Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? On the Side: Sword Oratoria, Vol. 5

by Fujino Omori, Kiyotaka Haimura

  “W-we’re so sorry!!” the voices chorused once again.

  The goddess’s ice-cold scowl was enough to inform them that they’d crossed a line, and every single god in the room quickly brought their forehead to the table in fervent apology.

  Loki would surely bring about the destruction of anyone and everyone who’d dare give one of her adorable children a disgraceful name. Her love for them was just that strong.

  The gods had incurred the wrath of the most influential god in all of Orario, and their fear of being sent back to heaven was enough to force them to their knees in concession.

  “Really now. You should learn to pick yer fights better. Anyway, let’s carry on…” She cleared her throat, turning over Aiz’s report with a little flick and glancing down at the final piece of parchment. “We have only one left, it seems.”

  The profile now reflected in her eyes belonged to a decidedly nervous-looking human boy.

  So that shorty’s brat actually managed to level up, huh?

  Her brows furrowed as she saw the words Hestia Familia beneath his image.

  Honestly, it wasn’t too big a surprise, considering the small goddess herself was participating in the month’s Denatus, but it didn’t mean Loki had to like it.

  No, definitely not.

  And to make matters worse…it only took him a month and a half? What in the world???

  She wondered as she glanced at the “days required” section from among the short summary of information.

  The sight of that brazenly printed number had her groaning inwardly, just like Hestia herself had a couple of minutes prior. And yet, for some reason, she found her antipathy laced with suspicion.

  Aiz’s record aside, this is impossible! There’s no way he could’ve done this in only a month and a half.

  She thought back to eight years ago.

  When a certain eight-year-old girl who hadn’t known her place rose to Level 2 at an absolutely outrageous pace.

  She needed only a year. That was how fast Aiz had done it, and even that had been an incredible feat, setting a record that had yet to be broken by anyone else in the whole world.

  Until today.

  Even if this isn’t some type of treachery, to think that Itty-Bitty’s kid just…just…ohhhh, aaaarrrghhhhh!!

  She must have falsified the record.

  Either that or he’d already collected excelia before registering as a lower-class adventurer with the Guild and been falsely reported as a rookie.

  There were really many ways of circumventing the system if someone was so inclined.

  That being said, the young goddess, Hestia, didn’t seem like the type who’d do something that stupid—a fact that Loki had to accept despite the cat-and-dog relationship the two shared.

  Which meant that this boy had truly accomplished an unprecedented feat.

  A feat that, according to the short history recorded on the parchment, involved taking down a minotaur.

  “…The rabbit set a new record.”

  Loki’s ears perked up at the murmur of a certain gentlemanly god, his eyes narrowed as he surveyed the parchment from the other side of the table.

  Yes, the other gods would need to give this final adventurer—this little rabbit, as it were—an alias, a thought that had Loki practically licking her lips in anticipation, though she was ultimately able to maintain her stoic expression.

  Still, this kid’s growth…this is definitely gonna require some investigatin’.

  The whispers of her peers flew back and forth across the table.

  Shooting a glance at Hestia, seemingly preparing herself to fight for a “safe” name for her follower, Loki quietly rose to her feet.

  “…Loki?”

  “Before we decide on an alias, I wanna ask Itty-Bitty a question,” she stated, looking straight at Hestia and ignoring the reactions of the gods around her. Her crimson eyes widened. “What were you thinking, lettin’ this kid level up after only a month and a half?”

  Bam.

  Her fist came down on the table directly atop the boy’s report, her voice as intimidating as possible. She didn’t miss the way the throat of the other goddess bobbed with a tiny gulp in response.

  “Not even my Aiz could do it that fast. It took her a year. A year! So tell me, huh? How’d this boy do it in only a month and a half? What kinda hoax you tryin’ to pull here?”

  “…”

  “Our Blessin’s ain’t supposed to be used for that. Whaddaya think’d happen if we had all our kids level up after only a month or so, huh? The fact that they can’t certainly puts ’em through a lot of trouble.”

  “……”

  “Well, c’mon! Say something, Itty-Bitty!”

  “………”

  Ever-increasing drips of sweat began sliding down Hestia’s face, but whether or not her insides were all aflutter, as well, her exterior remained as stiff as a statue.

  There was no way Loki could believe it.

  The speed at which the boy had advanced was absolutely ridiculous, and there had to be something decidedly abnormal at play.

  Something akin to the beastly creature Levis, for instance—an enhanced species.

  Perhaps the secret behind the boy’s growth was thanks to “her,” the being that Olivas Act had spoken of and the very same authority Loki and the others were facing.

  Loki’s eyes searched every inch of that buxom young goddess for an answer.

  Just in case, you know?

  She reasoned it out to herself, though she knew she had nothing to back up her suspicions.

  The very idea that the Evils would be connected to a follower of Hestia, the most birdbrained, blockheaded goddess Loki knew, was enough to turn the entire world upside down. It was such a preposterous assumption that a serious investigation might very well make Loki shrivel up and die.

  Which was why this look into enhanced species and all that was only an addendum. She mostly just wanted to screw with Hestia.

  She was certainly mad that one of the tiny goddess’s children could have broken her Aiz’s record. Also, to be honest, she was a little bit curious how he had managed it.

  If she had to take a guess, a skill, maybe. A rare, undocumented skill that could increase the rate of growth.

  This instigated a wide variety of emotions in her as a god, and they swirled around her mind as she continued her cross-examination of Hestia.

  “You gonna talk or what? It couldn’t be…that you used our powers to do it, could it?”

  “O-of course I didn’t! I would never!”

  By “used our powers,” Loki was, of course, referring to the use of Arcanum, the power of the gods, to “mod” her follower’s structure—an accusation that was more to stir the pot than one that had any real substance.

  Loki knew all too well.

  The moment that gods began breaking rules and used their Arcanum to mod their followers was the moment everything would become completely and utterly boring. Nothing would have meaning anymore. It was an act that would defile the very game they’d created in this world, and the entire thing would lose its splendor for her and everyone else.

  If someone truly wanted to throw away their life with their adorable children and live in the lap of luxury again, all any god needed to do was return to heaven, where nothing but debauchery-filled days awaited.

  No, that wasn’t what the gods had had in mind when they started this game.

  Nearly every god had high hopes that one of the children they’d bestowed their Blessings upon would eventually become a hero.

  “All right then, tell us! Should be easy if you’ve got nothin’ to hide, yeah?”

  “Gngh…”

  Loki’s words left Hestia no room to escape.

  The gaze of every god and goddess at Denatus focused on her.

  Quiet had seized the room as everyone’s interest was piqued, and the young goddess didn’t have a single person covering for her, not even Hephaistos, who sat directly next to her with a
frown on her face.

  Loki didn’t care how she felt, though—she was going to get an explanation for the boy’s uncanny growth whether Hestia wanted to give it or not.

  “Really now. Is it that important?”

  At least, she would have.

  Until a lilting, soprano voice cut through the air between the two of them.

  “…Huh?”

  “What’d you say?”

  First Hestia, then Loki, then everyone in the room turned their eyes toward the source of the voice. Toward the alluring yet disinterested features of the silver-haired goddess of beauty.

  “So long as Hestia’s not doing anything wrong, I see no reason to choke the answer out of her like this. The business of a familia is just that—its own business. And discussing our followers’ statuses has always been taboo, has it not?” Freya continued, entirely disenchanted, and Loki’s eyes narrowed in suspicion at the infuriating goddess she couldn’t seem to rid herself of.

  “…One month. Do you even understand what that means, you perverted goddess?”

  Freya just chuckled. “Why so stubborn, Loki? If anything, you’re the one acting strange here.”

  You’re the one breaking taboo were the words left unsaid, and the smug goddess followed up with a pretentious smile as though she’d just noticed this implication herself.

  “You’re not jealous, are you, dear? All because Hestia’s follower broke the record of your precious little darling?”

  “Like hell I am!” Loki responded instantly to the completely truthful accusation, although she nearly gulped.

  “Is that so?” Freya merely smiled, goading her on.

  Loki’s eyes went red. Ready to verbally lash the other goddess, she suddenly found herself unable to move, trapped by the gaze of those silver eyes.

  This unbearable woman, is she…?

  If she wanted to play the blame game and twist her words like this, Loki was fully prepared to go head-to-head. However, she could tell already that anything she said now would only get her wrapped tighter and tighter within Freya’s coils.

  She stuck her tongue out in spite of herself, and Freya responded with a coy smile.

  “It’s true that I can scarcely believe it myself, just looking at the number. It must be some kind of miracle!”

  “But he did take down that minotaur. That’s a miracle in and of itself, isn’t it? He completely overcame their difference in levels.”

  “If we must apply logic to it, perhaps the creature was some kind of fated rival of the boy’s, so the excelia he received upon defeating it held a special significance?”

  “Leveling up after something like that isn’t beyond the realm of possibility…or at least that’s what I think.”

  The other gods and goddesses began tossing around ideas of their own, inspired by Freya’s comment.

  Just like Loki, Freya was a goddess of one of the largest familias in Orario and, as such, an influential voice. Adding in her sheer charm—which had earned her a reputation as an incarnation of beauty itself—she was quickly amassing support even now.

  “I stand behind Lady Freya!” Hermes piped up, cementing his own reputation as a spineless coward, and Dionysus was forced to let out a sigh.

  Wait. This doesn’t have anythin’ to do with what she said that night, does it? Maybe the kid Freya’s after is actually…? Loki pondered, memories of a certain evening inhabiting the back of her mind as Freya’s suggestion was met with more and more approval.

  It had been the night of the Monsterphilia, when Loki met with Freya for their secret meeting in a high-class pub within the city’s Shopping District.

  “If you’re willing to stay quiet about today’s events…I’ll offer you the robe for your silence. Do we have a deal?”

  They’d made an agreement that day.

  Loki had threatened to go to the Guild with a report about the goddess of beauty’s antics at Monsterphilia but had ultimately been done in by her own weakness and begrudgingly agreed to keep things under wraps.

  Specifically, Loki had promised to hold back everything relating to the kid Freya had fallen for.

  She’d turned a blind eye then, she would have to again in the future, and she had to now as well.

  With that one look from Freya’s otherworldly gaze, Loki understood. Freya was infatuated with none other than the very child they were discussing—Hestia’s follower.

  Then the kid’s fight with the minotaur that Ishtar mentioned…that was Freya’s doing, too?

  While she couldn’t be sure whether Freya’d already been able to see the kid’s potential for growth at the time, she’d certainly zeroed in on him pretty quickly, which would explain why she was covering for him now in front of the rest of the gods, as if he was her personal plaything.

  Loki could taste bile in her mouth.

  Don’t interfere, those silver eyes had practically whispered, and Loki knew she had no choice—she was going to have to let all of Freya’s actions regarding the boy, Bell Cranell, go unchecked, no matter how much it pained her to do so.

  Thus, the explanation for Bell Cranell’s uncanny growth would remain a mystery, just as Freya wished.

  That kid’s gotta be somethin’ if even Freya’s taken an interest. I mean, with a stupid record like this…but didn’t she call him a transparent, unreliable crybaby?…Ugh, whatever! I still don’t like it!

  Loki felt flames lick at her insides as she grumbled to herself, completely unaware of the discussion currently taking place among the men regarding the boy’s new alias—a discussion the women in the room withdrew from with apathetic disinterest.

  No. Agreement or not, she did not like being someone’s toy. With a start, she flew from her chair, disregarding what was happening around the table and dashing over to Hestia, who had a very dim-witted look on her face.

  “…Loki?” Hestia glanced up upon Loki’s arrival.

  “…Watch yerself, Itty-Bitty,” Loki murmured sullenly.

  “Huh?”

  “I’m tellin’ you to keep yer eyes open. I can’t even believe I’m tellin’ ya this, but…I can’t stand seein’ that tramp play around with people like this,” she continued. “She’s making a fool outta ya.”

  Apparently irritated, Loki raised her head and looked away from Hestia.

  She was focused on the goddess just now leaving her seat.

  Those long silver locks of hers passed through the doorway to the hall and disappeared from view.

  “W-wait just a second! What is that supposed to mean, ‘watch yourself’? What am I watching?!”

  “Don’tcha get it, you moron? That chick’s taken your boy under her wing!”

  “Y-you mean Freya?” Hestia asked, raising her voice. Her blue eyes darted to and fro with confusion.

  Loki, however, merely righted herself with a snort.

  “You…you really don’t get it? Ignorance is bliss, I guess. Well…whatever. Not like it’s got anythin’ to do with me!” she finished apathetically before returning to her seat.

  While the thought of giving any sort of advice to that buxom rival of hers was enough to make her blood boil, she hated seeing her fall prey to Freya’s whims even more, so she was willing to try just about anything.

  Even giving a (begrudging) warning to her sworn enemy.

  After returning to her seat, Loki didn’t have more than a brief moment to settle in before—

  “““““““““““We’ve got it!!”””””””””””

  —the final adventurer’s alias was chosen, and the naming ceremony came to a close.

  The Denatus ended without any further hitches.

  The deities in attendance made their way out of the great hall one by one, a number of them on their way to Guild Headquarters in high spirits to officially announce the results of the naming ceremony.

  Once all had left and the hall was deserted, only Loki, Dionysus, and Hermes remained.

  “So…either of you see anyone suspicious?”

>   “While there were, indeed, a few who caught my eye…I’m more inclined to believe they were simply reveling in others’ misfortunes rather than exposing themselves as the ones responsible. Some people just want to watch the world burn.”

  “Pretty much the same here.”

  Dionysus and Hermes reported their unfavorable news respectively, the former dressed in a fine nobleman’s suit and the latter donning a set of lightweight traveling clothes.

  Loki exchanged glances with the members of her unlikely trio from her seat atop the round table.

  Nothin’, huh? Well…guess we weren’t expectin’ much anyway.

  It was hard to believe the mastermind instigating recent events would even dare attend a Denatus in the first place. And even someone with the audacity to make an appearance wouldn’t be foolish enough to show their true colors.

  It woulda been a real find if there was a person who actually knew anything, Loki thought to herself, feeling no real sense of failure or discouragement and simply grumbling for the sake of grumbling.

  “And after all the trouble I went to, too…”

  Not that I didn’t have all the time in the world, what with Aiz and the others gone, she added silently.

  “I’ll make sure to have some fine wines sent to your place, yes?” Dionysus answered with a wry smile at Loki’s look of malcontent, hoping it might appease the goddess.

  “Well, I’ll be off, then.”

  Hermes cut in suddenly.

  “Whaaaaat?” Loki spun around.

  “I’ve got some minor business to attend to, and I must leave the city posthaste. Preparations have already been made for the trip,” Hermes replied casually, wearing his omnipresent gentlemanly smile. He glanced down at the piece of parchment in his hand and the list of leveled-up adventurers. “I’ve procured myself quite the story for the journey, too,” he murmured to himself, crinkling his already narrow eyes. “At any rate, I leave Orario in your capable hands while I’m out. What? Don’t give me that look! I’ll be back before you know it, and we’ll be able to continue this little matter of ours then. I’ve already instructed my followers to begin collecting information. I’ll see you both later. Ta-ta!”

  The impish god supplied no more details than necessary before donning his feathered traveling cap, waving good-bye with a smile, and departing.