Pieces of Me

by E. L. Todd

  “I’m not harsh. I just—”

  “I said I would try.”

  That was the most I was getting from him. “Okay.”

  ***

  I had very low expectations. In fact, when he walked through the door I expected him to be drunk. And I didn’t expect him to come home until ten in the evening.

  I sincerely hoped that wasn’t the case.

  I didn’t want to leave him. I wanted to make this work. But if he continued to treat me like that I didn’t have a choice. It was hard for me to trust him again when I took him back, and if he broke that trust a second time there was no going back.

  That’s the last thing I wanted.

  I watched Abby play with her toys while I did a few things for work. I didn’t go to the museum that day so I had to pick up the slack now. “What do you want for dinner, Abby?”

  “Not those green balls.”

  I tried not to laugh. “Green balls?”

  “Those round green things…yuck.”

  “Brussel sprouts?” I couldn’t stop smiling.

  “I think so…I don’t like those.”

  I chuckled. “How about a grilled cheese then?”

  “I’ll eat that,” she said with excitement.

  I closed my binder and was about to stand up when the front door opened. We both turned our heads to see Arsen standing there. It was a little after five, so he was home on time. He didn’t look drunk. And there was an arrangement of flowers in his hand as well as a bag from Toys R’ Us.

  I tried not to cry.

  “Daddy!” Abby ran to him and hugged him around the waist. “You’re home.”

  Arsen didn’t smile like he normally would. He was still frozen, practically dead. “I’m here, sweetheart.” He handed her the bag. “I got you something.”

  “Ooh…what is it?” She looked inside and found a Play-Doh set. “Yay! Thanks, Dad.”

  “Of course, sweetheart. Just try not to make a mess.”

  She took the box and moved back to her place next to her other toys.

  I slowly approached Arsen, my arms still across my chest.

  He watched me with the same expression he wore earlier. He hid most of himself beneath the surface. He was closed off and hollow. But that was the most I was getting. “I’m sorry for my behavior. I’ll try to be better.” He didn’t seem sincere at all.

  I eyed the flowers in his hand.

  He handed them over. “Please don’t leave me.” Now he sounded sincere, even a little emotional. The old side of him emerged, just a tiny bit. He held my gaze without blinking.

  I pulled the flowers close to me and smelled them. “They’re beautiful. Thank you.”

  He slowly moved toward me and wrapped his arms around me. He rested his chin on my head. “I don’t want you to leave…”

  “I won’t…if you do as I ask.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  He kept his arms tightly around me and didn’t make a move to let me go. He kept me in place and stood there for several minutes. “I don’t know who I am anymore…I’m lost.”

  “I’ll help you find your way back, Arsen.”

  Chapter Two

  Jared

  So, this was really happening.

  Beatrice and I were…a thing.

  And I couldn’t fuck it up.

  I had to keep my hands to myself and do right by her. My eyes couldn’t wander. Temptation couldn’t creep into my veins. I couldn’t hurt her the way I hurt Lexie, the woman I vowed to spend the rest of my life with. I couldn’t repeat those mistakes, not again.

  I couldn’t.

  I’d never forgive myself if I did.

  After the wine bar was closed and it was just she and I, the tension increased. Normally, when I wanted someone I just went for it. But Beatrice was different. I didn’t know how to approach it. Technically, I hadn’t taken her on a single date but I’d spent all my time with her over the past year.

  It was complicated.

  I counted the money in the register before I tossed it in the safe. “Another good night.”

  “Every night is a good night,” she said as she pulled her apron off. “Maybe we should close on Mondays or something.”

  “Why Mondays?” Business was good that day.

  “So we can have a day off,” she said with a laugh. “How’s your bar doing?”

  “Good. I just do the bookkeeping and stuff. But everything seems fine.”

  “We both can’t work two jobs much longer. We need to hire a manager or something.”

  “I was thinking the same thing.”

  “Should we post something on a job website?” she asked.

  “Yeah, sounds like a plan.” It was weird to talk about work with her when all I was thinking about was asking her out or kissing her. That last kiss we had was pretty fantastic. She was talented in the lip department.

  She came to my side, and her perfume washed over me. “So…what are you doing now that you’re off of work?”

  Why the fuck was I so nervous? I told her how I felt and that was out in the open. But when it came to making a move I turned into a huge pussy. Now that the relationship was different, I was different. “Uh…probably just go home.”

  “Well, do you want to do something?”

  “Uh…” This was just embarrassing.

  She smiled like she was amused. “Jared, I’ve never seen you nervous before.”

  My cheeks tinted slightly and I hated that. “I guess I’m just not sure how to do this.”

  “Well, I’m a girl. So just ask me out like any other girl.”

  “That’s the problem,” I said. “You aren’t just any other girl.”

  Her eyes softened.

  “I want to do everything perfectly but then that makes me freeze up. It’s just a lot of pressure.”

  “Well, don’t think. Pretend we’re friends like we were before.”

  “Honestly, you’ve never been just my friend. I’ve had the hotts for you forever.”

  “Then pretend I don’t know how you feel.” She leaned closer to me, her ruby red lips close to mine.

  “Uh…when you stand that close to me I can’t think.”

  “Come on, Jared. Don’t be a pussy.”

  That snapped me out of it. “A pussy?”

  “Yeah. You’re being a huge pussy right now.”

  I laughed because I knew she was right. “Come over to my place and watch a movie with me.”

  “We better not actually watch the movie.”

  I smiled automatically. “Who knew Beatrice Satini was such a huge slut.”

  “I’m not a slut.” She smacked my arm playfully. “I’ve been into you for a really long time and I already know everything about you. I want to make out and see you shirtless again.”

  At least she broke the ice. “You break it off with Jason yet?”

  Her smile immediately disappeared. “I totally forgot.”

  I didn’t like that response. “Get rid of him. I don’t like that asshole.”

  “He’s not an asshole. He’s a very nice guy.”

  “Whatever. You’re mine and he needs to know that.”

  “We aren’t exclusive so I’ll talk to him tomorrow. I’m not doing anything wrong.”

  I didn’t like the fact she was still connected to him in some way. I wanted him to know she was mine. I was never possessive or jealous but that quickly changed—instantly. “Tell him.”

  “Right now?” she asked. “It’s eleven.”

  “Text him.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I’m not going to break it off with him through a text message.”

  “Email?”

  She put her hand on her hip.

  “Then let’s go to his apartment and tell him.”

  “Why do I have to do this right now?”

  “Because you’re mine and he needs to understand that. You know what? I’ll tell him.”

  “Do you think I’m going to change my
mind or something?” She studied my face like her eyes were a pair of magnifying glasses.

  “You did say you liked him and you wanted to keep seeing him…and you kissed him.”

  “Jared, there’s no comparison. I even told him I wanted you but you turned me down.”

  “Really?” I liked that part.

  “When I tell him we’re together he won’t be surprised.”

  “Did you sleep with him?”

  She glared at me.

  “Hey, I have the right to know.”

  “Actually, you don’t.”

  My heart fell into my stomach. “You slept with him…?”

  “No…not that it’s any of your business.”

  I could breathe again.

  “So, movie and make out session tonight?”

  I kept thinking about Jason.

  She sighed. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  “How would you feel if I were dating some girl? And I was technically still dating her?”

  When she crossed her arms over her chest I knew she understood my point.

  “So, let’s swing by and tell him.”

  “Jared, it’s almost midnight.”

  “Then call him before we swing by.”

  She turned around and marched off. “Then I guess we can do something tomorrow night after I talked to him.”

  I didn’t want to wait that long but I wanted to make sure she was really mine before I totally poured my heart out to her. “No, come over. But…we’ll just watch a movie.”

  She glared at me.

  “And cuddle.”

  She still didn’t seem happy with that.

  “Hey, cuddling is the most you’re getting.”

  “I want to sleep over.”

  “Like…just sleep with me?”

  “Yep.”

  That was a reasonable compromise. “We have a deal.”

  ***

  We sat on my couch with two glasses of red wine on the coffee table. We were watching a new Johnny Depp movie, and she leaned into my side with one arm wrapped around my waist.

  My arm was over the back of the chair, and sometimes one of her strands of hair grazed my fingertips. It ignited a fiery passion inside me, making me hot and cold at the same time. I wanted to fist her hair and suck on her bottom lip until it was sore.

  But I managed to remain still.

  Beatrice adjusted herself and moved closer into me. Her breath fell on my neck, and that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

  “Can you not do that?”

  “Do what?” she asked.

  “Wiggle your body into me and breathe on my neck.”

  “Uh…okay.” She pulled away.

  “It just turns me on, and I hate being turned on when there’s nothing I can do about it.”

  “Oh.” Her offense disappeared. She leaned against me again but directed her face toward my chest so she wouldn’t breathe on me again.

  But my hard-on never went away.

  When the credits started to roll it was almost one in the morning. “Time for bed?” Hopefully, she was too tired to make a move. I wanted her naked underneath me, her legs wrapped around my waist. But I wanted this relationship to succeed so I couldn’t afford any mistakes.

  She yawned. “I’m sleepy and I want to cuddle with my teddy bear.”

  “I’m a teddy bear now?”

  “Yeah…without the fur.”

  “Then let’s go.”

  We headed into my bedroom and I found her a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt. “You can wear these.”

  “Thanks.” She held them up. “But they’re a little big…”

  “Roll the boxers. That should work.” That’s what all the other girls did.

  She changed in the bathroom and I got under the covers. I slept in my boxers without a shirt. I didn’t like wearing a lot of clothes when I was in bed. It was too uncomfortable.

  Beatrice came out of the bathroom then joined me in the bedroom. Her long and lean legs looked sexy in my underwear. My shirt was a million times too big for her but she still looked sexy as hell. She moved underneath the covers and immediately clung to me.

  This was going to be a lot harder than I thought.

  “Your bed is comfortable.”

  “Thanks…”

  She moved directly up against me, like she had a thousand times.

  There was no way I could hide my hard dick so I didn’t even bother. I draped her leg over my waist then hooked my arm around her ribs. She was flush against me, and it felt so good.

  “Good night, Jared.” Her eyes were already closed.

  “Good night, baby.” The nickname slipped out.

  She opened her eyes and stared at me.

  “Is it okay if I call you that?”

  “I love it when you call me that.”

  I smiled before I kissed her forehead.

  ***

  Beatrice walked into the wine bar wearing a typical short black dress with heels. She looked stunning, like always. When she turned her eyes on me, there was nothing but joy. “Hey.” She came around the corner and kissed me.

  It was such an innocent kiss, with no tongue or passion. It was ordinary, something a couple that’d been together for years did every single day. But that normalcy meant the world to me. I could kiss her in front of everyone because she was mine. “Hey, beautiful.”

  “Another day at the office, huh?”

  “Looks that way.” I grabbed her waist and pulled her back to me before she got too far away. “So…you spoke to him?”

  The guilt in her eyes told me the answer. “I called him but he never got back to me. He must be busy with work.”

  I immediately growled.

  “But when he calls back, I’ll tell him.”

  That wasn’t soon enough for me.

  “Jared, calm down.”

  “The longer you wait, the longer I have to wait.”

  “Well, it’ll be soon. Cool your jets.” She walked away so I couldn’t argue further.

  I was really hoping to fool around with her after work. Now that my plans were spoiled because that stupid jackass wouldn’t pick up the phone. If she didn’t do it soon I’d have to hunt him down myself and stake a claim.

  ***

  Toward the end of the night, we got a shitty customer.

  Jason came in and sat at a table while Beatrice floated around. He was staring at her, gawking at her.

  I didn’t like that shit one bit.

  When Beatrice spotted him she approached his table and made small talk. Smiles were exchanged so there obviously wasn’t any breaking up involved. Then he rose to his feet and leaned in to kiss her.

  I don’t think so, buddy.

  Beatrice put a hand to his chest and kept him back. Then she said something to him.

  Jason knew something was wrong judging the concern on his face.

  It was so hard for me to stay out of the way and not intervene. She was mine, had been mine before pretty boy made an appearance. I didn’t want him touching her, asking for another chance, and I certainly didn’t want him looking at her.

  Unable to take the high road, I headed toward them. Jealousy drove me forward and I knew it shouldn’t but I was helpless to my emotions. Beatrice wasn’t just some girl I had feelings for. She was…a lot more than that.

  “Need some help over here?”

  Beatrice gave me a cold look. “No, Jared. We’re just fine.”

  Jason wouldn’t look at me.

  “Are you sure?” I asked. “Seems a little…tense.”

  “Jared, go away,” Beatrice commanded. “Now.”

  “She’s mine.” I barked that out like a dog desperate for a treat.

  Beatrice covered her face like she was mortified. “Oh my god…”

  Jason wasn’t amused. “If you’re done being a dick, can I talk to Beatrice now? We’re having an adult conversation even though I’m sure you have no idea what that is.”

  I stepped toward him, f
lexing my muscles and preparing to land a nice slug to his jaw. “Do you want to die, pretty boy?”

  “Okay, enough.” Beatrice put one hand on each of our chests. “Don’t pull out your dicks and start comparing.”

  “We already know whose is bigger,” I jabbed.

  “Seriously?” Jason asked as he looked at her. “You want to be with this moron?”

  “He’s not normally like this,” Beatrice said. “He’s just a little—”

  I grabbed him by the collar and prepared to shove his face into the table.

  “Jared!” Beatrice smacked me in the arm as hard as she could. “Release him.”

  I did as she asked. But if she were anyone else I wouldn’t listen.

  “Now go behind the counter and stay there.” She pointed to the bar. “I mean it.”

  I knew I did enough damage so I tucked my tail between my legs and returned to my post. But I didn’t work because all I did was stare at them. They sat across from each other at the table and talked quietly. Jason’s face was a hidden mask. I couldn’t determine anything he was thinking or feeling.

  An hour later, Jason left the table and hugged her.

  Stay.

  Don’t do it.

  Stay put.

  Beatrice returned the embrace before they pulled away. After an exchange of smiles, Jason headed to the door. On his way out, he gave me a cold glare.

  I gave him the bird.

  When I looked at Beatrice again her arms were crossed over her chest and she was shaking her head.

  I gave her an innocent grin.

  She turned around and got back to work.

  ***

  Beatrice didn’t speak again until closing time.

  “So…we had a good night, huh?” I was trying to feel her out.

  “In terms of business, yes. In terms of us, absolutely not.”

  Dammit. “Baby, I’m sorry. I’ve never been jealous like that before.”

  “And that’s supposed to be an excuse?” she snapped.

  “Well…yeah?”

  She stomped her foot in irritation. “You embarrassed me, Jared. Remember, Jason didn’t do anything. He’s an innocent victim in all of this. There’s absolutely no reason to gloat about your victory. He was very understanding when I told him. From the beginning, I told him how I felt about you. He bowed out without a fuss.”

  “He did?”

  “Yes.”

  At least he didn’t fight for her.