by K. A. Holt
I can feel it.
The why inside me,
wiggling
shivering
to get out.
It moves
up my throat.
Bounces
on my tongue.
Hits up
against my teeth.
Pushing.
Shoving.
Trying to break free
until it’s too strong,
I’m too weak,
and out it flies,
making us both jump,
Why
are
you
here?
What
are
you
doing?
Ms. J stays
frozen.
My mouth stays
a little bit open.
Then my restless whys
break through
her ice:
Benita.
Well.
As long as you’re here,
I could use your help.
Not Benita.
Ben Y.
I look down at the pushcart.
I look up at her.
She looks down at the pushcart.
She looks up at me.
Ben Y.
Yes.
Sorry.
It’s . . .
It’s a long story, Ben Y.
And our class needs computers.
Even though Ben B was
quite
quite
rude,
I do think he was right.
I nod.
She keeps talking,
explaining herself,
like I’m the police
or like I could get her in trouble
or something.
Trying to requisition computers,
it takes forever.
Really. It’s like pulling teeth.
My lips suck against my teeth,
protecting them.
These are just sitting here.
No one will miss them.
I hitch my backpack
over my shoulder,
wait for her to realize
I’m the one who should be in trouble.
I’m the one trespassing
after school.
She’s watching me.
I can almost see the gears moving
behind her eyes,
then:
How about, if you help me get these to our classroom,
I won’t ask you why you’re here so late.
Cool?
I nod.
Cool.
My cool sounds like a question, too.
We didn’t just steal those computers, right?
Teachers don’t steal, right?
JORDAN J
I think maybe I just saw Ben Y and Ms. J (no relation) stealing a whole bunch of computers.
It sounds really weird to think that out loud, so probably I’m wrong, except I definitely saw them pushing a cart loaded with computers around the outside of the building toward the door that opens into the back of the stairwell.
Why would they be moving around a bunch of computers outside when they could just walk down any hallway inside school and not worry about one of the computers falling off the cart and landing in a splotch of mud which is exactly what just happened?
I mean, unless they were stealing them.
I am like at least eighty-seven percent sure teachers don’t steal things, but I am also maybe only forty-seven percent sure Ben Y doesn’t steal things, so the math here is weird and confusing like a FART test word question I have to read sixty-five times before it still doesn’t make sense and I just move to the next question.
The window in the door that opens into the back of the stairwell is super dusty dirty so it’s hard to see inside, but I’m peeking anyway. I’m good at peeking in dusty windows, not because I’m a creeper, I’m definitely not a creeper, but because I like to go to the back of the gym and look through the dusty windows on the gym doors so I can watch the dance team.
Wait.
That DOES make me sound like a creeper. I’m not, though, I just watch them because the dances look pretty fun and I have some super sweet dance moves, too, though if I’m being honest here, my super sweet dance moves are about a hundred times better than theirs, it’s just that there aren’t any boys on the dance team and there’s not, like, a boys’ dance team, so I watch through the dusty windows and know in my heart that I could make the whole dance team go WHOA, JORDAN J DANG, SON, if I wanted to, which I kind of do, but also I kind of don’t for some reasons and my mom always says to me: Make smart choices, Jordan! and so I peek through the windows until I can figure out what smart choice to make.
So yeah. I have experience looking in dusty windows.
Ben Y and Ms. J have their backs turned to me and I can’t really see anything else because the windows are small and it’s getting dark outside so I should get going, but this was all very weird and interesting and it will definitely give me something to think about while Mom is yelling at me for coming home so late.
Oh! Hang on. I remember Ben B said something about everyone needing a computer to play Sandbox in class and duh, of course we do, but also duh where are we all going to find a computer? I guess Ben Y and Ms. J figured out the answer to that mystery question so hooray. Also hooray because that means those were definitely totally legit computers being pushcarted through mud puddles outside in the almost dark. One hundred percent legit.
Time for a one hundred percent legit dance move to celebrate me solving this mystery. BOOYAH, Jordan J, my brain says to myself, which is what Veronica Verve, famous judge of Fierce Across America the best dance competition TV show ever invented would say to me if she just saw me land that jeté and then drop into a baby freeze which is the thing I just did which was AWESOME and it’s too bad Veronica Verve didn’t see it in real life because she’d give me ten out of ten. Or maybe eight out of ten because baby freezes aren’t very hard to do.
JAVIER
BEN B
Wide eyes
meet wide eyes
as we gather under our stairs,
our desks, pushed close,
making room for—
Read first.
Then we discuss . . .
those.
Benjamin Hobart Bellows.
Ms. J looks directly at me,
eyes sparking and arcing.
Ben Y. Javier. Jordan J
all snicker
as they mouth
Hobart?
You have zero lives left
in the game of summer school.
You used them all up yesterday.
Do you hear me?
Never speak to me
the way you spoke to me yesterday
ever
ever
again.
Got it?
Her earring hoops
shiver slightly,
are so thin, so wide,
I imagine them spinning,
flying from her ears,
lopping my head off.
I nod.
My hand touches my neck.
We all have a lot of feelings sometimes,
she says,
staring me down
until I shrink
in my seat.
But those feelings should never be used
to damage other people’s feelings.
Do you hear me?
I nod.
I keep a careful eye on her dancing hoops.
I guess I never thought about teachers having feelings.
I guess that was pretty dumb.
I guess I get to keep my head today, despite being dumb.
Whew.
Jordan J!
You read first.
Convince me your mother’s words
are worthy
of being called
a book.
She winks.
We laugh.
All of you.
Today is the day you convince me
I haven’t made
a
huge
mistake.
Hope leaps
inside my guts
as I peek up
from my book,
counting the machines
pressed against the wall,
monitors dark,
wires coiled.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
The perfect amount.
She did it.
Enough computers for us all.
You all read brilliantly today.
Except for Javier,
who also has used up every
extra life
and will be dealt with after I call his mother,
an experience neither he, nor I, nor his mother will enjoy,
I’m sure.
I will see you after class, Javier.
Javier doesn’t look up
from his notebook,
just presses harder
and harder
with his pencil.
Ms. J spreads her arms wide now,
a ringmaster,
a car salesman on TV.
These are for the rest of you.
(Jordan J whistles
low and long.)
Ms. J’s hands bend to her hips,
holding tight,
her head tilts,
meaning business.
However.
It’s important you all know this—
Are you listening?
Jordan.
Get back in your seat.
Now is not the time for a baby freeze.
Everyone?
These computers are for
typing practice.
Her voice dips low,
a smile fights its way
to her face.
You will type
ALL communications to me
and to each other
during the ten minutes of
typing practice
at the end
of each class.
No speaking.
No noise.
No goofing around.
Okay?
Repeat after me:
These computers are for
typing practice.
We repeat after her.
We are improving our sentence structure skills.
We repeat after her.
We are practicing grammar and spelling.
We repeat after her.
She nods.
Our chairs spring out behind us
as we leap up,
but—
she holds out her hand.
Wait.
One more thing.
It’s like we’re playing freeze tag,
except we’re all so excited,
we wiggle
while we stand,
not really frozen at all,
while we wait
for Ms. J’s
one more thing.
At some point this summer,
our class will have a visitor.
Actually, I will have a visitor.
An administrator will assess me,
my teaching ability,
my handling of the classroom.
Think of it like . . .
a FART for teachers.
Ha!
She called it the FART!
I don’t know when the assessment will be,
I don’t know who will do it,
I just know it will happen.
So please, everyone,
please remember:
typing practice.
And always be on your best behavior.
I want to ask
if this means she failed
the teacher FART,
just like we all failed
the FART FART,
and that’s why
she’s teaching
summer school.
But . . .
she drops her stop hand,
freeze tag is over,
and we all scramble
to the computers,
as fast as we can,
any questions erased
by the chimes and pings
of computers
coming
alive.
CHAT
Divergent Dingleberries
Private server created by: BenBee
Password required
Avatar name: BenBee
Password: • • • • •
Remember! Ghost Season is coming! Protect your lives, your health, and your gold by avoiding ghosts at all costs. Think you can outsmart the ghosts by logging out? Think again! All logged-out avatars will remain in sleeping mode, so make sure you’re protected. Get melted during Ghost Season? Gonna cost ya!
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JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!! ENTERS GAME
0BenwhY ENTERS GAME
BenBee ENTERS GAME
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!:
0BenwhY: JordanJMageddon ru asking Ms. J to do a baby freeze? what? why?
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!:
BenBee: you guys don’t make ms j regret getting these computers.
0BenwhY: pls don’t say u guys, say everyone or y’all or people or something that’s not u guys
0BenwhY: kthx
BenBee: ty ty ty ty ty for the computers, ms j
0BenwhY: um do y’all hear something?
0BenwhY: talking?
0BenwhY: hmm?
BenBee: i thought you said no talking, ms. j
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!:
0BenwhY: huh! how does that not include u?
BenBee: ten times no fair, ms. j. you can’t just make rules and break rules!
BenBee: 2morrow when you play noooo talking.
BenBee: ok yes i know, limited time. so here’s the plan for 2day, ms. j.
BenBee: bc you have no avatar yet and bc setup is soooooo long you have 2 watch us.
BenBee: we’ll show you some basics that you can practice on your own once you have your avatar.
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!:
0BenwhY: 2nite, for ur homework, u finish ur setup, create ur avatar and practice a little, k?
0BenwhY: giving you homework was jajajavier:)’s idea, btw.
BenBee: then, if you finish your homework 2nite, you get to join in the fun 2morrow, ms. j.
0BenwhY: ok. whos ready to learn? Did someone say Ms. J? Great!
0BenwhY: this is a pickax
BenBee: this is a diamond.
0BenwhY: Whatever! It totally looks like a diamond.
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!:
0BenwhY: we’re building a pyramid
0BenwhY: yes out of diamonds
BenBee: so we can have a safe place 2 hide during Ghost Season.
BenBee: the ghosts will melt us and make us lose all our stuff.
BenBee: well this game is not supposed to be real life.
0BenwhY: and get archived
0BenwhY: and have to pay to get un-archived.
0BenwhY: so stupid
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!:
0BenwhY: no. nobody can kill ghosts
0BenwhY: except Ghostkiller
BenBee: Ghostkiller isn’t real.
0BenwhY: wrong
BenBee: gamemakers created him to make people play more. A fake legend.
0BenwhY: UR SO wrong
BenBee: bogus.
BenBee: I mean, have you ever actually seen him 0BenwhY?
0BenwhY: what does seeing Ghostkiller prove? have u seen every player who ever played???
&nbs
p; BenBee: that’s what I thought.
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!:
0BenwhY: yes, let’s ignore BenBee for a minute. Ur in timeout!
0BenwhY: Ms. J, r u watching? u push this if u want to dig
BenBee: like this.
BenBee: easy.
BenBee: want to try it real quick w my avatar?
0BenwhY: Ahh! No! Ms. J! Stop! You’re hitting ME with the pick ax. Hit the ground!
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!:
BenBee: ok ok lets not do that again.
0BenwhY: u push this to see where ur supplies are stored
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!:
BenBee: yeah. that’s how we remember everything.
0BenwhY: what, r u surprised we all have brains???
BenBee: you’ll remember 2.
BenBee: once you play for a while.
0BenwhY: Over there? that’s our amusement park
BenBee: you can ride the pig swing 2morrow.
0BenwhY: but only if u do ur homework
0BenwhY: JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!! built the pig swing
0BenwhY: Cool, huh?
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!:
0BenwhY: uh, yeah, good luck getting him to use words instead of emojis, Ms. J
0BenwhY: way to shoot for the sky
BenBee: Aw dang, hows it the bell already?
BenBee: ty again for the computers, Ms. j.
BenBee: im rly rly rly sorry for being a turd yesterday.
BenBee: im also sorry for saying turd just now.