A Tale of Two Ghosts

by Sarah Riad

  It was late one afternoon while everyone was out of the house when Jack came into the library. I watched from the corner of the room as he wandered around looking at the books, just like he had done the other day.

  After a few minutes, he stopped and looked into the centre of the room before he began to speak.

  ‘You know, this library used to belong to my mum. She loved reading. She would always try to read to me and Alex when we were kids, and I know she was a little disappointed when we didn’t grow up with her love for books.’

  He spoke quietly and I was unsure as to whether I should say anything to let him know I was there.

  ‘They were struggling for years to have a baby after they bought this house. My mum told me that after a while, they gave up trying and thought it wasn’t possible for them when she suddenly found out she was pregnant with me. My dad had been so happy with the news, especially when he found out it was going to be a boy. He built this library for her. She used to tell me how she fell in love with my dad all over again when he showed her the room. I’m glad it’s still being enjoyed now. My mum would have liked that.’ He weakly smiled as he tucked his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

  ‘Alex told me that story. He said you two would always try to come up here and play hide and seek.’

  Jack smiled fondly. ‘I miss him.’

  ‘Me too,’ I said.

  ‘He was a good kid. Sometimes, I see him in Finn. The way he looks after Maia, it’s how Alex tried to look after me, even though I was his big brother. And those terrible mood swings, Alex had his fair share of them.’ He gently laughed.

  ‘I have thought the same on many occasions. I guess that’s why I made him my friend.’ I smiled.

  ‘Finn’s a good kid too. I’m so hard on him sometimes but it’s because I look at him and I see Alex, and I just…he doesn’t deserve it.’ Jack’s gaze fell to the ground as rubbed his face and sighed.

  ‘I know he is hard work, but he’s just a kid that wants to be wanted. He spends every day wanting to be Theo just so that he can feel accepted, and I think that has a lot to do with the relationship you have with Theo.’

  ‘I know.’ Jack nodded as rubbed his fingers along the spine of a book. ‘I’m sorry I haven’t been able to let you go yet. I wish I knew how. I am very sorry you have had to go through all this. All this time I thought I was just torturing myself but it turns out I have been doing it to you too.’

  ‘It’s ok,’ I said. ‘It’s not the worst thing in the world to be stuck with people I care about.’

  ‘For as long as you are here, you’re part of the family, so don’t stay locked up in here, ok? Talk to us at any time.’ He smiled as he walked towards the door.

  ‘Jack?’ I called as I walked over to one of the bookshelves and pulled out a copy of Jane Eyre.

  ‘I can tell it was one of your mum’s favourites by how worn the pages are,’ I said, handing it to him. ‘She never marked any of the books here except that one.’

  I watched as he opened it to the first page and read the words I had seen a hundred times.

  ‘For my boy,’ he whispered.

  ‘And if you go to page sixty-seven, you’ll find a quote she highlighted that reads, ‘Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.’ Reading that line over a hundred times got me through some of my darkest days here,’ I said as he read the words himself before he whispered a thank-you.

  I watched as he walked away, out of the library, knowing in the pit of my stomach that I was never going to leave this house.

  Jack was never going to forgive himself.

  34

  Finn

  Finn, wait up!’ India called as I slung my backpack over my shoulders and left the classroom. ‘Are you heading to the library?’ She struggled to keep up with my pace.

  I hesitated for a moment, not knowing how to respond. I wasn’t exactly in the mood to be around people, but I also didn’t want to upset her.

  I nodded and slowed down. We entered the library, took a seat at our usual table and began our normal silence as she read her workbook, and I wrote my assignment. It was after a few minutes of doing this that I became aware of India staring at me above the top of her book. I tried to sink lower into the chair, using my laptop screen to hide my face but my body was too long for it to work. Soon enough, India lowered her book and placed it on the table, all the while continuing to stare at me. I knew my cheeks were as red as they felt as I tried to avoid her beady eyes.

  ‘Finn?’ she said. ‘I know we have pretty much nailed the whole sitting in silence thing but we can talk sometimes too.’ She smiled as she tilted her head to the side.

  I nodded quickly, forcing a smile before setting my eyes back on the laptop screen.

  ‘Is everything ok, Finn? You’ve not been yourself for the last few days.’

  She was wrong. If anything, I had been more myself than I had been in the past few weeks.

  ‘I’m fine.’ The words came out quicker than either of us expected as India gave me a knowing smile.

  ‘So, I was thinking, since you’re a champion swimmer and all that, maybe you could help me? I am arranging a charity sports day for the school, and it would be amazing if you would be willing to take part in a race?’

  ‘No,’ I said a little too harshly. ‘I don’t swim anymore.’

  India slowly nodded her head with a smile, but I knew it was to mask her disappointment, maybe even a little hurt. She began to pack up her books as my chest started to thump with my stomach growing in knots.

  ‘Wait,’ I said, hiding my tightly balled fists under the table. ‘I’m sorry for being rude. I’m just going through some stuff at the moment.’

  India stood still with her books in her arms against her chest as I noticed the many dark freckles scattered across arms.

  ‘I know, Finn. I wish you knew you could trust me enough to talk about it.’

  The knot in my stomach was growing tighter, made up from strands of anger and guilt. Truth was, I did trust India despite my own protests, but what was the point? She wouldn’t stick around. Just like AB. Just like Bradley. Opening up to people only made me weaker.

  ‘Do you fancy going for a walk?’ she asked, and I knew I had to think about my answer carefully. If I said no, I knew that it might have meant the end of my friendship with India which was something I didn’t want to lose. She was trying to be my friend and at some point I had to show her I wanted her as a friend too.

  I nodded, and a smile spread across her face. There was almost relief in her eyes.

  We had left school and done three slow laps around the nearby park before either of us said a word. I knew she was trying to be patient with me—giving me space but at the same time, it was becoming really awkward.

  ‘So, have you asked Theo to take part in the sports day? He loves stuff like that,’ I said breaking the silence but keeping my eyes ahead of us on the path covered in fallen orange and brown leaves.

  ‘No, not yet. You’re the first person I asked,’ she said, still clutching her books.

  The knot in my stomach was slowly beginning to loosen as I tried to hide the smile on my face. She asked me first. It wouldn’t change anything, I still wouldn’t race, but it was nice to know that I had been the first person she wanted to ask.

  ‘You know, I used to play in this park all the time as a kid. Me and my best friend, Alice, would beg our parents to let us come here after school and we’d spend hours on that climbing frame, pretending that we were acrobats from the circus.’ She giggled causing the dimples in her cheeks to sink in as she pointed over to the multicoloured climbing frame currently neglected by the toddlers in the park preferring the swings and slide.

  ‘Does Alice go to our school?’ I asked wondering if I had met her at the party.

  ‘No. We’re not really friends anymore. She lives on the other side of the world now with her family.’

  ‘Sorry. When did she go?’ I asked begi
nning to notice the sky was being masked with dark clouds.

  ‘Last year.’

  ‘Must have been difficult,’ I said pushing away my thoughts of AB as I felt a small drop of rain land on my arm.

  India shrugged her shoulders loosely. ‘Yeah it was but it couldn’t be helped—it’s not like she had a choice. I like to think that one day we’ll reunite again.’ She looked up at the grey sky, and several raindrops landed on her face.

  ‘We better head back,’ I said before it felt like the sky had divided in two and poured a bucket of water from its centre.

  ‘No time, quick!’ India grabbed for my fingers and cupped them with her own as she ran further into the park with her books covering her head. We were heading for the little area that homed the climbing frame and swings now abandoned by the toddlers and their parents.

  ‘In there,’ India said pointing to a small green coloured shelter hidden in the climbing frame. It was honestly no bigger than a wardrobe, as I climbed and had to crouch. The rain was now hammering down with a vengeance. Puddles were already beginning to form. I was thankful I had decided to bring a coat into school despite the sunny sky that morning.

  ‘I guess I am going to need some new books.’ India laughed as she climbed in. Every part of her damp body was pressed against mine. Heat begin to swarm my body rising to my cheeks.

  ‘Are you ok?’ India asked pulling at her wet top.

  ‘Yes.’ I was unsure of where to look or where to place my hands.

  ‘I’m so cold.’ She chuckled as I awkwardly smiled before realising I should give her my coat. I began to pull it off as she protested for me to keep it. I ignored her and handed it to her anyway.

  There were a painful few seconds of silence, but she began laughing.

  ‘What’s so funny?’ I asked.

  ‘I’ve been wondering for a while now how to get closer to you and all this time, all I needed was a bit of rain.’ She continued to laugh.

  What did she mean ‘get closer to me’? I didn’t dare ask the question out loud instead I awkwardly smiled and hoped for a change of subject.

  ‘I don’t want to push you to talk but I am here for you, no matter what it is.’ She smiled and squeezed my arm.

  I wanted to speak to her, tell her everything but I knew there was no way I could. One mention of AB, and she’d be running a mile telling everyone I had lost the plot, but as I looked down at her face, I wanted to talk to her.

  ‘Have you ever felt like you don’t exist in any place you go? Like, you don’t really matter but then someone comes along and makes you wonder if in fact you’ve been wrong all this time and maybe you do matter,’ I said while scrunching my eyes closed to steady the tightness in my chest. I had never been this close to anyone, least not a girl, and trying to open up about my stupid problems.

  India stayed quiet as I felt her chest against my stomach rise and fall with every breath she took.

  ‘Except the minute you allow yourself to think that you’re not alone anymore and someone really sees you, they walk away. They give up on you and leave you with nothing again.’ I placed my head back against the wall behind me and kept my eyes closed in fear of what India might be thinking.

  ‘Why do you think they have given up on you?’

  ‘Because they are leaving me,’ I said.

  ‘To go where?’ India asked as I opened my eyes to look down at her face. She was looking up at me with no sign of judgement or embarrassed to be around me. She just looked at me like she cared.

  ‘Far away. Really far away.’

  ‘And do they have a choice?’ she asked.

  ‘Kind of. I mean, they’ll have to go eventually, I know that but they have the choice to stay a little longer,’ I said.

  India nodded her head gently before wrapping her hands around my arm.

  All the hairs on my body took stand by her touch.

  ‘Do you really think this person doesn’t care about you, or is that what you need to tell yourself in order to accept them leaving?’

  I didn’t reply, instead, my gaze fell to the ground as I thought about AB.

  ‘Finn, I think what you need to ask yourself is, will it make them happier if they leave? If the answer is yes, then isn’t that all that matters? Don’t we just want whatever is best for our friends, no matter if we agree?’

  She was right, but why did other people’s happiness have to come at the cost of mine?

  Why couldn’t it be me that was left happy?

  ‘It looks like it’s starting to stop. We should get back,’ I said climbing out and throwing my backpack over my shoulders.

  India followed out behind me looking like a child in my coat.

  ‘Finn?’ she said reaching out for my arm to stop me from walking. ‘For what it’s worth, you’ve always existed to me.’

  The school bell rang signalling the end of the school day as I slipped in between the crowds and headed for the school gates. For once, I didn’t want to go home. Home meant AB, and I really didn’t want to speak to her. The house had been different since everything had come out, and I’d be lying if I didn’t find it strange when I found my mum talking to AB in the kitchen.

  I had even found Theo having a chat with her. It was weird, but it was also annoying.

  AB was supposed to be my friend.

  Now, not only did she want to leave, but for whatever time we had left, I would have to share her with everyone else. I silently wished that we could have gone back to when only Maia and I knew about her and leaving was never a possibility.

  ‘Cait’s son!’ called Ms Bennett as I reached the main road. She was waving me over from outside her bakery.

  I sighed and walked over to her. The Bennett’s of this town seemed to be the bane of my existence.

  ‘Finn,’ I whispered in the usual way as she ignored me and continued with whatever she was doing.

  This time, she was holding a white cake box.

  ‘Your mother requested a blackberry pie. Make sure this gets to her,’ she said placing it in my hands.

  I felt the warmth coming from the bottom of the box.

  ‘Blackberry pies were my granddaughters favourite,’ she said walking back inside the shop.

  I found myself following behind her.

  ‘What was she like?’ I asked and watched as Ms Bennett’s face went from stern to one of the very rare smiles she offered.

  ‘Aubree was too good for this world. I think him up there knew she was too special and that’s why he took her so soon. She was such a bright little girl, and despite being abandoned by the one person that shouldn’t have, she still had the biggest heart,’ she said as she began to roll out some pastry with her back to me.

  ‘I can imagine you miss her a lot,’ I said as she turned her head to face me with a rolling pin in her hand.

  ‘You couldn’t imagine. It’s not right for a grandmother to have her grandchild pass away before her. It’s not how it is supposed to be.’

  My heart began to race wildly as it realised what my brain was considering saying next. I didn’t know how I was going to say it, but I felt like I had to. AB was never going to get the chance, and I knew that if there was a way she knew that her gran wouldn’t take it badly, she would want to see her.

  ‘Ms Bennett, I have something to tell you which will be hard to believe but I promise you, I am telling the truth.’ The words stumbled out of my mouth as Ms Bennett watched. Her stern look was back on her face as her dark eyebrows met in the middle.

  ‘I know AB. Somehow, she is in my house and has been since she passed away but she’s stuck.’ My body felt like it was on fire as I waited for Ms Bennett to say something, ready to duck in case she decided to throw the rolling pin at my head.

  She didn’t though, instead, she just laughed.

  ‘Ms Bennett, I’m not trying to be funny,’ I said, quietly sighing with relief when she placed the rolling pin down but worried when she stopped laughing and just stared at me.

  ‘My
granddaughter is dead.’

  ‘I know that. I am not saying she isn’t. I am saying that she is a ghost that lives in my house,’ I said, internally rolling my eyes hearing the words out loud. I sounded crazy.

  ‘Oh, ok and what does this ghost of Aubree look like?’ Her eyebrows were raised so high on her forehead that I was worried they’d slip off and join her hairline.

  ‘Well, I can’t actually see her,’ I said feeling my cheeks burn as she began to laugh again.

  ‘Next you’ll tell me you’re one of those psychic people.’

  ‘Ms Bennett, I can’t see her, but I can hear her. My whole family can. She is very real and the only reason I am telling you this is because she will be leaving for good soon, and I know she would like the chance to say goodbye.’

  Ms Bennett had stopped laughing. She scanned my face several times perhaps waiting for me to tell her I was just messing her around, but I kept her stare, rooted to the spot.

  ‘I promise me, if you come with me to my house, you’ll see for yourself. I wouldn’t joke about this, I promise.’

  She remained still for a moment before she walked off into the back. I sighed and shook my head, already preparing myself for when she would tell the whole town about my story. What the hell would India think?

  I left the shop with the pie in my arms and began my walk home, wondering if I should tell AB what I had done before I heard Ms Bennett call me.

  ‘Where the hell are you going?’ she said walking towards me. ‘I go to turn off the ovens and come back to find you’ve bloody left me.’

  ‘Sorry. I thought you wanted me to go,’ I replied, but she was already talking over me.

  ‘I have never once in my life shut that bakery early so you had better be telling the truth, otherwise I will give you a right good clip around the ear.’

  35

  Ab

  I had been sat in Cait’s painting room staring at the picture of my face when Maia came running up the stairs in a frenzy.

  ‘AB!’ she yelled before she set her wide eyes on me.