Cruising

by Sean Ashcroft

  That caught my interest. “I never asked you what it was you did.”

  “I used to be a chef,” Andries said. “Now a restauranteur. I have plans to open new premises in New York in about eighteen months’ time, actually. You’ll have to come by.”

  Lee nudged me in the ribs, barely holding back laughter.

  He was still calling Andries my new boyfriend as though the man wasn’t happily married.

  “Come, sit,” Andries said. “Tyler tells me that Lee told him you went on a tour this morning. Was it educational?”

  “It was definitely windy,” I said, following Andries to a booth-style table that was open at both sides and sliding in next to Lee, our knees knocking together as we settled. “This is a beautiful place, though.”

  “And yet you won’t let me move out here and open a bar on the beach.”

  Andries laughed at that. “You may wish to hear Wellesley’s tales of woe before you decide that hospitality on a tiny, remote island is your true calling in life. Ah! The man himself.”

  I looked up to see a tall, bald man with a warm sparkle in his eyes approaching the table. Andries stood and embraced him, both men thumping each other on the back and laughing.

  “You made it,” the tall man—Wellesley, obviously—said in his rolling, local accent. “Tyler, good to see you again. And these two are…?”

  “Rowan,” I offered. “And this is Lee.”

  Lee waved and grinned just as brightly as Wellesley.

  “Lee was just telling us about his dream of opening a bar on the beach,” Andries teased. “I told him he ought to listen to a story or two from you before he committed.”

  Wellesley chuckled. “Oh, I could tell a tale or two,” he said, still grinning. “But it’s worth it. Look at what I wake up to every day.”

  We all paused to look out at the sea, gentle waves crashing on the shore, the protected cove sunny without the winds that buffeted most of the island constantly.

  It was beautiful.

  “And I have fish so fresh you could throw it back in the water and it’d swim off,” he added. “What more could I want?”

  “Better than Los Angeles?” Andries asked.

  “Quieter,” Wellesley said, still smiling.

  This was a man who looked perfectly at peace. Who’d settled on a place in the world and knew where he belonged. He was clearly also from here, though. That had to make it easier.

  Lee wasn’t seriously considering moving out here and opening a bar, and I wasn’t sure why I was so worried about the idea.

  “Still up for it, Lee?” Wellesley grinned at him. “You stay here with me and I’ll make you a very happy man.”

  Oh. Oh.

  Well. I supposed it made sense that a friend of Andries’ might not be straight.

  Lee blushed all the way from the collar of his t-shirt to the rise of his cheekbones and laughed, taking his hat off to run a hand through his curls.

  “That’s a generous offer,” he said, beaming broadly. “But, umm…” he paused, taking my hand and linking our fingers together. “Rowan already makes me a very happy man.”

  My heart and stomach chose that moment to race each other up my throat, a strange kind of panicky happiness welling up in my chest. It was just what he had to say in front of Andries and Tyler, and I knew it.

  All the same, it was nice to hear.

  Some unidentifiable part of me in the empty space my heart and stomach had left ached at the thought of someone saying that and meaning it.

  Lee saying it and meaning it.

  Our eyes met as I turned to him. I must have looked ridiculous, staring at him in awe as though I really was in love with him and floored by such a public statement of affection. But his eyes glittered as he smiled at me, broad and genuine, and my heart dropped back into my chest.

  For a half-second I thought he was going to kiss me, but the moment passed, and he didn’t, and I looked away awkwardly.

  “Sorry,” I said, looking back to Wellesley with a nervous smile. “I seem to have wooed him, somehow.”

  Wellesley laughed a full-body laugh, tilting his head back and splaying a broad hand across his chest. “There goes my second choice,” he said. “Forgive me if I try my hand again by making all four of you a meal you’ll never forget?”

  Andries chuckled. “I haven’t forgotten a single dish you’ve made for me and I likely won’t,” he said. “I’m sure these two will be equally seduced.”

  Wellesley laughed again, then turned and headed toward the kitchen.

  Lee's thumb stroked my hand absently. He hadn’t let go of me yet, and there was no subtle way to do it with an audience. I’d let him decide when he wanted to move.

  The smell of spices and charcoal wafted over to the table within minutes. My stomach had finally decided to stop worrying about feeling guilty and start worrying about how hungry I was.

  Lee had forgiven me, or he wouldn’t still have been holding my hand.

  “Premises in New York, you said?” Lee asked. “That must be exciting.”

  Tyler chuckled as Andries rolled his eyes, sitting back with a dramatic sigh. “There’s nothing worse than opening a new restaurant,” he said.

  “It’s very exciting, don’t let him tell you it’s not,” Tyler said.

  “You think that because you’re head taster,” Andries responded. “It’s exciting for you.”

  Tyler laughed and kissed Andries’ cheek, taking his hand as well.

  Lee let go of mine to pour from the jug of ice water in the middle of the table, serving each of us in turn without a word.

  The conversation dissolved into what we liked least about our jobs, when the most stressful times came up, and how we ought to get someone else to do them and come out to a place like this instead. Within minutes we were all laughing and talking over one another, the sort of thing I’d only ever seen people do when they were out.

  I made a mental note to thank my sister for this. She had been right. And leaving the person I normally was at home was working wonders for how much people liked me.

  I was confident and cheerful and maybe even a little witty and charming when I wasn’t biting my tongue, trying to avoid people noticing me at all if I could help it. The Rowan I’d left behind would never have agreed to go to lunch with two strangers—he wouldn’t have agreed to a game of chess with a stranger.

  He wouldn’t have let Lee hold his hand, either. Or been sitting in an as-yet unopened restaurant on the beach, being flirted with by a very attractive chef and having to turn him down in favor of a man he was only pretending to date.

  My head was spinning, but it was worth it. I hadn’t felt so alive in a long time. Even my face was starting to hurt from smiling and laughing by the time Wellesley returned, carrying a platter as wide as the table was long. He pulled up a chair from one of the tables near the center of the room to sit at the head with us.

  “Fish tacos, Caribbean style,” he announced proudly. “You can take the man out of Los Angeles, but you can never quite take Los Angeles out of the man.”

  “This,” Andries said, waving at the spread with delight in his eyes. “This is exactly what we were talking about. The right food in the right place.”

  “And with the right people,” Tyler added.

  “Yes.” Andries beamed across the table at all of us. “Very much the right people.”

  I reached out for a lime wedge that had been sitting in front of me and passed it to Lee, watching as he squeezed it over his taco and then sucked the rest of the juice out with enthusiasm.

  “Still think I’m in with a chance,” Wellesley teased as Lee made happy sounds on his first bite.

  “How long have you been a chef?” I asked casually, taking a first bite and almost whimpering myself. I was starving, but this was really good. Fresh and bright and maybe a little too hot for my pathetically dull palate, but delicious.

  Combined with the sound and salt of the ocean and the excellent company, I understood what
Andries meant about the right food in the right place.

  “A lucky thirteen years,” Wellesley grinned.

  “Well,” I said between mouthfuls. “I don’t pretend to be even close to your level, but if this is what makes Lee happy, I’ll take the time to learn.”

  Silence fell over the table. I glanced at Lee, wondering what I’d said that’d shut everyone up, and found him staring at me, lips parted in surprise.

  “He’s very lucky to have you,” Andries broke the silence. “And I don’t think you have any notion of how true that is.”

  “I do,” Lee said. “But don’t let on, or he might stop saying things like that.”

  The table burst into laughter again, leaving me wondering what was so unusual about wanting to make my partner happy when it was so easy.

  Ex-boyfriends of mine had wanted things that were impossible for me—they’d wanted me to be more exciting, to go clubbing or mountain biking. To jump into bed with them after two dates. One of them had wanted me to be shorter, which was the most impossible of all. None of them ever lasted more than a few weeks before giving up on me, and that was fine. I’d given up on me, too.

  But I could learn to cook. Anyone could if they were motivated and patient enough.

  Lee would have been so simple to keep happy. Not just simple, but fun. His happiness was infectious, making him smile was a reward in its own right.

  Conversation died down as we ate and complimented Wellesley, who clearly did know what he was doing. I still didn’t understand why Andries had invited two practical strangers to this once-in-a-lifetime experience, but I was glad he had.

  By the time we were done eating, Lee was glowing, leaning heavily against my side and resting his head against my shoulder.

  I liked that he was comfortable with me. Even after this morning.

  We chatted quietly about Wellesley’s plans for the place, the history and sights of the area, the other destinations on our itinerary—we were cruising all day tomorrow, but then stopping in Curaçao, an old Dutch territory that Wellesley teased should make Andries feel right at home.

  All the while, Lee rested against me, so close I could feel him breathing. Peace like I couldn’t remember feeling before settled over me, the crashing waves washing the last of my worries away and leaving me free to enjoy excellent company on a beautiful island paradise.

  I was starting to see why Lee had been joking about running away from it all to live here.

  Tyler eventually invited us all for a walk, but only Lee accepted, Andries and I pleading that we were too full to even consider moving for another hour. I watched them go, my gaze lingering on Lee as the two of them wandered down the beach, shoulders brushing from time to time as they laughed together.

  Like me, I got the feeling Lee needed to make new friends. Better friends. Tyler seemed like the kind of friend he needed to have.

  “He used to be an underwear model,” Andries said.

  “Lee?” I asked, confused.

  Andries chuckled. “Tyler,” Andries corrected. “That’s why he looks so familiar.”

  Ah. I had thought he was familiar-looking on the first day we’d met, but I’d almost forgotten that I’d recognized him before I knew him.

  “You must get that all the time.”

  Andries shrugged, sipping at his glass of dry white wine—the perfect cap on a wonderful afternoon. “It’s hard to tell whether people recognize him or whether they’re just looking,” he said. “He’s a very attractive man.”

  “He is,” I agreed, and he was. “He’s also lovely. You both are. I have to thank you for all this.”

  A warm smile spread over Andries’ face, his strange, pale brown eyes glittering almost the way Lee's did when he was genuinely happy.

  “I should warn you,” he said. “Tyler and I take a very open approach to our relationship. He likes Lee very much. But of course would never approach without knowing his advances were welcomed by both of you.”

  I had no idea what to say to that.

  I’d never even considered the possibility of what Andries was suggesting. Had Lee? Would he want that?

  The fact that we weren’t really dating only made it more complicated. I couldn’t answer for Lee, but I also couldn’t answer for myself, because I didn’t know if he wanted this.

  “You haven’t discussed this,” Andries said. “Which is understandable, most people haven’t. I have no intention of pushing, but I think the conversation is always worth having.”

  “You don’t get jealous?” I asked, and then immediately realized it was the kind of question Andries probably fielded every time he told someone.

  “I’m sorry.” I sipped my wine, still getting over the surprise.

  “No need to apologize.” Andries sat back, nodding to the shrinking silhouettes of Lee and Tyler as they walked along the sand, still laughing and talking. “But look at him. He’s happy. I love him with all my heart, my fondest wish is that he should always be happy. Indulging in a new relationship is exciting.”

  Was it? Perhaps for Andries and Tyler, it was.

  Personally, I spent the entire time wondering how long it’d be until it ended. Which may have explained why my love life was such a barren landscape.

  “I should make it clear that I am also interested,” Andries said.

  “In Lee?” I asked. No surprise there. He was beautiful, and his smiles lit up a room, and he clearly took care of himself. Everyone seemed to be interested in Lee.

  Andries smiled wryly. “In you, actually,” he said.

  What?

  I blinked at him, wine glass halfway to my mouth, heat climbing up the back of my neck.

  What?

  “You don’t think so little of me that I’d drag you out here just so my husband could have a chance to make his feelings known to your boyfriend, do you?” Andries raised an eyebrow.

  “I…”

  “Haven’t discussed it, I know,” Andries said cheerfully.

  “I was going to say I’m flattered,” I murmured, draining the last of my wine only to have my glass refilled the moment I put it down.

  “I should also make it clear that my friendship does not hinge on either of you choosing to sleep with either of us,” Andries said, more seriously. “I would be honored to call you a friend regardless. I think we’re very alike, you and I, and I am always eager to make a friend.”

  What Andries saw in me, I had no idea, but I liked that he saw something. In my entire life I could hardly remember anyone seeking me out like this, making an effort to befriend me.

  “I’d like to think of us as friends,” I said, sipping from my refilled wine glass. “I’ll talk to Lee. But umm. Whatever we decide… if I’d met you while we were both single, I wouldn’t have hesitated.”

  Andries was charming, attractive, settled, and obviously a man of excellent taste. Anyone who caught his eye would have been lucky to have him.

  But my mind was wandering back to Lee.

  “That is very flattering,” Andries said, warm smile fully back in place. “Thank you.”

  10

  Lee

  “I told you so.” I grinned, shuffling closer to Rowan on the lounge he’d snagged for the two of us in one of the busier bars on the ship and sipping my beer.

  “You did,” Rowan sighed. “You’ve earned the right to gloat. But you still haven’t told me what Tyler said to you.”

  “He was very charming,” I said, remembering him looking at me from under his eyelashes, biting his lip, laughing shyly. “Said he didn’t want me to feel pressured, especially since our relationship is so new.”

  Rowan snorted. “Fake, you mean.”

  I sipped my beer, trying to swallow down the sting of hearing that along with it. It was true. It was an objective fact that I wasn’t really dating Rowan. I’d asked him to pretend to be dating me, this whole situation was my doing.

  Still hurt to be reminded that he wasn’t really into me.

  “He doesn’t know th
at,” I said.

  Which was a lie.

  I’d caved under pressure and the promise of a willing ear to listen to my Rowan-related woes. Tyler knew everything, which meant Andries did, too. I’d sworn him to secrecy and explained what was going on, and despite not knowing either of them all that well, I trusted them with my secret.

  After all, I was the only one who was going to be embarrassed by this.

  I’d also told him, gently, that I wasn’t interested. Under normal circumstances I absolutely would have been, but I’d had to confess to my huge, embarrassing crush on Rowan and admit that I had no idea what to do about it.

  Tyler's advice had been to just tell him, which sounded so simple in theory but so hard in real life. What if he really wasn’t interested? Why would he be interested in someone like me?

  All I had going for me was that I was pretty. Rowan didn’t go for pretty, he didn’t care about pretty. He wasn’t Craig.

  He was everything I’d told Craig he was. Kind and funny and a good listener and gentle and shy and perfect. So perfect that being near him felt so good it hurt.

  “So do you… want to?” Rowan asked. “I wasn’t sure what to say. Andries just assumed we’d never discussed it.”

  “Well, we haven’t,” I pointed out. “Do you wanna be poly?”

  “I have enough trouble managing one relationship,” Rowan said. “More than one sounds exhausting.”

  I hummed, sipping my beer again. I’d never really thought about it, either.

  Craig calling me a slut rang in my ears again. That wasn’t what it was, and there was nothing wrong with having sex with multiple people as long as no one was getting hurt, but…

  I’d always wanted to be someone’s one-and-only. Andries and Tyler seemed so happy with their arrangement, but I wasn’t sure that was for me.

  Besides, I wanted Rowan.

  “What about you?” Rowan asked. “How do you feel about it?”

  I feel like I can’t stop thinking about you.

  “Jesus, does he have a sixth sense about where you are?” Rowan asked, saving me from having to say that I didn’t want to sleep with a beautiful, charming man who clearly liked me because I was already falling for a shy, quiet one who might not have.