Caledonia Destiny

by Lexi Ander

  IX

  THE STENCH OF SORROW and regret rolled off Roi, the smell growing stronger with each passing moment. Brun, Donn’s mathan, grumbled balefully. Over the last several days Donn had come to know Roi, and both he and his mathan liked the man very much. Something about him spoke of home. Not of the Highlands or castle lands, but of hidden glens and the old, secret forest Donn dreamt of on the long nights of winter.

  He did not understand how Ewen could stand to stay away. If Roi was Bear’s marrae, his beast had to be pacing and frantic.

  “Sad.”

  Donn agreed with Brun. Roi was downcast, and by Ewen’s stiff posture, he was to blame. Yet the smell of sex lay heavy in the air, which served only to confuse him more.

  Sensing Roi’s need for quiet, Donn helped Roi pack Ewen’s belongings whilst his older brother conducted business with the Jew Hiram. Behind Ewen’s tent, Arailt hitched oxen to the wain whilst Roi and Donn loaded its bed.

  Roi’s movements were measured, as if moving with any more haste would cause him to fly apart, only his restraint holding him together. Arailt glanced at Roi several times. He, too, could smell the bitterness in Roi’s scent, and by his visage he was just as angry about it as Donn. It was not only Donn who could sense how special Roi was to their clan; his kinsmen sensed it too. Roi was supposed to be with them. Donn felt it all the way to his bones, so how could Ewen be so nose blind? If Ewen did not straighten up soon, Donn would drag him to the nearest treeline and demand Ewen explain himself.

  “Come, Roi, others shall take down Ewen’s tent.”

  Donn led Roi through Ewen’s men-at-arms, who were already up and about preparing to leave. They had accomplished much of the packing, all but Ewen’s tent dismantled the night afore. The men had slept under or nigh to the wains to keep sneak thieves from pilfering the supplies under the cloak of night, though most cutpurses avoided taking from a knight of the crown. Natheless, however high the penalty may be, there were always those sure they would go uncaught, thus the precaution.

  Donn halted next to a pair of horses and expertly mounted his gelding. Roi stared at his steed as if she were a crusty old wyrm intent upon devouring him.

  “Roi?” The last few days Donn had become protective of Ewen’s kind marrae. Both Brun and he had found themselves wishing Roi was not already spoken for.

  “I can walk.” Roi’s voice sounded strangled, startling Donn with his barely hidden alarm.

  “Speak to me, Roi. Why would ye walk?” He noticed Roi refused to approach the animal. “Have ye never been astride a horse afore now?”

  “Aye, I have, but not very well. Gillie Ainndreis took great pleasure in making me ride a beast of foul temper for sport. He collected bets upon how many times the creature would bite me afore I could climb on, only to be thrown when it kicked. I am not fond of horses, to say the least. I would rather use my own two feet.”

  “Not all mounts be mean tempered. I would never do such to ye.”

  Roi gave Donn an apologetic look. “I know, I…”

  Donn held out his hand. “We have only so much time afore we must be back. Ride with me.” Would Roi trust him enough to take his hand? Roi stared at him, and then Donn’s steed as if he would be sick, afore the veil Donn seen Roi wear upon the field of battle slid over his visage. What other sport had Gillie Ainndreis made of Roi to cause him to gird himself thus?

  Once Roi settled behind Donn, sitting stiff as a board, Donn guided the gelding through the maze of tents and campfires. About half the knights had already returned to their homes and liege lords, refraining from idling in Walter’s hospitality. Some of the men-at-arms who had been retained were employed to bury the bodies of the slain not claimed by kith or kin.

  “Where we be going?”

  Donn had wondered when Roi would ask. “Ye shall guide me to yer camp, where we shall retrieve what be left of yer belongings. I know Ewen offered and ye declined, but this be the last chance we shall have as we leave for home this morn. I doubt there shall be much, if aught, left but I am betting ye had a plan since you thought ye would die here.”

  Roi was quiet for a long time. They were halfway across the field of battle afore he pointed. “Go that way.”

  Donn tugged upon the reins and the gelding changed directions, following Roi’s instructions until they came to a halt outside a copse of trees. Roi slid to the ground and disappeared within the shadows. Curious, Donn tied the gelding and followed Roi to find him kneeling upon the ground, digging with his hands in loose soil.

  “I did not want any of Gillie Ainndreis’ companions to go through my belongings after my death.” Roi’s voice was heavy with disgust, his lips pressed so firmly together they disappeared. “I know not how to go on, Lord Donn. I had such clear visions of my future, yet I lived past my death and now I be lost. I know not if I shall ever find my way. None accept me as I am, and this be thrice now I have lost my family.” He looked up at Donn, his blue eyes large and haunted, the play of the tree shade along his facial tattoos giving the impression of curved knives and dark blood. “Have I not endured enough? Have I not paid enough to have peace, or be the price too high for my cursèd soul? If I asked ye—” Roi’s eyes darted to Donn’s belt knife and then skittered away. “My death was supposed to be here.” He glanced back up at Donn, his visage pleading for him to understand.

  Anger, ugly and black, rolled through Brun and Donn. What had Ewen done to cause Roi to yearn for such an escape when yestereve his manner and words were rife with hope? Donn dropped to his knee to look Roi in the eye. “Is the prospect of a different life so detestable? I know it be not one ye know, but methinks if ye gave us a chance ye could find happiness. Ye have spent time with my kinsmen, shared meals and stories. Do ye truly believe living with us would be the same as living with that troll Gillie Ainndreis? Do ye think Ewen would be a harsh task master? Do ye not believe he values ye?”

  Roi’s scent spiked with bitterness even as his visage transformed into one of longing. “Do ye think… no, I be naught to him.”

  Roi’s eyes snapped up to Donn’s, for Brun’s growl passed his lips afore he could stifle the sound. “Be that what he said to ye?” Though Donn attempted to keep calm, the roughness of his voice belied the smooth visage he attempted to present. What sorry fool would make a marrae feel so?

  “Lord Donn, ye were the first to point out I be different. Yet ye accept my oddities. Some… some gaze at me with fright, others believe I be of the Christian devil. I have always known that what I be frightens men, and I have oft been shunned for what I cannot change. Lord Ewen does not trust me. It be not unusual, but I tire of proving meself time and again. I find I have not the energy to work for Ewen’s trust when I have done naught but be who I am. I shall hide no longer.”

  “Did he shun ye afore or after he took ye for a tumble in his bed?” Donn asked. Roi’s eyes grew huge afore darting around to make sure they were indeed alone. Donn knew no one was within hearing distance but said naught.

  “How… how—”

  “The scent be there when I stepped into the tent.” Roi’s pale cheeks turned a bright crimson. “Did ye consent?” Donn pressed, swearing to himself that Ewen would rue the day if he had dishonoured the family so.

  Roi swallowed and nodded his head. “Are ye upset? I know there be some who would—”

  “Nay, I not be angry with ye. Ye shall find my kin hold different customs than most. Upon the other hand, Ewen would have much to explain if he had stepped out of turn with ye.” How did he tell Roi that he was special to Donn’s people? Why had Ewen not had this conversation with him? Roi needed to know who they were, what they were, and from whence they came. Ewen needed to impress upon Roi his importance to their kin, and to Ewen himself. Donn was tired of Roi believing he was merely the manservant of a landed knight, a toisech to the Mormaer of Athall.

  “I cannot believe Ewen has not… all of this hiding only makes him appear callow. I swear by all I hold holy, I shall take Ewen to task for not handl
ing this with honour,” Donn bit out.

  “Oh, I beg to differ. Lord Ewen be all man,” Roi said in a low voice. All the same, a startled bark of laughter escaped Donn. Roi turned more crimson but chuckled along with Donn after a moment. “Ye really do not mind that I bed men?”

  “Nay. Ewen does not either. Ye do know this?” Roi nodded his head, his gaze darting shyly away. Donn continued, “Do not be too hasty in yer judgement of Ewen. It be not my tale to tell, but this last twelvemonth be hard upon him. I have no doubts ye believe yer life was supposed to end here at Renfra. I would like to believe the Fates stayed their hand because yer meant to be here with us, with Ewen. Mayhap the end ye had seen be merely a life beginning anew.”

  Roi’s gaze took upon a far away look, and he slowly nodded assent. “Mayhap.”

  They worked together in silence to uncover Roi’s buried satchel. Donn was worried. Though his expression was not as stricken as afore, and the bitterness in Roi’s scent now barely tickled his nose, Roi had asked without words for Donn to do what Ewen had not—to kill him. Donn knew not if Roi really wanted to end his life, or if he was just so lost he could not see beyond the end of his nose. The trials he had borne, of which Donn could only guess from the titbits Roi let escape in conversation, would have crippled a weaker man. Ewen needed to get his head out of his arse and show Roi his life would be better, that Roi was safe with them, and that Ewen would goddamn good and well cherish him.

  Donn breathed through his anger whilst smiling and joking with Roi, thankful Roi could not scent his emotions as a kinsman could. Ewen had better watch his step, lest he lose Roi to someone more attentive.

  X

  BEAR STRUGGLED AGAINST Ewen all morn. The sorrow and despair in the air about Roi burnt his nose every time he passed by. He had not intended to hurt Roi, yet Roi’s words alarmed him, and though Bear argued that Roi’s scent was free of deceit, Ewen’s human side needed time to sort through what Roi’s words meant. But by the time he finally agreed with Bear the damage had been done. The interior of the tent had been packed and loaded onto the wain, with Roi nowhere to be seen.

  Frustratingly, he could not locate Donn either.

  But that would have to wait. Too many duties came afore he could search out either man. He wanted the kinsmen of his house away from Cináed’s barely hidden hostility and the drowning intrigue of Renfa soonest possible.

  They had originally travelled to the shire with his cousin, Cináed, and his kin when called to service by King Malcolm. Upon the journey here, Cináed expressed the desire to commission masons to add a wing to his tower, which would delay his leaving after the battle. Ewen had been kept this long at Renfra purchasing much needed supplies for his holdings. But planting season in the Highlands quickly approached, and he needed every oxen and able-bodied man in the fields.

  Bear’s warning from the night afore about Cináed continued to ring in his ears. Making an excuse to pass by the site where Cináed’s kin made their camp, Ewen returned with a ball of dread sitting upon his gut. The men of Cináed’s blood—brother, nephew, uncles—all wore amulets similar to Cináed’s. How had he not noticed afore? If Bear was correct, and Cináed was a buildsear, then it was also possible all his family were sorcerers. The urgent need to remove his kin from the threat held Ewen in a strong grip. He would devise a plan to deal with Cináed’s deception once they were home, but for now he left as if danger lurked in the shadows, waiting for him to trip up so it could pounce. With how Cináed had acted after the battle, and his associations since, Ewen could only assume Cináed’s lowly machinations would be directed at Ewen, though he had yet to determine the reason why.

  Arailt had taken a couple of men to pay the warehouse in Glaschu whence the supply wains were stored and bring back Ewen’s purchases. He used the small amount of time betwixt their departure and return to search for Roi. Ewen wanted to reassure him after the wreck he made of their previous conversation. However, when Arailt rolled up with the heavily burdened carts, Ewen had yet to find him. Had Roi run away? And where was Donn? Surely Donn would not take Roi from him. If Roi had run, Donn would have told Ewen, would he not? Ewen fumed over Roi and Donn’s absence, his kinsmen quickly hastening out of his way as he checked the loads. Worry Ewen wished not to attest to twisted his gut.

  With single-mindedness he double checked the wains. He had purchased wax, carded wool, whale oil, salt, seed, pepper, exotic spices for Cook, apothecary supplies, a few pieces of fine dishes, second-hand silk handkerchiefs the ladies would disassemble to make lace, and last but not least, ribands for his girls. Loot from the field of battle had been stashed in the spaces remaining.

  Arailt brought Ewen’s grey-speckled warhorse around, his charcoal mane and tail brushed and tangle free. The steed towered over the regular horses, stomping a couple of times as if to preen in front of them. Kinsmen not riding one of Ewen’s stock were either paired up to drive one of the three ox wains or would walk.

  “Have you seen Donn… or Roi?” Ewen laboured to make the question casual, hiding his growing worry over the continued absence of both his brother and future maik-marrae.

  Arailt was not skilled at hiding his smirk. “They be coming this way.” He pointed his chin to a place over Ewen’s shoulder.

  Turning slightly, he glanced back to behold Roi riding in front of Donn upon a horse, the two speaking spiritedly until they noticed Ewen’s steadfast gaze. A low rumble shook his chest. Out of the corner of his eye, he noted Arailt move quickly away. Ewen had been churlish all morn, and beholding Roi riding within the circle of his brother’s arms did naught to improve his temper.

  Dropping the reins, Ewen stormed over to Donn’s gelding. Bear bristled at the sight of Roi with Donn. Roi’s eyes widened in alarm upon seeing Ewen’s mood. Ewen clamped down upon Bear and kept command, attempting to smile in welcome. It would not do to scare Roi and cause more damage.

  “Roi, please go wait by my horse.” Ewen gritted his teeth as Roi dallied. Thinking of their earlier conversation, he understood Roi’s unwillingness to be around him. But how could he make amends when his brother was forefront in Roi’s thoughts?

  “Remember, you not be needing to use ‘lord’ with my name,” Donn said as he helped Roi slip from the horse. It took Ewen great restraint to keep from gnashing his teeth at the familiar way his brother touched Roi, but the weight of his kinsmen’s gazes pressed upon him, no doubt curious as to his ill temper and the new manservant joining the household. Soon he would need to announce Roi as Bear’s marrae. Undoubtedly, they would want to celebrate, for finding their mathan’s companion was a momentous occasion. But first, Ewen had to broach the issue with Roi. Roi’s actions this morn, along with Bear’s claim, told Ewen Roi would have accepted him without question. But after his temper and what he said, Ewen was unsure what Roi’s response would be.

  Once Roi was safely out of hearing, Ewen glared at Donn. “What do you think you be doing? I have been looking for the two of you.”

  Donn leaned down, his flinty stare matching Ewen’s emotions. “Getting him away from ye,” Donn spat, talking over Ewen’s heated response. “He be yer marrae, and whatever ye said or did caused him to pull into himself. I convinced him to grab his belongings from the King of the Isles’ camp, what be left of them at least, to give ye time to decide.” Ewen had not noticed until then the bundle tied to the back of Donn’s mount.

  “Decide what?” He ground his teeth together, angry that at his brother’s urging Roi did something he had adamantly declined to do ere now.

  “Shall ye ignore the gift bestowed unto ye? Can ye accept who he be? If not, move aside.”

  Ewen was stunned. “He told you…”

  “It took a wee bit of coaxing. I be surprised he trusted me at all, but aye, he told me a part of his story. Ye be blind. All the mathans react to Roi. If ye do not claim him, ye must allow others to court him.”

  Ewen cursed heatedly under his breath. He had noted his kinsmen’s reaction to Roi, thinking nothing o
f their eagerness to assist him. As the new man of Ewen’s household, naturally they would be curious about him. But now their attention seemed more than idle curiosity. Ewen glanced back up at Donn and caught him watching Roi with a wistful countenance.

  “He smells of the moon and the stars, of the air at the summer solstice when the faerie magic be heavy in the air.” Donn sat back on his horse and stared down with hard, amber eyes. “I would be one of those to woo him, even fight for him, if ye delay too long.” With a click of his tongue, Donn’s horse moved forward to where Roi awaited.

  What a bitter brew his brother had bestowed unto Ewen, and not a word of it untrue. He had reacted poorly. Now he needed to persuade Roi to trust him, to consent to be his maik-marrae. If Roi did not forgive him, Ewen would have to step aside and allow Roi to choose from amongst his kinsmen.

  Ewen awaited as Donn spoke to Roi. The delay gave him time to bargain with Bear, who felt threatened by Donn’s doting. The fault for this tangle could be laid wholly at Ewen’s doorstep, not his brother’s. Donn was undeserving of Bear’s ill will.

  “I vow to woo him back,” he promised Bear, sensing that if he failed, Bear would withdraw completely as Donn had warned. Ewen mayn’t be able to change skins like the rest of his family, but losing touch with Bear would still be the same as losing a part of himself.

  After Donn withdrew, Ewen approached. Roi regarded him with wariness. He gave Roi his best smile and thought of how he had looked earlier that morn. The responding blush and slight widening of Roi’s eyes lit a candle of hope within Ewen. “Roi, I would like for you to ride with me.” He breathed in Roi’s scent; Bear grumped at the traces of Donn on Roi.

  Roi stammered, but did agree after a short time. Feeling as if he had won a small victory, Ewen shouted for all to mount up as he untied his new horse, a black mare with white forelegs. As was common for knights of the crown, Ewen would have one, not two warhorses, but he had claimed the animal after one of the battles. Having tested the mare many times, Ewen found her to be mild of temper, for the most part, and quick to respond.