Most Ardently

by Susan Mesler-Evans

  My sister is very smart. She’s always been two steps ahead of me, intellectually, and was among the most advanced in her class, which itself was for “gifted and talented” students. Her true area of expertise is music. When I was seventeen, Gianna was in junior high, and was permitted to take music classes at the college. I was worried about her being mixed in with people so much older, since she’s always been so shy, even around her peers, but I couldn’t be the one who held her back.

  Gianna began attending a class at the college twice a week. The other students all took very well to her—they all treated her like the entire class’ baby sister. Gi didn’t mind this; she actually liked it. She felt like she was part of the group, and I think that, in her own way, she was. One day, she called me to say that she’d been invited out for post-midterm celebrations with the rest of the class. I knew they’d be going to a bar, but I trusted her to not do anything stupid, and her classmates to keep an eye out for her, so I told her to go and have fun.

  This next part of the story is the hardest of all for me to recount. I want to start by saying that I’ve talked to Gianna about what happened, and she’s fully aware of this letter and its contents. She’s given me permission to share this information with you. I would never reveal it if she hadn’t.

  After that outing, I noticed a gradual shift in Gianna’s personality and actions over the course of a few months. She became more secretive, more private, even around me. She was constantly texting someone and got irritable if anyone got too close to her phone. She also began eating far less, and often seemed on-edge and stressed out. Willow and I asked her about it countless times, but she insisted we were imagining things. But I know my sister, and something was very, very wrong.

  It was Willow that found out. She overheard Gianna on the phone one night, after everyone else in the house was asleep, and she distinctly heard her address the other caller by name: “Wick.” She told me what she’d heard the next morning, and I immediately pulled Gianna aside to ask her about it. It took a few minutes of pestering, but once it became clear I knew something was going on and wouldn’t drop it until I knew the full truth, she broke down and told me. She’d met Wick that night at the bar. They hadn’t spoken in years, but he’d been his usual friendly, charming self. He’d told her he wanted to be friends again. But that friendship quickly turned into something more.

  She and Wick had been together, sexually, and romantically (if you can call it that—I’m not sure I could stomach it), but she had known that the relationship was illegal, given her age, so she kept it secret. He, of course, had been fine with that. I told her that she had to break up with him and cease all contact. I told her that any grown man willing to pursue a relationship of that nature with a teenager is not a man you want around.

  She was reluctant. She fought me. She said he loved her, and she loved him, and that they’d get married as soon as she was old enough. She said I just didn’t understand him, or her. I realized she wouldn’t listen to me easily, so I told her that if she didn’t, I’d tell our aunt and uncle, who would definitely call the police.

  Looking back, what I regret most is not doing that from the start. But I didn’t. I was horrified by Wick’s actions, and at the time, I was only focused on getting Gi out of that relationship as quickly as possible.

  Over the next few weeks, she slowly began to open up, though she was angry at me for quite a while. I found out she had tried to end the relationship twice previously, but Wick had always convinced her to come back. He made her feel like only he saw her as the mature, intelligent adult she so desperately wanted to be. I found out he hit her at least once during an argument. I found out he’d also been sending her lewd images and text messages, even during periods where she’d broken up with him. I did not, however, find out if he ever outright forced her into sex. I’m certain there was some coercion, and given their respective ages, the consent involved is dubious at best, but I’ve never been able to bring myself to ask for all the details, and Gianna doesn’t seem to want to talk about it.

  Finally, she realized that Willow and I had done the right thing, trying to pull her away from Wick. We had made every effort to make sure they couldn’t see each other, but finally, Gi said she would terminate the relationship for good, and press charges against him for statutory rape. We began the process of pressing charges (including telling my aunt and uncle, both of whom were appalled Willow and I hadn’t come to them for help right away). But, well…

  I’m sure you’ve heard what it can be like for victims who try to bring their abusers to justice. The system is harsh on them. They’re often scared or intimidated into silence. Gianna, unfortunately, was one of them. I don’t hold this against her; the way the officers talked to and about her upset even me, and they went out of their way to assure her that the trial would be long and grueling, and even with proof, it was unlikely Wick would get convicted of anything serious, thanks to the fact that she didn’t come forward right away and his stellar reputation. (I’m almost certain Gianna wasn’t the first girl he’s done this with, but if there are others, they never came forward, either. His record is flawless; not even a parking ticket.)

  The stress was making her physically ill and causing her to have panic attacks, and finally, she decided to drop all charges. We tried to talk her out of it, but she was so distressed that eventually, we realized forcing her to continue would be cruel. He hadn’t tried to contact her in a month or so, and she had no desire to see or speak to him again, so my aunt and uncle decided to simply focus on her recovery. She’s been in counseling ever since, and that’s when they began homeschooling her.

  I couldn’t stand the thought of him walking away scot-free. I had to make him pay somehow. What I really wanted was to lock him in a cage and throw away the key, but if Gianna wouldn’t press charges, that plan wasn’t happening anytime soon. So, I decided to do the only thing I could think of—put the fact that I was now eighteen and had full access to my money to good use. I went to Winchester with the proof we had against Wick and told them that if he wasn’t expelled by the end of the day, I’d make them regret it. My family’s one of the biggest donors Winchester’s ever had, and my father’s company could easily buy out the school and sell it back for twice its value, so they knew I wasn’t kidding. (I think they were also worried I’d go to the press if they didn’t do anything. I wouldn’t have, because of Gianna, but I was fine with letting them believe I would.) I don’t normally approve of blackmail, but to get Wick out of that school, I was more than happy to make an exception.

  I hope now you understand why I did what I did. I got Wick expelled, yes, but I had a good reason. You don’t have to take my word for it. You can ask Willow, Bobby, and Gianna—they’ll tell you everything. I hope you also understand why I tried to dissuade you from pursuing a relationship with him. And why I couldn’t tell you the whole story.

  Again, this is my last attempt to contact you unless you contact me first. I regret some things, but not everything—I hope this letter is an adequate explanation for some of my actions. Please take care of yourself and have a good rest of term. If you wish to see me, I’ll be at the Fitzgerald Estate in Columbus. You can also, of course, contact me through Willow or Colin.

  I wish you nothing but happiness.

  Sincerely,

  Darcy Fitzgerald

  Elisa read the letter again. And again. And then she read it two more times.

  So many different emotions were swirling inside of her, getting all mixed up and tangled. Mostly, there was shock. And anger. And the horrible, sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, of realizing she’d been completely and totally wrong.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  In Which Elisa Realizes She May Have Been Wrong

  Charlene and Elisa were sitting on the couch, the letter on the coffee table in front of them, and they were both staring at it like it was a bomb about to explode. Or maybe one that had already went off. Colin had left the apartment to talk to her mo
m about places he could apply for a job. The second he was gone, she had burst, telling Charlene about the letter. She had practically shoved it into her hand, telling her to read it. Once she had finished, they’d both sat there in total silence. Elisa felt like she was stumbling through an endless fog, like she was sleepwalking and had yet to wake up.

  “Holy shit,” Charlene finally said.

  “I know.”

  “I can’t… I don’t even know Gianna or Wick, and I still want to find him and kick his ass.”

  “I know them both, and my thoughts are a bit more…stabby.” Elisa ran a hand over her hair. “I mean…holy shit. Gianna’s only a little older than Lucia. For Wick to do that to her…”

  “How are you feeling?” she asked. “About… everything.”

  “Well, Wick only kissed me once, but I still want to wash out my mouth with holy water,” she said. “You won’t tell anyone else about this, right? Not even Colin.”

  “Of course not,” she assured her.

  “Thanks. I’m not even sure I should’ve told you, to be honest… I just—I’ve only known for half an hour, and I can already feel it weighing on me. I can’t imagine how Gi and Darcy must feel.”

  “Well,” she said, reaching out to touch Elisa’s arm gently, “I can help you carry the load.”

  Elisa ran a hand through her dark hair. “I think… I think I may have been too hard on Darcy.”

  Charlene nodded. “Yeah. I mean, it’s not your fault—you couldn’t have known.”

  “Still. I… I’m still mad at her for breaking up Bobby and Julieta,” she admitted. “Although what she said about him being pulled away so easily is an…annoyingly good point. But the situation with Wick—I had it all wrong.”

  And she honestly couldn’t believe how wrong she’d been. She’d spent months happy to believe Darcy was the sort of person to ruin someone’s life for no reason, but now that she knew the truth, she was frankly shocked she had managed to be so restrained. If it were Elisa’s sister, she wasn’t sure she would’ve been able to keep herself from running him over in the street on sight.

  Darcy was still an annoying, stuck-up jerk. But she was also someone that would do anything to protect her little sister. And her best friend. Even though she had been wrong about Julieta, she did seem to sincerely believe she was protecting Bobby.

  She still couldn’t say she liked Darcy, but Elisa could feel the last of her hatred for her slowly draining away.

  …

  Elisa spent the rest of Saturday and all of Sunday rereading the letter and restraining herself from either calling Wick and screaming at him or calling Gianna to apologize endlessly for ever having believed what he had said. As tempting as both those options were, from what she had read, Darcy’s sister was finally starting to move on, and Elisa didn’t want to bring it all back.

  Still, she couldn’t stop thinking about Gianna—fidgety, jumpy, nervous Gianna—and all she’d been through and what seeing her sister in that position must’ve done to Darcy. Despite their history, Elisa would’ve needed a heart of stone to not sympathize with her for that.

  It was still on her mind as she got to Communications I on Monday morning. After the weekend she’d had, she’d almost forgotten about school and that she had to return to reality. But Monday came, and return, she did.

  She took her usual seat next to Willow, and the first thing she said was, “Did you read the letter?”

  Elisa nodded. “Yeah. About twelve times.” She fidgeted nervously with her pencil. “Willow… You read Darcy’s letter before she came to deliver it to me, didn’t you? She…she said you helped her write it.”

  “Yeah, I, uh, supervised.”

  She hesitated, glancing around the room to see if anyone else paying any attention to them. No one was. Scooting closer, Elisa spoke in a lowered voice.

  “Was everything she said about her sister and Wick true? I mean, I can’t imagine even Darcy would lie about something like that—not with her own sister—but…I thought I got to know Wick pretty well, and…I’m kind of in shock, reading that he’d do something like that with… To a fifteen-year-old girl. I believe her, I just…”

  Willow nodded. “I get it. It’s hard to process. But it’s all true.”

  “Gianna’s only fifteen…”

  “Oh, it’s worse than that,” she said, her lips twisting into a small scowl. “I know the letter didn’t mention an exact timeframe, but this was about a year and a half ago. Gianna was thirteen when they began…uh.”

  “Dating?” Elisa offered, stomach churning even as she did.

  She shook her head. “I’m sure Gi thought of it as dating, but I think the proper term for what Wick was doing is ‘grooming.’”

  “How—how old was he?”

  “When he and Gianna began seeing each other? About twenty, twenty-one by the time Darcy got him kicked out.”

  She stared at the floor. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

  Willow patted her arm. “I actually was a bit sick, when I found out. I mean, you hear about this shit all the time—secondhand stories from other people, the news, PSAs, you see it in the movies…but when it’s someone you know, when it’s someone you love as much as I love Gianna… It’s almost too much to handle.”

  “But you did.”

  “I did. I think Gianna and Darcy are both still in the process of handling it. For Gianna, I’m not sure the process will ever end.”

  Class began after that, but Elisa barely even pretended to pay attention. School was, for once, the last thing on her mind.

  …

  Elisa’s sisters had been confused when she told them she wanted to talk to all of them, but had agreed when she added, “It’s super important.”

  All five Benitez sisters were crammed into her room, Elisa on her feet, pacing back and forth nervously.

  “Okay, look—what I’m going to say may sound a bit weird,” she said. “But I need you all to listen. You all remember that I was kind of going out with George Sedgwick a few months ago?”

  “Sure, but didn’t that only last for like, one date?” Maria asked.

  She nodded. “Yeah. Look, I’ve just found out something about Wick’s past, and it’s… Let’s just say I’m now very glad I am no longer in contact with him. I need you all to promise you won’t go near him. Promise that if he tries to talk to you, or even looks at you, you’ll walk away. And I—I know it sounds strange, but you can’t ask me why.”

  Camila frowned, concerned. “Did he do something to you?”

  “No—no, not me, specifically. Just… He’s bad news. Really bad news. And I can’t sleep easy until you all know to keep away.”

  “I don’t know why you can’t tell us,” Maria said slowly, “but if it really means that much to you, then…I promise.”

  Camila nodded. “I promise, too.”

  “Why can’t you tell us?” Lucia asked, tilting her head curiously.

  “Because a lot of it… A lot of it, I was asked to keep private, and a lot of it involves people I barely know, and a lot of it is super personal and sensitive information about someone you guys have never even met. I’m trying to respect the other people’s boundaries, but…I had to warn you about him.”

  “Fine. I promise,” Lucia said, though she still seemed confused.

  Elisa let out a relieved sigh. “Thank you. I know this is weird and awkward for you guys, but you all just took a load off my mind.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  In Which No One Listens to Elisa, As Usual

  As promised, Elisa didn’t hear from Darcy again after she’d delivered the letter. She popped up now and again in Willow or Gianna’s social media feeds, but she didn’t call, text, or even like one of Elisa’s posts. She wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. Before reading the letter, she would’ve been eager to hold Darcy to her promise, but now that she had…

  Now she couldn’t explain how she felt. She and Darcy weren’t friends, but she understood her a bit better. I
f nothing else, she certainly knew that she wasn’t heartless, as she’d once believed. And, whether she liked it or not, she definitely felt her absence.

  She could not get Darcy out of her head. And she wasn’t even sure she wanted to anymore.

  Because, apparently, the world has just gone completely insane.

  It had been over a month since Elisa received the letter. February and March both passed in the blink of an eye, like her entire life was on fast-forward until she suddenly realized it was early April. She only had a week before midterms began, and after that, it’d be spring break, and she’d be spending the week at the Alexandra Pemberley Museum of Classical Art.

  Elisa wasn’t the only Benitez sister with big spring break plans. The night before, Lucia had come home bouncing off the walls because her on-and-off BFF Vivian Forester was going to Daytona Beach and had invited her to come along.

  Let’s hope they’re still in the “on” phase by the time the trip actually gets here.

  Elisa was sitting on her bed, going over the review packet her Communications I professor had handed out, while Lucia hung out in the room with her, babbling on and on. She was talking about all the things she wanted to do and see in Daytona Beach, but Elisa wasn’t paying much mind until her ears picked up on the words, “Vivi’s turning sixteen, so this trip is her present—her parents promised to leave her alone and let her do her thing as long as she promised to call every night…”

  Elisa looked up. “Wait, wait, wait. Vivian’s parents aren’t going?”

  Lucia looked like a deer caught in the headlights. “Um…”

  “Lulu, no. No. You cannot go. Not to Daytona Beach without any adult supervision.”

  “It’s not without any adults,” she protested. “Vivi’s aunt lives in Daytona Beach, she’s getting us at the airport. We’re just, y’know…part of the gift is that we get to stay in a hotel instead of with the aunt, but she’ll be around some of the time.”