Forgiving

by LaVyrle Spencer

  Whisking out the rear door, Sarah answered, “On a piece of paper will be fine.” When she returned, Robert had the fire started and Addie was still grinding.

  “How many?” she asked.

  Sarah set the pot on the stove and said, “Oh, about a quarter of the amount you’ve already ground.” The two sisters looked at each other and laughed. Abruptly Addie’s face fell and she said, “I’m so ignorant. I just don’t know anything.”

  Sarah went to Addie and clasped her cheeks lightly. “Just think of how exciting your life will be from now on—you’ll learn something new every day. Robert and I will teach you, just as we did when we were children, and I think I know someone else who’ll help, too.”

  “Who?”

  “Stay here. I’ll go ask her.”

  Sarah headed for the door.

  “But Sarah, where—”

  “Just wait here for me. Robert will show you how much coffee to put in that water and when I come back I’ll expect a cup.”

  She went out without further enlightening them, straight to Emma’s, where her knock was answered by Lettie, swathed in a cobbler’s apron with a glow on her cheeks.

  “Sarah, it’s you already! Merry Christmas.”

  “The same to you, Lettie.”

  “Who is it, Lettie?” Emma called.

  “It’s Sarah already. Come in, Sarah.”

  Emma came to the door, wiping her hands on her apron. “You’re a little early, Sarah, but if you don’t mind we sure don’t.”

  “I’m leaving again in a minute, and I’ll come back at four, but I had to talk to you first.”

  “Sure, come on in.”

  The room smelled delicious, of garlic and onion and roasting meat. Of cinnamon and apples and the green tang of fresh-cut cabbage. At a worktable, Geneva wielded the grater. The windows were opaque with steam that collected in beads and painted clear stripes to the sill. Byron wandered in and said, “Well, if it isn’t our children’s choir director. Those young ones sounded good enough to be in one of Langrishe’s stage shows.”

  “Oh Byron, you always say the nicest things. They were wonderful, weren’t they?”

  Josh followed his father into the room and announced, “Next year I want to sing in the choir, too.”

  “You’ll be more than welcome.” They rehashed last night’s affair before Sarah spoke of the business at hand. “I’m glad you’re here, all of you, because I’ve come with a very special request.”

  Emma said, “You just name it.”

  “I believe you all know Robert Baysinger, my childhood friend from St. Louis. He’s finally convinced my sister to leave the brothel. They’re at my newspaper office now, and if it’s at all possible, I’d like to bring them here with me for Christmas dinner.” Before anyone could speak, Sarah hurried on. “I know it’s presumptuous of me to ask, especially considering how late it is, and the food is already prepared, but she was very badly snubbed at Mrs. Roundtree’s this morning. I’d like to show her that there are people who’ll still treat her decently, that’s why I’ve come to you. But I’d only bring her if all of you are in agreement... and if there’s enough food, of course.”

  Emma spoke, for all. “What kind of Christians would we be to close our door in judgment? Of course you can bring her, and Mr. Baysinger too.”

  Sarah’s shoulders slumped in relief. “Emma, you’re a true friend—all of you are. Thank you.” Her eyes touched each of them in turn. “There are some things you should know. We’re still trying to convince Addie not to go back, so her acceptance here will be especially encouraging. She believes that nobody will treat her civilly, but after today she’ll realize that not everybody is like Mrs. Roundtree. Also, Emma, Robert and I have been racking our brains trying to come up with some reasonable form of occupation for Addie. She’s no good with words at all, or I’d put her to work at the newspaper office. I’ve been thinking, if she and I took up housing together she might simply act as our housekeeper, but she doesn’t know anything about that either. Would you help?”

  Emma beamed, her cheeks red from kitchen heat. “You’ve come to the right woman. These girls of mine can already cook dura near as good as their mother. Bring her on and watch us make a new woman out of her!”

  “Oh Emma...” Sarah crooked an elbow around the good woman’s neck. “Perhaps I’ve never told you that I love you. All of you... Byron...” She hugged him and each of the others in turn. “Josh, Lettie, ‘Neva. I simply don’t know what I’d have done without you. You’ve been the family I didn’t have since I’ve lived here in Deadwood.”

  “Well, you’ve got one now, and we’re going to do all we can to see that you don’t lose your sister again. Now go on back there and get those two.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Sarah answered with her heart full. “You’re sure there’s enough food?”

  “Josh shot the goose. Josh, you think that honker will feed eight?”

  “You bet!” Josh replied proudly. “He went a good fourteen, maybe sixteen pounds.”

  As Sarah left, Emma was ordering, “Girls, grate a little more cabbage.”

  The newspaper office smelled like coffee when Sarah returned. Addie and Robert had pulled up a pair of chairs near the stove and sat sipping from Patrick’s and Sarah’s mugs. They turned as Sarah closed the door and reached for her bonnet strings.

  “You’ll both be very happy with my news.”

  “What?”

  “You’re invited to my friends the Dawkins’ for Christmas dinner.”

  Robert smiled.

  Addie shrank.

  “Oh no.”

  “What do you mean, oh no?”

  “I’d rather go back to Rose’s,” she said into her cup.

  Sarah briskly crossed the room and took her sister by the shoulders. “Listen to me, Addie. The Dawkins are good people. Emma and Byron have raised three wonderful children who’ve had a good example set by their parents. None of them will walk a wide berth around you. Granted, Mrs. Roundtree did, and I’m not saying others won’t. But not Emma, and not her family. You have to start somewhere, Addie, and Christmas dinner with them is far from the worst occasion you could draw.”

  “You went there and asked them if I could come, didn’t you?”

  “Yes. You and Robert both.”

  “I don’t want to trail along on your skirt tails.”

  “I do,” Robert put in jovially. “For a homemade Christmas dinner in a real home, I don’t mind how I get invited.”

  Addie looked unconvinced. “Addie, listen,” Sarah reasoned, “Emma Dawkins knows a lot of people in this town. What she does is noticed by others. Most of the women see her nearly every day to buy bread from her. If she accepts you, chances are many of them will follow her lead. You must come.”

  “I can’t.”

  Sarah grew stern, backing off with her hands on her hips. “Honestly, Addie, sometimes I grow so peeved with you! And with Father! If he hadn’t spoiled you silly you might have had more gumption. All you ever had to do was pout a little bit and feel sorry for yourself and you got your way.”

  “I did not pout!”

  “You’re pouting now, just like a child.”

  “And I did not get my way!”

  “You certainly did. While I was made to go to the newspaper office and work, you stayed home and dawdled.”

  “Well, maybe I wanted to go, too. Maybe I wasn’t allowed!”

  Robert sat silent and watchful.

  “We’ll argue about this later when Robert isn’t here. For now I’d like you to give me just one good reason why you won’t accept Emma’s invitation.”

  Addie’s chin got stubborn. “I thought I shouldn’t go where there are children.”

  “Emma’s children know what a brothel is. How could they live in this town and not? Why, I’ve been warning Josh not to deliver papers up there at the badlands since the first day I hired him. If Emma’s not afraid they’ll be jaded by your presence, why should you be?”

 
Addie had no retort. She stared at her sister, who went on authoritatively.

  “And let’s get one more thing settled—I won’t have you at the Dawkins’ unless you have every intention of never going back to Rose’s again.”

  “But if I don’t—”

  “If you don’t you and I will live together here at the newspaper office until we can find a house, which we’ll start searching for the moment Craven Lee opens his door tomorrow morning. I have no intention of renting from a snob like Mrs. Roundtree, who shuns my sister with one hand and takes my gold with the other. She has a lot of nerve expecting me to. So we’ll get some cots and sleep here until other arrangements can be made. That way Josh can sleep later in the mornings since he won’t have to come in and light the fire to melt the ink. And I won’t have to be running back and forth up that infernal set of steps, or traipsing out in the cold before the sun is even up in the morning. We’ll eat at Teddy’s until we can find a house, and when we do—well, I hope you’ll learn how to cook, and if not, we’ll live on a lot of fried eggs. Now what do you say?”

  Addie considered silently for some time, glancing from Addie to Robert and back again.

  “You mean we’ll sleep here tonight?”

  “No, not tonight. We’ll have to think of something else for tonight. Not only you, but me. I refuse to sleep one more night at Mrs. Roundtree’s after the way she treated you.”

  “What about Addie’s room at the hotel?” Robert put in. “Couldn’t the two of you share that for a night or two?” He understood that Sarah was determined to stick beside her sister to make sure she didn’t backslide to Rose’s.

  Sarah replied, “We could if it’s all right with Addie.”

  Addie said doubtfully, “I guess it would be all right. But I’d have to go back to Rose’s to get the money she owes me from last night.”

  “Absolutely not!” Sarah yelped.

  “But—”

  “I won’t have you taking one more penny from that hog ranch!”

  “But she owes me a hundred dollars’ worth of gold from Robert alone!”

  Sarah’s eyes widened and her cheeks took color. She shot a discomfited look at Robert.

  “Oh, you mean...” She stumbled to a halt.

  “I bought her off the floor,” he admitted.

  “For two hundred in gold,” Addie added. “Why should Rose get all of that? She owes me half.”

  “All right, you go get it—but one hundred and not a flake more. And Robert will go with you.”

  “Absolutely,” Robert put in.

  Now that the decision was made, Sarah could see Addie quailing. “Rose will be very angry,” the younger woman said.

  “That’s why he should go along. I want to make sure you come back out of there once you go in. I don’t trust that big hulking Indian woman or that bawdy madam. What do you think, Robert, should you go now before the evening traffic picks up over there? Then Addie would have it behind her and could enjoy her dinner without worrying about having to face Rose. And while you’re over there, I can go back and collect a few things from Mrs. Roundtree’s.”

  “Now is fine with me if Addie agrees.”

  “Addie?” Sarah leveled her sister with a straightforward gaze.

  Addie looked slightly pale. “Now?”

  Robert took her hands. “Sarah’s right. Then you’ll have it over with and you can think about your new tomorrows. Just think, Addie, a future with possibilities—all you have to do is hand Rose your walking papers. As for the money, I don’t care about that. Leave it there if you want.”

  “But I earned it fair and square. And if you don’t want it—well, it’s the only thing I have to give to Sarah toward my keep.”

  “Very well, we’ll take it and you do just that, give it to Sarah. But let’s go now.”

  Beneath his direct gaze she turned docile and replied meekly, “All right, Robert, if that’s what you want me to do.”

  The sun had retired behind the western rim of rock and pine as they walked toward the badlands. Main Street lay in shadow, nearly deserted. Somewhere a chickadee sang his repetitive two-note song and off in the distance a burro brayed.

  As they neared their destination Robert felt Addie gripping his elbow tighter.

  “Are you afraid?” he asked.

  “Rose won’t be able to find another girl so easily in the middle of the winter, and without girls she loses money.”

  “Has she ever threatened you?”

  “No, not directly, but she’s a hard woman. They’re all hard women there, especially when they’re angry.”

  “I’ll stay with you all the time.”

  They walked awhile before she asked, “Are you afraid, Robert?”

  “Yes, but I have conviction on my side.”

  Staring straight ahead, Addie told him, “I don’t deserve your kindness, Robert, not after what I’ve done.”

  “Nonsense, Addie.”

  “They call us the fair and the frail, but you can’t be frail to survive there, and if you’re fair at first, that soon changes. Why are you doing this, Robert?”

  “Because everyone deserves happiness, and I could see you weren’t happy there. And for Sarah, and myself, too, because we couldn’t bear the thought of the girl we used to know doing work like that.”

  “You must forget her, the girl you used to know. She doesn’t exist anymore.”

  They’d reached Rose’s. Robert turned to Addie.

  “Maybe she does and you just don’t know it. Let’s go in and get this unpleasantness behind us.”

  Inside, the smell was awful—carbolic water, cigar smoke and liquor. Living in it day in and day out, Addie hadn’t realized how cloying it was, but after a single day away, entering Rose’s parlor, she covered her nose with a glove. There were three men sitting at a table, desultorily sipping drinks. Rose herself was with them, packed into a satin dress the color of a bottle fly’s wings. She swung her head, fixed her pewter eyes on Addie and drawled, “Well, look who’s back, and bringing her rich little daddy along with her.” To Robert she said, “Just can’t get enough, can you, sugar?”

  Addie said, “Could I talk to you in your office, Rose?”

  The madam’s eyes took a slow walk down Robert’s trousers and back up to his neatly trimmed beard. “Why, sure,” she replied belatedly and pushed herself up from the table. To the trio at the table she said, “Be right back, boys, and I’ll bring a new bottle.”

  Addie led the way toward the far end of the hall. Just short of her office door Rose turned and poked four fingers against Robert’s chest. “No men allowed back here, sugar. It’s private, you unnerstand.”

  Robert looked beyond Rose to Addie, who unobtrusively waggled her head. Addie entered Rose’s office, asking over her shoulder, “How was the take last night?”

  Rose followed, answering, “Big. Damn big. Best I ever done, matter of fact. Now today’s another story, so far anyway. Everybody gettin’ Christian on me, holing up and becoming do-gooders.”

  “I missed the divvying up this morning.” Every morning Rose tabulated the previous night’s take and gave each girl half of what she’d taken in. “I’ll take mine now.”

  Rose went to her desk and opened a drawer. “Sure, Eve. You did all right. A hundred from that Jake alone. You must have something he likes.” Rose tossed her a bag of gold dust.

  Addie called, “Robert, would you come in here, please?”

  Robert stepped around the doorway into the room.

  Rose scowled. “Now just a minute! This is private, and no man puts foot in here unless I invite him!”

  “Robert has come to escort me away. I’m leaving, Rose.”

  “Leaving? What does that mean—leaving?”

  “For good.”

  Rose raised her big face and bellowed, “Ha! You might think so, Evie-honey, but you’ll be back.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “You will be. Wait till those holier-than-thou women out there lift their
skirts aside so they won’t brush against you. Wait till the men who soaked their dinks in you treat you like you’re invisible when they meet you on the street. Wait till one of them grabs you in an alley and thinks he’ll get a little free. Wait till you run out of money and wish you could earn a dollar a minute without lifting a finger. You’ll be back. Mark my words.”

  Addie’s expression remained stolid. “I won’t be taking any of my things. You can give them to the other girls.”

  “So you take up with him instead?” Rose shouted. “You think you won’t still be a whore? Well, I got news for you, sister, you spread your legs for one or a hundred, it’s all the same. Whether they give you gold or a place to live, you’re still their whore! So go live with him then. Be his private whore! I don’t care!”

  “Goodbye, Rose.”

  “Don’t you goodbye Rose me, you ungrateful bitch! You owe me!” Rose struck like a snake, grabbing Addie’s hair. “Leaving me high and dry with an empty—”

  Addie screamed.

  “—bed and losing my money when I took you in and—”

  Robert picked up a marble penholder and cracked Rose across the forearms.

  “Mraaawk!” she squawked, releasing Addie. “Flossie!” she screamed, her face turning red as her hair. “Get the hell in here, Flossie!”

  Robert said calmly, “We’ll be going now.” He put an arm around Addie’s shoulders. “If you make any attempt to stop us, I’ll break your arms—both of them. Tell your Indian woman the same goes for her. Tell her to let us pass.”

  Flossie had appeared in the doorway. Robert turned to her and ordered, “Step aside. Miss Merritt is leaving.”

  Flossie took one menacing step forward and Robert struck her with the marble penholder across the back of her left hand. She cried out and buckled halfway, couching the bruised hand against her thigh and moaning quietly.

  “Excuse us, please,” Robert said, reverting to his usual impeccable manners, herding Addie around Flossie.

  “Stop them!” Rose shouted.

  Flossie continued moaning and coddling her hand.

  “I’ll have the law on you, Baysinger! You can’t barge in a person’s home and assault them and think you can get away with it just because you own a goddamned stamp mill!”