Mountain of Truth

by Sarah Noffke

  “Shhh…” Gillian held his fat finger to his mouth, attempting to quell Monet with a single look.

  “What are you making such a fuss about? All he’s doing is watching us and probably wondering if he should start with pedis or manis,” Monet said, throwing his hand in the goblin’s direction.

  The creature raised the nail file high in the air above his head.

  “Me first! I have an ingrown toenail that’s been bugging me something fierce,” Monet said, stepping forward.

  “No,” Gillian hissed.

  The goblin sliced the nail file through the air, its beady eyes bulging from his sockets. “Nicka-nicka-nicka-naw!” the little monster screamed, mouth opening wide.

  “Oh, fuck,” Azure whispered, backing up a step and colliding with Ever.

  From the dark trees on the other side of the clearing, eyes blossomed. From the forest floor heads with pointy ears rose. The glints of metal sparkled all around them. Suddenly a hundred goblins rose from the ground or slipped upside-down from the trees, their faces full of menace as they bared their sharp teeth at the group.

  A goblin dropped from the trees, landing on his head as he hit the ground. He rolled over and straightened to his full height; he was at least a foot taller than the scout. From his belt he drew a small machete. The monster bared his teeth as his pointed ears, riddled with silver rings, rose to attention on his head.

  “Still want a manicure, asshole?” Azure whispered in Monet’s direction.

  “Actually, now I’d like a shield. I think you’ll do,” Monet said from behind her.

  “In a moment, when I give the cue, you all need to run. Head up the mountain and don’t look back,” Gillian said in a hushed voice.

  “Wait! What? We’re not leaving you—”

  “Do as I say, Queen Azure,” Gillian commanded. “There are too many to fend off. We’ll never win by fighting them.”

  The head goblin took a step forward, a crowd of his brethren now at his side. All of them brandished sharp weapons and a mouthful of jagged teeth.

  “I’ll negotiate with them,” Azure said, her mouth barely parting for her words.

  “You can’t. Goblins aren’t reasonable. They only want blood or gold, and currently we’re out of the latter,” Gillian said in a terse whisper.

  “But if I promise them—”

  “They only trust that which they can see. There’s no way they’ll be appeased by the idea of future gold.” Gillian knelt, grabbing a handful of dirt in his fingers. He rolled his wrist, his eyes on the approaching goblins.

  “Gillian, what are you planning?” Azure asked, her voice trembling.

  “On saving you,” the gnome said, and threw the some of the dirt at Azure and the rest in the direction of Monet and Ever. The threesome flickered before turning invisible. “Go!” he roared.

  Azure didn’t have a moment to think. They had to get away while they had a chance. There were too many goblins. Monet seized her wrist and pulled her forward. The goblins attacked in that same moment, the sound of metal scraping against metal screeching through the air.

  “Gillian!” Azure screamed, watching the goblins overwhelm the gnome.

  A row of goblins ran in their direction, although the three were invisible. Azure held her wand out and whispered, “Vatra.” A neat bit of fire ripped from her wand, hitting each of the goblins in the chest.

  Monet leapt over the fallen goblins, blasting another set as they tried to stop the invisible figures.

  Azure glanced over her shoulder to watch as the goblins bound Gillian with rope and hoisted him in the air. A few dozen small hands held him above as many heads, carrying him toward the woods where the scout had been hidden.

  “Don’t worry, Queen Azure! And don’t come after me! Remember, we discussed how to get to your destination,” Gillian yelled over the nonsensical grunting of the goblins.

  Azure nodded, allowing herself to be tugged up the mountain away from Gillian.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  A minute later the three travelers flickered and became visible once more. Ever didn’t let go of Azure until they had doubled over from running up the mountain. Even then he kept his eyes on her, afraid she’d bolt downhill at any moment to fight the goblins.

  “I can’t believe we left Gillian back there,” Azure stated, completely crestfallen.

  “That was what he wanted,” Ever replied.

  “That’s what he told us to do, but we’ve all but sentenced him to death. The goblins will have him roasting on a stake within the hour.” Azure threw off her robes, since she had sweat pouring down her back.

  “Gillian knew the risk when he came on this mission.” Monet eyed his Fitbit, watching the device as his heart rate came down.

  “You know the risks too, but that doesn’t mean I’d leave you behind if something gnarled captured you,” Azure spat, slapping Monet’s shoulder.

  He cursed her with a single look.

  “He’s from the mountains; give him a little credit. I’m sure he’s got a plan.” Ever stepped forward, chin down and a look of reassurance on his face.

  “Yeah, like who knew the little guy could make us all invisible?” Monet shook his head in disbelief.

  Azure nodded, softening a bit. Ever gave her a slow smile.

  “Oh, well, of course Elf-Boy knew about the gnome’s magic. You two keep each other’s secrets, don’t you?” Monet now looked a little hurt, like he was tired of being left out.

  Azure said, “We need to construct a plan. We’ve got to go after Gillian.” Ever was already shaking his head before she was done speaking.

  “How can you not want to rescue him? He’s a part of our team!” she yelled.

  “Because I truly believe Gillian will be fine…or mostly fine. He might get a few scrapes or lose a limb, but he will probably survive,” Ever explained.

  “You’re not making me feel any better.” Azure narrowed her blue eyes at the Light Elf, considering blasting him as she’d done with the goblins.

  “Sorry. My intention was to set your fears at ease. But our mission is still to find Mage Lenore. I know for a fact that Gillian would be angry if we abandoned our mission for him. That must be the reason he gave us an escape route. And he did insist that we not go after him,” Ever said, kneeling and scooping up a handful of dirt from the mountain. He sifted it in his hands, sparks sprinkling down from the movement.

  “You know, Pointy Ears makes sense.” Monet pinned both of his hands to his lower back and stretched while taking in the path before them. “What do we do when we get to the fork up ahead?”

  After a short stretch where the path gained serious elevation the trail split, both routes continuing to head upward. Without a doubt, Gillian would have known whether to take the right or left path.

  “The garden gnome said he instructed you on navigating up the Mountain of Truth,” Monet said.

  “Yeah, he did. He told me that it was nearly impossible for him to relay all the twists and turns on the mountain. We spent most of the night discussing the various obstacles we’d encounter. I guess he was preparing me in case he had to be absent at any point.” A cool wind swept through the air, hitting the sweat on her back and neck and making Azure shiver.

  “Sounds ominous. Can’t wait.” Monet’s voice was monotone.

  “What did Gillian say about direction?” Ever asked.

  Azure shook her head. She hadn’t thought it was going to come to this—it had never been a plausible option to leave one of her team members behind. But here she was. Grabbing a strand of hair from her loose bun, she twirled it around her finger.

  “Oh, for Merlin’s sake. She’s fucking fretting,” Monet said, talking about Azure as if she weren’t there.

  “What is it?” Ever asked again, his forehead creasing with worry.

  “Gillian said that if we got lost and he couldn’t help, we were to rely on Monet’s Fitbit for navigation.” Azure said, in disbelief that it had come down to this. She pulled a piece of
parchment from the back pocket of her jeans. “Gillian gave me directions based on distances, which he said only the Fitbit could accurately measure.”

  “Well, that’s great. And yes, that makes perfect sense.” Ever turned to Monet, a smile lighting his face. “I programmed the Fitbit to work here on Oriceran. It does have GPS capabilities.”

  “I don’t think that was what Gillian had in mind. We’re relying more on it recording specific distance so we know when to make turns, ones that wouldn’t be on a map.” Azure turned and snapped at Monet, “Hand over the Fitbit.”

  Monet held up his wrist, his face long with disappointment. “Sure. Only problem is that I’ve been playing with it the whole time and the battery is almost dead.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Holding Ever’s hand, Azure stepped through the portal he’d opened. She slapped at Monet once he was through.

  “You couldn’t hold my hand to come through the portal, could you?” Azure fixed her hair, which Monet had clutched as they transferred to Earth.

  “Oh, gross. You totally have cooties. There’s no way I’ll hold your hand, even if you order me to as queen.” Monet grabbed his stomach like he was about to be sick.

  “You’re so fucking immature,” Azure said, shaking her head at him.

  “I know you are, but what am I?” he teased.

  “A lame-ass wizard who has seriously messed up this mission with his wastefulness.” Azure pointed to the Fitbit, which officially had a dead battery. “We should have left you back there in the mountains.”

  “Hey, if someone would have informed me that this device was a backup, maybe I wouldn’t have played with it,” Monet said with a scowl.

  “That’s so not true,” Azure retorted.

  “Yeah, you’re right. I can’t be helped.” Monet stared at their surroundings. They were reminiscent of the Land of Terran, with its ample stretches of concrete. Cars were parked in front of one another, and tall buildings bordered the lot. A busy road ran just in front of them, bustling with speeding cars and people walking in both directions. Azure spun, taking in the red bricks under her boots and the gigantic buildings that made those in the Land of Terran look like fairy houses in comparison.

  “Are we in Santa Monica, where you took me before?” Azure asked, her nose wrinkled from the stench of the fumes. The smell reminded her of when Gran had blown up a potion and sent toxic gases through the second story of the House of Enchanted.

  “Oh, no. I wanted to deepen your education about Earth while also taking you to a place where you’d fit in. Welcome to Portland, the land of the weird.” Ever spread his arms wide.

  She observed that, as before when they came to Earth, Ever’s ears, which appeared pointy on Oriceran, now appeared human—a glamor he implemented so he didn’t stand out. However, Azure was still sporting her blue hair and Monet his mint green robes and short hair to match. But Ever was right; this Portland place was strange, or at least had more diverse people than she’d seen in Terran.

  A man who looked to have never bathed in his entire life pushed a metal cart filled with bags of junk—or maybe it was treasure here on Earth. It sure looked like rubbish, though.

  Her eyes swiveled to a gang of young humans who sat in a circle on the red bricks. Some had instruments, while others only swayed as they hummed. A girl with a head full of ropelike hair jumped to her feet and twirled and danced to the music.

  “Is that a fairy without wings?” Monet asked. He was watching the group as well.

  Ever crossed his arms in front of his chest and shook his head, a smile hiding at the corner of his mouth.

  “Is she a gigantic pixie?” Monet asked, now squinting at the girl who threw her face up to the cloudy sky and smiled, her eyes closed.

  “No, as far as I know she’s a hippie and has no magical abilities. Unless you count annoying yuppies as a talent,” Ever said, a laugh in his voice.

  “What’s a yuppie? Are they like gnomes? They’re easily annoyed,” Monet said, turning his attention to the sky like the girl had. A gentle mist had started to dust their heads and shoulders. He reached into his robes, withdrawing his wand.

  “Whoa there, buddy. No magic while on Earth,” Ever said, speeding over and pushing Monet’s hand back into his pocket. He glanced around to ensure they hadn’t been seen. “You’ll have the Silver Griffins breathing down our necks fast if you don’t put that away.”

  Monet held up one finger in front of Ever’s face. “Buuuuuuut,” he drew out the word, waggling his finger in the air, “my hair is getting wet.”

  “You’ll melt, then. Deal with it,” Ever retorted.

  “Didn’t we just pop out of nowhere into this courtyard? Isn’t that considered magic? And also, like, super noticeable?” Azure asked.

  Ever dismissed her questions with a wave of his hand. “Most people in Portland are high or drunk, dismissing the unexplained as normal. They love to see the unseen here, which is why I picked it. And while I can hide the magical frequency the portals create, I’m not as masterful at disguising magic others do. Like you two, for instance.”

  “What is this place?” Azure asked, staring around as mist clouded her eyes. “What did they do with all the grass?”

  “This is Pioneer Courthouse Square, affectionately nicknamed Portland’s Living Room. It’s a community place where they hold events, or citizens just hang around and play chess,” Ever informed them.

  “Or sleep.” Monet pointed to a man lying on a brick stair.

  “Portland is weird,” Azure observed, noticing a young human approaching. He looked like an orc or goblin, given the number of rings he had running through the skin around his eyes and in his ears and nose. Orcs and goblins were known for their numerous piercings.

  “Yes, which was why I thought you two would fit in just fine.” Ever threw his arms over Azure’s shoulder and steered her toward the sidewalk. “We’ve got to find a charger for the Fitbit, and we’ll grab some food while we are here.”

  “Wait! Gillian is probably being tortured, and you want to pop off for a bite to eat?” Azure asked, appalled.

  “We are no good to ourselves nor the gnome if we keel over from starvation,” Ever replied.

  “I, for one, am famished. Where can we get something crunchy, orange, and delicious?” Monet asked.

  “My wizard friend, I have something much better in mind than Cheetos, although we can fill up your reserves while here,” Ever said, leading them down a congested thoroughfare.

  “You only encourage him by supplying his addiction,” Azure said.

  “Where are you taking us? Are there libations? I’ve been sober for way too long today.” Monet’s eyes roamed eagerly over the signs hanging overhead on the various shops and restaurants.

  “Is there a frozen yogurt place?” Azure asked, the smell of the sweet shop she’d visited in the Land of Terran lingering in her memory.

  “Something way better,” Ever informed them, turning Azure to face a restaurant and still holding on to her shoulder. “I’m taking you two for something the nineteen seventies made popular and hipsters keep alive.”

  “What’s that?” Azure asked, staring at the double doors of a restaurant.

  “Fondue!” Ever declared with a giant smile that lit up his blue eyes.

  ***

  “You’ve got to be kidding me. We’re supposed to cook our own food?” Monet complained, reading the menu.

  “Only the meat course. The cheese and chocolate ones are simply for dipping. It’s really fun, I promise,” Ever said, his eyes peeking over the top of his own menu.

  “I need drinks to deal with this.” Monet held his hand in the air, waving it around to gain the attention of people passing by. “Hey, can I get liquor?”

  “Monet, that was a patron. The wait staff are in uniform,” Ever said.

  “I’m going to pretend I understand what all those strange words mean.” Monet had leaned forward and could feel the heat of the burner in front of him. “Is thi
s a cauldron?”

  Ever laughed, amused. He had known what he was doing when picking this place. It was all for his entertainment. “It’s where we are going to simmer the cheese and other foods.”

  Monet turned and looked at Azure, who was next to him. He clasped both of his hands onto her arm and shook her slightly. “Seriously, we are going to die. Your strange friend has taken us to a cauldron shop where they make cheese and chocolate potions. There’s nothing magical about those things.”

  “Speak for yourself. I for one could eat my weight in melted cheese.” Azure slapped her menu on the table, realizing that she was hungry from all the hiking. Still, they didn’t need to dawdle. “Let’s charge the Fitbit, eat, and get back to Oriceran.”

  “I’m already on it. I charmed the hostess to put the Fitbit on a charger in the back. We’ll pick it up after we eat,” Ever explained.

  “I thought you said we weren’t allowed to use magic while on Earth,” Monet complained.

  “Oh, well, by charm I meant my irresistible looks and flirtatious style,” Ever said with a wink. “I’ll teach you, Monet.”

  “Pssh. I wrote the spell book on flirting.” Monet pushed out his chest, holding his fondue fork in the air.

  “Drinks! We need drinks!” Azure realized that these two were going to grate on her nerves. She needed Gillian back to balance the group with his level-headed manner.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Slightly buzzed and fully stuffed, the three stepped through the portal onto Oriceran.

  “It should be illegal to eat that much bread at one time,” Monet declared, sitting down and leaning against a set of rocks.

  Azure’s jeans cut into her stomach, but she ignored the fullness and studied the navigation on the Fitbit. “Next time, you’re cut off after the third bowl of bread cubes.”

  “But how else was I supposed to soak up all the cheesy deliciousness?” Monet asked seriously. “I can’t picture ever tying myself to a witch for the rest of my life, but cheese and I have a real future together. I’m going to start campaigning for dairy unions.”