Ice Cold Blood

by David W. Millar

  Euan

  I cannot tell you how upset and angry you have made me feel by staging that ridiculous and embarrassing proposal. At least there was no one close by to witness the sordid scene. Did you actually think I would agree to marry you because you produced an engagement ring and got down on your knees like some gallant knight? You must have thought I might have been swayed by such a noble and romantic gesture. Well how little you know me! Did you forget my reactions when you brought me flowers, tried to pay for our meals in the restaurants or made concessions because I was a woman? Eventually you learned not to open the car door for me or hold back your pace on the hills to let me keep up. So why do you suddenly do something belittling like a mountain-top proposal? It was so humiliating!

  A relationship to me is all about equality. So why would I ever wear an engagement ring - a clear sign that I am owned by some man. And in any case, I would never marry anyone even if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with them. Marriage is an outdated institution, quite insulting to women and harks back to a time when they could do nothing without a man’s permission. We have moved on a bit from biblical times where a woman was seen as a man’s possession - a chattel like his ox or sheep. Did you know that until as recently as 1974 a woman couldn’t open a bank account without her husband’s signature and as for a mortgage then - forget it!

  And did you really think I would agree to being called MRS Ellie HUNTER and shackled to you by a marriage certificate? Would you have taken my name and become MR EUAN SAUNDERS? I think not! So why did you suggest that for me?

  Some time ago now you asked me once about living together and I said no quite clearly. And I meant it. I knew it would never work and we wouldn’t have lasted a week before one of us had moved out. I know we were getting on really well recently and spent a lot of time together, but part of that ‘success’, came from not living in each other’s pockets which kept our relationship fresh. So how you could believe that I would marry you defies logic. Of all the times we have been seeing each other, did I ever mislead you into thinking that I wanted to become your wife? Did I ever even hint that I wanted a long-term relationship? I am a free spirit in this world, and I thought you knew that. It is that free spirit that you love so why would you try to crush it with marriage. I just can’t get my head round why you thought it could ever work?

  And despite my pleas over the years you never became a vegetarian. You would agree with my logic yet continue to eat animals that were kept and slaughtered in appalling conditions. Yes, you always humoured me by ordering the vegetarian option when we ate out, but you ate meat at home or at your parents? Well now I’m a vegan and won’t have meat in the house. How were you ever going to cope with that?

  My mother became trapped in a loveless relationship and to use a pathetic euphemism my father again sought comfort elsewhere. I loved my dad so much even though he really let me down when I needed him, especially when Eamon’s actions towards me were criminal. Yes, my dad and I had some wonderful times together, in his workshop making stuff and walking on the hills. But now he goes and fucks another woman after he’s made some meaningless promise in a church to faithfulness and love all those years ago. He had children and has responsibility to his children even if we are now grown up. My mum didn’t want him to leave or fuck another man. I also found out recently that he was fucking this woman not long after Eamon was born. I love my mum. She has tried so hard with me and I haven’t been an easy daughter. I know she worried constantly about me. And now my mum’s sad because of my dad and although she puts a brave face on it, she didn’t deserve that. He made that choice to fuck around and there was no discussion between them about having an open marriage. That’s what marriage means to a man - a fucking meaningless promise that most will never keep. Well that’s never going to happen to me.

  Biologically the problem with relationships is that a man’s sperm is cheap, and a woman’s eggs are precious. Men produce millions of sperm every time they wank and are happy to flush them down the toilet. Women have a fixed number of eggs in their lifetime and value them highly. They want a partner that will stick with them. So nature has this tension between men and women; men are programmed to fuck around for the woman will always look after any babies that are produced. Well you might have noticed that I am trying to redress the balance and fuck around too - and I love it! That means no promises of fidelity to any man. I thought that would have been obvious to you by now, yet you propose to me out of the blue on the top of a mountain!

  And I would then have to become part of your family, have to visit dutifully at the weekends and listen to your mother tell me I need to poison my body with chemicals! Well that’s never going to happen. When you enter into a relationship you have to take all the family baggage the other person carries. That’s not for me and you shouldn’t want that either. Yes, you always got on well with my mum and dad, which is to your credit, but now I could never be in the same room as your parents. They are opinionated and unable to listen to alternative views. I always found it hard when you seemed to take their point of view but were happy when they rubbished mine.

  Some years ago I made a wrong decision, something I have always regretted. It hurts and haunts me, but there is nothing I can do but accept the pain and get on with my life. So I am certainly not going to make things worse by getting into a relationship with someone I don’t love.

  This letter will be hard on you as I know you care about me and I do appreciate that. You are a good man and our times together, have on the whole been life-enhancing. There were times when you stuck by me when I was being unreasonable, and I thank you for that. But it is best now that we don’t see each other again. I know I hurt you by taking off in the manner I did, but it saved you a scene on the top of Ben Nevis. I can only repeat why you could not have discussed this with me first where I could have told you getting married was just out of the question.

  You have a lovely daughter that will ease any pain this break-up causes you. You are lucky, for while I know there is someone out there on the far side of the world that might ease mine, I know that is never going to happen.

  Ellie

  Her words had wounded him at the time, their vitriol undeserved and uncalled for. The proposal, while perhaps ill thought out, had been an honest gesture and not meant to cause her so much grief. The letter was typical of Ellie: a disjointed and verbose rant that merged ridiculous statements with reasonable points. He knew he had never agreed to becoming a vegetarian, but had she agreed to his proposal then he would have told her he would stop eating meat. He never got the chance. And yes, with hindsight it might have been better to float the idea of marriage first rather than go all out for the romantic gesture, but her reaction still seemed way over the top.

  The comments about his parents had hurt the most. They had both tried to accept Ellie and yes, while being a GP, his mother had tried early on to advise on medication. She had ceased that years ago, but for Ellie the once had been enough to damn his mother forever. He did acknowledge to himself however that his mother would be pleased they had split up.

  The criticism levelled at her father had seemed excessive. He appeared a decent man, and, on the surface anyway, he appeared to get on well with Ellie’s mother. The reference to Eamon showed how much that incident all those years ago had burned inside her. Well, she’d certainly had her revenge in sleeping with her brother’s fiancée.

  Euan gathered up all the letters bar the last one and tied them together with the tartan ribbon. From inside a wooden box he took out several photographs and laid them on the table. Then he sighed and leant back in his seat. The sun was producing some warmth now and he would go for a walk in half an hour if Chief Inspector Tosh didn’t make an appearance. It might be the last time he could savour the outdoors before they locked him away.

  Chapter 46

  The call from New Zealand came through at 5.30 in the morning when Joe Flint was still sound asle
ep. Life was slowly getting back to normal since New Zealand and he had just returned from taking a group skiing in Austria. He cursed himself for not switching his phone off before going to bed.

  ‘Whoever it is, it’s 5.30 in the morning,’ he barked down the phone. ‘I hope to God you’re not trying to sell me anything.’

  ‘Joe, Billy Carter here from New Zealand.’

  ‘Billy,’ Flint exclaimed, now instantly awake. ‘Sorry about that, thought it was one of those nuisance calls.’

  ‘I’m sorry too mate, must have misjudged the time difference. Bloody clocks seem to keep changing all the time.’

  ‘That’s ok,’ Flint replied hurriedly. ‘What’s on your mind?’

  ‘Look mate I got the DNA analysis done with you and Richie. The results came through much quicker than I thought. I could’ve emailed but thought it better to call in case you had any questions.’

  Flint gripped his phone hard. ‘Right, thanks for that Billy.’

  ‘The test’s pretty damn conclusive. You are Richie’s father. It’s over 99.9% certain.’

  Flint closed his eyes and sighed. He had a son. The boy was his and Ellie’s. He was a father. How different his life would have been if he’d just met Ellie in Edinburgh that day and gone to the clinic. They would have sorted things out between them, and he’d have supported her and been a good father to their son. She’d still be alive, and he would have had a son to take on the hills.

  ‘Joe, you still there?’

  ‘Sorry - just a bit much to take in. I don’t know what to say and my head’s going to be a mess for a while.’

  ‘I can imagine that Joe, but I thought you’d want to know as soon as possible. It can’t be easy for you just to find out you have a son on the other side of the world.’

  ‘It’s all a bit weird at the moment, but later when it dawns on me that I’ve got a son I know I’ll be punching the air. I’m going to celebrate with a few beers tonight even if I can’t tell anyone.’

  ‘Yeah, I’d appreciate you keeping it to yourself. When I spoke to my wife, she was a bit unsure at first and angry that you’d appeared at our door that day. But we talked it over and, in the end, she was happy to have the DNA’s checked out. I told her you were a good guy and wouldn’t do anything stupid.’

  ‘Thanks, I really appreciate what you’ve done, and I’ll pay the costs of the test like we agreed.’

  ‘I’d appreciate that. It wasn’t cheap. I’ll email you a copy of the bill.’

  ‘Why did you put yourself out like that. It can’t have been easy for you and your wife.’

  ‘Look from our perspective it’s good for the boy. Richie already knows he’s adopted, and he seems happy with that. He’ll always be our boy, our son, whatever happens in the future. He’s got a sister he loves, great mates at school and has the makings of a good rugby player. I doubt he’d ever want to leave New Zealand - talks about becoming a farmer if he doesn’t make it at his sport. But the adoption agency did say things can change when he gets older. If he ever says he wants to try and track down his biological parents we will have made it easy for him. The fact I’ve met you will help too. That can only be good for all of us.’

  ‘I can only repeat my thanks, Billy.’

  ‘Anything else you want to know?’

  ‘Would it be ok to maybe have a couple of photos? If you feel that’s not fair on Richie, since you can’t ask his permission, then I understand. You have my word I would never show them to anyone.’

  ‘That’s not unreasonable, but I’d need to check with my wife first.’

  ‘Fair enough.’

  There was a pause before Carter spoke again.

  ‘Look I know this might be a sensitive issue for you but while I’m on the phone, can I ask if you know much about his biological mother? If Richie ever asks it might be good to have some info.’

  ‘I do know a lot about her, but Richie would have to hear it all from me.’

  ‘Why is that?’

  ‘She’s dead, Billy.’

  ---oOo---

  ‘I’m not pleading guilty to something I didn’t do.’

  His voice was firm, and Andrea gave a weary glance in Maria Wallace’s direction.

  ‘John, we could be talking about a reduction of several years on your sentence.’ Andrea pleaded. ‘It’s worth considering.’

  ‘I discussed it with Katie, and she agreed with me that should I be charged I should take my chances in court. If I go to prison for even a few years then I know my she will leave me, and my children will probably disown me.’

  ‘So you didn’t kill her then?’ Maria Wallace spoke for the first time since Andrea had introduced the advocate to Serafini.

  ‘Of course I didn’t kill her. I couldn’t kill anyone,’ he replied angrily. ‘Jesus does anyone who knows me believe I could do such a thing. Especially someone I really cared for. Even DCI William Tosh doesn’t believe I killed her.’

  ‘What makes you think that?’ Wallace replied quickly.

  ‘We had a couple of informal interviews without any legal representation. Andrea felt it was all right. I asked him outright if he thought I killed Ellie and he wouldn’t answer me. I know there are inconsistencies in the case - things that don’t add up.’

  ‘And what are they?’

  ‘I’m not sure but I haven’t been charged yet. Is that not a bit strange?’

  ‘But you were the last known person to see her alive, your DNA proves you had sex with her before she died, you have a motive in not wanting your wife to find out about your liaisons with her and, worst of all, you didn’t come forward when the police put out an appeal. Why would he think it wasn’t you?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Well whatever the chief Inspector believes, if you’re charged with her murder it’s not going to look good in court.’

  ‘Yes, I know all that. But I didn’t kill her and I’m not pleading guilty.’

  ‘So what have I got to go on to persuade the court that you didn’t kill Ellie Saunders?’

  ‘I have no previous convictions for any crimes, no record of violence and there are plenty of colleagues and friends who will testify to my character if that counts for anything.’

  ‘It’s something, but not enough to put much doubt in the minds of the jury. I need something to convince them that someone else was there later that night and killed her after you left.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Tell me about Ellie. You counselled her over a lengthy period, didn’t you?’

  ‘What do you want to know?’

  ‘Did she sleep with lots of men?’

  ‘What’s that got to do with her murder?’

  ‘I might need to portray Ellie as someone who had lots of men; someone who might have made men jealous.’

  Serafini looked across to the advocate in astonishment. ‘You want me to say she was some sort of whore who regularly slept around?’

  ‘I want to put a suggestion in the heads of the jury that Ellie might have made someone want to kill her and that someone isn’t you. Sexual jealousy is a powerful motivator.’

  ‘Ms Wallace, Ellie was a beautiful woman who struggled with her existence. But she was an amazing woman. Ellie lived her life to the full whether working, climbing or skiing. She fought the bad times with everything she had and yes sometimes refusing the medicine that might have helped her condition. But she was a fighter. Her friends and colleagues loved her for who she was. Ellie enhanced the lives of all the people she met. That’s what I would want to come across in court.’

  ‘I appreciate that Mr Hunter, but you told Andrea that Ellie slept around. Surely you can say in court that Ellie told you about these sexual encounters in your counselling sessions.’

  ‘Yes, I felt Ellie used sex as a form of therapy. We talked about it and she said it made her
feel alive, similar to dangling from a rope or skiing off-piste. She found it exhilarating and addictive.’

  ‘You can say Ellie never mentioned names but that some of the men were of dubious character. You can say she liked very rough sex and that after you left the snow-hole you thought Ellie was waiting for someone else.’

  ‘I can’t say that if it wasn’t true and her parents will be there. Don’t you think they’ve suffered enough having their daughter murdered without me destroying her character. She wasn’t like that.’

  ‘John,’ Wallace sighed. ‘You say you didn’t kill Ellie and I believe you and I know Andrea here believes you and you said your wife believes you. Somebody out there did kill her so here’s what I need so an innocent man isn’t sent to prison for something he didn’t do. A jury is told you must be found guilty beyond reasonable doubt. Now there’s certainly doubt, or they would have charged you by now. What extra doubt can I give them.’

  ‘Euan Hunter.’

  Maria Wallace looked up sharply. ‘Andrea filled me in on Mr Hunter as one of Ellie’s regular boyfriends. Do you think he killed her?’

  ‘I think he killed Ellie because she wouldn’t agree to marry him.’

  ‘He asked her to marry him,’ Wallace glanced at Andrea. ‘I didn’t know that but I’m assuming the police do.’

  ‘Yes, but because they’ve got me as the prime suspect the police won’t pursue things further.’

  ‘Well I can question him in court, but I don’t see how that’s going to change things unless the police have new evidence. He’s not the one on trial.’

  ‘He came to the house and we talked about Ellie.’