by Jamie Knight
Fighting the urge to do a little jig, I slipped out of the building. At least I would get to see her again.
I got to Sure Thing Graphics only twenty minutes late, and I knew Camilla wouldn’t rat me out. She could be a bit tough sometimes but knew how to pick her battles. It was also the first time I had been late since she started there.
Settling into my cubicle, I put on my headphones and cranked up some Social Distortion:
I was wrong/Self-destruction’s got me again/I was wrong/I realize now that I was wrong.
I just about jumped when I felt the tap on my shoulder, whirling around to see Cooper standing behind me.
“You’re wearing it again, huh?” Cooper asked.
The ‘it’ in question was my TSOL T-shirt featuring skull and crossbones in the middle of the band’s name. We’d had words about it before. The manager thought it was a bad influence on the other workers. Though for some reason, Aden’s “Question Sleep” shirt slid right by. Not that Cooper really had any more power than I did. Technically I was more important than him. He was one of many digital artists. I was but the only copywriter. Cooper and his ilk made the images, but they would be little more than pictograms without my words to go with them. While, on the other hand, there had been words-only ads on the radio for decades.
“Yes, I am.” I raised my eyebrows at him, ready for a fight.
“Why?” Cooper asked, in that way of his that tended to make people want to break his nose.
“A newfound inability to give a fuck,” I said, looking right at him, making him take a step back.
To my surprise, Coop sighed. “What’s on your mind, buddy?” he asked.
I guess my work friends had gotten to know me better than I thought. Running a hand through my hair, I relaxed, sitting back into my chair and putting my feet up on the desk.
“I’m sure you heard about what happened yesterday with the fainter at Camilla’s desk.”
Camilla was Cooper’s sister. They were very close. There was no way she hadn’t told him.
“Sure.” He nodded, taking a seat on the desk corner.
“She’s my ex. I left her when I went to rehab. I don’t mean we broke up. I just left her behind. Along with everyone else. I didn’t even tell her where I was going. Anyway, I found her office and went down there this morning. Lila was understandably pissed, but still wants to meet me for a drink tonight.”
Coop hummed as he thought. “Does she know you’re on the wagon now?”
“No, I’ll get something non-alcoholic, though that’s not really the point is it?”
“No, I suppose not. I knew you went into rehab, but I didn’t know you had a girlfriend you left behind. You must have screwed up good.”
It was true. I had screwed up so bad, I had basically tried to become another person. Now my past was back, and I didn’t know what to think or hope for.
“I did, but now she wants to see me, and I don’t know why.”
“Do you want to get back together with her? If that turns out to be an option?”
I didn’t really have to think about that one. I wanted it more than anything though I also knew that it was possibly too late.
Chapter Five - Lila
I had picked the bar because it was close, only a few blocks from Aria’s house. I needed to stay close to home. It gave me a sense of security. I also didn’t feel like being far away from Billy right then. Even though seeing him reminded me of what had happened before, I still loved my baby, but I couldn’t help but notice how much he looked like Carl, or Jinx, or whatever he was calling himself these days. I had called him both for most of our life together, but I switched to mostly Carl when we feel in love. Jinx was a nickname his father gave my ex when he was a toddler, so it was almost like his official name, Carl “Jinx” Willcox. It sounded like an Irish mafioso. The fact that his dad owned a chain of casinos didn’t help that impression. However, he seemed to have stopped wearing three-piece suits.
I sat on the surprisingly comfortable stool at the bar, trying not to fidget too much. Something hard to do while I was both nervous and angry, but I gave it my best shot. My resentment was even worse than it had been the day before.
The fact that Jinx had gone to rehab didn’t erase the hurt that he didn’t tell me. I was happy he had gotten help, but I really wished he had told me. I would have understood and waited for him when he got out. Or, I would have gone to see him if that was allowed. I really had loved him, which only made it hurt even more when he disappeared without a word, no matter what the cause might have been.
I looked at my watch, my fury growing with each minute that Jinx was late. It turned out to be twenty in all. By the time he finally showed up, I was about ready to explode.
“You’re late,” I hissed, still not wanting to actually yell.
“Sorry.”
“Bullshit. You are the same ‘Jinx’ you were before. It was Carl I loved, and I haven’t seen him in a long time.”
I was reconsidering my decision to tell him about Billy. Not sure he wouldn’t just walk out on both of us.
“I deserve that,” Jinx said, surprising me. He gave me a sad smile, sitting down on the barstool next to mine.
“Y-you do?”
He shrugged, glancing down at the bar. “Yeah. I can see why you would think that. I haven’t really given you any reason to think otherwise. The fact that I work as a copywriter at an advertising agency probably won’t help my case. I mean, I get paid to convince people.”
“Is that what you do?” I asked, it making so much more sense than him having secret drawing skills.
“Yeah, I’m pretty much the only one. Everyone is a graphic artist of some description except for Chris, the art director, and Camilla, the receptionist who checked you in. It’s a bit weird sometimes. Like being an ostrich among the penguins, but I make the best of it.”
“An ostrich among the penguins?” I asked, this being precisely the kind of goofy thing he would have said when we were teenagers. It made me smile.
Jinx smiled at me sweetly. It made his light-brown eyes light up. “Yeah. I really did miss you. I mean that. No bullshit, no tricks. I really wish things could have worked out better between us. We’ve been friends since we were kids and then, well, more than that. I really couldn’t imagine my life without you in it, Lila. I now have a much better idea of what that would be like. Yet, still, here we are.” He tapped the bar top.
Sweet as his words were, they didn’t tell me if he still loved me. Friends was one thing, but did Jinx still love me the way he said he did when he had gotten me pregnant with Billy? I was soon berating myself for even thinking such a thing. I didn’t care if he loved me or not. It didn’t matter. The whole thing had been a passing thought from the old me.
I didn’t make it easy on him, keeping my end of the conversation to a minimum in case I accidentally let something slip about Billy. Or the feelings I still had for Jinx that I was doing my best to repress. Though as I was listening, I almost thought I could hear a bit of the old Carl in there somewhere. The playful little boy turned scrappy punk I had known all those years. I could see the pain that had been caused by his own, short-sighted actions, and I wasn’t unsympathetic. We all make mistakes.
I still hadn’t told him about our son by the time we got to the bottom of our glasses. He had surprised me by ordering a Coke and nothing else. Maybe Jinx really was starting to change for the better.
“Can I get you anything else?” asked the cute bartender who was clearly flirting with Jinx, not that he seemed to notice.
“Mineral water,” he said.
“Two,” I said, realizing that he wanted to keep talking, and I did too, just to see where it might go.
“So, you’re not drinking?”
“Not anymore, caused too much trouble. I don’t need any more trouble.” I nodded, deciding to leave it at that.
“You write commercials?”
His face
lit up as he leaned against the bar so he could turn his whole body to face me. “Kind of. There’s a whole process. I come up with the words that are either written on or spoken over the images and hand it off to the art director to give to the artists and voice-actors or whoever. Still, though, nothing really happens without me.”
I smiled at Jinx’s apparent pride in his work, hiding it by taking a sip of my drink. “Sounds like a lot of responsibility,” I prompted.
“Sure is, though, that’s why they pay me the big bucks.”
“It sure looked impressive when I was there.”
“Multi-Award winning,” he said, without a trace of hubris. “What are you doing at the NGO?” he asked, taking a long pull of his mineral water.
“I needed a change,” I admitted.
I really didn’t want to get into how pushy his dad had been once our son was born. That would mean explaining about Billy, and I still wasn’t ready to do that.
“I can appreciate that,” Jinx said with the soft smile that always made me melt.
I fumbled for my mineral water, shaking with physical desire, my mind, and my body suddenly at war with each other. I tried to remind myself that I was mad at him. There was no way anything was going to happen. No matter how desperately I wanted it to.
“Will you see me again?” Jinx asked. He glanced down at his drink; his face clouded with worry.
“I-I don’t really think I’m ready to date anyone,” I stammered.
“I’m not just anyone, though, am I?”
“I really don’t know who you are.”
“We were friends, once upon a time. I’m doing my best to get back to that. How was I then?”
I felt my heart aching for him. Jinx was so close I could feel his body heat. Little whiffs of his cologne would hit my nose, pushing my mind and emotions back to the past. I had felt so safe in his arms once.
“I-I don’t know. I have to go,” I said, jumping up and leaving in a hurry.
I needn’t have bothered. He didn’t try to follow me. Just the same, I took a cab back to the house, having the driver go around the block so Jinx wouldn’t know where I lived. It was too much. I opened the mineral water I had put into my purse without thinking and took a long drink. It was delicious. I could see why he liked it so much.
Irene was playing with Billy when I got in. She really was quite good with him. I felt fortunate to have her around when I couldn’t be.
“How was it?” Aria asked, sitting down on the couch.
“Strange?” I paced across the room.
“Like how?”
“Well, for starters, he is working as a copywriter. That was why he was at the advertising firm. He’s their main guy apparently. Without him, there are no words. The voice-over people have nothing to say, and the animations would be silent. I never really thought about what an important job it is before.”
“Sounds like a lot of responsibility,” Aria said.
“I know, right? But that’s not the weirdest bit. Not only is he not gambling anymore, but he’s also not drinking either. Only had Coke and mineral water.”
“Bit of a drunk, was he?”
“Oh, terribly! He could drink an Irish dock worker under the table and still win thee games of darts in a row. I actually saw him do that.”
“There are docks in Vegas?”
I stopped and shrugged. “Well, no, the Irish dock worker was visiting, but still, it was impressive. It’s part of this whole cleansing thing Jinx is doing trying to get to a clean slate.”
“Well, it seems clear to me,” Irene said, speaking up for the first time, “you need to tell him about Billy.”
“How do you know I didn’t?” I asked.
“It would have been the first thing you said,” Aria’s grandmother pointed out.
She was right, of course. Nothing much really got past her, and I had never known her to be anything but logical.
“I’m not sure I can do that,” I admitted. Feeling week in the knees, I took a seat next to Aria on the couch.
“You have to. It’s the right thing. Your boy needs a daddy, and there is nothing dangerous about this fellow that would justify keeping his son away from him.”
“I dunno, there is a lot of history,” Aria said, though I could tell she agreed with her grandmother.
“Most of it good as I recall. More the reason to let my ex in. Trust me, you won’t regret it. Even if you two don’t come to anything, you both have more important concerns right now.”
I knew she was right. Irene didn’t deal in bullshit and could see through to the heart of almost any situation. I was still hesitant but leaning towards not only telling Jinx about Billy but letting him have visitation if he wanted it. That was a significant change that I hoped would be the right thing.
Chapter Six - Jinx
Nostalgia can be a dangerous thing. Seeing Lila again set my mind back to, what in retrospect, seemed like a happier time. Remembering how things had been only drove home how much I had messed things up between us. I hadn’t really thought about how much I might have hurt her until I got out of rehab. I didn’t really have the clarity of thought to do so. There had been a time when we had really loved each other, which made it even worse.
She had run at the suggestion of seeing me again. I hadn’t really thought about it as a date, even though my ex clearly did. I had gone back so far in my thinking, in the attempt for a clean slate, I saw us more as being friends. Though even that seemed like a bit of a stretch. Despite my caveman-like response to her fainting, I really just wanted to try to reconnect with Lila again — whatever form that might take. I really couldn’t imagine my life without her. Even though that was precisely what I had been experiencing the past two years. That’s not to say I was happy. It took me that long to realize, but the last time I had been truly was happy was when we were together. Not having Lila around felt like something was missing.
I didn’t have her number, but I knew where she worked. I gave a moment’s thought to calling my dad to see if there was something I was missing, but I couldn’t do that. After I went into rehab, I lost contact with him too. No one from my past knew that I was still in Vegas. I wanted to keep it that way.
Plus, he owned a chain of casinos and would more than likely want to meet in his office at the Crown Jewel to talk things out. I wasn’t willing to take that kind of risk. I had already worked too hard and lost too much to overcome my gambling addiction.
It was a bit of a dick move, I knew, but I planned to pop in at the NGO the next day during lunch to see if Lila would eat with me. She seemed to soften slightly before running off, so it was possible. I knew she was mad at me and rightfully so. I wouldn’t forgive me either. At least not right away, though I still had to try.
Getting through the door after work, Lucky started jumping around me in unbridled doggy enthusiasm. It was nice to be missed that way. I couldn’t think of a human who would greet me with such joy. I saw the leash in his mouth and realized at least part of the reason for his excitement.
Getting on the leash, I got him down into the courtyard stat! He only did that when he really had to go. I kept thinking about Lila as Lucky scoured the area, looking for just the right spot. I couldn’t help thinking about how curvy she had gotten. Particularly the sweet curve of her chest. She had always been pretty well endowed in the boob department, but they had seemed even bigger recently.
Important things done, I got Lucky fed and watered and curled up into his doggie bed. At that point, I decided to call it a night, heading to bed with a glass of orange juice. Setting the glass down on the night table, I slowly took off my clothes and got onto the bed, the sheets cool and smooth under my skin. It didn’t take long to notice how hard I was. It didn’t hurt, but there was definite pressure. Suddenly my imagination took over my conscious thought, and I imagined Lila coming into my room. She was wearing only a robe and a smile.
With slow, deliberate, seductive m
ovements, the beautiful blonde untied the belt on her robe, and soon, she was only wearing a smile. I did my best to imagine what she would look like — my reference point being two years old. If anything, my ex looked better.
As Lila came over and crawled up onto the bed with me. I imagined her wrapping her warm hand around my cock as well as mine. I soon let go, relinquishing control to her. After giving me a few gentle strokes, Lila gracefully lowered her head, taking my cock most of the way into her warm, wet mouth. Keeping her blue eyes on mine, she sucked me off like a champion. Lovingly coaxing the cum up into her mouth, swallowing it all down despite the sheer size of the load.
Giving my cock a few more long, loving licks, to get it nice and wet, Lila held me firm at the base as she climbed up on top of me, so she was straddling me. She lowered her sweet, juicy pussy down onto my thick, hard cock, easing it in inch by inch until I could almost feel her pussy lips pressing up against my balls. Shifting slightly so she was in a comfortable position, she started to slowly bounce on my cock. Easy and sensual at first, building up to a speed and intensity similar to a jackhammer.
I held off as long as I could, both in my head and in my bed, trying to wait until the Lila in my head was ready to cum before unleashing my massive load inside her. Also coming in real life. Spent but satisfied, I cleaned off with some with the wet wipes I still kept by the bed, curled up, and went to sleep. I only hopped my dream was a premonition of things to come.
***
It wasn’t exactly the warmest greeting I had ever had. In fact, Lila seemed pretty damn icy when I walked into the NGO at lunchtime. However, she hadn’t told me to leave as soon as I had arrived, so it was already an improvement from the day before.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
“I thought maybe we could go for lunch,” I offered.
“You just don’t quit, do you?”
I gave her a smile as I shook my head. “Not anymore. Not when it’s important.”