The Sorrow

by Azhar Amien

  Chapter 14: What We Do For Our Children

  As the day went on it only became colder. The rain became more violent as the time passed. I realised that I was starving. I could not remember the last time that I had eaten. I sat in a bar. It was inconspicuous, and I was hoping that I’d get more updates from any of the locals. I probably ate enough for two people, which was both good and bad. I needed to be at my peak. It would happen tonight. I had sat for hours after finishing my meal. I was nursing an iced glass of water. Drinking anything else would be a mistake. I had until nightfall.

  I heard two men talking at the table next to me. Finally, after a good three or four hours, my luck had arrived it seemed. I had not just randomly gone to any bar. I had known the one I found myself in. It was widely known to be frequently visited by mobsters. With my cap and the hood of my jacket over my head, I was incognito as long as I kept my head down. I had nothing but time, until the sun went down.

  “You know what I think, Marty?”

  “Nope.”

  “This Jack Mercer clown we were all getting up in a fuss about. Before, you know, Cornero dunked him in the sea. I’m thinking maybe he actually did us a favour.”

  “You talking about Cornero - or Mercer?”

  “Who do you think?”

  “Okay, so what do you mean he did us a favour?”

  “Think about it. All this time we’ve just been doing the grunt work. Following our orders and playing nice and not questioning shit. But now the big guys are gone. Salvatore, Donovan, Castellano and Kane - they’re all sleeping below the ground. Know what that means?”

  “I’m starting to see your point, Eddy.”

  “Yeah, Marty. I knew you would. There’s opportunity out there now. For one of us. You and me. Why can’t we have some of the glory?”

  “What about Cornero? How could we go up against him knowing what we know?”

  “He’s just one guy. He always had the others behind his back. But I think that we can start something. We can be our own leaders.”

  “I like your thinking, Eddy. That sounds good. Where would we begin?”

  “Wherever we want, Marty. Which one of those asshole’s line of work do you like?”

  “We’d need guys though.”

  “Oh we’ll get them. We just have to sing a better song than Cornero. Everyone’s scared of him, you know? But what if we offered something better. Something like....family.”

  “You mean like a ‘we’re all equals here’ kind of thing?”

  “That’s it! We win them over, and we take it from there.”

  “But Eddy won’t there be other guys like us wanting to form their own cliques? And it’s dangerous, man. You know what happened to that old guy Rogers. He tried to rack up his own crew and he got gunned down before he even got started.”

  “That’s true. But Rogers wasn’t smart about it. We just have to get there first and do it right. We first have to get the people on our side.”

  “And how do we do that?”

  “We start small. We recruit our guys privately. We first build a small group that we can trust, and then some ways down the road we make them get guys that they can trust. Exponential growth.”

  “You know what? That sounds really good. I’m with you on this.”

  “Damn straight. This is our time now.”

  I had heard all that I had needed to. I smiled. It seemed Cornero’s world was a bit more unpredictable than he thought. I threw the money I owed down onto the table, slipped my hands into my jacket pockets and walked out into the cold and the rain relishing all that I had heard.

  I climbed into my car. My mind was pensive and in search of answers and direction. I did not know Cornero’s son of course. I didn’t know anything about him. But I did know where Cornero lived, and I also had the element of surprise on my hands. I was under the radar. As far as Cornero was concerned, I was dead and he was unopposed. My only plan of action right now was to visit Cornero’s home in the safety of the dark and find out what I could learn about his son. Cornero appeared to be a careful man. I didn’t even know how old his son was, so I had no clue if he was living alone, married or even in the city. But I suspected that if Cornero went to such great lengths to keep him a secret, then he had to be living among us and vulnerable. That’s what I would have bet on. It wouldn’t have made sense to go through so much trouble if his son had been unreachable in some distant part of the world. After all, wasn’t it smart to hide something in plain sight? That seemed Cornero’s style. His son most likely walked out in the open among the rest of men. I’d have to see what I could find out.

  I thought about Sarah then. My hands tightened on the steering wheel. I leaned forward and rested my forehead against it. I could not believe what I’d done. I’d lost her now; lost her as my only friend. Maybe even something more than that. I didn’t know. I could barely think about it half the time. It felt like cheating on Nicole, like betraying her. Betraying her because I was weak and needed comfort. My guard just dropped around Sarah, and I did not even know why. She was my close friend and we’d been through so much together, but the idea of anything more? It was absurd to me. Yet it had almost happened. Maybe that was why I had the nightmares. Wherever Nicole was, she knew that I was pathetic. She knew that I had almost cheated; that I had failed to honour her memory. I felt my pain return, breaking through the cracks in my soul. I knew that I was cursed. I would never get back what I had.

  Despite everything, it still hurt to have lost Sarah. And it sickened me - what I had done to her. I did not know if she’d ever forgive me. But Jess was my daughter. My child. Nicole’s child. I had sworn when she had been born that there was nothing that I would not do to protect her. It was the one thing - the last thing - that I could not fail. I had made a mess of everything else in my life. I had ruined it all. But not this. Not Jess. I refused to let her down. She was out there, and I was going to find her. Everything that I had done, everything that I had been through, had been for her. I would bring her home, no matter what.

  My mind suddenly flashed back to the white teddy bear I had found at the home of Luis Kane. I knew what I had seen. I was sure of it. The bear even had the same chewed off ear. How was that possible? It could not have been coincidence. And I had not hallucinated it. I had felt the fur; seen it as clearly as I could see everything right now. If it truly did belong to Jess, then surely that was a sign of some kind? But why had it been there? With a sinking feeling I tried to relax my mind. There had to be a plausible explanation. I knew I had been unable to find the bear after my family’s passing. It had been missing from my house. Did Jess maybe lose it before everything had happened? Was it some twisted story of fate?

  I closed my eyes and blocked out the memory. Even if she had lost it, what the hell was it doing at Kane’s house? It could only be the same one. I wasn’t imagining that Jess’ bear was unique. I’d seen her biting its ear on so many occasions. But it just didn’t make sense, like so many other things lately. I knew that Kane had a pregnant daughter, and his house was filled with gifts for her. Was it possible that someone just had a similar teddy bear? Was it possible that it actually was merely coincidence? I swore. It was frustrating. I had no answers. It made my head spin to try and piece together any kind of coherent explanation.

  I instead concentrated on what laid ahead. Cornero was all that stood in the way of me and my daughter. Sarah had said that there had to have been another way to do what I had done. But I knew that there was no alternative. When people said that violence wasn’t the answer, they were wrong. It was the only language that evil men understood. They dished it out in spades, but when the time came for them to face it themselves, they proved to be spineless cowards. I had seen it. I knew it. And Cornero would be the same. I’d watch him beg and plead and I would revel in it. I knew what he’d do - what he had almost done - if the roles were reversed. A fool would say to be better than him. But better men were all dead, and only the monsters remained.

/>   I looked to the SIG Pro pistol on the passenger seat next to me. Without the suppressor the gun would be as loud as thunder. But I only needed two bullets. One for Cornero and one for his son. His son would die first. I breathed out deeply. I still had daylight. But it was only hours left now. I turned the car on, and drove off without any real direction in mind. It would be over soon. I just kept telling myself that it was almost time. And then I would have Jess back.

  The night was young and the stars were bright. But the beauty of it all was marred by the frigid wind and the flowing rain. For a few moments I gazed at the rain as it gently swayed in the wind. The rain was an everlasting contradiction. It shielded me from the eyes of others, yet at the same time it hindered my ability to see. It played no favourites.

  I watched Cornero’s house from afar. I did not see any security around the perimeter. The house itself barely had any at all. That puzzled me. In fact the entire thing baffled me. The place didn’t even look like the home of a rich man, let alone a crime lord. It looked just like any other house on the block. I did a double take as I wondered if I was even at the right place. The only notable security feature was an electronic gate, but the walls were low enough that the gate didn’t exactly offer any suitable protection. A car was parked on the other side and it too was nothing expensive. What had happened to the wealth I had seen in Cornero’s red car outside of his club? I frowned. Not even Kane had lived in such a low-key house. It didn’t make any sense.

  My thoughts were interrupted by sudden movements behind the gate. I rolled my car window down, and the rain accepted my welcome as it pelted the inside of my vehicle. I heard voices, but I could not make out what they were saying. The gates opened. I tensed.

  I heard Cornero then. I would have never forgotten that voice.

  “Would you kindly get us there before the clock strikes eight-thirty? A gentleman always arrives first to a meeting, my good man.”

  Another man who sounded younger, presumably his driver, answered obediently. I watched from a distance as the car pulled out of the gate, and Cornero was briskly driven off towards whatever he had planned for the night. I smiled to myself. I had picked the perfect night it seemed. And breaking into his place would be easy compared to all the others. I pulled on my black gloves and slipped the ski mask on, and what was left of Jack Mercer disappeared. I checked that the SIG Pro was ready to fire. I had inspected it obsessively to make sure it was in good condition. It was a second-hand good after all, and I could not have trusted that its previous owner had taken the proper care of it.

  I pulled my jacket around my collar. I studied the walls up close. They were definitely low enough for me to climb over. I quickened my pace and scurried up the wall, grabbing the ledge above. My fingers got a firm grip, although I almost slipped on the wet surface for a brief second. I managed to pull myself up and vault over. I landed and turned around. The walls were low enough that a kid could have climbed over. I was in. I approached the front door. I hesitated. If it was locked, I’d look for another way in. Otherwise, I would have had to break in and make it quick. I reached for the door handle.

  It was unlocked.

  I listened for any sound on the other side. I was in the clear. I opened the door as softly as I could. I stopped. The inside of Cornero’s home was breath-taking. I stared slack-jawed. It would have cost a monumental fortune for everything inside. The walls were littered with paintings and antiques that appeared to be of high value. The television screen in the nearby lounge looked to be larger than sixty inches. A door was ajar to the left, and I advanced towards it as I remembered what I had come for. I did not hear signs of life anywhere. I gently pushed the door open. It was a wide room filled with elegant bookshelves. There looked to be hundreds of books here in the room with ease.

  As I surveyed the place I realised once again that I did not understand the depths of a man like Anthony Cornero. He fooled the world each minute of the day - even his own mob. He blended in with every other house on the block; living among families and civilians. He kept himself poor on the outside, a common man, but when you entered his home you could not mistake his power and fortune. But his actions were only to put up a veil; to cloak himself. He went unnoticed, and invited no one to take a second look. He hid directly under the sun.

  I doubted even the men he did business with knew anything about him on a personal level. He understood, more than I ever did, how vulnerable we all really were. What the world did not know about you could not be used against you. I had known his address, from the police records, but I had never expected anything like this. I knew then why no one got to Cornero or even saw him unless he allowed it. I had a suspicion then that the house I was in was not the only property that Cornero owned. He probably had a few around the city if he ever needed to move to another shadow. Cornero shielded his home, his family and his wealth and in doing so masked his power. He was known by reputation, by fear and by action alone. He had been right. I could have never beaten him before.

  I feared then the probability that he had high security inside his own home. If it wasn’t for the ski mask, my face might have been recorded. I had to move quickly. For all I knew, I could have tripped a damn motion sensor already. My paranoia began to play host to my mind. I ignored the rest of the interior and decor. I had to find anything I could about his son. Was his wife still around? I heard footsteps ahead. I ducked behind a wall. They went past me, down the hall, and I heard a door open and close. I then heard a tap being turned on. Someone had gone to the bathroom. I could a corner them there. I suddenly heard a loud crash. I turned my head to the right. It was coming from a room nearby. I listened. The sounds became clearer to me now. I could make out a car driving at high speed with a rock soundtrack in the background. It sounded like a video game.

  The bathroom door to my left opened. I scurried behind the wall, and heard someone walking towards me. But they turned away from me after a few steps, and I peeked around to see an open area that appeared to be the kitchen. It was a woman. I presumed that it was Cornero’s wife. She looked to be in her early thirties. Very beautiful. A brunette. She kept in good shape.

  “Tony, I’m making you some dinner! Come to the kitchen!” she called out.

  I took out my gun and crouched low behind the wall. I could hardly believe it. Cornero’s son was right there. He had been named after his father it seemed. It couldn’t have been so easy. The noise from the video game ceased, and I heard his son briskly walking towards the kitchen.

  “I just need to get something from the freezer. I’ll be right back,” his mother said.

  I heard her leave. I breathed. There was no time to think. I pulled away from the wall. I advanced towards the kitchen with my gun held out in front of me. The soft padding on my shoes ensured that I made no sound on the wooden floor. I stepped inside the kitchen. I saw the boy. And in a second the world collapsed around me. My heart ceased to beat. My mind fell to ashes.

  It was just a child.

  My mind refused to accept what I saw. Just a kid. He was not even as old as Jess. He saw me then, and I was not prepared. Fear took hold of him. He opened his mouth to scream. My blood chilled. He had the same eyes; those icy, grey eyes. He had Cornero’s eyes. I knew then. There was no mistake. It was his son. The little boy’s shout echoed through the house. His mother came charging back. She let out a shrill cry as she saw me. My resolve shattered. The hand holding the gun grew weak. My mind erupted into a panic. I stared at the child.

  I couldn’t do it.

  Without warning, in the midst of the silence, the demon rose. It hissed at me. It called me weak. It called me pitiful. It called me an unfit father. I stepped forward then. I raised the gun. The mother screamed in defiance and ran at me. I caught her with one arm and threw her to the floor, much harder than I had meant to. She hit the ground tumbling. But she recovered quickly and crawled on the floor. She broke into a pleading cry. She started to beg. She offered me her own life. She pleaded
with me not to hurt her baby. Her agonised, desperate voice cried out to her child to tell him that everything was going to be okay - that he must not be scared.

  I looked into those grey eyes. He was just a baby. He had not even lived. He was just like Jess. But he was unlucky enough to be the son of a murderer. He was unlucky enough to be who he was. I fought back my own tears as I held the gun between his eyes. He looked at me with innocence. His big, round eyes showed that he was unable to understand. He did not move. He did not fight. He did not make a sound. My hand shook. I managed to suppress the demon. The boy hadn’t done anything wrong. He wasn’t responsible for his father’s crimes. How could I do it? There had to be another way.

  The demon roared in a fierce anger and crushed my humanity in its palm. His father’s crimes were why the child was supposed to die. It told me that ugly truth. It urged me to do it. And I understood its words. More than anything I knew. I knew it better than anyone. Children always paid for the mistakes of their parents. I heard the pleas of the mother, growing more desperate and tormented. The demon blocked her out. I was caught between it and the remnants of Jack Mercer. The man. The father. The killer. I stalled as the demon dictated that the boy had to die. I stalled with the last few moments I had to breathe.

  I knew that killing Tony and carrying out my plan to frame Cornero’s mob would start a war between them all. I wore the mask. To Cornero, Jack Mercer was dead. He would have little option but to assume it was a mob hit; a face from his past. Whatever his belief there was one certainty. He’d react with a monstrous vengeance. I was going to unleash the evil in a man I did not understand. A man I could not match. I could be signing the death warrants of dozens. Hundreds. I could be starting a slaughter. Doing the Reaper’s work. I had no way of knowing what would happen once I made the choice. Doubts crept into my mind. Had I really lost so much of my humanity? Did I have to do it? I could take his family hostage. I could wait for Cornero to return.

  You don’t understand this man.

  The gun shook uncontrollably in my hand.

  You are failing Jess.

  I grit my teeth.

  Cornero killed your wife. He has your daughter.

  The demon began to take control.

  Have you already forgot what he did to you?

  Visions flashed in my mind of drowning. Suffocation. Agony. Dying.

  Jack Mercer is dead. Nothing but an ancient fossil. A dusty relic. A forgotten memory.

  My gun hand went still.

  The boy must die.

  The world became devoid of sound. There was a dull ache in my chest. A roaring in my head. A calmness in my body. A chill in my blood.

  I thought of Jess.

  I searched for forgiveness in a place where I knew there was none.

  I felt my finger pull back on the trigger.

  A thunderous blast filled my ears.

  A gaping hole emerged where the child’s eye used to be.

  Screams.

  I saw red.