by Katie Knight
“Mommy?” a small voice said from down the hall. “I’m hungry.”
Lila laughed quietly against the base of his throat, her warm breath stirring an entirely different kind of fire in his blood. “Guess you’ve got your answer, huh?”
He kissed her deep and fast, then let her go to push to his feet. “Best make my boy some breakfast, eh?”
“You’re going to cook?” She gave him a sceptical stare.
“Yes, ma’am.” He grinned and headed down the hall to scoop up Parker. “First though, a bath for both of us.”
His son’s delighted squeals echoed through the cabin.
After getting cleaned up and dressed, Preston started mixing up pancakes while Lila and Parker played in the living room. He’d just put on a pan of bacon to go with them when his phone rang again.
Stomach nosediving to his toes, he answered his phone with one hand, holding it between his cheek and shoulder as he flipped pancakes with the other. No doubt in his mind who it was. His CO. “What did you hear back?”
“The higher ups say you can return to your mission,” James said. “Or…”
Preston lived and died in those few seconds as he waited for his CO to continue. Finally, he couldn’t take it any longer. “Or?”
“There’s an open trainer position on the Amphib base in Coronado. There’s a lot of paperwork that would need to be re-done and a bunch of red tape to get through to return you to the land of the living. It won’t be easy and I guarantee there’ll be more than a few unpleasant hiccups along the way, but it’s not impossible. It would also mean reverting back to your old last name.”
Dropping his voice low, Preston shut off the stove and turned away to avoid being overheard from the living room. “What about the terrorists? Who’s going to catch them?”
“Contrary to what you might think, son, there are other SEALs and other people capable of handling things.” James chuckled. “Maybe not as good as you, but we get the job done. Anyway, it’s up to you. You have until tomorrow morning to make your decision. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s the right option for you.”
The call ended, and Preston stood staring out the window over the sink for a long moment. Part of him wanted to call James back and tell him to hell with his mission, he was staying with Lila and Parker and taking the trainer job. But the other part of him, the dutiful solider who’d never consider leaving a job incomplete, railed against shirking his duty. Lives could be lost in the transition from his leadership of the mission to a new head operative. But was it worth going overseas again if it risked the new life he’d found with Lila and Parker? A life filled with love and hope. A life he'd never dreamed he’d have.
He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn’t hear Lila come up behind him in the kitchen.
“Who was that on the phone?” she asked. Preston turned to find her frowning up at him, her expression concerned. “Is it about Dom?”
“What? No.” He shook his head and turned the burners on the stove up again. “It was nothing.”
Lila crossed her arms. “From the way you’re acting, it doesn’t seem like nothing.”
“I’m fine.” Now it was his turn to scowl. “Can you set the table, please? Breakfast will be ready in a minute.”
She watched him closely for a moment, tapping her stockinged toe against the hardwood floor. “You’re hiding something. I can tell. I don’t know what it is yet, but I’ll find out. I don’t like secrets.”
He opened his mouth to respond, but she’d already turned away.
As Preston finished up the pancakes and bacon and put them on plates to serve, he couldn’t help thinking that he didn’t like secrets either. Secrets caused nothing but pain and remorse, in his experience. Secrets had no place in his future, once he decided exactly what that future would be.
Twenty-Seven
By the time they sat down for breakfast, Lila had lost any appetite she might’ve had and felt like a nervous wreck. Which was stupid. So stupid. She’d gone into this whole thing with Preston knowing he’d leave after the holidays. Even though he hadn’t yet said that he was going, she knew that was what his phone call must have been about. He wasn’t staying. He couldn’t stay.
No matter how much she wished he would.
“Daddy, bacon!” Parker said, pointing at the plate at the centre of the table.
Lila reached over and grabbed a piece for him then tucked his napkin into the collar of his superhero PJs to act as a makeshift bib.
“Do you like what Santa brought you?” she asked her son, hoping he wouldn’t pick up on the tension now simmering between her and Preston. “You got a lot of new toys to play with, huh?”
“Yeah,” Parker said around a bite of bacon. “Bulltozer.”
She chuckled. Clara and the twins had bought him a plastic dump truck as a gift and had tried to teach him to call it a bulldozer. He was getting closer, anyway.
Preston took off the apron he’d been wearing and sat down at the table beside Lila. They’d not said a word since her comment earlier about secrets and the awkwardness between them was thick enough to cut with a knife. It felt like a slap in the face after the intimacy they’d shared the past couple of days and she hated it. Even more so since Preston would most likely be gone soon and all she’d have left of him would be these memories. She should make the most of the time they had left, regardless of how her heart was breaking.
“Thanks for making breakfast,” she said around a bit of food. “These pancakes are awesome.”
He sighed and jabbed his fork into a piece of bacon. “Mayo.”
“Excuse me?” she halted mid-bite.
“Mayonnaise. It’s my secret ingredient,” he said, sounding about as enthused as a kid on the naughty list. “Makes them super fluffy.”
“Super fluffy!” Parker repeated from across the table, his chin sticky with syrup. “Yay!”
“Wow. I never would’ve guessed it.” Lila swallowed, sticking to the safe, unimportant subject for fear she’d shatter into a million pieces if she brought up what she was really thinking about—namely him vanishing from their lives forever. “You can’t taste it.”
Preston gave a one shoulder shrug, pushing his food around on his plate and frowning. “Look, Lila. About that call I got.”
Her chest squeezed with stress and she held up a hand. “No. Don’t tell me. Whatever it is, it’s fine.” Then a new idea occurred. “Unless it’s about Dom and Anthony. It’s not them, is it? Because if they’ve escaped or been released on bail or something, then we need to—”
“It’s not that. As far as I know they won’t get out on the streets again for a long, long time.” He sat back in his seat and pushed his half-eaten plate away. “It was my CO, Lila.”
His statement, so simple, had tears stinging the backs of her eyes. Dammit. She wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t. She wasn’t some silly young girl anymore, mooning over her first love. Now she was a grown woman, with a child of her own who depended on her. She couldn’t fall to pieces again. So, she blinked hard and forced a smile she didn’t feel. “Let’s talk about that after we’re done eating, eh?”
She gave a pointed glance in Parker’s direction then looked back at Preston, who nodded.
Lila finished her pancakes, but she could’ve been eating wood for all she tasted them. Finally, Parker ate his fill then asked to be excused so he could go into the living room and play. After wiping his sticky face down with a wet dishcloth, she sent him on his merry way.
After a deep breath, Lila straightened and turned to Preston once more. “When do you leave?”
He exhaled slow. “They wanted me back at the base in Coronado tomorrow.”
Heart aching, she nodded and stared down at the table. “I see. That’s fast.”
“Yeah.”
“But that’s probably good,” she continued, squaring her shoulders and doing her best to be brave. “Best to end it quickly. I can handle things here at the cabin and Parker won’t even rememb
er you after a few weeks, so yes. It’s all good.”
Except it didn’t feel good. In fact, it felt very, very bad.
Awful.
She blinked hard against the tears in her eyes and carried her plate over to the sink. Dammit. She needed to hold it together a little longer, for Parker’s sake. It was the holidays. Her little boy deserved nothing but laughter and fun and joy right now, not a mother who was broken by sadness and longing for the one man she loved and had to let go.
“Lila, please…” Preston followed her to the sink. “You didn’t let me finish.”
“That’s because I know what you’re going to say.” She flipped on the water and rinsed her plate. “You’re leaving and we’ll never see you again. Been there, done that, know the routine by now. Look, it hurts bad enough to say goodbye. Don’t make it worse for by making me talk about it endlessly. And yes, I know it’s stupid for me to have fallen in love with you again, knowing you weren’t going to stay, and I’m sorry, but—”
Preston reached in front of her and shut off the water then took her wet hand in his and turned her to face him. “Say that again.”
“I’m sorry, but—”
“No, the other part.” He crouched slightly to put them at eye level.
At her wits end now, she snapped at him. “Of course, I love you, dumb as it is. I wouldn’t have slept with you otherwise.”
He straightened and scowled. “Why is loving me dumb?”
“Because you’re leaving.” She swiped the back of her hand across her damp cheeks, unable to hold back her tears now. “I knew that, knew I had to guard my heart so I wouldn’t get hurt again, and I still fell. That’s the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. And I’m a lot of things Preston Lawson or Fleischer, or whatever the hell you’re calling yourself now, but I’m not crazy. I’m—”
Whatever she’d been about to say next was cut off by his kiss.
At first she tried to push him away, but fighting her deep and abiding feelings for him was like trying to stop a tsunami. Soon, she was clutching the front of his T-shirt with one hand while she wrapped the other around the nape of his neck wanting to hold him as close as possible for as long as possible.
By the time he finally pulled back, they were both out of breath. Parker was singing to himself in the living room, oblivious to their make out session, which was good.
“You’re not crazy,” Preston whispered against her forehead before kissing it. “I might be though. As I was saying before, I talked to my CO. He said that originally, they wanted me back at the base in Coronado tomorrow to deploy on another black ops mission, but I asked James if there was any way I could get out of it. He mentioned some kind of trainer position or something.”
“Wait.” The blood pounded loud in her ears and time seemed to slow as she looked up at him. “What?”
“I love you too, Lila. You and Parker.” He took a deep breath. “I never expected to find you again. Never expected to have a family of my own, yet here I am. It’s a miracle. A Christmas miracle. And now that I’ve found you both, I never want to let you go again.”
“What about your mission?” she asked, not allowing herself to get too excited about it yet. “What about the mole you’re hunting?”
“I’ve been thinking a lot about that. Thinking about what my CO said too.”
“Which was?”
“He said I’m not the only SEAL in the world. Someone else can take over this mission, see justice done. In the meantime, he’s looking into having the records corrected, It’s a long process and there can be complications and headaches with it. He said I’d have to leave the SEALs, at least in an active-duty capacity.”
“Oh.” She lowered her head to rest it against his chest. Preston loved being a SEAL, almost as much as he loved her and Parker. Leaving that life behind would be incredibly hard for him. “I’m sorry.”
He chuckled, the low sound rumbling through his chest to her ear, warming her from the inside out. “No need to be sorry. I’m actually ready for that part of my life to be over. Honestly, I was ready the moment I saw you and Parker outside your cabin that first day. Since then all I could think about was how to stay here, with you, and have you guys be my world.”
“So?” Lila looked up at him, not daring to believe what he was saying. “Your mission?”
“It can be someone else’s now. I’m staying in San Diego while I brief whoever takes over for me. There’s a trainer job open at the Amphib base in Coronado and my CO will recommend me for it. All I have to do is give him the word. I wanted to talk it over with you first though. To make sure that’s what you wanted too. We can take things slow and start with dating, if that makes you feel more—”
This time it was Lila who cut him off by kissing him—long and deep. She threw her arms around his neck and hoisted herself up, wrapping her legs around his waist and holding him close. Her heart felt full to bursting with happiness. She never wanted to let him go and now she wouldn’t have to.
“Yes,” she said, pulling back to smile. “Yes! To dating, to living together in San Diego, to whatever you want. I love you, Preston Lawson, and I always will. I’m yours, now and forever.”
“Daddy!” Parker called, running in from the living room to latch on to Preston’s leg. “Pick up!”
Laughing, Preston bent down and scooped Parker up in one arm while holding on to Lila with the other. The three of them stood hugging in the kitchen while Christmas carols played in the background and the tree twinkled brightly in the other room and snow fell lightly outside.
Lila couldn’t ever remember feeling more blessed in her life. Finally she had all the people she loved together again and it was going to be the best holiday ever. She kissed her son’s head, then kissed Preston softly. “I love you.”
He held both her and Parker closer and kissed them each on the head. “And I love you guys, too. Now let’s get these dishes cleaned up so we can go sledding again.”
Epilogue
Christmas, one year later…
“Honey, can you grab the rest of the groceries from the car, please, while I get Parker settled?” Lila called from the hallway of the cabin.
They were back at the lodge again this year. It seemed fitting, given this was the location that had brought them back together again at last. When she’d called to make the reservation, Tom and Nancy had been thrilled. They’d even set up the Christmas tree and decorations in the place to look exactly as they had the year prior, when she and Preston had been reunited.
“Got ‘em,” he said, tromping inside, his arms loaded with bags. The snow was coming down sideways with the wind and they were lucky to have arrived when they did. From what she’d heard on the radio driving up here, the roads up into the mountains were getting more treacherous by the hour and chances were good they’d be snowed in for the next couple of days. Lila wasn’t bothered at all. They had all the supplies they needed and she couldn’t imagine two more perfect people to get cabin fever with.
“Where do you want this stuff?” Preston asked, wiped the slush off his boots on the Santa rug by the door.
“Kitchen’s fine for now. I’ll go through them later and put it all away after I get Parker out of his snowsuit.” The kid was three now and into everything. Lila didn’t have time to go to the gym, and it was fine because she got more than enough exercise keeping up with her son.
As she followed Parker into his room and began peeling off his layers of outerwear she couldn’t stop smiling. Life was good. Preston loved his trainer position and she loved the fact that he had normal, danger-free hours and came home to her every night. They’d taken a good chunk of the money she’d gotten from the sale of her uncle’s place and bought a house of their own in Imperial Beach. It was close to the base and the schools were good, for when Parker was ready to start. For right now, he was in pre-school and loving it.
“Go outside,” Parker said, once she’d pulled off the
knit hat and scarf covering his mouth. He gave his mother a stubborn stare. “Build a snowman.”
“No. Not right now. You were just out there. It’s cold.” With the wind gusting, temperatures had dropped significantly. She unzipped his bulky down snowsuit and wrangled his arms out of it. “Stay inside for now and play with your toys. Maybe Daddy can help you build that spaceship thing he bought.”
“Oh, yeah!” Parker grinned. “I’m an alien.”
“You are?” She slid off his boots then helped him get his legs out of the snowsuit before straightening and kissing him on the head. “You look like a cute little boy to me.”
“Yuck, Mommy!” He wrinkled his nose and swatted her away. Going to school and being around the other kids had made him more independent and while it hurt her heart a little bit that he was growing up so fast, she also couldn’t have been happier to see him growing into himself. “Go find Daddy now.”
He took off out of the room and she shook her head, folding his stuff and putting it away before wandering back down the hall to find her two guys in the living room. Preston was starting a fire in the fireplace and Parker was chattering happily while opening up the building block set for the spaceship from his favourite sci-fi movie. Lila didn’t think there was anything that could make things more perfect.
Well, almost anything.
She placed her hand over her abdomen and smiled, then walked to the kitchen to unpack and put away their supplies while Preston watched Parker. Once that was done, she grabbed the bag of wrapped gifts they’d brought and put them under the tree. It was Christmas Eve, after all and they’d be heading to the lodge later to see all their old friends and make some new ones. She couldn’t wait to see Tom and Nancy again. Clara and the twins too. When she’d called to make the reservation, Nancy had mentioned Clara had a new boyfriend this year, so Lila was excited to meet him too.
Before they did all that though, there was one gift she wanted to give Preston right now, in private.