Raging Sea, Searing Sky

by Christopher Nicole

  He looked down at her, and had an overwhelming desire to wring her neck. Because she was poking fun at him, and he felt sure she had poked fun at him from the moment of their first meeting, which was why he had taken such an instant dislike to her. No doubt encouraged by her ‘pa’, who also tended to poke fun at him. ‘I don’t think it is something you could understand, Miss Grant.’

  Her chin tilted. ‘Why don’t you try me, Midshipman?’

  They stared at each other, and then she released his hand, which she had still been holding, and turned away from him, but not back into the hall; instead she stepped outside on to the wide porch, which looked out on to the Severn River — it was a warm May evening, and the porch was already fairly well occupied. Brenda Grant walked straight across it and down the steps on to the lawn which ran down to the water.

  Lew hesitated in the doorway for a moment. The silly little girl was deliberately leading him on, he thought. Without knowing what she was playing with. But no doubt secure in the knowledge that she was the commandant’s daughter. But he was a captain’s son, and a seagoing captain rather than an instructor. Besides, he was Lewis McGann. And he didn’t owe the female sex one damned thing.

  He went down the steps and followed her across the grass. ‘Isn’t it ridiculous,’ she remarked, ‘that we should be standing here, in what has got to be one of the most beautiful spots in America, and yet in the middle of a college which is dedicated to death and destruction. That we should be looking up at that moon, which has been up there for thousands and thousands of years looking down at us, and be talking about killing people, who are standing somewhere, just like us, looking at that same moon and thinking maybe the same thoughts.’

  He stood immediately behind her. ‘Some people would call that treason,’ he suggested.

  ‘Not treason. Just pacifism. But as I can’t be conscripted I guess they can’t even lock me up.’

  ‘Even if they might hate your guts.’

  She turned, so suddenly she took him by surprise; she was almost against him. ‘Do you hate my guts? Or just the guts of all mankind.’

  ‘All womankind, Miss Grant,’ he said. ‘And all Germans.’

  ‘Quite a mixture, unless she was German, too.’

  He turned away.

  ‘Don’t you want to talk about it? It could help.’

  ‘So you want to be my sob sister?’

  ‘If you could use one, I’m prepared to have a go.’

  He turned back to her, remembering that feeling he had known with May, that here was someone reaching out to him. But May hadn’t been reaching out to him; she had been reaching out for him, for as long as she wanted him. ‘It’s a pretty nauseating story.’

  ‘Try me,’ she said again.

  ‘Some other time. You coming back in?’

  ‘No,’ she said. ‘And if you intend to be an officer and a gentleman you have to stay with me.’

  He peered at her in the gloom, then grinned. ‘Okay, so I’m your prisoner. But I warn you, being a sob sister isn’t going to help too much. I’m in the mood to do something stupid.’

  ‘Like what?’

  Now she was definitely challenging him. So she had to take the rough with the smooth. ‘Like throwing you on the ground and stripping you naked and raping you.’

  ‘Oh, my,’ she said. ‘I don’t think I’d like that. At least the last part. I might just scratch out your eyes.’

  They stared at each other. ‘Do you know this has got to be the most banal conversation I have ever had?’

  ‘Sure. Like cats on a wall, miaowing at each other. But I guess cats get somewhere eventually...or there wouldn’t be any kittens, right?’

  ‘And you would like to get somewhere with me?’ he asked, carefully.

  ‘I haven’t made up my mind yet,’ she told him. ‘You’re interesting. That’s a big plus. But is it you that’s interesting, or just the circumstances in which you have found yourself? That I have to figure out.’

  ‘And do you think you’re interesting, Miss Grant?’

  ‘That you have to tell me, Midshipman.’

  A Goddamned captain’s daughter, teasing him. On a night he hated her and everyone like her. He took her in his arms and kissed her mouth. She made no resistance, but when he tried to part her lips with his tongue he didn’t succeed. So he let her go.

  Her breathing had quickened, just a little. ‘You’re all man, Midshipman,’ she said. ‘But to please a girl you need a little more finesse.’

  He glared at her. Because she had tasted so good, even while maintaining her barriers. He had to break those down, or just crawl away in defeat. ‘You reckon you know about being pleased.’

  ‘I’m a woman, Midshipman.’

  ‘That’s where you’re wrong, Miss Grant. You are just an innocent little girl who doesn’t know her ass from her elbow and is too afraid to find out. So as I am just in the mood to take you apart, I am going to do the ungentlemanly thing, and leave you standing right here. And if you want to scream for help, go ahead.’

  He released her and turned away.

  ‘You are a shit, Midshipman,’ she said, quietly. ‘But still, an interesting shit. If you’d care to, you can come to a party at my house on Monday.’

  He hesitated, but to stop now would be to admit defeat. He walked into the darkness.

  ‘Six-thirty,’ she said behind him.

  *

  He hardly slept. Her choice of words had been totally surprising. Maybe she wasn’t such an innocent little prig, after all. And undoubtedly she had just been trying to shock him. In which case she deserved everything that was coming to her. And she found him at least amusing. In which case he might as well take advantage of everything she was prepared to offer. Because he did want to do that. He hadn’t realised how badly until he had received Matron’s letter. Up to then he had wanted only May, and had been prepared to wait until he could have her again. Now he just wanted a woman.

  But the captain’s daughter? He reminded himself again that he was a captain’s son. And that passing out parade was next Friday. There was very little Captain Grant could do about him now.

  So he went to the commandant’s house the following Monday evening, and found to his surprise that it was an adult cocktail party, at which most of the instructors and their wives were present. He and Brenda were the only young people there, but he was welcomed by Captain and Mrs Grant, and found Brenda busily laying out canapes. ‘You can help with the bar,’ she told him.

  It wasn’t at all what he had expected, and he was annoyed that he seemed to have been hoodwinked into being a barman, but he couldn’t get out of it now, and spent the next couple of hours assisting Captain Grant in providing for his guests’ liquid needs, while Brenda and her mother did the same for their food. She passed by the bar regularly enough, smiled at him, and occasionally popped a sausage or an angel on horseback into his mouth. Almost as if she owned him, he thought. But then, as he had come, she must have assumed she had won a tremendous victory.

  He wondered if she had.

  The guests started leaving at about eight, and the last went at eight-thirty. ‘Whew!’ Captain Grant said, collapsing on to a chair. ‘Any of those martinis left, Lewis?’

  Lewis rattled the shaker. ‘I think so, sir.’

  ‘Pour me one. And join me.’

  ‘You reckon?’

  ‘Why not.’ Brenda came out of the kitchen, drying her hands on a towel. ‘I’m driving.’

  ‘Driving? Where?’

  ‘I thought we’d go to a movie. There’s a Chaplin double bill. Do you like to laugh, Mr McGann? It might do you good.’

  ‘It might,’ Lew agreed.

  ‘So when are you going to eat?’ her father inquired.

  ‘We’ll get something after the show.’ She looked at her watch. ‘It starts in ten minutes.’

  ‘Well, I’ll say goodnight, Captain Grant. Mrs Grant.’ Lew put on his cap.

  ‘Maybe you could telephone the gate and extend Lewis
’s pass, Pa,’ Brenda said. ‘Just in case we’re late.’

  ‘Not too late,’ Captain Grant remarked.

  *

  She had a roadster, and the roof was down. Lew had never been driven by a woman before, but she handled it well. ‘You have a very indulgent father,’ he said.

  ‘He likes you.’

  ‘You could’ve fooled me.’

  ‘And naturally, he trusts me with you,’ she went on. ‘Because you are an officer and a gentleman.’ She half turned her head. ‘Are you?’

  ‘Not yet.’

  ‘On either count?’

  ‘Right first time.’

  The car swung round a bend, and the town was behind them.

  ‘Just where is this movie?’ he asked.

  ‘Do you really want to sit in a movie house? I’d rather talk. There’s a little roadhouse along here where we can talk as well as eat.’

  ‘And you’ll make me laugh.’

  ‘I’ll make you something.’

  ‘And live to regret it. If you have any sense you’ll turn this car and go back to that movie house.’

  She gazed ahead of herself at the ribbon of road. ‘And if I don’t?’

  ‘Then you’ll find out just how much of a shit I am.’

  ‘I think that would be interesting.’ She had increased speed, and only a couple of minutes later pulled into the yard of the inn. ‘It’ll be quiet now,’ she said. ‘It really hots up around midnight.’

  ‘And you have been here around midnight before?’

  She gave a quick smile. ‘No, sailor. But a friend of mine has.’

  They went inside, bought hamburgers and a couple of beers; they were the only customers, and the three-piece band was still warming up. They sat opposite each other in one of the booths, and Brenda chewed, slowly and thoughtfully, while she gazed at him. ‘Maybe I’m wrong,’ she said, ‘but I think this big hate-the-world act is just that, an act. I think you’re as miserable as hell, inside that big hulk. And I really would like to help if I can.’

  ‘Because you find me interesting. Like a specimen on a slab. I suppose, being the daughter of the boss man, you’ve made quite a collection of us.’

  ‘I didn’t come here to fight you, Lewis,’ she said. ‘Why not just tell me what’s on your mind. You have to tell somebody, sometime, or it’s going to curdle inside you.’

  He drank his beer. Coming on top of the martini it made his head spin. ‘So why not? Like she said, he had to tell somebody. Besides, he wanted to shock her, if only to pay her back for this evening. ‘So I had an affair with a girl,’ he said.

  ‘An affair?’ She rather obviously changed her mind about saying, ‘at your age.’

  ‘Sure. We spent a week in an hotel together.’

  ‘You...oh, good lord!’

  He realised he had certainly succeeded. ‘But...’ she bit her lip.

  ‘Sure. I was just seventeen. She was nineteen.’

  ‘And you mean you actually...went to bed together?’

  ‘That’s what we went there to do.’

  ‘But...the people...’

  ‘Thought we were older. Me, anyway. I look older, I guess. We told them we were married.’

  She drank her beer in silence, gazing at him.

  ‘And then, well...I fell in love. I loved her already, I guess. So we were going to get married, as soon as we were old enough. Me, anyway. She was old enough already.’

  ‘You mean...she was a nice girl?’ Obviously Brenda Grant, who was so very clearly a ‘nice’ girl, could not envisage spending a night much less a week in an hotel room with a man unless one was a prostitute.

  ‘A very nice girl. Real English upper crust. Now...well, I guess she’s walked out on me. There was a misunderstanding, and...well, there’s the whole sordid story. I guess I’m feeling a little cut up about it. I’ll get over it. Like another beer?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said.

  He signalled the waitress, and she brought the drinks. ‘Care to dance?’ The band was now playing.

  She shook her head.

  ‘Afraid to be held in my arms?’

  She stared at him across the table. ‘I thought you were a fresh kid who’d happened to survive a couple of shipwrecks.’

  ‘I don’t think that’s too inaccurate a description.’

  She drank her beer, slowly; her hamburger was only half eaten on the plate, but he could tell she’d lost her appetite. He wished he could find out exactly why.

  ‘As my sob sister,’ he said, ‘what I have just told you is strictly confidential, right?’

  ‘Right,’ she muttered. ‘It’s so...’ her tongue circled her lips. ‘A whole week...what’s it like?’

  ‘Just sheer heaven.’

  Brenda finished her second beer. He summoned the waitress to fetch her another. ‘I don’t think I ought to have this,’ she said. ‘Do you drive?’

  ‘Nope. I never had the time to learn.’ He grinned at her. His victory had been as complete as he had hoped, and intended.

  She drank the beer. ‘So now you hate all womankind.’

  ‘Well...not really.’ But he had no intention of letting her recover. ‘What I really want to find is some chick to spend another week with me. It’s tough to find something you like doing, and then be cut off from the source.’

  ‘Only this time you won’t make the mistake of falling in love with her.’

  ‘I never thought of that. You’re damned right I won’t. You got anyone to recommend?’ Brenda stood up, rather uncertainly. ‘I am going to the toilet,’ she said.

  He watched her cross the floor, slender hips swaying beneath her skirt. He knew he wanted her, and he knew she knew that, too. But the desire was not merely sexual. It was increased by the knowledge of who she was, and by the certainty that she would be as different as possible to May, and that this time he would be the one to know what he was about. And he had a strong feeling that she was attainable.

  She came back, stood by the table. She seemed to have made something of a recovery. ‘I think I need some fresh air.’

  He got up, paid the bill, escorted her to the door. ‘Have a good night, sailor,’ said the waitress.

  ‘She thinks we’re hurrying off to make love,’ Lew said as he held the door for her.

  Brenda settled herself behind the wheel and waited for him to crank the engine. When he had got it started, he sat beside her, and she drove out of the yard, very slowly and carefully. ‘So how about it?’ he asked.

  She gazed at the road. ‘Do you suppose you just have to go up to a girl, any girl, and say how about it, and she’ll jump into bed with you?’

  ‘I haven’t gone up to any girl. I’ve gone up to you. Because you said you were interested. I’ve told you what makes me interesting. Now you’re going to play chicken and go squawking off.’

  Her head turned for a moment, then went straight again. ‘If I wasn’t driving, I’d slap your face.’

  ‘You haven’t got a reason, yet. You going to tell me you’ve never spooned?’

  She was taking long breaths. ‘Is that what you had in mind?’

  ‘For starters.’

  ‘Well, forget it.’

  ‘Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, squawk.’

  ‘I was right the first time,’ she said. ‘You are a shit.’

  He reached across her and switched off the ignition. The car glided to a halt at the side of the road. ‘I guess you were, right,’ he said. ‘But you were right about everything else, too. I’m lonely as hell and I’m miserable as hell and I want a woman worse than anything else in the world. But not just a woman. I guess I could go out and buy one of those. I want you, Brenda Grant. Because I find you just as interesting as you find me. And there’s something else. You are just goddamned attractive. But there’s one last thing: I am also an officer and a gentleman — so you tell me where to stop.’ He hadn’t meant to make a speech, and he hadn’t meant to bare his feelings. He had intended to shock her and leave her breathless and somehow humil
iated. Now he knew he wasn’t going to do that. But he was certainly going to kiss her. He took her face between his hands and found that this time her lips were parted.

  It was several seconds before she took her head away, and she only did that when his hand slid up her dress to touch her breast. ‘There’ll be a patrol car along here any minute.’

  ‘So drive us some place private.’

  She gazed at him, and he got out and restarted the engine for her. Still she drove slowly, both hands on the wheel, the breeze ruffling her hair. They passed a turning leading down through the woods, and the automobile slowed, while Lew’s heart started to pound. Then it gathered speed again.

  ‘That’s a shame,’ he said. ‘I have an idea we could be good for each other.’

  ‘Yes,’ she said, and glanced at him. ‘Then be good for me, Lewis McGann. But don’t ask me to tell you when to stop. If you have to do that, then you’re not a gentleman, after all. And I intend to be a virgin on my wedding night.’

  *

  He realised that she had plucked victory out of the jaws of defeat. And was strangely happy about that. He kissed her again, this time standing up, when they reached her home. She kissed so simply. There was none of the constant, eager movement May had always exuded. She was a girl who would need to be awakened, because she really was a lady. But what a glorious prospect that suggested. ‘Maybe we could date again,’ he said.

  ‘Maybe we could.’ She smiled at him. ‘You have a couple more nights.’

  She went inside and closed the door, and he walked back to the barracks, hands in pockets and shoulders hunched, hastily standing straight to salute the duty officer when they encountered each other.

  ‘Say, didn’t you have a midnight pass?’ Dan asked. He was lying on his bed reading the text book on gunnery.

  ‘Yeah.’ Lew undressed.

  ‘Oh, heck. She didn’t stand you up?’

  ‘Oh, she did that.’ Lew lay down and turned his back on the room. But he had no intention of sleeping; he had some thinking to do.

  *

  ‘Tomorrow you will have completed your courses,’ said Captain Grant, studying their faces as he stood on the rostrum before them. ‘My staff and I would have liked to have a little more time to turn you into sailors, but there’s a war on, and you’re needed. I’m afraid your passing out parade is going to be as brief as your time here. So I’m going to wish you God speed, and tell you always to remember that you are fighting for the right. I am also breaking with tradition and assigning you to ships here and now.’ He looked at his list and began calling the names in alphabetical order. When he came to McGann he looked up; Lew was easy enough to spot. ‘Midshipman Lewis McGann, USS Carlton.’