Secrets

by Robin Jones Gunn

  “Okay,” Kyle said to the group after about twenty minutes of hugs and handshakes. “Let’s put up these tents before it gets dark. Bill, can you and Joel start unloading the truck?”

  Kyle stepped away from the group and came over to Jessica. He had a peculiar look on his face. It was that shy, little boy look mixed with a wrinkle of concern. “Jessica,” he said quietly, “I need to talk to you for a minute. Alone.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Jessica followed Kyle to the front of the van, away from everyone else. She couldn’t believe the way her heart was pounding. What was wrong? Kyle looked so concerned.

  Once they were away from the crowd, Kyle stood a respectable distance from Jessica and looked at his tennis shoes. It took him a moment before he looked up, and meeting her eyes, he said, “I feel really bad about something, and I want to clear things up before this weekend gets rolling.”

  Jessica felt uneasy. What was he about to say? That he wished she hadn’t come on the trip? That she didn’t belong here? That he was offended by the way she had treated him at her house several weeks ago? What?

  “I have to be honest with you,” Kyle said. “I feel a little uneasy around you. It’s bothered me all day. Well, actually, it’s bothered me for several weeks now. I don’t know what upset you that day at your house…” Kyle waited for a response, but Jessica didn’t say anything.

  “And I don’t exactly understand why you decided to come on this trip, when you knew I’d be here.”

  “Do you think I’m playing games with you?” Jessica asked defensively, and then wished she hadn’t said anything.

  Kyle placed his thumb and forefinger across his jaw, slowly rubbing his five o’clock shadow and then tapping his finger on his lips. Jessica had seen him make this gesture before. It seemed to signal that he was thinking before speaking.

  “I think you’re hiding something,” Kyle said plainly. “I don’t know what it is, and I guess it’s none of my business. But, you see, I have this problem.” He paused again. “My problem is that I find myself intensely attracted to you.”

  Jessica felt her throat tighten.

  “But, you see, I don’t know anything about you.”

  “Why are you telling me this?” Again Jessica heard herself saying the words before she thought them through.

  “Because we’re going to be together, working in rather close quarters these next few days, and as the sort of leader of this group, I need to ask you a few things. I’ve asked everyone who has come on this trip these questions. I should have asked you before we left. Better late than never, I guess,” he said with half a shrug.

  Jessica would not let herself become vulnerable. She would not give in, whatever it was Kyle asked her.

  “I need to know where you stand spiritually,” he said.

  “Spiritually?”

  Kyle nodded. “This is an outreach trip. It’s not so much about helping the poor and needy as it is about telling them who Jesus is. That’s why we’ve been building this church.” He pointed to the half-finished structure in front of the van. “We started last year, but ran out of funds and materials. These people have been waiting a whole year for us to return and finish their church so they could have a place to worship. All the teens that came on this trip are believers. They’ve trusted Christ as their Savior and are eager to follow Him as the Lord of their lives.”

  Kyle looked at Jessica with his eyebrows slightly raised. She supposed he wanted her to fill in the pause with her convictions.

  “I don’t know where I stand, if that’s what you’re asking. I….” She stopped, trying to guard her words. “I don’t know where I stand on a lot of things in my life right now. I guess you could say I’m on a journey.”

  Kyle’s expression softened and so did his words. He nodded. “That’s a good place to be. I want you to know that I consider myself to be on a journey, too. The one difference might be that eight years ago, I made a commitment to Jesus Christ. I surrendered my life to Him, and my journey is now directed by Him.”

  Jessica thought it was interesting that Dawn and Kyle had both said the same thing that day about surrendering to God and being committed to Christ. She hadn’t known anyone in her life who had ever spoken in those terms. What did it mean? How were they any different than she?

  “Kyle,” one of the guys called from the back of the truck, “we need a lantern over here. It’s too dark to see anything.”

  “I’ll be right there,” Kyle called back. Turning to Jessica, he grasped her arm, his large hand swallowing her elbow. “What I wanted to say is that I’m here for you, if you want me to be. And I wish that you would be open. That’s all. Just be open.” He gave her elbow a squeeze and then jogged off to help the guys.

  Open? Open to what? Open to a relationship? He doesn’t understand. It’s not that easy.

  Jessica slowly walked over to the group of girls, who were fumbling with a bunch of tent poles and squabbling over which end went in where. Kyle’s phrase came back to her. “I find myself intensely attracted to you.” Why would he tell me that?

  “You can be in our tent,” Dawn said to Jessica. “It’s only Marjie and me. We have plenty of room.” Jessica was glad to see that during the long van ride Dawn had managed to buddy up with one of the other girls. Jessica wasn’t sure if she should come between them or if she should let them continue to develop their friendship without interference.

  She ended up in Teri’s tent, which was just big enough for the two of them. Jessica’s sleeping bag had been a loan from Kyle, and as she rolled it out, it smelled of wood and campfires. Jessica zipped open her bag and pawed through her things in search of her bottle of saline solution and her lens case so she could take out her contacts.

  “Where’s the bathroom?” she asked Teri.

  Teri pointed out the open flap of their tent with her powerful flashlight. It was now quite dark. The beam fell on a roughhewn wooden outhouse. “There.”

  “Very funny,” Jessica said. “I mean the real bathroom.”

  Teri started to laugh. “That’s it!” She swirled her flashlight around in little loops, the light bouncing off the outhouse door. “!El Baño!” Just then the door opened, and Bill stepped out, raising his arm to block Teri’s flashlight from shining in his face.

  “All right, I confess! Whatever it is, I confess!”

  “Sorry,” Teri called out, muffling her laugh. Jessica leaned over and laughed into Teri’s shoulder. “The poor guy!”

  “Bill can handle it. He’s a tough nut,” Teri said.

  “I’d certainly agree with the nut part,” Jessica said.

  “Hey, I heard that,” Bill said, now standing a few feet away from their tent.

  “No boys allowed in the girls’ area,” one of the girls from the tent next to Teri’s called out, peeking through the front opening.

  The teasing continued for another half hour as the group tried to settle into their tents and bed down for the night. It was only nine-thirty, but at their brief evening meeting Kyle had informed them that breakfast would be at six o’clock sharp, and everyone was expected to be there, dressed and ready to work on building the church.

  Teri taught Jessica the fine art of washing with a baby wipe and brushing her teeth with a bottle of mouthwash instead of water. “I’ll set the alarm for 5:15. Do you need more time than that?”

  “For what?” Jessica asked. “Unless there’s a hidden shower around here, why don’t we sleep until 5:45. Fifteen minutes should be enough time to get ready before breakfast.”

  “You don’t understand. We are the morning chefs. You and me, baby.”

  Jessica slipped into the sleeping bag and said, “I can see I should have asked a lot more questions before agreeing to come on this little outing. What else haven’t you told me?”

  “Nada,” Teri said innocently in Spanish. “Nothing.”

  “Yeah, right,” Jessica said, snuggling down for the night. She had a backpack mat, also from Kyle, under her slee
ping bag, which made it only slightly more comfortable. A dusty smell was all around her from the fine dirt that blew in through their open tent door. It was a warm night. Dry, dusty, and dirty. Not so far away they heard a dog snarling, followed by ferocious barking.

  Teri popped out of her sleeping bag. “Maybe we better zip up this door. I’d rather be hot than become a mad dog’s midnight snack.”

  Jessica lay quietly, listening to the fading sounds of a dog yipping in retreat. Lively, danceable music played on someone’s radio in the distance, and the muffled voices and laughter of Kyle and a couple of the guys could be heard from their tent only a few yards away. Jessica strained to hear what they were saying. She only caught a few words here and there. Mostly Bill’s. He was no doubt entertaining his tent mates.

  Jessica slept fitfully that night, but Teri seemed to have no trouble dropping off right away. While Jessica listened to Teri’s even breathing, she thought back on some of the things they had talked about on their drive down from San Diego. Teri had pointed out the turnoff on the freeway toward Escondido and talked about growing up in a large family with a father who was the pastor of a Spanish-speaking church. Teri had been to Mexico many times. She said she had only been to Nueva twice before and that Kyle’s dream had been to build an orphanage here since this was one of the more prosperous villages in the valley. Many abandoned children were in the poorer surrounding villages, and they could be brought to an orphanage, if one existed.

  Sleeping off and on, Jessica’s dreams came to her with sporadic themes. Over and over a tape of Kyle’s voice replayed his surprising statement, “I find myself intensely attracted to you.” Then she dreamed of an orphanage filled with laughing Mexican children. She woke and thought of her father, then fell asleep again and dreamed of being back in her classroom. Charlotte Mendelson was walking in with a police officer at her side as Charlotte pointed her acrylic-nailed finger at Jessica. Waking with a start, Jessica listened to the silence, calming her emotions, and wondering what it would be like to talk to God openly, intimately the way Teri did. Why couldn’t she do that?

  Just when Jessica was ready to fall into a deep sleep, Teri’s alarm went off right by her head, startling her into an upright position. Teri reached over, slapped off the alarm, turned on her flashlight, and sat up in her sleeping bag, reading something.

  “What are you doing?” Jessica whispered.

  “Reading my Bible,” Teri answered. “Do you want me to read aloud?”

  “No, that’s okay. I need to make a trip to the lovely little outhouse.” Jessica pulled on her jeans and tennis shoes and unzipped the tent. She was greeted by Bill’s camera lens, right in her face.

  “!Buenós dias, Senorita Fenton!” he said. “¿Cómo estás?”

  “I’m going to como your estas in a minute,” Jessica said, placing her hand in front of the camera.

  “No photographs, please,” Teri added in her best movie star voice.

  “Hey, Bill, leave the women alone,” Kyle called out from his tent.

  “Best to let sleeping beauties lie, is that it?” Bill said with a predawn smile peering out from behind his video camera.

  “Why don’t you start up the camp stove and see if you can find the eggs.” Kyle emerged from his tent just as a rooster came pecking its way across their camp, crowing his heart out.

  “Cool,” Bill said, “a Spanish-speaking rooster.” He hoisted his camera back onto his shoulder, and slinking after the scrawny bird, he said, “Hola, Senor Rooster. Don’t you want to be in the movies?”

  Jessica made a quick trip to the outhouse and dove back into her tent. She was so tired she couldn’t believe it. All she wanted to do was crawl into her sleeping bag and go back to sleep. But she wasn’t going to get her wish. There was too much to do.

  She tried her best to clean up with another wet towelette. Her contacts were a bit of a challenge, but she eventually succeeded in putting them in and joined Teri in the kitchen area of their camp, where Teri was stirring a big pan of scrambled eggs on the camp stove. Several of the girls were up, helping her with the paper plates, plastic glasses, and silverware. This was all new to Jessica. She had never been on a camping trip like this before and never had she seen a bunch of kids pitch in and appear to have so much fun working.

  That’s what Jessica noticed all day. These teens were having fun. It was hard work putting the roof on the church and finishing the interior. Several of the women from the village joined them in the morning along with the men who didn’t have to work on Saturday. Dozens of children ran around, as did mangy dogs, scrawny cats, and a couple of chickens.

  Jessica found the work tiring. She had never tried anything like this before and was amazed to find that she actually kind of liked it. The three little girls who had attached themselves to her last night found her and followed her around all morning. Whatever Jessica did, they wanted to do, which included hammering and painting.

  Around noon, when they were all hot and exhausted, Teri went to work making sandwiches. Some of the guys found a spigot and in their best Spanish asked one of the Mexican women if they could use it to wash up. She agreed, and within minutes a water fight broke out. Even Jessica received a bucket full of water splashed across her back. She let out a shriek and spun around. Kyle stood a few feet away with an empty bucket in his hand and a grin on his face.

  Jessica thought for a moment of how it would appear to the women of the village if she retaliated. Teri had instructed her on how to be sensitive to the culture since the women in the village tended to be more reserved and modest than American women. Quickly glancing around, she noticed that all the women and most of the children had gone home for their mid-day meal and perhaps a siesta. The only ones watching were the teens from their group, and they all seemed eager to see how Jessica would react.

  “Thanks,” she said to Kyle with a smile. “I was getting a little too hot.”

  “De nada,” Kyle said in Spanish. “You’re welcome. Any time.” He sauntered off with the other guys, back to their beach chairs on the other side of the truck where Teri was passing out sandwiches.

  Jessica retreated to her tent and grabbed her plastic sports bottle, which had been free with a drink she had bought yesterday. She carried it back to the camp kitchen. When no one was looking, she popped the stopper on the ice chest and filled her sports bottle with icy water. Then she walked over to join the lunch bunch.

  Kyle had his back to her and was stuffing a large bite of his peanut butter and jelly sandwich into his mouth. No one seemed to notice her approach since Bill was busy entertaining them by making his sandwich into a talking puppet while Joel videotaped him. Jessica slipped in behind Kyle, opened the lid, and poured the icy water down his back.

  “Yeow!” Kyle hollered, jumping out of his seat and spinning to face his opponent. He looked shocked and a bit delighted to discover it was Jessica. She smiled and strutted over to the card table to pick up her lunch plate.

  “I got Kyle’s reaction on tape!” Joel said triumphantly. “You’re the first one on record who has been able to pay him back. Every year he gets us, but somehow we can’t quite get him.”

  “It’s because I sleep with my eyes open,” Kyle said, giving a slight, involuntary shiver and sitting back in his beach chair. “Good thing I’m not the vengeful type, Senorita Morgan!”

  Morgan! Everything seemed to stop for Jessica. She caught Kyle’s gaze and searched it frantically. What else did he know about her?

  “You mean, Senorita Fenton,” Bill corrected him.

  “Right. Senorita Fenton,” Kyle said. His look at Jessica was one of compassion, one that said, “Come on, you can trust me.”

  But did she dare?

  Chapter Fourteen

  All afternoon Jessica worked alongside the teens and many eager village children. Mentally she processed every angle on how Kyle could know her real last name. He could have checked her wallet when he had her purse. Ida could have told him when he picked up the key to
the house. Perhaps he had noticed the luggage tag the day she moved in. Or Charlotte could have tried to use her information to turn him against Jessica. Of all the options, Ida telling him was the most comforting. It would account for his reaction the afternoon he told her that secrets only become heavier the longer you carry them around.

  Jessica tried to decide if his knowing her name had changed anything. Did it mean she could let down her guard and tell Kyle what she was running from? No, that was out of the question. All it meant was that he had a bit of information about her she wished he didn’t have. But it didn’t change anything.

  At least none of her students seemed to think of it as anything more than an odd mix-up. That is, all but Dawn.

  Toward the end of the afternoon she helped Jessica wash out paint brushes. Dawn had white paint in her hair and on her overalls, and even a few flecks had been sprinkled in her eyebrows. But Jessica had observed how much fun Dawn had acquiring each spot.

  “Why did Kyle call you Señorita Morgan?” Dawn asked, looking down at the brushes in the bucket of milky water.

  “Who knows?” Jessica said lightly. “Do you want to help me with dinner? Teri went to visit one of the women down the road, and I could use some help.”

  “Okay,” Dawn said.

  Jessica snuck a couple of quick peeks at Dawn out of the corner of her eye. Was it her imagination, or was Dawn looking at her differently?

  I’m becoming neurotic!

  Jessica put on a smile for Dawn. “Come on, let’s get started. Teri told me she would leave everything out.”

  Jessica and Dawn washed up in a bucket of clear water and found Teri’s dinner fixings on the folding table. Spaghetti. Easy enough. They filled a big pot with pure water and tossed in the spaghetti noodles. Dawn opened the jumbo can of sauce, and Jessica found two loaves of prepared garlic bread. They had to hunt through the trunk of Kyle’s camping gear to find another pot for the sauce.