by Sarah Riad
‘What’s the matter with you?’ Theo said, walking out of his bedroom.
‘Nothing.’ Finn frowned at his brother before shoving into him and sulking into his room.
‘You’re such a dick, Finn,’ Theo called out.
‘Like you’re not,’ Finn replied as he slammed his door shut.
‘Just remember to stay away from me in school tomorrow. I don’t need to be associated with someone like you,’ Theo said with his chest forced out to make himself look bigger. He was waiting for a response from Finn but instead sighed quietly as he watched Finn walk off down the stairs.
‘Talk about brotherly love,’ I muttered to myself as I walked up the stairs to the library and picked out a book for Maia.
I didn’t have siblings, so I didn’t know exactly what it was like, but I knew we’d fight like cats and dogs if we were as miserable as Finn. In those past two days, I had seen him only at dinner time when he was forced to eat with his family. Other than that, he was hidden away in his room playing a game on something that looked like a Nintendo. Harsh or not, his dad had been right.
‘What took you so long?’ Maia said, tucked into her bed as I walked into the room.
‘Who are you talking to, sweetie?’ Cait said following in behind me as I quietly placed the ‘floating’ book down without her noticing.
Maia’s eyes shot over to me where I shook my head.
‘You,’ she replied. ‘I wanted you to kiss me goodnight.’
Cait seemed taken aback. ‘Well, normally I have to fight to get you into your pyjamas, let alone get you into bed on a school night. I didn’t expect you to be ready in bed before I got up here.’
Maia shrugged. ‘I’m tired.’
‘Right, well goodnight, sweetie,’ Cait said. She kissed her daughter on the forehead and tucked the blanket up high over her arms and under her chin—the same way my gran did to me when I was Maia’s age.
‘Night,’ Maia replied avoiding Cait’s curious eyes by closing her own in the tight way kids did when they were pretending.
Once she had left the room, I picked the book back up as Maia shuffled across her bed to make room for me to lie beside her.
‘Ok, so this book is one of my favourites, and I first read it in school when I was your age,’ I said excitedly as her eyes grew big. ‘It’s called The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett’
Maia leant forward to get a better look of the cover. ‘What’s it about?’ she asked.
‘Well, let’s find out,’ I said, gleefully turning the page.
I had gotten about twelve pages into the book when I discovered Maia had long fallen asleep, but I continued reading out loud until I reached the final page. Book in hand, I left Maia to sleep, ready to head up to the library when I noticed a sliver of light coming from under Finn’s door. Curious, I poked my head through the door to find Finn wide awake in bed with his laptop screen glaring back onto his face. In my day, only the very rich and successful could afford laptops, but it seemed it wasn’t the case in 2018.
His room was still in a pretty bad way with only bits of his furniture in corners. In the centre of his room was a huge TV sitting on a cabinet with a black armchair in front of it. It was usually where he was found when he locked himself away.
I walked closer to him, wanting to see what was on his screen where I found white pages of words and pictures all about my old school. Except it was no longer just called Birkinhill School, it was instead called The Birkinhill House Academy and Sixth Form. There were pictures of kids looking far too happy with books in their hands and sitting at fancy desks.
Finn sighed as he tapped on something making it all disappear until he tapped again, and another white screen showed up. This time it had pictures with people pouting and videos of others doing stupid stuff. As he scrolled through, it was endless funny photos and comments.
Is this the internet? I thought, remembering it not being much when I had been alive. The world had changed so much.
Finn stopped pressing the button when he found a picture of Theo posing with a pretty blonde. Theo was definitely the better-looking brother out of the two. He was in great shape having obviously played a lot of sport, but it wasn’t like Finn was ugly—he just never made any effort. Where Theo styled his hair every morning, Finn’s looked like it hadn’t been cut in months. Theo dressed in jeans and smart tops, which weren’t exactly my cup of tea, but at least they looked clean compared to Finn’s worn hoodie and baggy jogging bottoms.
‘First day at the new school tomorrow—who’s gonna miss me?’
I read the text underneath the photo, but Finn clicked again showing more writing underneath that but this time it seemed to be from other people.
‘Can’t believe you’re not at Belmont anymore—not gonna be the same, bro.’
‘NGL, still lowkey salty about you moving but I still love you, boo.’
‘Hope your first day is lit.’
I looked over at Finn still reading the words, ‘I hope this makes sense to you because this might as well be in Chinese…’ I said out loud. What did lowkey salty mean, and why would someone wish for his first day to be lit?
Maybe I was fifty-one after all.
As Finn continued to scroll and sigh, I grew bored and began to walk out of the room when the bare floorboard beneath my feet creaked. I turned quickly to find Finn sat up looking right through me before darting his eyes around the dark room, using the laptop as a torch.
I didn’t move an inch, wishing ghosts really could float like they did in the cartoons Maia and I had watched. I could feel Finn’s fear as it became energy for me before he began to relax a little, closing his laptop shut and lying back down.
Quickly, I tiptoed out of the room without making another noise and reached the stairs with a big exhale.
Why was I so worried about making noise? Wasn’t that the plan?
‘You’re starting to really confuse me, AB,’ I said to myself before deciding whether I wanted to go to the library or go downstairs. I had been tempted to try out the big TV that now sat above the fireplace in the living room. I had watched Maia use the nine thousand TV controls that turned it all on, and frankly, if a five-year-old could do it, so could I. Tonight was the night.
As I reached the living room, I could hear the dog growling from behind the back door.
‘Shh,’ I said through gritted teeth, not wanting the stupid thing to ruin my TV night. Her growls only worsened once I looked out of the window at her.
‘Look, I’m not saying we have to be friends, but I’m not going anywhere, and you’re not doing yourself favours by barking at me all the time.’
It was starting to rain and, although she was covered and wouldn’t get wet, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. I sighed loudly. ‘Listen, pal, I’ll let you in, but if you bark, I’ll throw you far enough to land in that pond, understood?’
She had stopped growling and was now just sat staring up at me as I unlocked the door. She bolted right in and went straight into the kitchen. I followed her, finding her stood by her empty bowl giving me a look that said, ‘Food. Now.’
‘Don’t look at me like that.’ I frowned before noticing containers of food left on the kitchen side—all labelled with names.
‘Hmm,’ I said finding one belonging to Jack with food wrapped in foil.
I looked back down at the dog now sat at my feet waiting for me to reveal the food.
‘Fine, but I never want to hear you bark at me ever again,’ I said, unwrapping the sandwich to find it stuffed with chicken and bacon then placed it in front of the dog. I stood and watched for a few moments as she dug into the bread before walking back into the living room, hopping over the sofa and landing perfectly on the other side.
‘Ok, let’s see if we got this,’ I said, pressing the red buttons on both controllers before holding onto the volume button with a vengeance not wanting it to wake someone and have them ruin my evening. Scrolling through the unlimited choices, I fi
nally settled for a film called The Notebook after reading the catchy taglines of ‘must-watch’, and ‘best film you’ll ever watch’. As I settled cosily into the mountains of pillows amazed by the clearness and colour of the screen, Mitzi jumped up beside me, and after a few circles, laid down in the arch of my legs.
‘A sandwich was all you needed.’ I rolled my eyes but didn’t move her away.
Two hours later, and I was in the same spot staring at the titles scroll on the screen, sobbing.
‘Who on earth would choose to watch a film like that?’ I said to the sleeping dog before hearing footsteps behind me and feeling a surge of energy. It was the kind I had received from the visits before Finn and his family had moved in. On top of the energy I already had, I felt beyond powerful.
‘Crap,’ I said as I found Finn staring at the TV with wide eyes. I could see him silently trying to rationalise what had happened. Could it have been his mum who had forgotten to turn off the TV? Or maybe the dog had accidentally knocked the controls? Eventually, he talked himself out of the fear enough to turn the TV off, grab himself a glass of water, and run up the stairs as if someone was about to reach out for his ankles.
I chuckled before taking the stairs back to the library where I would try to forget my heartbreak from The Notebook with a Harper Lee classic. As I reached the library to shut the door, I found Mitzi in front of me, waiting to be let in.
‘Really? You were growling at me a few hours ago and now we’re best friends?’ She flashed me her big eyes, and I couldn’t help it.
‘Fine.’ I sighed as she walked in, and I closed the door.
As I stared down at the words in front of me, I became distracted by the strength I felt. I had never been this strong before. I could feel it pulsing through me, like threads of gold weaving inside of me. For years, I had spent every day using the little energy I had to do the most minimal of things but now I had an unlimited supply of it and could do whatever I wanted.
Things I was desperate to try years before.
I closed the book and rested it on the floor as I stood to look out of the arched window in front of me. In the darkness, I could see the endless rows of trees that made up the forest I used to explore during my living days. I ached to be out there again. I wanted to feel the breeze against me, I wanted to see the world in person and not from behind a pane of dirty glass.
There was a reason why I hadn’t scared off this new family yet despite having ample opportunities to do so. It wasn’t them that I wanted to leave—it was me. I wanted to be free again and surely now it was a possibility with the energy I had.
Mitzi appeared beside me as I pictured the moment that I would leave the house, free from the invisible shackles I had worn for over thirty years.
‘I have a plan, Mitzi. I am going to finally leave this house.’
8
Finn
Finn!’ Mum shouted as she banged on my door.
I jumped out of sleep and was hit with a wave of sickness.
‘Up. Now,’ Mum said again walking into my room with a red flustered face. She looked down at her feet where Mitzi was now licking a bleary-eyed Maia.
‘How did you get into the house?’ Mum said frowning down at the dog, ‘I bet your dad left the back door open.’ She sighed before going to knock on Theo’s door as he opened it.
Of course, he came out looking like he had been up for hours, sweating from his morning weights session. I hated thinking about it, but I wished I looked more like him. His body was literally no different to those you saw on football players and male Instagram models.
‘Morning, Mum,’ he said smiling at her before walking down the hallway out of sight.
‘Oh, Finn, I wish you wouldn’t stay up all night playing those games. Look at the bags under your eyes,’ Mum said trying to touch my face as I walked to the door, heading for the bathroom.
‘Sorry, sweetie, Theo got in there first. Why don’t you use the one in my bedroom, and we’ll use the one downstairs.’ She smiled as she took Maia’s hand.
‘Of course he did,’ I muttered as I ignored her and begun to walk down the stairs.
‘Come on, Maia, hopefully, you’re in a better mood than your big brother,’ Mum said behind me as I reached the downstairs bathroom and slammed the door shut behind me.
After using the toilet, I looked at my reflection and wondered if I should do something to my face, perhaps maybe even have another shower but instead, I grabbed one of Mum’s makeup wipes and quickly rubbed it against my face, secretly enjoying the floral smell.
I was moments away from leaving the bathroom when I heard my dad yell to my mum.
‘Cait?’ he called out. ‘Cait!’
‘What?’ she yelled back.
‘You forgot to make my lunch, and I’ve got no time to wait,’ he said, followed by the sound of her footsteps down the stairs.
‘No, I didn’t. I made you a chicken and bacon sandwich and left it there with the others.’ She was downstairs in the kitchen now as I spied through the gap in the door.
‘Well, it’s not here.’ He held up the empty box, ‘I’m just gonna take Finn’s…I don’t have time to wait.’
‘Jack, just give me a few minutes,’ Mum said as she brushed the hair away from her face in a huff.
‘Cait, you know I prefer to drive when the roads are clear. It’s fine, this will do,’ he said shoving my lunch into his backpack and without another word, he placed a rough kiss on Mum’s cheek and walked out of the house. Mum’s forehead wrinkled as she checked the empty box.
‘Mummy,’ Maia whined from the top of the stairs soaking wet.
‘Maia, get back in the bloody shower,’ Mum yelled running up the stairs.
I opened the door, looking at the two lunch boxes left on the side. Of course, he’d taken my lunch. He wouldn’t dream of making Theo go without. I sighed and shook my head as I went back upstairs to my room wishing it was Friday afternoon already.
An hour later and the house was just as chaotic with Mum running around getting Maia ready for school. Maia was clearly as excited as I was about starting at a new place though she would soon settle once she made new friends.
‘Ok, kids, grab your lunches and get into the car before we’re late,’ Mum said checking her watch three times in as many minutes as I pulled on my black hoodie.
‘Mum, where’s my lunch?’ I said staring at her while both Theo and Maia took their boxes. Of course, I knew where it was, but I wanted to remind her she had again forgotten about me.
‘Oh, crap! Your dad took it…Let me quickly make you something now.’
I sighed. ‘It’s fine. I’m not hungry anyway.’ I walked past her and out of the kitchen.
‘Finn, you’ll be hungry later. It’ll just take me a few minutes,’ she said, but I ignored her and left the house for the car instead.
As we began our journey to our new school, I kept my eyes on the streets outside, trying to distract myself from the churning feeling in my stomach. The new town was a lot smaller than our old one. It was like someone had decided to place a few buildings in the middle of a valley and call it home. I could already tell it was the type of place where everyone knew each other from the waves they gave each other from across the street before stopping for a quick chat. Everything was clean too. No litter on the floor or graffiti on the walls. It was like everything was in HD with the colour of the trees and flowers looking impossibly bright.
As we pulled up outside the same building I had seen on the internet, I felt the strong burn of bile rise in my throat.
‘Ok, boys, have a good first day at school,’ Mum said before calling me back. ‘Here, get some lunch with this. I promise your lunch will be sorted for tomorrow.’
I took the money from her and stuffed it in my pocket as I mumbled a quick thanks.
Soon enough, she was gone, and I was left standing outside the school, avoiding eye contact with anyone that passed me.
My legs grew heavy as I urged myself to wal
k into the building filled with people chatting with each other. I sighed a relief once my eyes had found the sign for the school reception, and I quickly walked in and closed the door behind me.
‘Hello, you’re a new face!’ The woman behind the desk smiled at me revealing a set of the whitest teeth I had ever seen. They looked even more unsettling next to her bright pink lipstick.
‘I’m new,’ I said, handing her a signed letter Mum had given me earlier that morning.
‘Oh,’ she said scanning her eyes across it with her long, pink fingernail. ‘You’re Finn.’
I nodded.
‘I just met your brother, Theo. What a lovely, handsome boy he is. He’ll fit in perfectly here.’ She looked up at me, not finishing her sentence but I could have guessed what it would have been. ‘I’m sure you will too.’ She quickly added a fake smile as she handed me my class schedule.
‘Yeah, I’m sure I will,’ I said before leaving the reception not waiting for her directions on where to go.
I looked down at my schedule, finding my first class before I stumbled backwards from the weight of someone else crashing into me.
‘Hey,’ said a tall and stocky boy with a frown. ‘Watch where you’re going, you idiot.’
I stepped out of the way and closed my eyes for a split second.
Here we go again.
9
Ab
It was as everyone rushed out of the house, slamming doors behind them that I realised I had temporarily forgotten what silence was like. Over thirty years I had spent with it, and all it took was three days to make me forget. What I hadn’t forgotten was the plan I had come up with the night before. I was still feeling strong, especially after a quick chat with Maia as she got ready for school. I made sure to use barely any of the energy I already had, keeping it all locked away for this moment.
I approached the front door. The windowpane was no longer foggy with dirt and was now clean enough to see right through to the end of the drive without so much of a squint.