by Aly Taylor
When Aly was diagnosed, God said, “Yeah, this is going to be hard. But trust Me. I got this.” Later, when Aly’s womb was closed, God said, “No worries. Genevieve needs a mom and a dad, and you guys need Genevieve.” Then when Genevieve was ours, God said, “Oh yeah. Now it’s time for Me to fulfill that other promise. You guys ready?”
And now Aly was pregnant! I know God can do anything and I’m sure He still has miracles in store for us, but I don’t think I’ll ever be more surprised or overwhelmed by the goodness of God than I was that night. The Christmas before we had learned we would have Genevieve, and now a year later, my wife was miraculously pregnant. Christmas miracles happening in our family is apparently a trend.
GUARDED BUT HOPEFUL
Aly’s doctor wanted to see her soon because of her history. We walked into the appointment as excited as any expectant parents, but everyone else in the room was quiet and somber. It was as if everyone was afraid to be hopeful. Our hearts sank further when the doctor’s expression grew even more somber. We had seen that look way too many times from way too many doctors, and we knew it wasn’t good. The doctor explained that the little sac that is usually seen at this point in a new pregnancy was there, but there was nothing inside it. She went on to explain that it could be because Aly was too early in her pregnancy to see a yolk sac inside or it could be that a baby was not forming. Aly would need to come back in a few days for another ultrasound to see which of these scenarios was true.
So our first pregnancy appointment quickly went from hopeful excitement to disappointment and fear. I didn’t feel good about the appointment at all. It’s in my nature to protect Aly and myself, so I wanted to go with a “wait and see” attitude from the beginning. Aly, naturally, couldn’t help but be excited. She wanted to believe she was carrying a little baby. But there was no mistaking the doctor’s face. And that was enough for me to doubt that our baby was growing inside Aly. Her I’m pregnant! note was my highest mountaintop; the doctor’s worried expression was the lowest valley. Once again there was nothing to do but wait and pray. Man, I was starting to really hate those words.
—ALY—
Josh and I were going crazy bouncing between excited and terrified, and we didn’t want to take anyone else along for the ride. We’d already put our family through so much, and we didn’t have the heart to get their hopes up until we got a better report from the doctor. So we kept our mouths shut—mostly. I had already told my friend at work, and I also reached out to a trusted friend who leads an infertility group. I needed her to pray with me about all this. We prayed over the phone, and she promised to keep praying for us as we waited for the next appointment. I have no doubt she kept her promise.
Isn’t it funny how, when we’re hurting, we rarely run to the person who seems to have it all together? Instead, we seek out those who have been through the same pain and fear we’re experiencing, probably because we need to connect with someone who can relate to our particular challenges. I’m so grateful for others who have been through some of the same struggles. I needed it as I fought cancer, I needed it as I struggled through infertility, I needed it as we tried to navigate the adoption process, and now I needed it in the face of an uncertain pregnancy. I would never wish those kinds of troubles on anyone, but I’m so glad there are other women who have been through them. God blessed me so much with their wisdom and experience!
So, if you are struggling today and maybe even questioning the goodness of God, let me encourage you. Your trials and troubles are qualifying you to help someone else. There is someone out there who needs (or will need) your experience. God is so good to put people in our lives who have walked a similar path; and when we experience pain and hardship, we must choose to believe He is preparing us to be a blessing to others in the future. At that point in my life, maybe more than any other, I needed people to support me as I waited for my next doctor’s appointment. My friend helped carry that burden with me when it seemed too heavy for me to bear alone.
—JOSH—
Guarded. That’s how I can describe my attitude during that week of waiting. The morning of the appointment, though, Aly sat me down and told me she needed me to go into the appointment with a hopeful heart. We’d been down that road before when she told me she needed me to believe with her that she was healed, so I didn’t even try to argue. I did my best to change my attitude. The best I could do was guarded… but hopeful.
We walked into the doctor’s office, exchanged pleasantries with the staff we’d come to know, and then got to the business at hand: the ultrasound. They hooked up everything and we all held our breath. Immediately we could all tell the images looked much different from the week before. We could see something inside the sac; it was a baby! A beautiful, tiny, magnificent little Baby Taylor. We even heard the heartbeat! We were overjoyed, but our doctor, God bless her, still maintained her cautious optimism. Apparently she was guarded but hopeful too. She reminded us that there was still a high chance of complications, but that didn’t matter at that moment. Finally, finally… Aly was carrying a baby.
As we were wrapping up, the doctor asked Aly if she wanted to come in every week for the next several weeks to check on things or if she wanted to handle this like any other pregnancy and only come in for regular visits. I expected Aly to take her up on her offer, especially after we’d been given so many warnings about so many possible problems. However, Aly told her she wanted to approach it as a normal pregnancy. This was another wow moment for me. I’m continually humbled and astounded by my wife’s amazing faith. Seeing her boldness and unflinching confidence that God would take care of her knocked my guard down. From that point on, I was only hopeful.
PRAYERS OF THE FAITHFUL
Aly and I had a blast telling our family and friends the good news. Watching the reality sink in—seeing them first assume we were adopting a second child and then finally realizing we were pregnant—was the best feeling in the world. After sharing so much bad news over the years, it was wonderful to celebrate this new miracle with them. As we told more and more people, we were surprised to hear so many friends tell us the exact same thing. In their own way, many of them said, “You know, we never actually stopped praying for you guys to get pregnant, even after you had Genevieve. We’ve been praying for this for years now.” We later learned that hundreds of others who followed our story on the blog had been doing the exact same thing. God had answered the prayers of His faithful.
—ALY—
I used to think God meets us at our level of faith. I often believed the enemy’s lies, thinking that if I just believed more, did more, or prayed more, things would go differently for me. But that mind-set can be a trap. It puts all the work (and hope) solely on me. That mentality takes away my dependence on the Lord and makes me feel as though I have power over life and death myself. Yes, I know I have free will and the power to choose to walk out God’s plan for my life. I also know that many of God’s promises come with conditions. But believing in God means knowing I am not the healer. I am not the difference maker. I am not the final word.
Can I follow God’s purpose and plan for my life? Yes. Can I experience His promises in fullness if I obey and submit to Him? Yes. But can I, with all my best efforts, miraculously change my situation without God doing the work Himself? No. Trying to meticulously craft my future only leaves me tired, frustrated, and doubting God.
I was amazed to realize that, even though I had stopped praying to conceive, my situation changed because others had not. I became pregnant because God answered my father-in-law’s prayers. He answered my family’s prayers. He answered the prayers that were lifted up by a circle of friends the night before we first left for Houston. He answered the prayers of hundreds of strangers who only knew Josh and me through our blog. I was pregnant not because I had prayed or done anything miraculous; I was pregnant because God made me pregnant, and because other people’s prayers were in agreement with His perfect will for my life.
I say all this with
much thanksgiving and humble gratitude. I know there are millions of people who pray for pregnancy who never get pregnant. There are millions of people who pray for healing who are never healed this side of heaven. Does that mean my prayers were special or that God chose to bless us instead of someone else? Absolutely not! Our prayers just happened to align with His will for us to be blessed with a child.
If you’re reading this and still waiting for God to work a miracle, trust that He is in the process of working out His will for your life. If you’re trying to get pregnant, trust Him to add a baby if, how, and when He sees fit. If you are praying for healing, trust God in this season of suffering and believe that He is somehow going to make it all work together for your good. Through all our struggles, I’ve had to learn to pray not for what Josh and I want, but for God to accomplish His will in our lives. That’s often meant asking God to make us passionate about what He’s passionate about—even if it’s something that’s not even on our radar.
I’ve also learned to pray by believing and speaking scripture over my requests. That way I know every part of my life has been covered with God’s Word and prayer and total belief that He is sovereign in my life. Whether His answer is yes, no, or wait, I can rest in knowing I have trusted Him and put my life in His hands.
So, yes, this pregnancy was an unexpected miracle. A baby of faith. A surprise. A joy. I thought He would have us expand our family again through adoption, but apparently He had other plans… or did He? What we couldn’t have guessed then was that God had another miraculous surprise for us. Believe it or not, our lives were about to get even crazier.
CHAPTER 10
SHE CHOSE US… AGAIN
—JOSH—
It took a little while, but Aly and I finally wrapped our heads around the fact that she was pregnant and that we were about to be a family of four. Having two kids so close in age can be a challenge, but under those circumstances, it was even more shocking for us. As Aly got past her initial pregnancy sickness and started feeling better, our “Houston family,” the Stanfills, invited me on a hunting trip in South Texas at their camp. Aly gave me the green light (probably because she knew it’d be much harder for me to get away after we had two kids), and I was soon heading off to Texas for a little fun.
Somewhere along the way during my thirteen-hour drive, I got a phone call that almost made me drive off the road in shock. I saw a number flash on my phone and noticed it was the attorney we used for our adoption. We hadn’t talked to him in a while, but we were still paying some bills from the adoption, so I figured he needed to let me know about a new processing fee, filing fee, or another one of the million fees that had popped up since we brought Genevieve home. When I answered, however, I quickly realized this call had nothing to do with our payment plan. I sat there stunned as the attorney gave me some news I never would have imagined in a thousand years. Our lives were about to change forever. Again.
THE CALL HEARD AROUND THE WORLD
—ALY—
I was a little nervous about being a solo mom with Genevieve for the weekend, especially since I’d felt so sick for the past few weeks. However, I was glad Josh had the opportunity to get away, and I thought it’d be a good chance for me to get some rest too. My plan was simple: sleep whenever Genevieve slept. It’s every new mom’s dream, but it rarely works out. This day was no different.
Genevieve had just gone down for her afternoon nap, and I was ready for a little doze myself. Before collapsing onto the sofa, I checked my phone and noticed a missed call from a number I didn’t recognize. I listened to my voicemail and was pleased to hear a message from Genevieve’s birth grandmother. We hadn’t talked to her since we left the hospital that incredible Monday morning nine months earlier, so I called her back to catch up.
We slid right into our old comfort level as we chatted. I told her all about Genevieve, and we marveled together at how she was going to be a big sister. It was great to hear from her, but I could tell she was a little nervous and wanted to discuss something important. I couldn’t guess what bomb she was about to drop.
When I asked how Karen was doing, she told me Karen was pregnant again. I wasn’t sure what to say; the way she said it definitely didn’t make it sound like good news. My hope and prayer for Genevieve’s birth mom was always that she’d one day be in a place to have a family of her own, but that didn’t seem to be what her mother was telling me. She went on to explain that Karen was really struggling and, once again, knew she wouldn’t be able to care for a baby. Then she asked, “Would you two be open to adopting again?”
I was absolutely speechless. She said she felt silly asking, especially now that she knew I was eight weeks pregnant. However, she and Karen felt strongly that we would be their first choice to adopt this new baby. Everything in me wanted to scream, “Yes! Yes, of course we will!” I already felt such a strong connection to this baby, even though I didn’t know anything about him or her. Karen hadn’t been to the doctor yet, so they didn’t even know the due date. It was January, and they assumed the baby would arrive early summer. I was due in August, just a couple of months later.
My head was spinning. I thanked her for calling, told her I loved her, and said I’d talk it over with Josh and get back to her. As soon as I hung up, I fell on my knees and asked God for wisdom in how to talk to Josh about all this. I could already tell where my heart was leaning, but how could I put all this on my husband after we’d been through so much already?
Little did I know Josh had already received the same news I had. We had a lot to talk about.
—JOSH—
I couldn’t believe what the attorney told me. Karen was pregnant again? And she wanted us to adopt this baby too? My first thought—my only thought—was, Yes! Absolutely! That may sound crazy, especially since I had a nine-month-old and my wife was pregnant. But the thought of having another Genevieve under any circumstance was a no-brainer for me. I was in, but I had no idea what Aly would say. Genevieve was practically still a newborn to us, and we had just gotten used to the idea that we were pregnant. What if she and I were on different pages about this opportunity? I resisted the urge to call Aly to tell her the news and decided to pray the rest of the way to Rocksprings, Texas. I really wanted to have my thoughts together before we talked about it. About ten seconds later, my phone rang. It was Aly. I answered, hoping I’d be able to keep my mouth shut about the attorney’s call.
Aly immediately launched into the details of her call with Karen’s mother. When we each realized the other already knew the situation, I took a breath and asked Aly what she was thinking. “I think I want to do it,” she said. “But we can’t jump into it. We’ve got to pray about it, talk more with the birth family and attorney, and make sure all this is really real.” I just love that about my wife. She was scared and exhausted, but her first thought was to pray about how we could make this work. That was a huge step for anyone, but especially a new mom who had just been through one adoption and was in the middle of her own first trimester. We had learned firsthand that adoption is an amazing experience, but it is an emotional whirlwind. We had to be certain we were ready to jump back into the storm.
—ALY—
It surprised me a little bit that Josh and I both already felt an instant connection to this new baby, but it really shouldn’t have. We had already prayed about this child a lot, even though we didn’t know this was the child we were praying for. After Genevieve was born, we were content to have this one perfect little girl, though we would have loved for her to have siblings. However, the adoption process had been challenging, so I prayed, Lord, if You want us to adopt again, please don’t make us go through an agency and deal with the whole process from scratch. If it’s something You want us to do, make it plain and clear and something we don’t even have to apply for.
When I prayed those words, I was thinking the next opportunity would come five or ten years later—not nine months later. I envisioned getting a call about a baby who’d been abandoned at
the hospital and needed a home. But God was doing something even crazier. He was answering our prayer with an astounding yes, and He was giving Genevieve something precious: a sibling with her own shared DNA. The timing was not what we would have chosen, but this was clearly God answering our prayers once again.
—JOSH—
I spent that entire hunting trip consumed in thought and prayer about this situation. I kept praying for God to reveal His next step to me, and all I heard in response was, “Yes, yes, yes.” I had no idea what I would do if Aly felt differently. There were so many unknowns. We didn’t know the due date. We didn’t know the gender—of this baby or the one Aly was carrying, for that matter. We didn’t know how we’d handle three kids all under eighteen months at one time. But all I heard from God was a big, fat yes. I just couldn’t imagine saying no to this opportunity.
When I finally got home from the longest weekend hunting trip in history, Aly and I just looked at each other. I think both of us knew what our decision would be. I told her what I was thinking, she told me what she was thinking, and that was it. We were all in. As we hugged and celebrated, she looked up at me and said, “Are we absolutely crazy?”
“Yes. Yes, we are,” I replied. “But I don’t care.”
—ALY—
Crazy or not, here we come! We contacted the attorney and birth family to let them know we would love to adopt this baby and to get the process started. From there, all we could do for a while was trust God with the baby I was carrying and the one Karen was carrying too. Not long after, we discovered I was carrying another girl. We were thrilled that Genevieve would have a sister! We also learned that Karen was due later than we’d assumed. We originally thought the two babies would arrive a couple of months apart; however, our world was rocked again when we learned Karen’s and my due dates were only three weeks apart. So, in a weird way, we were having twins!