by K. A. Holt
0BenwhY: thanks for the computers
0BenwhY: and don’t foregt ur homework ms j
0BenwhY: cu 2morrow!
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!:
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!! HAS EXITED GAME
0BenwhY HAS EXITED GAME
BenBee HAS EXITED GAME
BEN B
She never lets us leave class fast.
Most teachers do,
but not Ms. J.
We hop from foot to foot,
ready to run free,
but she makes us wait.
Stand in line.
High-five her.
Say goodbye.
Eye to eye.
Every single day.
I used to think it was weird,
but I guess I’m getting used to it.
She’s still kind of weird,
though.
I guess I’m getting used to that, too.
Today, her high-five face is
bigger
brighter
when it’s my turn
to high five and bye.
Ben B.
You amaze me.
I had no idea,
no idea
how fast you could type.
For a minute I can’t think of anything
at all
to say.
Then . . .
Do I type fast?
You do!
I’m quite impressed.
Quite impressed.
Of course I’d prefer
full sentences
and proper spelling,
but even so,
good work today.
Maybe we can think of other ways
for you to use your typing skills
in class.
Let’s both think about that,
okay?
I feel my back straighten,
like a flower figuring out
which way
the sun shines.
Good at typing?
Huh.
I saw the lights behind Ms. J’s eyes turn on,
just then,
and it felt almost like
she could see,
really see,
how being good at Sandbox
isn’t just some dumb thing,
but an actual real thing,
an actual real thing I’m good at,
me
Ben B
and not just
BenBee.
Mom and Dad ask about my day
and I say
it was all right.
I don’t want to tell them about reading,
about typing,
about anything.
Dad wants to see
my homework.
Mom wants to know
what I’m reading in class.
Dad wants to know
how FART prep
is coming along,
how I’m maximizing my time.
I let his voice drone,
try to ignore it,
try not to feel his questions
in my chest
like lead
weighing me down.
I want just a few more minutes
to feel the light, bright
shining feeling
of Ms. J saying:
I’m quite impressed.
Quite impressed.
And knowing that she meant me.
CHAT
Divergent Dingleberries
Private server created by: BenBee
Remember! Ghost Season is coming!
Password required
Avatar name: JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!
Password: • • • • •
Remember! Ghost Season is coming! Protect your lives, your health, and your gold by avoiding ghosts at all costs. Think you can outsmart the ghosts by logging out? Think again! All logged out avatars will remain in sleeping mode, so make sure you’re protected. Get melted during Ghost Season? Gonna cost ya!
In order to bring you the very best game possible, Sandbox is moving to a pay-per-play model. Survive Ghost Season? You’ll maintain VIP status and continue on the free platform. Get melted? You can retrieve your gold and items when you sign up for one of our affordable monthly plans. Click here for more details.
0BenwhY ENTERS GAME
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!:
0BenwhY: hey Jordan
0BenwhY: u sure ran out of class fast
0BenwhY: after ur high five and bye
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!:
BenBee: 0BenwhY heeeey.
0BenwhY: hey benbee I thought u were grounded from screens
BenBee: I am.
0BenwhY: then how are u here
BenBee: my parents go to sleep very early.
0BenwhY: sounds like ur playing with fire man
jajajavier:): hey look, ima fire man. i can juggle torches like a boss
0BenwhY: oh look who is magically able to talk
0BenwhY: u should prob put the torches down b4 u explode, javier
0BenwhY: ur standing right next to my dynamite amplifying potions
jajajavier:): what, no way they’re going 2—
jajajavier:) HAS DIED
jajajavier:) HAS EXITED GAME
BenBee: omg
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!:
0BenwhY:
jajajavier:) ENTERS GAME
jajajavier:): ok fine, torch juggling was maybe 2 close 2 ur potions
BenBee: come on y’all, let’s get to work on the pyramid.
0BenwhY: u said y’all! BenBeeeeeeee! u listened!!! ty
BenBee: now let’s get going.
N00B8675309 ENTERS GAME
BenBee: n00b? your in the wrong place.
BenBee: how did you even get in here? password protected, bro.
0BenwhY: not a n00b server, n00b
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!:
jajajavier:): Yeah! Go be n00by elsewhere, n00by Mcn00berson!
N00B8675309: Hello, I’m playing the game for the first time. I was hoping I could watch a little bit so that I co—
CHAT INFRACTION
N00B8675309: Sorry, what just happened? Did I ask something that isn’t allowed? It seems like pretty much anythin—
CHAT INFRACTION
N00B8675309: Is there a rulebook, somewhere? Maybe a manual that explains gameplay? Can somebody point me towards—
CHAT INFRACTION
N00B8675309 HAS BEEN EJECTED FROM GAME
THIRTY MINUTE RESPAWN COUNTDOWN BEGINS NOW
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!:
jajajavier:): jajajajajajaja
0BenwhY: um that was super weird
BenBee: totally weird. i promise we’re the only ones who know the password.
0BenwhY: it is kind of an easy pw tho
BenBee: wait.
0BenwhY: shouldn’t be hard to change it
BenBee: no not that.
BenBee: the n00b back there.
BenBee: that wasn’t
0BenwhY: what
BenBee: all those words and complete sentences. do you think it could’ve been
jajajavier:): straight up 100% Ms J pretending not to be Ms J?
jajajavier:): yes
0BenwhY: WHUUUUUT omg did she just come here to SPY on us???
jajajavier:): well we did give her homework, so maybe not spying.
jajajavier:): maybe just researching
jajajavier:): maybe learning new skills from a very fantastic and handsome teacher
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!:
BenBee: i can’t believe ms j infiltrated our home server.
JORDANJMAGEDDON!!!!:
BenBee: maybe she’ll be better at sandbox than we thought.
BEN Y
<0BenwhY>
I’m out of the house
before Esme wants hugs
and kisses
and her eyes
remind me
remind me
remind me.
Before Mom is u
p
asking
all
the
questions
about summer school
about where I’ve been,
all
the
questions
I don’t feel like answering.
When these jeans were
Benicio’s
he got holes
in all
the weirdest
places.
Was it his wallet chain
that rubbed this spot
raw?
Did his phone
sit so close
in this pocket
that the denim
wore away?
I haven’t had them long enough
to make any holes
of my own.
But I will.
And these jeans will be ours.
Not just his story,
not just mine,
but something worn,
something shared.
Hey, Jordan J.
What’s hanging?
Scooch over, dude.
He starts talking
just like every day
when I get on the city bus
make him scooch
and we take the
extra
long
way
to school.
Jordan J.
The human version
of coffee.
Voice so happy,
it wakes me up.
Stories so funny,
I can’t help but laugh.
He’s always on the bus,
always way too early for school.
I never ask why.
It doesn’t really matter.
He’s always here.
And so am I.
We ride and chat,
and chat and ride.
I’m not sure
I can really explain why,
but it’s nice.
Really nice.
I also can’t explain why
it doesn’t always translate
to school.
I actually don’t mind
if it’s different
when we’re not on the bus.
That just makes the bus
a little more . . .
I don’t know . . .
ours.
Our fun.
Our bus.
Our jokes.
Just a couple of moments
only
for
us.
Three of my strut strides,
equal two Jordan J dancing leaps
as we move from the bus stop,
making our way to school.
Part of our routine,
this sweaty duet
is swimming through the morning heat,
trying not to be too early,
not to be too late,
stretching out the minutes of freedom
before the stairwell,
before divergence
takes over the day.
Hey.
Jordan J twirls, a perfect pirouette,
points,
Javier by a white car,
leaning in the window.
Jordan J and I duck.
I don’t know why
we hide
between the willow fronds,
forest bathing
as we spy.
But we do.
I w-w-w-w-w-won’t!
N—No!
Javier is mad, shouting.
The wind catches words
coming from inside the car,
words like help you
and it will be fine
and trust.
Mom! N—No! I h-h-hate it.
Javier slams his fist
on the car door
where the window is rolled
down.
It doesn’t h-help.
It m-makes me f-feel stu-stu—
He doesn’t finish.
He storms away.
The woman in the car shouts:
Javier!
Come on! You’re the smartest person I know!
Javier!
He whips around,
marches back to the car,
shouts:
S.T. is f-f-f-for
b-b-b-babies!
He pulls his hoodie
over his face.
Storms off into school.
Jordan J and I look at each other.
Is that why Javier won’t talk?
I whisper,
swiping a tickly frond from my cheek.
Why he won’t read out loud?
In class?
His stutter?
But we’re all terrible at reading out loud so that means he wouldn’t be any different than any of us, maybe we should just tell him that. Also, isn’t he really really really hot in that hoodie? I mean sweaty hot, not like movie-star hot. I am sweating my I can’t say off and I’m wearing shorts and this AWESOME Fierce Across America tank top. Oh, oops, are we still supposed to be whispering? That wasn’t really a whisper was it? I’m not a great whisperer.
I shrug.
Jordan J shrugs.
We sit under the tree.
Hmm.
Interesting.
Like a shadow with a hoodie,
like a song stuck in my head
Javier
Javier
Javier.
When my eyes lock
with Javier’s deep dark stare
in class,
I can’t figure out . . .
what
is
he
thinking?
Did he see us under the tree?
Javier
Javier
Javier,
is it the stutter that makes you so quiet?
You’re so funny in chat,
but now,
half hidden,
hoodie pulled tight,
you’re a mystery,
and I can’t help but wonder:
Can you see into me?
Can mystery see mystery?
He blinks,
looks away,
head bowed,
pencil scratching,
always drawing,
never talking.
Javier
Javier
Javier,
can I see what you draw?
Javier
Javier
Javier,
what secrets do you know?
Three announcements!
Ms. J’s voice is bright,
a yellow pop of sound
sparkling around us.
One!
My avatar is JJ11347.
It was supposed to be only JJ113
but I guess there are forty-six other JJ113s?
And the game added the forty-seven?
Because I don’t have enough gold to change my name yet?
The snickers tiptoe
up and down the walls,
until Jordan lets out a full-on snort
and we all collapse in laughs, even Ms. J.
We gather up our laughs,
stuff them in our mouths,
try to swallow them
so we can see . . .
is her next announcement
as funny as the first?
Two!
Thank you to Javier,
who happened to be here
after school yesterday,
and who happened to stay
to help me muddle through
setup
after seeing how badly
I mucked up
my avatar name.
It is because of Javier
that we can play the actual game today.
Can we all please give him
a round of quiet applause?
My eyes grow so wide
they might actually have merged
into one giant eye
that catches
Ben B’s matching giant eyes
and our eyes both say:
Because . . . what now?
Javier was here?
With her?
After school?
And does that mean?
She was chatting with us?
While they both were here?
So probably she didn’t hack anything at all?
Because Javier let her into the server?
I clap very slowly and point my clap at Javier.
Ben B follows my lead.
Javier’s cheeks turn pink,
and his mouth curls into a
devilish grin,
before Ms. J says,
Javier, all of your help means you’re reading today,
correct?
You’re playing today?
Yes?
Javier’s grin disappears,
his face quickly bending,
trying to blend in with
his notebook.
Three!
Please listen carefully:
When we chat during
typing practice,
everyone is to use
full sentences,
correct punctuation,
correct spelling.
I feel a moldy green groan
grow in my throat.
Please be advised
you all are very
very
very
lucky
to have
typing practice
in class.
Let’s not groan too loudly
—she looks directly at me—
or we risk losing the privilege altogether,
hmmmm?
Today’s pink-and-gold caftan shimmers
as her arms cross over her chest.
Good!
Benita?
It’s your turn to read.
I look down at the book
open on my desk,
pages fluttering