Broken Beats

by D. Kelly

  I just finished getting ready for work and wander down the hall to check on Cadence’s progress.

  Darren is finishing her hair and they’re going over her affirmations. I’ve only caught the tail end of them once because I’m always getting ready at the same time. I pause outside the door and peek in.

  “Who are you?” Darren asks.

  “Cadence Melody Miller.”

  “What are you?”

  “I’m strong, I’m smart, and I’m happy.”

  “Do you make fun of people?”

  “No.”

  “What do you do if someone makes fun of you?”

  “I walk it off.”

  “Who do you hate?”

  “No one. There’s no room for hate, only love.”

  “Who loves you the most?”

  Cadence giggles. “You do, Daddy.”

  “And who do I love the most?”

  “Me, Mommy, and Haddie.”

  Darren pauses and moves in front of her. “Haddie, huh?”

  “You said you loved her, so we should add her.”

  Darren hugs her, and I step away from the door and blink away my tears. I hadn’t realized how much Cadence’s acceptance would mean to me until this very moment.

  I go back to the kitchen and pour some coffee into a to-go mug. There’s a knock at the sliding glass door.

  “Morning, Haddie!” Nate says as I open the door for him.

  I wish I had his kind of energy in the morning. “Good morning, Nate.”

  “I brought Cady a Pop-Tart. Can she have one?”

  “Daddy, can I have one?” Cadence pleads as she runs toward Nate with a huge smile.

  Darren sighs. “Yes, you can. Thank you for sharing, Nate. I know your dad doesn’t like to share his toaster pastries.”

  Nate giggles. “Mom told him if he eats them, he has to offer them to us too. She said, ‘fair is fair.’”

  “And that worked?”

  Nate shakes his head. “Nope, but Mom thinks it did. I promised Dad I wouldn’t tell on him since it’s his favorite snack.”

  I lean closer to Darren and whisper, “Am I missing something?”

  “Sawyer loves two things as much as he loves Mel and the kids: Pop-Tarts and his mom’s chocolate chip cookies. He would have a major meltdown on the road if we ran out. It was so bad, Wyatt and I started keeping extras on our bus just in case.”

  “That’s hilarious.”

  “Yeah, I miss those days,” he says sadly.

  “Go talk to him.”

  He shakes his head. “No way. I apologized, so the ball is in his court.” He looks over at the kids as they finish their food. “Go brush your teeth again.”

  They run off to the bathroom, and he pulls me close. “I saw you peeking in the bathroom.”

  “I just wanted to see the two of you together in the morning.”

  Darren nuzzles my neck and kisses me below the ear. “Mmhm, and that’s why you got all teary-eyed and ran away?”

  I sigh and lean into his touch. “You’re not playing fair. Stop getting me all worked up when I have to leave for work with the kids.”

  “You didn’t answer me.”

  “I don’t know what to say. I’m honored that she’s including me, and I can’t even begin to describe how happy it made me to hear her say it. But her recognizing your love for me isn’t the same as me earning hers. I know it takes time though.”

  He drops a kiss on my lips before pulling away. “I’m not sure she would have added you at all if she didn’t feel it too. We’ll get there.”

  “I know, and I’m willing to wait as long as it takes. You two are the most important people in my life.”

  “Haddie,” Darren looks me in the eyes, “move in with us.”

  It’s still so soon. I’m here more often than not but making it official is such a big step.

  “Can I think about it?”

  His expression falls, but he schools it quickly. “For as long as you need.”

  “We’re ready!” the kids yell as they run down the hall from the bathroom.

  “All right, let’s meet Mac at the car and get to school. Remember, I’m going to be observing your class today.”

  Cadence nods. “Right, but that doesn’t mean we’re in trouble; it just means you’re doing your job.”

  “Exactly.”

  Cadence and Nate hug Darren, and I give him a kiss while the kids groan about us being gross.

  “Your parents kiss all the time, Nate.” Darren laughs. “You should be used to this by now.”

  Nate shrugs. “I know, but they’re my parents. You’re my uncle; it’s totally different.”

  I laugh at his six-year-old logic. “We’ll see you this afternoon.”

  “Have a good day, you guys.”

  When we arrive, I take the kids to class and head to my office. The morning passes in a flash, and after two back-to-back meetings, I finally grab my bag and go to Marina’s class.

  I love the kindergarten classes. Maybe it’s because their rooms are separate from the rest of the school and they have their own private playground. They still have an imaginative play area inside the class and get to have naptime. Plus, the indoor restrooms are pretty convenient though definitely not for grownups.

  Marina lets me in after I knock, and I’m overwhelmed by the scent of finger paints. Cadence, Nate, Jake, and Heather all look up and wave. They’ve all become good friends. I set up my things at an extra desk at the back of the classroom and pull out my phone.

  Darren: Meeting with Wyatt and Sawyer to discuss studio business. Wish me luck.

  Good luck, but you don’t need it. Everything will be fine.

  After tucking my phone into my pocket, I walk around the room and look at some of their paintings. They’re a mix of houses and families, trees and flowers, and the unrecognizable.

  My breath catches as I pass by Cadence. This beautiful little girl is coming out of her shell in unexpected ways today. I keep walking even though I want to hug her. I’m pretty sure her picture is of Darren and I on either side of her, each of us holding one of her hands. Up in the sky by the sun is a woman with angel wings.

  I’m so tempted to sneak a photo and send it to Darren when the kids go to lunch.

  The school bell sounds, and I pause and look up at the clock.

  It’s not lunch time yet.

  When it sounds again and again in the longer tone succession, I know we’re in trouble. Immediately, Marina and I jump into action. I flip off the lights and begin counting kids. Marina tells the kids to walk single file toward me when the PA system clicks on.

  “Students and staff, this is not a drill. You are to shelter in place immediately and remain where you are until you are given the all clear. We are not in imminent danger at this time. The police are in pursuit of an armed robber in the area. Do not open your doors under any circumstances. Follow all protocols and stay safe.”

  My phone rings right after the announcement.

  “Haddie, this is Principal Lewis. Where are you?”

  “I’m in Miss Marina’s class for observation.”

  She exhales loudly. “Okay, good. Kindergarten is actually a great place for you to be. Make sure to use the emergency snacks and juices. This could take a few hours.”

  “I’ll remind Marina.”

  “Call if anything happens.”

  “Will do,” I reply as Marina’s phone rings.

  While Marina gives her head count to the office, I prop open the restroom doors and usher the kids in to wash hands and remove their smocks.

  Cady tugs on my hand. “Haddie, are we going to die? I’m scared.”

  I crouch down to her level and hug her, protocols be damned. “We’re going to be fine, sweetie. I’m not going to let anything happen to you guys.”

  Her bottom lip wobbles. “Promise?”

  Nate finishes washing his hands and joins us while Jake helps Heather.

  “I promise, and I know Belle and Noah are l
ooking down on you too.”

  My phone buzzes with the schoolwide text alert system. Darren is going to lose his shit, but I can’t message him now.

  “Come on,” I encourage Cady with a smile, “let’s help everyone get washed up and then we’ll get some snacks.”

  Marina and I get the kids paint free and settled in the imagination station. There’s plenty of space in here because it’s where they nap but it’s also away from all the doors and windows.

  Marina snaps her fingers once and then holds them up her signal for silence. “Listen, please. I know this can be scary, but Miss Haddie and I are going to be here with you until Principal Lewis says otherwise. This is just like the drill we practiced last month. We have to stay inside until the police say it’s okay to come out. Does anyone have any questions?”

  Some of the kids are anxious, but for the most part they seem fine and no one asks any questions.

  My phone vibrates like crazy, and Marina nods for me to deal with it when I pull it from my pocket.

  Darren: Are you guys okay? What is going on?

  Darren: Haddie, call me please.

  Darren: We’re on our way to the school.

  Darren: Please text me back. I need to know you’re okay.

  We’re fine. You can’t get near the school. I’m with the kids in Marina’s room.

  Darren: Thank God, how are they?

  We’re all okay. They’re a little frightened, but this is a scary situation. Hopefully, it will be over soon.

  Darren: Mac and Ryan are still parked in their usual spot. They’re keeping an eye out.

  Gotta go, text later.

  After putting away my phone, I help Marina pass out snacks and juice. Some of them brought lunches, but we’ll hold off on those in case we need them later.

  We’re trained at least once a year on active shooter drills and protocols, sometimes twice. I hate that they announce what is happening on the PA system. I understand why they have to, but the little ones have a harder time processing what is going on than the older children do.

  Fortunately, in our case, we should be safe. Unless the shooter was already hiding on campus. Between the police and the kids’ security team, I highly doubt anyone will try to hurt us. At least that’s my hope.

  “How about story time?” Marina asks softly. “We can pull out our nap supplies and relax. What do you guys say?”

  The kids jump into action pulling out their comfort items, and I give Marina a thumbs-up.

  Cady looks up at me with her big brown eyes, “Can we lay by you, Haddie?”

  I look at Marina for approval and she nods.

  I make eye contact with the four kids. “Yep, get comfortable.”

  Marina helps Heather, and for the first time, I realize her aide isn’t here.

  “Where’s Becky?”

  “She was on her lunch break. Lewis said she was in the office when she called.”

  “I’ll send her a photo. Actually, why don’t I send one to Lewis so she can see things are under control here? One less thing for her to worry about.”

  “Yes,” Marina says enthusiastically, “I think that’s a great idea. In fact, I have a parent-only social media page. I’ll upload one with a quick note.”

  I take the photo and send a copy to Darren.

  Darren: I love you so fucking much. Thank you for taking care of our babies.

  I’ll protect them with my life. Always. I love you, too.

  Before Marina finishes the story, all the kids are asleep.

  “That never happens,” she whispers.

  “Well, if I could choose sleep or fear, I’d pick sleep too. It probably helps that the lights are out.”

  We sigh in unison and she moves her chair closer to mine. “I hate this part of the job. We’d give our lives for these kids at any given time, but why do things like this keep happening?”

  I look down at the kids and then at her. “The world isn’t always a kind place, no matter how much we wish it were. The program I work for has psychologists all over the district who will help them process and cope when things get hard.”

  “You’re going to be busy for a while after today.”

  Thinking about how many of these kids may end up with residual fear tears me up inside. “Probably, but at least I’m here and can help.”

  “That’s true, and I’m really glad you were with me today. Having you by my side helps keep me grounded.”

  “Me too. If I’d been sitting in my office, I’d be just as freaked out as Darren is right now.”

  She looks at me and smiles. “You’re in love with both of them.”

  “I definitely am.”

  We fall into silence, and Marina interacts with the parents who have commented on her post. I think about this morning and how sweet Cadence and Darren were, how my heart felt like it was going to burst after hearing her add me to her affirmations, and how Darren asked me to move in with them.

  Jesus, what did I even need to think about? I know it’s fast, and I keep reminding myself to slow down but why? I pull out my phone and text him, not wanting to wait another second.

  You asked me a question this morning.

  Darren: I did. An important one.

  My answer is yes.

  Darren: It’s about time.

  Where are you?

  Darren: At the end of the block with every other parent from the school waiting for the police to remove the barricades and let us in.

  You’re an amazing father.

  Darren: I might never let her out of my sight again.

  You will

  Darren: How can you be so sure?

  Because you love her enough to let her grow.

  Darren: Will you be by my side?

  As if you could get rid of me.

  20

  Darren

  “Hey.” Sawyer walks up to me with his hands in his pockets. We’ve been waiting with all the parents, but our security detail keeps us buffered from them. It sucks, but with all the paparazzi lately, it’s a necessity.

  “What’s up?”

  “Haddie send you more updates?”

  “Yeah, they’re fine. Plus, you saw the class page; they’ve got things under control.”

  Sawyer nods and then claps me on the shoulder before pulling me into a hug. “I’m sorry, Darren. I shouldn’t have judged. I realized … if something ever happened to Mel, I’d probably do a lot of shit I’d never had done otherwise. That’s what I was going to tell you in the meeting, but now, I just feel like a massive asshole.”

  “Well, you’ve been a massive dick your entire life,” I grin, “so it’s not really that much of a surprise.”

  Sawyer laughs.

  I pat him on the back before releasing him. “You’re forgiven, as long as you can forgive me and put the Rory stuff in the past where it belongs.”

  “On one condition.”

  “What’s that?”

  He shakes his head. “You never share those details with me.”

  “Yeah, that will never be an issue. I’m not dissing your sister, but that’s a night I wish I could scrub from my memory.”

  We turn back toward the school, and Sawyer nudges my shoulder. “What’s going on with you and Haddie?”

  “She’s moving in with us. I’ll have to figure out how to tell Cady, but Haddie’s been there almost every night anyway.”

  “That’s great. I’m happy for you guys. Cady won’t care; she loves Haddie.”

  I look at Sawyer. “Why would you say that?”

  “Because she told us.”

  My brow furrows. “What?”

  Sawyer takes a step back and tilts his head. “You didn’t know?”

  “Nope. What did she say?”

  “You know I suck at this word-for-word shit. Mel asked how things were going at your house, and Nate and Cady were making fun of you and Haddie for kissing.”

  I snicker, thinking about how they were this morning. “Sorry, they’re quite the pair. Go on.�
�

  “Cady told Mel you loved Haddie and Mel pulled one of those ‘Oh, that’s so sweet. How does that make you feel?’ moves. Cady was super nonchalant and said she was happy because she loved her too.”

  Damn. “Why didn’t Mel tell me?”

  Sawyer shrugs. “You’ll have to ask her. She probably figured you knew.”

  “When was it?”

  “Hm, maybe a week or two ago?” Sawyer looks over his shoulder and waves Mel over to us. “Princess, when did Cady tell you she loved Haddie?”

  Mel looks at me and grins. “Last week.”

  “Why didn’t you tell Darren?”

  She places her hand on my shoulder, “Because Cady said Haddie’s birthday is coming up and she made her a card to tell her herself. I thought it would be a nice surprise for both of you.”

  “Sorry, man, I didn’t realize it was a surprise,” Sawyer says sheepishly.

  “You’re forgiven. See how easy that was? Next time you want to stop talking to someone, remember this.”

  Sawyer pats my shoulder and nods.

  The police step up to the barricade, and one brings a megaphone up to his mouth.

  “The threat has been cleared and the suspect is in custody. Thank you for your patience. If you’d like to check on your children or take them home, you need to go to the office, in a calm manner, and wait your turn to check them out through the proper channels.”

  Before any parents can take two steps, Mac and Ryan walk into the office to check out our kids. They both have full rights to take all three of them at any given time.

  We head straight for the kindergarten and wait another ten torturous minutes for the doors to open and for Haddie to escort them out.

  “Daddy!” Cadence screams as she runs into my arms. Nothing has ever felt better.

  I hug her tightly and breathe her in. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

  “Haddie kept us safe. She promised she wouldn’t let anything happen to us.”

  Haddie stands by the door and blinks back her tears.

  I smile and wink. “Is that so?”