from these silent but powerful clowns. All she could see of them now was the glow of the contacts in their eyes and the upturned smile of his aggressively cheerful face paint—and the monster’s face above her.