Paragons of Ether

by Ryan Muree

  More tears spilled over, and sobs bubbled up from her chest. It was just the stress of trying to find Cayn. It was the fear of being caught. Everything was catching up to her. That’s all.

  “Clove, I’ll never understand why I wasn’t good enough for you—”

  “That’s not it!”

  Why couldn’t she find the words? She’d managed to hold a gun to Adalai’s head, think rapidly while flying, but this… This was too much. Her brain couldn’t find the words to respond with how she felt. She didn’t even know how she felt.

  “You’re doing nothing wrong,” she said. “It’s my problem.”

  He inhaled deeply. “I’ve always been right by your side. And even though I think you’re being a little selfish about where I’m at while you do whatever you want, I wouldn’t want to be by anyone else. I’ll always be by your side. No matter what. But being by your side means I can help, even with this type of stuff—”

  She shook her head, trying to shake off the frustration and the hurt and the guilt. He should be angry. He should be furious at her. He’d be easier to face if he was angry.

  “You won’t admit it, but we’re stronger together,” he said. “We always have been. We make each other better, and that’s what matters. Having you in my life is more important than not having you in it just because I want more. I’ll take whatever you can give on your terms, but don’t ask me to keep sitting by, practically like family, watching you do whatever you do, and say that your happiness is not my business. Not after all we’ve been through together.”

  She didn’t want him to be right.

  That was the most infuriating thing. He was so damn right.

  She headed back for the room they’d rented, and he followed.

  “Am I allowed to make my case? Am I allowed to speak to you as a friend or a brother about Jahree?” he asked

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  She didn’t know why. She’d been afraid she was hurting him, that he’d known, and he still didn’t want to run away screaming from her. He was too much, too nice.

  “I’m going to say it anyway.” He was at her heels, talking to her back. “Whatever he thinks he can promise you, he can’t. And that’s not my jealousy or anything. It’s fact. We’re Ingini. He’s Revelian. You two have very different goals. Do you really think what he wants for his future is the same as what you want?”

  “I’m not doing this for a future with him,” she blurted over her shoulder, still storming back for the room. She wanted to get out of the streets. She wanted to be safe while she contemplated what was happening. “There might not be a future, so why plan it?”

  “And there might be, so why ignore it?” Mack asked.

  She yanked open the door to the apartment building, stomped up the stairs, and grabbed for the door to their room. She let it slam shut behind her and made for her lounge chair in the window she’d claimed as her spot.

  She needed a nap. She needed a drink. She needed to be alone for a while.

  She needed Cayn.

  Chapter 22

  Endov Sea — North Revel

  Emeryss opened her eyes and found her mother sleeping at the wheel. She stretched and groaned. The cold, damp morning bit at her fingers and nose.

  They’d slowed tremendously, but her mother had needed the sleep as much as she did. She was the stubborn one to refuse it in the first place.

  Crawling out from the side of the boat, Emeryss stood squarely behind the sail, balanced her feet, and let the veil of ether fall around her.

  Gust.

  The wind blew, filling the sail and pushing them forward at a decent speed again.

  Her mother woke with a jolt, wiping her eyes and looking around for the culprit. “We’re still moving, right?”

  “We are now. Water?” Emeryss had bent over, grabbed the pouch of water from her bag, and offered it to her mother.

  She took it and drank a decent amount. “We’re almost there.” She pointed out at the horizon where a flat island sat out of place from the rest of the world.

  Emeryss couldn’t handle the crouched position on the floor of the boat any longer, so she made do with the stool at the wheel instead.

  “Are we going to talk about this boy—young man, I mean?” Her mother was focused on the stitching of the pouch.

  “Why? When I said yesterday that you’ve never been interested in that stuff before, I meant it.”

  “I’m interested now.”

  “Why? You’re never interested in Ben or Del.”

  “Del is a child still. Everyone knows about the poor girl Ben has been chasing for years. And I got that boy to marry Issolia.”

  “That’s not a defense, Mom. That’s terrible.”

  “Why?”

  “Because what if Issolia’s husband wasn’t ready? What if he didn’t want to? What if he wasn’t sure?”

  “Then he shouldn’t have done it.”

  Her mother was impossible. “You’re intimidating. You’re this dominating personality, and he probably couldn’t say no to you.”

  Her mother smiled as if proud of the compliment Emeryss hadn’t intended.

  “If he gave in to me and didn’t really want it, then he’s weak,” her mother said.

  “And you hate the weak. How could you let him marry Issolia?”

  Her mother shrugged. “Because he was scared, and he made her happy.”

  He made her happy? Since when did her mother care anything about her children’s happiness? Happiness was something false to chase after. Happiness was fleeting. It was illogical and impractical to make decisions based on happiness alone. That’s what her mother had always said.

  “What happened to you?” Emeryss glared. “Or is it just because it was Issolia?”

  Her mother lowered her gaze before rising to stand at the back of the boat. “We should be there in a few hours, I think.”

  So, an admission of her favoritism toward her sister? Or something else?

  Emeryss cast Gust again and sped up the boat. A few hours to getting this over with was not soon enough.

  The island was close.

  It was flat on top like a plateau floating in the center of the ocean, but there were clouds hiding what was precisely up there. The steep, vertical sides were harsh and jagged as if carved from some giant. The shore was thin, and the waves lapped gently.

  It was sort of unbelievable the place existed, even though it was staring back at them. How could a Goddess be waiting up there for them? For anyone? It seemed so… unimportant.

  She thought she’d feel something different just being in its presence, but maybe it wasn’t the Goddess’s knowledge that drove people crazy. Maybe it was the fact there was no Goddess there at all.

  Her heart thudded.

  She’d never doubted it before, but what if there was no Goddess up there at all, and her hope of saving Neeria and Revel and all her friends was a lost cause?

  Her mother readied the rope, found a small sturdy rock to tie it around, and pulled them up to the shore.

  If the Goddess wasn’t real, then this was all for nothing. Everything they believed in… Everything they’d wished and prayed for…

  “Let’s go.” Her mother pointed.

  The shore was relatively small. They could walk around the whole thing in ten minutes. It was just… tall. Neck-achingly tall.

  Emeryss squinted at the top again, shielding her eyes from the sun.

  “Do you think there’s a path?” her mother asked.

  “Maybe.”

  Maybe there was nothing because this was nothing. Maybe this was one of those things where the journey was the message and the destination didn’t matter.

  She struggled to breathe. Had the air thinned around her? There wasn’t enough of it.

  No. This wasn’t for nothing. The Goddess would be here, and she would help them.

  She gathered her bag and stepped off onto the island.

  “Do you feel like we were lied to?”
Her mother asked as she grabbed her own bag from the boat and joined her.

  “About what?” Had she been thinking the same things?

  “Everyone has always said the Ori’dhai is dangerous. It was just long and boring.”

  “Maybe it’s to deter people.”

  “From meeting the Goddess?”

  Emeryss shrugged. “Maybe it’s difficult mentally and not physically.”

  “This was easy.” Her mother chuckled. “Those old oracles don’t know a thing about difficult.”

  “You’re absolutely right, Mother,” Emeryss quipped, and then walked along the shore ahead of her.

  “You think this was hard?” her mother asked from behind.

  Emeryss stopped and spun. “Yes. It was very hard.”

  Her mother went to laugh at her.

  “I can’t take it anymore!” she shouted. “You’re mean. You’re just mean. I don’t know if you think you’re being encouraging or helpful, but you’re mean. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe the others can take it and I can’t, but I don’t care. This trip was extremely difficult because I had several opportunities to leave you behind, and you just don’t know when to stop.”

  Her mother’s dark eyebrows drew in together. “Stop?”

  “Yes, stop!” Emeryss waved her hands at her. “You don’t listen to me. You disagree with everything I say. You think every decision I make is the wrong decision. You think I’m weak. You think I’m too strong. You pretend to care about my private life, but you were angry I came home to the only home and family I had. I can’t make you happy.”

  “It’s not your job to make me happy.” Her mother crossed her arms.

  No, but she apparently worried about making Issolia happy. Emeryss walked ahead along the shore. “When this is over, I’m leaving.”

  “Leaving to where?” her mother demanded.

  Emeryss scanned the rocks and side of the island for a path or any markings leading to where they should go. The top? That made the most sense. “Leaving Neeria.”

  “For that man?”

  Emeryss groaned loudly and spun. “I don’t know, but I clearly don’t fit in at home anymore. I’ll find somewhere, if not with him, and then you can go on ruining Del’s life with your condescending judgments and disrespecting the name she prefers—”

  “You think I ruined your life?” For the first time, her mother hadn’t sounded cold or harsh. Her mother sounded stung.

  It was an odd sensation twisting within in. Guilt panged in her chest automatically, but she had nothing to feel guilty for, right? “No, but it’s impossible to grow beside you.”

  Her mother tilted her head.

  “There’s no room for mistakes, no room for choices, good or bad. Every decision is met with negative reactions despite how good of a decision it was. There’s a whole world out there who hates us. They don’t know us, and they hate us for being less and insignificant. I can’t stay here and get the same thing from you.”

  “You think I hate you?” Her mother’s voice had trembled.

  No.

  She didn’t think she hated her. “I think… you find me insignificant, less than, a mouth to feed and not a whole person.”

  “Em…”

  “Why wouldn’t I think that?”

  “If you have it too easy, if you get life handed to you, you’ll grow up thinking it’s owed to you. You’ll grow up thinking the world must bend for you, and that’s not how it works.”

  “I’m already grown up!” she yelled. “I’m not a kid, and nothing was ever easy. We’re Neerian, for Goddess’s sake. And I may not have to make you happy, but I can’t live with you always being unhappy with me either.”

  “Your father was just as tough with you—”

  “No, he’s not. And it’s different.” Emeryss squeezed her eyes shut and tried to walk away. She couldn’t. “He’s tough, yes, but you’re cold. And you’re right, the way you raised me made me expect nothing and work hard for everything. But at some point, I would like to know that I’m not just a ridgeback strung on a line for you to carve and hack away at until I’m useful. I would like to know that not everything I’ve become is a disappointment.”

  “Emmy…” Her mother’s voice cracked.

  “This can’t be a surprise to you. We’ve fought my whole life—”

  “It’s not a surprise,” her mother whispered. “But, I thought you respected me. I thought…”

  “You thought I was Issolia.” She wiped away tears before they could fall. “I’m not Issolia. That’s not me.” Emeryss turned back and walked farther along the shore, focusing on the pattern of the rocks shifting in the cliffside.

  Her words had been like a wave that broke and couldn’t stop rolling forward.

  “I don’t want you to be Issolia.”

  Emeryss shook her head.

  “I want you to be Emmy, but I’m scared for you. You are a ridgeback, and there’s no taming you.”

  “I’m not supposed to be tamed. I’m my own person, not a pet or a meal.”

  Her mother snorted. “I know that. That’s not what I meant. Everything I did was out of fear—”

  Emeryss stopped and turned. “Maybe it should have been out of love.”

  Her mother’s eyes softened.

  Maybe she’d been too harsh. But no. She’d endured so much bickering and negativity.

  Here she was trying to do the right thing to save her people and her family...

  She needed to focus on something other than her mother, on what she was there to do.

  Her eyes caught a pattern in the rocks, and as they wound their way around the island, the formation of the rocks… moved. They actually moved, gradually turning from vertical to horizontal.

  A foothold. A stair.

  Emeryss stepped onto it.

  It gave a little with her weight, and she stopped and looked around before stepping up for the next stair. It gave a little, too, but continued hovering.

  Her heart picked up its pace.

  Her mother stepped up on the first one behind her.

  Emeryss continued, careful to keep her balance as more stairs turned and revealed themselves higher up the island wall.

  Slowly but surely, Emeryss and her mother made for the top—one mystical step at a time.

  Clouds passed between them and over the island, blocking their view of the surface.

  When Emeryss stepped out and onto the packed dirt, the clouds had barely dissipated. It was damp, cool, but not cold, and it was silent. Perfectly silent.

  Her mother stepped onto the island behind her.

  There was something… She could feel it.

  “Hello?” She swallowed, doubting if announcing hello was largely appropriate when addressing a Goddess.

  The longer the silence, the deeper the pit in her stomach. Tethers to what she knew and what she’d thought were loosening.

  Emeryss’s mother mumbled something under her breath, something about feeling like it was the edge of the world.

  And that’s exactly what it felt like.

  It was like she was staring out over the edge of a cliff she had to build the courage to jump off of. It was like knowing what was coming without knowing anything at all.

  They inched deeper onto the clouded island.

  “Emeryss, be careful,” her mother whispered.

  She licked her dry lips and tried again. “I am Emeryss from Neeria,” she called out. “I’ve completed the Ori’dhai. I’ve come to speak with Shenna, the Evergreen, the Goddess of Death, Mercy, and Ingenuity.”

  There was silence, save for her mother’s small breaths behind her.

  Not even the wind made a sound.

  “Hello?” she shouted, her voice shaking. “I am Emeryss from Neeria—”

  “I know who you are.” A woman’s voice had come from the clouds beside them.

  Chapter 23

  Island of Amme

  Emeryss’s breath hitched as the vaporous clouds parted between them.

 
; The Goddess stood no taller than her and her mother. Her red-brown hair with streaks of gray was tied back into a loose bun. Her eyes were violet, her stare soft. She wore a skirt with wood and metal trinkets dangling like wind chimes. The fabrics wrapped around her shoulders were from a different time. Her hands were folded neatly in front of her.

  Emeryss dropped to her knees; her mother, as well.

  Her heart could have ruptured from her chest. “G-Goddess of Death, Mercy—”

  “Shenna’s fine.” She gestured for her to stand.

  Emeryss rose from the ground, while her mother continued reciting prayers behind her. “I’ve come to ask for your help.”

  Shenna walked closer, nodding slowly.

  “We’re in trouble. The world is in trouble. The oracle said it’s the end of the world—”

  “The oracle is wrong,” Shenna said matter of factly.

  “She’s… She’s…”

  “Well, she’s wrong about some things.” Shenna’s gaze was warm. “This is definitely the end of something, and Neeria will probably be destroyed if you don’t stop this, but it’s not the end of the world.”

  Emeryss blinked, barely able to grasp she was speaking with her Goddess and getting an actual response. She was real. She was here.

  “I-I don’t mean to be rude, but…” Emeryss exhaled her nerves slowly. “How do you know for certain? If they come and kill my people, destroy our homes and livelihood, it’s the same to me—”

  “If it was the end of the world,” Shenna said, taking Emeryss’s hands in hers, “you would have brought more people with you.”

  More people?

  More people?

  “I don’t understand.”

  “You can’t save the world alone. It takes four more people—”

  “Seriously?” Emeryss blurted, then composed herself. “You’re not going to help save my family, my friends, because I didn’t bring enough people with me?”

  Shenna’s eyebrows met in the middle. It was done out of pity. “I can’t save the world, Emeryss. Not alone. And it’s not because I don’t want to. It’s because it’s not necessary.”